Are Straight Dudes Just Sex Objects?

[PoetDude39]

I just had a totally weird talk with one of my queer dude friends. He was telling me that he only has sex (mostly oral) with straight dudes now. So I asked him why is that? And he answered that straight dudes are more masculine (read: attractive), and they almost always are quick to accept a heartfelt blowjob. Especially after a couple of beers. WTF?

So then I remembered a chat I had with this straight girl I know and like a lot. And she has been wanting our friendship to become a lot more intimate and everything....... for a very long time, even though I told her I am pretty sure I am like 101% queer. LOL. So I told her that a really pretty and sweet girl like her should not have any problems finding a nice straight guy to hook up with. And she answered that straight dudes are only good for hot sex, and they're not even worth knowing after the sex is done. Say what? So does this mean that straight men are the new sex objects in our sex crazed society? And since it was wrong to treat women like that, shouldn't it also be wrong to treat straight dudes like that? I mean, even if one or two of them don't seem to mind it at all? LOL. I'd be curious to hear what other folks think about this...

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

no because staright guys who you just fuck are generally assholes, and yes they are the new sex object...it's so liberating for us lady's..sigh..the sexual revolution is happening... now lets hope you all start getting bitchy and whiney and wondering where i am after ten at night, and ill say"fuck you get back in the kitchen whore, and you better be barefooted" ah men, you really will know your place.

[clockworkorangeagain]

or did you want a serious answer?

[PoetDude39]

"Or did you want a serious answer?"

LOL. So you weren't being serious? I guess I am among a minority (no pun). Cuz I really do know several straight dudes that I like. And I'm not having sex with any of them. I just feel like if you only wanna relate to somebody in bed, then you're gonna totally miss out on ever knowing what just might turn out to be a really cool person. Are all str8 dudes assholes? Maybe it's possible some of them feel just as trapped by the stereotype (tough, insensitive, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, etc.) as a lot of women used to get subjected to before the liberation and everything. (Barefoot and pregnant. Only a man can be a great genius. Either you're a virgin or a whore, and you can't have it both ways, etc.) Cuz the straight dudes I know are a far cry from just being a bunch of heartless assholes. A lot of them seem genuinely lonely, and have a strong desire to find the right girl, etc. Anyway, that's just my humble opinion. But I appreciate your honesty a lot. Thanks for being so open with me.

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

i think you have some great points there...some straight guys can be real assholes, but i guess its just when your not the one. i myself look for the one but havent found him...and i always know it straight away...and if you pursue a sexual relationship ..well lets just say some guys do feel like an object, and others definitely do the objectifying

but i think change is in the air... my ex said to me the other day"Uno, i think guys are the ones who want relationships these days, not women"
maybe he's right...

i just think it would all be better if we truly said what we felt instead of games or roundabout ways because your scared the other person wants differently... even if i dont like the guy im scared he's gonna want more cos i dont and viceversa..
ah im just rambles now

[PoetDude39]

i think you have some great points there...some straight guys can be real assholes, but i guess its just when your not the one. i myself look for the one but havent found him...and i always know it straight away...and if you pursue a sexual relationship ..well lets just say some guys do feel like an object, and others definitely do the objectifying

but i think change is in the air... my ex said to me the other day"Uno, i think guys are the ones who want relationships these days, not women"
maybe he's right...

i just think it would all be better if we truly said what we felt instead of games or roundabout ways because your scared the other person wants differently... even if i dont like the guy im scared he's gonna want more cos i dont and viceversa..
ah im just rambles now

Wow. You said a lot of important stuff here. I never thought about it like that before, but maybe it really is mostly str8 women and gay men (but certainly not all...) that are into doing mostly the sex thang now, and a lot of str8 dudes are secretly hoping for a genuine relationship? That sure would make it kinda ironic now, huh? Except the other thing about this is lesbians. I've always admired how so many of them seem to be able to form really strong genuine bonds with a partner (think of Alice and Gertrude), and don't seem all that hell bent on finding a totally hot anonymous sex partner for the night. It just seems like there's something a lot more lasting and genuine goin' on there. Or else maybe I'm stereotyping lesbians now! LOL. But the longest relationships I know about all involve them.

