Love after Love

[Sebbi]

For the first time in about a year, I am feeling the best feeling that is possible to us.

For the past year I have been craving for someone to love me. My girlfriend at the time was not showing me any affection. I became increasingly unstable in the relationship that I decided to end it, and thus became more unstable.

These past 5 months (we split up on July 25th, exactly 6 months from Christmas day) I have been convinced my happiness depended on someone loving me. In the last month a half, I have completely fallen for two people and felt brilliant for it.

It's amazing because I found an enormous ammount of emotional independance. I was happy because I was loving, not because I was being loved. The first girl I quickly went off because she wasn't interested in me, so the feeling just disappeared with my chances of it getting anywhere.

This new girl is so much more wonderful then the last. She is so sweet and so affectionate. I'm getting all silly and giggly over her at the minute.

For a while I've suspected that I like her and in the last week people have been asking me if I did. My response was "I didn't actually intent to address that yet, but yes I think so." Yesterday I could only remember the words of Kahlil Gibran:

"When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.


For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.


Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.


All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.


But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then is is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.


When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.


Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."

I had memorised this a while ago, and the main focus was on the bit:

"When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. "

It is better to follow Loves guidance and end up hurt and alone again than not. With this in mind I wrote her a note today saying:

"I am too scared to speak,
but I get butterflys every time I see you."

The response so far seems good. I'll let you know how it goes.

On a more universal note:

My prayers were answered. My guitar teacher told me "You will soon find someone who really cares about you, really makes you feel like they love you to pieces. Someone who you love to pieces; someone who gets your lyrics and comes to your every gig, cheering you on and swoons to all the sweet lyrics."

He only said that on the 30th of October.

I have been working with my faith (as in trust) recently. I believe that if we trust the universe to meet our needs and fulfill our wishes, it will happen.

I ask you good people: Make a wish; let it go and trust the universe to bring you the result; keep your eyes peeled. I reckon just by making the wish and looking for results we find the results that were there all along.

Blessings and goodnight

(A very tired but satisfied) Sebbi

[old_crone]

{From The Shadows}

I have wrestled this night with the dark night of my soul. Finding I can not be as the beauty, and tenderness I see in those I wish to be like. I can be only me. This is enough. I speak to the universe that I am ready to die now, having found this wisdom through the eyes of broken selfishness within me.

The universe stands with guillotine ready, smiles and ask, “are you sure?’ I am sure. Then step up, and lay your head down. For to die to the little self is a good thing. To be who you are is better. But the wisest thing of all is letting go so the dark night of the soul, so this teacher may move on letting your inner light shine brighter from the polishing that has been done.

Emotional binging seen for what it is. Co-dependence inside desires, and relationships, often taking us just where the media wants us to be. Powerless within ourselves to withstand the haunting questions inside the ego. Am I worthy? Am I good enough? Who is my master, or lover to be that I may be whole inside these walls around me?

Love is a choice. How one loves is also a choice. The commitment must come from being whole, and true unto ones higher self. We came here to grow, and learn. We came here to move beyond the stasis, and merry-go-rounds of wanting, emotions, hopes, dreams, desires, and the awareness we are not alone. Love is to become one. Nothing we have, or do not have changes this choice within ourselves. Am I worthy to be touched? Or am I willing to touch my own heart and soul.

We go so far, and then fears wrap around us. We come looking for the abyss of perfection in understanding there is no more than me, and I Am is the all of me. We are the being created from energy that calls us separate, and back again understanding that without two sides there is only one. One breath. One moment, one source where truth is what it is. We are the fingers of the other side feeling our way through time, when in essence there is no time. We are no more, or less than seasons. Our name is Change.

I sat one day high on a hill pondering these things. My back itching, and coming apart. The tingling started in the back of my neck. Visions changed. Smells became intense. Awareness traveled with searing pain as my gut bent into. No more the flesh of woman, but there lay a bird wet with morning dew. Pecking at the branch beside me, my talons opened, and closed. Looking for the branches I knew well, high in the old grandfather tree.

