~Sam~
12-17-2004, 05:34 PM
Sometimes... even when you think you've prepared yourself for a future event, the reality is not so easy to live through when its time has come.
Yesterday I finally put Allison and Ylsa in the truck and took them over to my friend's farm. It was a real scene... me trying to lift hundred pound goats into the bed of a pickup truck with one good hand... but I got'er done and we were off down the road.
Those little girls were having themselves a fine old time... following my friend all over her farm yard. Some loyalty. But when she and I brought Precious here on the trailer back in July, Dolly fell in love with those two and I think they've been preparing themselves for this move since then.
They have real cool digs now. A little room below the grain house that's nice and tight and snug. They'll be loose all the time and their door is only about 70 feet from Dolly's back door. And my friend lives alone in a great big ole vicky with her cats and art work and horses. Horses are loving, but not in the same "in-your-face" way that goats are.
So I think it was a fair trade. One horse for two, super loving little goats. The goats didn't even notice me back out of the drive yesterday, that's how involved with their new surroundings they were. I think my friend was jazzed about them too.
I haven't called her yet this morning. I think she needs alone time to settle in with them and do some serious bonding. In the meanstwhile... I have some serious fence mending to do out in my own barn.
How unthinking I, as a human, can become sometimes. And that reality slapped me hard in the face this morning when I went out to do chores.
There stood Sissy, up on the ledge of the goat stall, hair all puffed out, her ears drooping and her head hang-dogged. I had taken her birth sister and half sister away from her, for good, and I didn't even give them an explanation of what was happening. Kai and Ebony were asking me questions too, after all it was his sister and her baby girl that I took from them.
So, after I finished divying up the hay and grain, I opened the door to the goat pen and went in and sat down next to Sissy on the ledge. She moved into my shouder and I put my arms around her and told her how sorry I was. After some good loving was shared, she put her head around the back of my neck and hugged me back.
Then Kai and Ebony approached me for some contact and an explanation. I started talking to everybody out there, and after a while even Rosemary was giving me goo-goo eyes and turning her head this way and that to my words. What I said to them was this:
"I am so sorry guys. I hadn't realized how hard all of you would take this parting. But this is the way of the world, especially the farmlife world. There truly isn't room for everyone who's born here. And some of us had other destinies to fill, in other places.
"I think that Ylsa and Ally picked Dolly as their human when she brought Precious here to live with us. You remember when Precious came, don't you?" Everyone picked their heads up and looked me at that point. So, I continued talking...
"Well, Dolly is a nice woman but she lives alone, well, not really alone, because she has her horses. But horses aren't the same as goats." I looked up to see Raven staring at me, "Oh, I don't mean that horses aren't loving, because you two really are. But you don't want to be in close contact and have hugs and kisses planted on you too much. Goats do. And I think that she needed those two sisters of yours more than we did. They seemed very happy yesterday when I left them and came home."
Then I described my friend's farm to them and told them about the new house their sisters were living in. The pictures we all shared calmed everyone, especially me.
"You know, guys? As I look around in here, I realize that we're all of us, orphans. Raven... you lost your real Momma and your first human Momma, you've had some horrific experiences at the hands of man, and now you're here with all of us these last nine months. I love you, Raven.
"Precious... you lost your Daddy Bill last year. I know that he was there at your birth and he is the one who loved you and trained you and took care of you for the first 5 years of your life. I know that you still grieve for him. I'm so sorry. I know that I'll never be a replacement for him, but I do love you and I know that he comes around to give you a pat every once in a while."
With that, she blew a calm breath through her horsey lips and put her head into the hay bucket and chomped away on that good 'falfie' hay.
Kai began eating my hat at that pause, and Ebony was pressed against my knee, so I carried on with my flow of words and emotions...
"And you, Rosemary. I know what you've lost too. You lost your Momma who you were with for seven straight months. Then you lost your full sister to another farm. To add injury to insult, you lost Elke your human Momma and came here to live with us. I love you, Rose." Oh, she just held her head real low, was tilting her head from side-to-side and just sharing the same mind pictures, lovingly, with all of us.
Now, 'lovingly' is something that Rosemary's not too good at. Fact of it is, I'm not so good at it myself. And it's downright passing strange when you look around at these wonderful animals and realize that they truly are a mirror to your soul.
Perhaps I should expand that thought; I'm finding that no matter where I look in this big, ole universe I find myself looking into a mirror.
Lately, oh say in the past few months, I've been trying to become a walnut. A walnut safely enclosed in a shell that no one else can penetrate. Yeah right. Well that walnut I was becoming got caught in the edge of a whirlpool, and I didn't even realize what I was doing to myself. Luckily, an old friend found me in my dreams last night and extended her hand to help me out of the center of that pool. Thank You.