In fact, this one really cool dyke I know has lived with (and totally loves and respects) her same-sex partner for more than 15 years! How many str8 relationships have lasted that long? And I don't know of a single gay man I can think of that has lived with a partner for that long. Even though I lived with my lover for more than 8 years (till he passed away). But that's still a lot less time, etc. Anyway, I am rambling now. LOL. But you really got me thinking of stuff here. And it's not even 8am?! *better go grab some coffee* Thanks for helping me to sort through all this complicated stuff here. I really liked a lot of what you said.

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

cool that's good...i dont know many lesbian couples so i cant really pass much comment, but i do know that a lot of straight couples do make it...i mean everything is up to the individual case i believe...
...i read a short story once called "straigh fiction" and it was a sort of queer theory parody where straight relationships were completely the minority...i think it put things in an interesting perspective!

[Duncan]

It's a very interesting and curious topic. I've had sex with men who were in a heterosexually fronted marriage, but I wouldn't say that I had thought of them as sex objects. I've also had sex with men who were in unfulfilled gay longterm relationships.

I think that people often enter a sexual encounter with needs to be met and expectations in mind. These straight dudes who had consumed beer prior to consent might have been just as happy to jerk off outside under the oak tree. Some people are less fussy about things like HOW the semen is extracted. Heck, if someone offers to suck you off it means you've got an extra hand for another beer, or the remote to fast forward the porn you're watching.

This is an interesting subject and it is certainly worthy of further comment.

[PoetDude39]

cool that's good...i dont know many lesbian couples so i cant really pass much comment, but i do know that a lot of straight couples do make it...i mean everything is up to the individual case i believe...
...i read a short story once called "straigh fiction" and it was a sort of queer theory parody where straight relationships were completely the minority...i think it put things in an interesting perspective!

I'm gonna try and find that short story ASAP?! Sounds like it should be really cool. I'll try and do a Google, and hopefully something will turn up. I love "upside down" stuff like that. Cuz it really can open your eyes to a lot of things, etc. Thanks for telling me about this one!

Peace,

~PD

[PoetDude39]

It's a very interesting and curious topic. I've had sex with men who were in a heterosexually fronted marriage, but I wouldn't say that I had thought of them as sex objects. I've also had sex with men who were in unfulfilled gay longterm relationships.

I think that people often enter a sexual encounter with needs to be met and expectations in mind. These straight dudes who had consumed beer prior to consent might have been just as happy to jerk off outside under the oak tree. Some people are less fussy about things like HOW the semen is extracted. Heck, if someone offers to suck you off it means you've got an extra hand for another beer, or the remote to fast forward the porn you're watching.

This is an interesting subject and it is certainly worthy of further comment.

Hey, thanks for your kind and thoughtful comment. Yeah, I know there are str8 dudes that are willing to do just about anything to get their rocks off. Especially when beer and porn are involved. LOL. But it always made me feel sorta odd. I mean, when some str8 guy might hint around about a blow job or whatever. Especially if the dude had been drinking. Cuz I just kept thinking he would never be suggesting something like that had he been totally sober. So it does sorta seem like taking advantage of the situation (IMO).

Also, I know a lot of str8 guys can get weird about even being considered bi or whatever. So there's always the risk that the dude might freak out on you after the fact, and literally kick the living shit out of you. And I guess I was just always too worried that would be my bad luck. (Actually, I was almost "fag bashed" by a group of str8 guys I met in a bar once. But that was before I totally gave up booze and everything. ) Anyway, these dudes got totally pissed at me cuz they were making a lot of sick jokes about AIDS (back in the late 1980s), and I made the big mistake of telling them all that they were full of shit! LOL. Not so smart. But I was totally drunk at the time. And I never forgot that kinda intense experience. So I think I am a bit more cautious about stuff now.