Raising wings as though drying them with the morning sun I paused. Was I woman in another time? Was I only dreaming now? Where was the truth where now feathers grew. The winds called to me, and without thought I took to the skies. Gliding with quiet intent feeling hunger as I have never known.

Focused, and sharp diving toward the old forest road The snake dangles from my beak. No more than a breath in a moment where forever is setting the prey free, while feeding a deeper longing inside, the hunger for the path within. The spiral dance that sets me back inside the flesh, or takes me high to clouds unseen.

Tenderness opens me with purpose. From the shadows I find love stands alone, while becoming all that ever was while wrapped inside like seeds on leaves, or flowers grown old. Rebirth is waiting for the letting go. The wonder of our natures to show us we are Spirit passing through.

We are spirit sometimes hiding, waiting for winds to blow. With courage love opens the shell where beauty now shines. Light giveth to darkness, and darkness shines back. Love never was about having. Love was a choice to make the connections that take us beyond the human view. We were visions made dreams, where spirit called out our names. Love was born, by being one, inside the greater whole.

[Lionheart2000]

A totally ageless human question--so many have tried to answer.

At my age it is the warmth from the heart and the constant removing thy tiny self-as old crone mentioned--to be able to allow someone totally into your heart and being.

In this age the word 'love' demands too many things -more often than not--pure illusion...quickly arrived at--and so quickly to leave.

As it is to eat your favorite cookie--the love and fullfillment can be so temporary--after it is eaten--you always want more and more and more.

I find that finding a person that seeks the same spiritualness and levels of honesty and trust is worth--the tiny self removals of our egos, defenses and programed desires.

It is so much like tending your garden with loving attention--being patient with each others growth and a mutual respect-that actually brightens your auras and brightens the enduring Light within you both.

Glamour will kill love..I feel that I love without the veneer now a days--a quicker and more trustworthy measurement of respect and trust.

But then--I could be wrong--for me it has taken a lifetime to even write this --so far..next year--it could transform--but I doiubt it. LOL!

Romance is still alive--if only humans truly knew what it was too actually take the time to 'romance'..sit by a river, a stream..or climb a cliff together and look upon an ocean in utter silence, contentment, and knowingness.
To simply fluff a pillow, offer a fragrant flower, write a simple poem, light a candle---every day--every day--there are so many ways to be in 'romance'..
Love takes patience and daily tending and watering like a wild English garden.

Be At Peace
LionHeart
http://60sfurther.com
lionheart@60sfurther.com
The day, water, sun, moon, night--I do not have to purchase these things with money."
* Plautus

[Sebbi]

You have both mentioned and expectations and demands that the word love entails.

I am loving this feeling for it's independance of it.

For so long my feeling have been bound to my ex. I had such an amazing relationship with her but all things come to an end (her dad died and I was suddenly expected to be a grievance counsellor. I ended it because I was being pushed beyond what I was capable of [whilst mentally stable]).

This feeling is brilliant because it in itself brings joy. The feeling of waking up and wandering what she's doing at that moment. Wondering whether she was sleeping, imagining the way the light would fall on her face if she was. Getting those butterflies everytime I think of her and just letting them rise up and caress your face and neck.

I my Sensai was talking about his love life once, and he's completely fallen head over heels with someone. He said that if they didn't get together that wouldn't be too upset because he's just so grateful that she has opened him up to the world.

That gave me something to think about - if we don't get together then I'll be grateful for the joy I'm experiencing now.

Blessings

Sebbi

P.S. I said I'd let you know how things go. We're meeting up on Wednesday, hopefully going to the cinema (film suggestions please, I would love to see Sharks Tale and The Incredibles at some point but not in context). If all goes well, we won't see much of the film.