And instead of turning my back on all help, as I have done recently. I smiled and took that hand. There were a lot of others behind her, but the whole thing happened in an instant, and before I knew it I was back in myself and feeling a calm that I have denied myself for a long time now. I also felt love and laughter all around me. That was a real good thing. Yeah, it was.
Next, I turned to Ebony. "Ebony girl. You too have lost your momma and sister. You lost your home in West Virginia and came here to live with us last year. I know it's not been easy for you, and now I've taken your daughter away. I'm sorry. I truly am." I pulled her close to me and hugged her. "I love you Ebony." ...
"Kaibab my boy. You're just a cruisin' for a bruiser aren't ya? Yes, I know I took your sister away and you hurt inside and you don't understand why. Ylsa went to live at another farm and is busy loving a lady, who indeed, deserves that love. Come on over here and let me give you a hug. That's a boy. I love you Kai, and I'm sorry that I did this."
Standing up and looking around the barn, I took in a deep breath...
"And friends... I, too, am an orphan. I lost my Momma and Daddy some time ago. I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I know how much it hurts inside and you just want to lay down and let the world go away. But this will pass. And in a few days we'll all work our way into this new routine, minus two of our tribe, and we'll carry on with our lives in love... and we will be complete. I love all of you. I really, really do."
Sissy, Kai and Ebony were sort of glued to my knee, but I moved slowly past them and as I left the goat pen I scratched heads and said that I was going to the house but that I'd be back later to check on everyone and to turn the horses out in the pasture. They like to finish their breakfast in the comfort and privacy of their own stalls. So, I give them that.
Walking up the ailse to Raven's stall, I picked up the carrots I'd left on the milkroom counter as I passed. Raven was reaching his head way out and his lips were already tasting that carrot from four feet away. That boy really likes his carrots. I put my arm under his neck and put my head against this side of it and hugged him good and proper...
Precious was trying in the worse way to stretch her neck out far enough to get her carrot... so I walked over and gave her hers. I told her again how sorry I was about her losing her Poppa Bill and I put my hands lightly on her side and let the Earth's healing energy flow briefly through me to her. She became so calm that, together, we seemed almost suspended in time. We stood for a few seconds and shared the same breathes... then the spell was broken and it was time to carry on with our day.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do now... carry on. You guys have a Real Good Day, will ya? I'll be back when I can.
OH, yeah! You folks who are expecting this Arctic cold blast... Please stay warm and safe.
Happy Holidays All !!!
Love,
Samwitch
http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638Psychedelic_Heart_II.jpgLoving the Entire Universe
Yesterday I finally put Allison and Ylsa in the truck and took them over to my friend's farm. It was a real scene... me trying to lift hundred pound goats into the bed of a pickup truck with one good hand... but I got'er done and we were off down the road.
Those little girls were having themselves a fine old time... following my friend all over her farm yard. Some loyalty. But when she and I brought Precious here on the trailer back in July, Dolly fell in love with those two and I think they've been preparing themselves for this move since then.
They have real cool digs now. A little room below the grain house that's nice and tight and snug. They'll be loose all the time and their door is only about 70 feet from Dolly's back door. And my friend lives alone in a great big ole vicky with her cats and art work and horses. Horses are loving, but not in the same "in-your-face" way that goats are.
So I think it was a fair trade. One horse for two, super loving little goats. The goats didn't even notice me back out of the drive yesterday, that's how involved with their new surroundings they were. I think my friend was jazzed about them too.
I haven't called her yet this morning. I think she needs alone time to settle in with them and do some serious bonding. In the meanstwhile... I have some serious fence mending to do out in my own barn.
How unthinking I, as a human, can become sometimes. And that reality slapped me hard in the face this morning when I went out to do chores.
There stood Sissy, up on the ledge of the goat stall, hair all puffed out, her ears drooping and her head hang-dogged. I had taken her birth sister and half sister away from her, for good, and I didn't even give them an explanation of what was happening. Kai and Ebony were asking me questions too, after all it was his sister and her baby girl that I took from them.
So, after I finished divying up the hay and grain, I opened the door to the goat pen and went in and sat down next to Sissy on the ledge. She moved into my shouder and I put my arms around her and told her how sorry I was. After some good loving was shared, she put her head around the back of my neck and hugged me back.
Then Kai and Ebony approached me for some contact and an explanation. I started talking to everybody out there, and after a while even Rosemary was giving me goo-goo eyes and turning her head this way and that to my words. What I said to them was this:
"I am so sorry guys. I hadn't realized how hard all of you would take this parting. But this is the way of the world, especially the farmlife world. There truly isn't room for everyone who's born here. And some of us had other destinies to fill, in other places.
"I think that Ylsa and Ally picked Dolly as their human when she brought Precious here to live with us. You remember when Precious came, don't you?" Everyone picked their heads up and looked me at that point. So, I continued talking...