So would I ever consider doin' one of my str8 friends? I don't think so. And even though it might mean I go without having any really hot sex for awhile, at least I am actually getting to know these dudes as real people, and not just a hairy crotch for me to dive down into, huh? LOL. But I worry about some of my queer friends. It just seems sorta risky to me. Not just because of all the STDs out there, but also the potential for violence. Str8 dudes are actually totally fragile...... when it comes to how they (and others) perceive their masculinity. So I try and respect that as best I can....

Peace,

~PD

[rocknroll_girl]

I second Duncan's comment that this is a good topic.

Requires more thought than I'd care to give in regards to the sexual motives of straight men, but it is indeed a good topic for the boys. I'm not too insightful just for lack of experience.

In terms of what you said about lesbians, it's certainly true that the lifelong bond formed between two women is something different and incredibly strong. A different kind of strong, I think. Some of the older lesbian couples I know seem to have almost lost themselves in each other - not in a way that's destructive, so that they lose their own identities, but that's how close they are.

Of course, the dyke bar/club community is just as rife with one-night sexual romps as the next.

[PoetDude39]

I second Duncan's comment that this is a good topic.

Requires more thought than I'd care to give in regards to the sexual motives of straight men, but it is indeed a good topic for the boys. I'm not too insightful just for lack of experience.

In terms of what you said about lesbians, it's certainly true that the lifelong bond formed between two women is something different and incredibly strong. A different kind of strong, I think. Some of the older lesbian couples I know seem to have almost lost themselves in each other - not in a way that's destructive, so that they lose their own identities, but that's how close they are.

Of course, the dyke bar/club community is just as rife with one-night sexual romps as the next.

Thanks for your kind words! Yeah, I have always been way amazed by the lesbian community, and I'm actually sorta disappointed to find out there are some dykes "on the prowl" at bars and such. LOL. I almost wish you hadn't told me that. I mean, I thought that was pretty rare? But it does make sense. People are people, huh? So of course there must be some lesbians out there that are as fond of one night stands as the next gay dude. Still, I think the strong bond you mention seems to be sorta unique to dykes. I've known queer dudes that have formed strong bonds, but it never seemed as absolute to me as the lesbian couples I've known and observed, etc. Hell, my own lover used to cheat on me all the time, and acted like I was crazy when I fessed up that it bothered me so much. LOL. Thanks for all the insightful feedback!

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

poet dude, the short story was in a book of short stores entitled "heavy water"

[Snowdancer]

Just today I was talking with my friend who is a straight male. He was telling me about his relationship with the lady he is seeing. Both are coming out of divorces. They have great times together, mostly sex it seems. They never have been on a true date though. She flat out told him, "If you tell me you love me I'll leave." He came close to doing that a week ago & she hasn't talked to him until today when they IM's together while I was at his place.

He clearly wants a at least semi monogamous relationship with her she doesn't want to get "let him in" for a relationship that would be what he considers a couple.

Now, personally I think she has commitment issues but I am wondering if this is more widespread after reading what you folks have said.

[clockworkorangeagain]

i am like that in a way... but if i actually loved the guy i would be different... but she just got divorced man...probs hasnt had good sex for a while and needs some casual fun in her life, after all the heavy shit

[soulrebel51]

You say "sex object" like its a bad thing :eek:

[clockworkorangeagain]

ok sex lord

[PoetDude39]

poet dude, the short story was in a book of short stores entitled "heavy water"

Cool! I'll be on the lookout for it. Thanks!

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

i just did a quick google search with heavy water amd straight fiction and it came right up in banres and noble..and i think there were some brief reviews...

[PoetDude39]

Just today I was talking with my friend who is a straight male. He was telling me about his relationship with the lady he is seeing. Both are coming out of divorces. They have great times together, mostly sex it seems. They never have been on a true date though. She flat out told him, "If you tell me you love me I'll leave." He came close to doing that a week ago & she hasn't talked to him until today when they IM's together while I was at his place.

