Evening Frost

[ripple23]

Even in the kings garden the roses

will be brown by morning

and the girls will look sad without the scents
of lilacs stained on their dresses


I will only stay one more day



yesterday a silence that cannot conquer the rain;

the truck approaching had no distance to thunder

the yellow cars carry with them

a lighting of rest



If we find our way before dawn

[kidder]

You've grasped in four tiny letters the essential elements of this primitive blemish. Well done!

[Bhaskar]

hm.

[ripple23]

thank you thank you. believe me what you see here is better than what you would have read had i not realized that the original poem is complete shit.

[browneydgrl]

hahaha

[littleskinny]

don't understand everyone's comments....
I enjoyed the first part very very much. Quite haunting. You lost me in the second half though!

[Bhaskar]

just read the revised version...some very beutiful images there. You create the setting perfectly and then just paint a scene over it very subtly. Good job.

[TheSkaEffect]

i likes it :):):)

[ripple23]

don't understand everyone's comments....
I enjoyed the first part very very much. Quite haunting. You lost me in the second half though!
i put up a poem first then decided i hated it so i erased it but couldn't figure out how to delete the whole thread so just wrote 'nope' where the poem had been.. then posted this one whch is actually similar to the first one.

yeah i lost myself in the second half, it was a quick little automatic writing excercise while i was reading a book of poems by Andre Breton (leader of the french surrealists....)