once. twice.

[browneydgrl]

once. twice. never again...you are
always one step ahead of my stop sign
break, shatter, i never could bend
but this times what seeps thru your lyrics and sweat
will be mine

the shock of a slight change
reverberations of mind games
so soft and sweet and untelling
i would melt for every flame you ignited inside me;
rain down on you in ashes of wet lust
with the heartbeat of
real love
and you would melt too
into me
fade together
not once. not twice. but forever.

[VanAstral]

very smooth, nice job!

[kidder]

It feels like a song and I'm sure it is. I'm working on the melody in my head.
'so soft and sweet and untelling
i would melt for every flame you ignited inside me'
Oh, I liked those lines!

[browneydgrl]

unfortunately i am not at all gifted at putting melody to lyrics :rolleyes:

[KittenX]

Hey, that was loverly! The intro and ending are tied up nicely, last line resonates. First stanza was my favorite as I got caught up in the flow.

[FullPower]

That was a good piece of work ~! Rhetorically its lyricl ofcourse ... plusating metaphors ...... with fragrances of post-impressionist romantic poetry, amalgamted with the thinking processes of our times. ... anyways, dont want to sound "heavy-duty"... Keep on scripting "little packets of inspirations" .... it makes me feel good to read your works .... you made my day ~! Peace and Love,

FP

[Burbot]

i love the lack of stanzza structure ...one is short, the other long...

[fulmah]

I really liked the flow this one has, and the images work well within it. The second stanza I thought especially awesome, as the passion there takes it up a notch. The only thing I can think of maybe changing is some of the line breaks to force the flow you want it to have, but regardless; this was lovely stuff!

[gdhmomchild]

~* Truly a nice piece. Very nice indeed. Rereading it, different things pop out. Thanks!