He clearly wants a at least semi monogamous relationship with her she doesn't want to get "let him in" for a relationship that would be what he considers a couple.

Now, personally I think she has commitment issues but I am wondering if this is more widespread after reading what you folks have said.

Yeah! This sounds a lot like the girl I know. Except she's never been married before. But I have met a lot of these dudes that she has slept with and everything, and some of them are really cool, and could put Justin Timberlake to shame (as far as looks go..... I never cared for the dude's musical talents. Eminem is more my speed. LOL.). I mean, they buy her flowers and cards. And boxes of candy. And offer to do the movie and a dinner thang with her. And leave messages on her machine. One dude even wrote a really sweet poem for her. But she only wants the sex. I just don't understand that. Cuz she's always talking about how lonely she is. So I think you are totally right. It really is a commitment phobic sorta thing. Maybe that's why she wants to hang with me so much. Cuz she knows I'm not gonna pressure her into a commitment. LOL. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and observations with me!

Peace,

~PD

[PoetDude39]

You say "sex object" like its a bad thing :eek:

It can be. Just ask Marilyn Monroe (I mean, as soon as you make it to Heaven and everything).

Peace,

~PD

[PoetDude39]

i just did a quick google search with heavy water amd straight fiction and it came right up in banres and noble..and i think there were some brief reviews...

I already got the book on hold! At my main public library here. I'm sorta cheap. LOL. I did a Google search, and read some of the reviews. Sounded like my kinda book. So I should have a copy in my hands in another week or so. (Hey, so do you really like the Clockwork Orange flick? I mean, is it one of your faves? It's the sorta movie that you can see 20 times, and still learn something new about the darker side of society. I like it a lot. So how many times have you seen it?)

Peace,

~PD

[rocknroll_girl]

to find out there are some dykes "on the prowl" at bars and such
PUHleeeeaaase. Why do you think bars, any bars, exist? For prowling, of course. Sure, there's a bit more sense of good clean community get-together among lesbians. But historically dyke bars were TOTALLY into the butch/femme dynamic that, in the 50s/60s especially, mirrored typical boy/girl bar chasing. That hasn't peetered out entirely, but it's not necessarily such a bad thing.

Like everything else destructive, backstabbing in the dyke community (particularly real serious fights between butches in the old days) originates from our culture's twisted ideas of what it means to be tough and masculine.

[PoetDude39]

I dunno. The dyke bars I went to in the early 1990s always seemed a lot less threatening to me than some of the meat market type (gay male) bars I used to try and avoid. I mean, people actually talked to each other at the dyke bars. LOL. And that was totally taboo at some of the hard core queer clubs. Being a good listener (or talker) was not considered macho at all. The idea was to find some stud to connect with sexually ASAP. So you might find yourself down on your knees less than a minute after making eye contact with somebody. And forget some of the scenes in the ever popular Men's room. I remember one time I walked in a really small one, barely big enough for even 2 people. And there were like 6 dudes in there tryin' out every sexual position ever imagined (and then some). Anyway, so you're sayin this kinda thing is common at the dyke bars too? Or to a much lesser extent? It just always seemed to me that most of the dykes at the bars at least made an effort at some small talk first. Before anything sexual took place. You know a lot of those black and white portraits that made Mapplethorpe so infamous? I used to see some of those, and think they looked totally tame to me. Cuz I had seen stuff goin' on in some of the queer bars in Chicago that made Mapplethorpe's portraits look a bit too innocent to me. Although I love the shots he took of Patti Smith. They almost made me wish I was a straight dude myself...

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

well i hope you like the book...im usually a library kinda girl aswell, but i was not sure if they would have it...
i have read clockwork orange three times...i like the book better than the film..but the adaptation was a very good one...
i haven't read it for a while but am getting it for christmas (i think) so am going to reread it...
its not the only fave, but one of...Goerge Orwell is a fantastic social commentator

[claude duvalle]

I'm straight and I love it when gay guys come on to me. A guy made a pass at me in a gym once, but unfortunately I couldn't do anything because my friend were there. Being seduced by a gay guy is one of my favourite fantasies.