[Moving_cloud]

If it is all about
learning how to meet
the contradictions of life
without getting lost in between
but find it is us who create
the poles as well as the fields of tension
and if it is really about
finding out
that we ever have been ready
to rise above, as we desire -
it is worthy

If it is all about finding out
that we are just curious
and love to create -
so we may be silly, or alien
misunderstanding, shy or afraid
or pretty desperate -
if it is all about
reaching out
to touch and be touched from beyond -
geez it is all worthy

Change is the stirring surface
of its own deeper source
yet love does not change
even as it does not
belittle, or limit, or put
conditions around

It is just here
asking you simply - are you here, too
inviting you without hurry
but full of trust
that you are doing real fine
letting you know
you are as worthy
yet never apart


Wishing you love and light

[Sebbi]

:)

[Sebbi]

OK, she rejected me. I'll tell you why some other time, I'm just passing through today.

[Lionheart2000]

Sebbi,
Perhaps your trying too hard...
I only say this because my experience has been one of..
First knowing who and what YOU want...visualizing that person..and you being with that person..all the attributes you want in a partner, and all the attributes you can (honestly) offer...ask Spirit for that person...let it GO..and I assure you if you give it to the Goddess or to a higher source than want, need, ego and desire of your own..you will get it!
And Read Kahlil Gibrans poem about 'LOVE' in the Prophet.
GUARANTEED!
Moses was wise, in fact H.P. Madame Blatvasky said that Moses was a surviving magician from Atlantis..
I wonder what he would say in your situation..in 2005?
Hummm...interesting..
Try it!

Like Old Wolf Says:
Surrounded by Love........ Mind Creates the concept
Full of Love...................... Desire provides the motivation
Channels of Love............. Doing is the test


Much peace-happy-hippy-happy-Love..
LionHeart
http://60sfurther.com

[Sebbi]

Lionheart cheers. I've stuck up Gibrans message all over my house as a reminder.


The reason she said no is because she just got out of a relationship and would like some time to clear her head.

I have a choice, to live as a victim of the world and of my passions. As a rejected lover (in an emotional sense). The other option is to see it as a test that I have to face with all my entheusiasm. If I pass I get what I've been asking for from the world for so long.

I prefer the second option, it's like in the Alchemist when the boy gets all of his money stolen:

"he realised that he had to choose between being the poor victim of a thief and as an adventurer in a quest for his treasure.
'I'm an adventurer searching for treasure.' he thought to himself."

I am glad of the decision (although upset at the same time, but what can I do about that expect welcome that feeling with enthuesiasm, it has a purpose as well). I'm glad of it because she deemed it to be the decision that would make her most happy and I don't want to have a relationship based on the on a descision that goes against what the decider deems to be the one that will grant her most happiness.

I see this as a test of my endurance and a test of my ability to love from a distance. It is, as it were, a test of my ability to be threshed, sifted, ground, kneaded and put on the sacred fire.

Blessings

Sebbi

[Lionheart2000]

Vey cool Sebbi,
I sense you are young--and just would like to give you some hope..
There will be many women in your life..there have been many beautiful-physically and spirtually in mine..I bless each and every one of them!
What each of them taught me has been invaluable...and lessons in my learning about love, affection, loyalty, tenderness, LISTENING, gratitude.
All the lovemaking I shared I remember each time--and so will you. The sweet smells of the triple goddess....the smooth skin and perfumed hair...but most of all I remember their eyes...a cliche I know...but the eyes, the true gateways to their souls.
So gather your energy around you...read Gibran..and Lord Byron.
Have hope..
Peace
LionHeart

[Sebbi]

Byron... Right got it. Cheers Lion.


Many hugs to you, I feel like you've heard me.

Sebbi

[oldwolf]

Love Is

When we wait for love - we make an excuse - we continue the victim - codependent paradign so rampant in this world

When we love - become the creator - not wishing for -

Loving

Active ... Honoring all our connections

then when some one walks into your life you are but honoring a connection already there.... And when someone walks out the Connection is never severed

We are all Connected
And Love is that Connection

[Lionheart2000]

All I have to offer is a poem--I have saved--that bespeaks much..
Patience..preparation...a vision and an intention..loving yourself (at least learning and doing)--will produce guaranteed results.
Peace
LionHeart

You will greet yourself arriving,
At your own door, in your own mirror,
And each will smile at each other's welcome.

And say sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart,
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you.

All your life, whom you ignored
For another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf

The photographs, the desperate notes,
Peel your own images from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life."

by Derek Walcott:

[Lionheart2000]

Hey There,
No comments but another poem..a comment enough...when pondering Love-might we not also ponder Creation?
Peace
LionHeart

LAWS for Creations,

For strong artists and leaders—for fresh broods of teachers, and perfect literats for America,
For noble savans, and coming musicians.

All must have reference to the ensemble of the world, and the compact truth of the world;
There shall be no subject too pronounced—All works shall illustrate the divine law of indirections.

What do you suppose Creation is?
What do you suppose will satisfy the Soul, except to walk free, and own no superior?
What do you suppose I would intimate to you in a hundred ways, but that man or woman is as good as God?
And that there is no God any more divine than Yourself?
And that that is what the oldest and newest myths finally mean?
And that you or any one must approach Creations through such laws?
-By Walt Whitman-

[Sebbi]

I did a speach about that poem for English a few weeks ago.


Update on the situation with me and the girl and mad about.

We are getting really close, it just feels incredible. Today she asked me if I just "liked her a lot" or if I actually loved her. I had avoided using that word because I've been told that it would alsolutely terrify her, but she asked.

I told her I loved her so much it hurt. Seriously you could hear her smiling down the phone at me, and doubtless she could hear me.

Gotta go now though

Sebbi

[Sebbi]

I'm damn close to giving up at the moment by the way.

[shameless_heifer]

The pain of healing sometimes is harsh, it takes us to places untouched by the Light. The winter brings a lot of pain out in some people. As the darkness of the skys with it's heavy clouds pass above.
The Heavenly waters that bath the earth are as tears that cleanse the soul. The healing waters of life, the human emotion. The raw realility of the heart that suffers pain. The frailness of the body against the savage beast of exsistance, that we are born into.
The quietness of a mother's sigh and she suckles her young, as the earth nurishes hers. The cicle of life ever turning, evolving endlessly as we go forth. What we are to learn on our Fools Journey is decided by how we spend our time here.
Some of us, llike my daughter, choose to work out her karma all in one life time. She choose to have what eventualy killed her. She clung to it. It was hers to have. I couldn't change it. It was not mine to change. I didn't know that then, but I do now.
We choose what we bring.In one demetion or another. In one time and space. Our pain is our own, unique in it'self from all others.
There is no growth without sacrifice there is no cleansing without tears, the tears of the soul washes the heart clean. Raw emotion clears the mind, Love heals all wounds not time. Who is to say that the pain you feel is unworthy, or selfish. It is yet another test to the next level of knowing ones self uniquely as like a star, all stars but each one different.
If you dant like the way you are, change, become who you want to be. Set yourself free from the bonds that you create for yourself. Let it go,let it flow on down the stream of life and fall where it may. Release yourself from the chains of inadaquecy and fullfill your destiny, Learn and except the cards that you are delt and play it to the end. There will be another hand coming around in a while.

[Lionheart2000]

Very important Shameless Heifer..your words are powerful-the feelings sad and true and so worth hearing.
Love after Love--seems to be more Loving..to me it is a life-long process that has become a 'quest'.
That seperation from ancestral chains and identities, making choices that are My choices and Not choose because someone else would have chosen a certain way (approval) or expected me too choose a certain way.
It is all about Trusting and Inner contracts..starting with Self-Trust...for example.
Am I able to open to another person-totally--and feel safe and vulnerable?
Do I trust myself to stay Open regardless of the siutations I encounter in this knowingness? Is this me? or my parents Not trusting? Is this me or my parents choosing what parts of me to hold back because I might get hurt?
How do I trust? How do I keep my heart open in all situations? How do I see with the eyes of my Spirit (heart/Soul) instead of the eyes of my body (Ego)?
How can I keep trusting--Love after Love? I fear that I may close down and go through life lonely and alone--I fear I shall draw others to me like magnets that are closed and fearful and afraid to commit and afraid to surrender (ego)--afraid to Love--afraid to want to be loved--afraid to be lovable....the Planetary human consciousness endorse and breed Fear.....the Heart of the Planet only Loves...I choose the Heart---I un-choose the mass consciousness of Fear..thus I become Free to Love-to open-to be vulnerable and replace Never Risking and Being Closed with Acceptance! Making the state of orgasm--eternal!