[PoetDude39]

I'm straight and I love it when gay guys come on to me. A guy made a pass at me in a gym once, but unfortunately I couldn't do anything because my friend were there. Being seduced by a gay guy is one of my favourite fantasies.

Cool. And I'm sure you won't have a lot of trouble making your fantasy come true.

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

have you read the book yet?

[PoetDude39]

have you read the book yet?

No, man. And I'm disappointed. It's at the library waiting for me, but I went to pick it up yesterday, and they had closed early on me. So I'm gonna go back either tomorrow or Monday. So how's your holiday so far? Any really cool gifts?

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

i have holidays for two more months!!! yay....but the season has been good....nothing exciting - a few good books... but my friend and her boyf (also good friend of mine) have decided as a christmas present they are buying me a ticket to the woodford folk festival - it's a music, arts and cultures fest in australia that goes for about 6 days over new years... we are just going for the newyears (camping included)...so that is bloody awesome! And then thre weeks from now i have a big music fest on goldcoast called the big day out...so im just looking forward tot he entertainment...
how bout you? Any cool pressies...how you been celebrating?

[PoetDude39]

i have holidays for two more months!!! yay....but the season has been good....nothing exciting - a few good books... but my friend and her boyf (also good friend of mine) have decided as a christmas present they are buying me a ticket to the woodford folk festival - it's a music, arts and cultures fest in australia that goes for about 6 days over new years... we are just going for the newyears (camping included)...so that is bloody awesome! And then thre weeks from now i have a big music fest on goldcoast called the big day out...so im just looking forward tot he entertainment...
how bout you? Any cool pressies...how you been celebrating?

Damn. You really are getting a lot of cool stuff. I always get mostly cash from folks. Cuz they know I'm not so much into material stuff. So I'll just use the money to buy books and CDs. Plus I'd like to get a DVD player in a hurry. That Colenzo is a trip, huh? LOL. But I sorta like the crazy dude. I think he's more scared of life than he lets on. But he always likes to disagree with me. LOL. So music is the coolest gift. And you're getting a lot of that. I think it's really cool.

Peace,

~PD

[clockworkorangeagain]

the big day out...is my own gift to me... but yeah they are both awesome to look forward too...i couldnt believ it on christmas morning when my friends said they were taking me to woodford!!! he is defininitely a trip and i like him too even though he can be a pain in the butt, and there is a lot he does and doesnt let on i guess, and disagreeing is his forte....yes i am def not materialistic either..though i need a dvd player too, but not to be materialistic (so i can watch cool flicks instead of shitty tv)...
well i hope you have a great day and enjoy it with your family or friends, or self...
and eat lots of yummy food... i should go to bed now cos its fivethirty in the morn...i am a bit of a night person too much!

[PoetDude39]

the big day out...is my own gift to me... but yeah they are both awesome to look forward too...i couldnt believ it on christmas morning when my friends said they were taking me to woodford!!! he is defininitely a trip and i like him too even though he can be a pain in the butt, and there is a lot he does and doesnt let on i guess, and disagreeing is his forte....yes i am def not materialistic either..though i need a dvd player too, but not to be materialistic (so i can watch cool flicks instead of shitty tv)...
well i hope you have a great day and enjoy it with your family or friends, or self...
and eat lots of yummy food... i should go to bed now cos its fivethirty in the morn...i am a bit of a night person too much!

Yeah, I hope you enjoy the season too! Chat with you later. You should try and get more sleep. LOL.

Peace,

~PD

[Snowdancer]

You said, "You say "sex object" like its a bad thing"

I know this seems incongrous to typical male upbringing where males are supposed to be the chasers. On the surface it does sound like it would be great to be the one sought after but it's the objectification that is inherent to it that is harder to take. Anyhow when it started to happen to me by guys in bars for example I was a little taken aback. I can't say I have had this really happen from women but I'm sure the feeling is the same.

It's like. OK, you like the way I look & want me for sex but that is only a part of me.