Simply trust
Do not the petals flutter down.
Just like that?
-Issa-

Peace & Love
LionHeart

[shameless_heifer]

To Love after Love, This is training the mind to do the hearts will. This is saying even in death I will love. I will love after love after love. How can it be any other way. The love goes on, in even in death I love her. Love never dies, only evolves. It goes where it will and picks whom it picks, for a time. Time passes quickly as a wink, quick as a hummingbirds wings.
Leaving as we came in to the world, alone. Alone to make our journey back to the source for perfection only to be born again to go on loving. We are whole when we come in, we leave peices of ourselves as we walk the earth seeking our lives plan. What we leave are seeds that grow and return to us in our karmetic flow. We pick and choose from our gardens of lifes leassons, to behold the glory of the doing and gathering of knowledge to build our lives upon. Reaping what we sow, harvesting the truths we seek. Passing on wisdoms collected from the depths of the inner self. Eating the bread of the flesh drinking the blood of the earth, surviving till the next test. All so we may LOVE LOVE LOVE after LOVE.

[Lionheart2000]

OOOOh--I love the positivity--the sustenance of the energies...the cycles, spirals and circles.

"I am an enigma, a prodigy;
I am greatness and meekness.
I am humble, yet bold.
I am of this Earth, yet ethereal.
I am spirit and body entertwined..."

Peace
LionHeart

[hnugginbuggin]

this thread gives me hope for my circumstance. thankyou All
for just doing what your doing, it's wonderful.

@

[shameless_heifer]

We hold all froms of exsistance in the Spirit from wince we came. As we move from deminsion to demention in a kelidiscope of expericence as we flash by, endlessly as we touch down and become one with that exsistance. Becoming life experiencing the Will of the Flesh. We love it, we doat on it, we, lie cheat and steal for it. And yet we call it love. Like the California Gold Rush, everyone is digging for it but only a few really find it, and know what they have found. The true gold that shines like a sunburst and captures the heart with it's brilliance and rareity, bringing froth an essensual frequincy that when joined releases a chemical that bonds the Spirit. Like a remember scent from home that draws you closer. And not the fools gold that only looks and feels pretty but holds no value, selfish love as is the fools gold. It looks good but it don't get you very far.
Love is universal, it holds no bounds, it flows freely with a purpose of it's own. To connect with the bonds that were made on the otherside. To remind us of our purpose here in this deminsion. We droped in to experience the flesh, to copulate and bring more love into this exsistance to bask in, our offspring to love us and to be loved. The sanction of commitment and the keeping of it as we had promised to do long before we were seed.
We re-connect with these Spirits that agreed to experience the flesh with us and are sometimes unclear as to why we have come together. We sometimes think that love of that one that made the agreement to be your lover/partner on earth and join together in a Holy bond. Sometime we are just connected because we remember that Spirit from the other side, but not clear on the purpose of the meeting. We misjudge this for the love mate we seek and are sometimes dissapointed that it was not the real love you had taken it for. Least your journey for love has not ended, but only widened, creating a whole new spectrums of life and understanding.
Lessons learned. As we blunder our way through the maze we create for our selves and get tangled up in the collective forces. When we do meet the Spirit we came to mingle in the flesh with, the chemical reaction is overwhelming as we become what we came to be.
We are only here for a time, we have no idea when or where we will be called back to our source. We have a purpose that lays forgotten as we move through the birth cannal, with only our instincts to guide us. The love that we bring with us is all powerful and can change worlds. The love that has so many fascets it's hard to define, which love belongs where. The love one has for a child, or parent, the love sibblings share, the love of an object that holds rememberences of love that once was. The love of the earth and the infinate sky and the waters that bring forth life and growth. The love that two people share that the bonds can never be broken, even in death of the flesh. The Spirit Loves and exsists. Leaving behind Love after Love, seeking love to give love, only to lose love and love again.