"Well, Dolly is a nice woman but she lives alone, well, not really alone, because she has her horses. But horses aren't the same as goats." I looked up to see Raven staring at me, "Oh, I don't mean that horses aren't loving, because you two really are. But you don't want to be in close contact and have hugs and kisses planted on you too much. Goats do. And I think that she needed those two sisters of yours more than we did. They seemed very happy yesterday when I left them and came home."
Then I described my friend's farm to them and told them about the new house their sisters were living in. The pictures we all shared calmed everyone, especially me.
"You know, guys? As I look around in here, I realize that we're all of us, orphans. Raven... you lost your real Momma and your first human Momma, you've had some horrific experiences at the hands of man, and now you're here with all of us these last nine months. I love you, Raven.
"Precious... you lost your Daddy Bill last year. I know that he was there at your birth and he is the one who loved you and trained you and took care of you for the first 5 years of your life. I know that you still grieve for him. I'm so sorry. I know that I'll never be a replacement for him, but I do love you and I know that he comes around to give you a pat every once in a while."
With that, she blew a calm breath through her horsey lips and put her head into the hay bucket and chomped away on that good 'falfie' hay.
Kai began eating my hat at that pause, and Ebony was pressed against my knee, so I carried on with my flow of words and emotions...
"And you, Rosemary. I know what you've lost too. You lost your Momma who you were with for seven straight months. Then you lost your full sister to another farm. To add injury to insult, you lost Elke your human Momma and came here to live with us. I love you, Rose." Oh, she just held her head real low, was tilting her head from side-to-side and just sharing the same mind pictures, lovingly, with all of us.
Now, 'lovingly' is something that Rosemary's not too good at. Fact of it is, I'm not so good at it myself. And it's downright passing strange when you look around at these wonderful animals and realize that they truly are a mirror to your soul.
Perhaps I should expand that thought; I'm finding that no matter where I look in this big, ole universe I find myself looking into a mirror.
Lately, oh say in the past few months, I've been trying to become a walnut. A walnut safely enclosed in a shell that no one else can penetrate. Yeah right. Well that walnut I was becoming got caught in the edge of a whirlpool, and I didn't even realize what I was doing to myself. Luckily, an old friend found me in my dreams last night and extended her hand to help me out of the center of that pool. Thank You.
And instead of turning my back on all help, as I have done recently. I smiled and took that hand. There were a lot of others behind her, but the whole thing happened in an instant, and before I knew it I was back in myself and feeling a calm that I have denied myself for a long time now. I also felt love and laughter all around me. That was a real good thing. Yeah, it was.
Next, I turned to Ebony. "Ebony girl. You too have lost your momma and sister. You lost your home in West Virginia and came here to live with us last year. I know it's not been easy for you, and now I've taken your daughter away. I'm sorry. I truly am." I pulled her close to me and hugged her. "I love you Ebony." ...
"Kaibab my boy. You're just a cruisin' for a bruiser aren't ya? Yes, I know I took your sister away and you hurt inside and you don't understand why. Ylsa went to live at another farm and is busy loving a lady, who indeed, deserves that love. Come on over here and let me give you a hug. That's a boy. I love you Kai, and I'm sorry that I did this."
Standing up and looking around the barn, I took in a deep breath...
"And friends... I, too, am an orphan. I lost my Momma and Daddy some time ago. I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I know how much it hurts inside and you just want to lay down and let the world go away. But this will pass. And in a few days we'll all work our way into this new routine, minus two of our tribe, and we'll carry on with our lives in love... and we will be complete. I love all of you. I really, really do."
Sissy, Kai and Ebony were sort of glued to my knee, but I moved slowly past them and as I left the goat pen I scratched heads and said that I was going to the house but that I'd be back later to check on everyone and to turn the horses out in the pasture. They like to finish their breakfast in the comfort and privacy of their own stalls. So, I give them that.
Walking up the ailse to Raven's stall, I picked up the carrots I'd left on the milkroom counter as I passed. Raven was reaching his head way out and his lips were already tasting that carrot from four feet away. That boy really likes his carrots. I put my arm under his neck and put my head against this side of it and hugged him good and proper...
Precious was trying in the worse way to stretch her neck out far enough to get her carrot... so I walked over and gave her hers. I told her again how sorry I was about her losing her Poppa Bill and I put my hands lightly on her side and let the Earth's healing energy flow briefly through me to her. She became so calm that, together, we seemed almost suspended in time. We stood for a few seconds and shared the same breathes... then the spell was broken and it was time to carry on with our day.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do now... carry on. You guys have a Real Good Day, will ya? I'll be back when I can.
OH, yeah! You folks who are expecting this Arctic cold blast... Please stay warm and safe.
Happy Holidays All !!!
Love,
Samwitch
http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638Psychedelic_Heart_II.jpgLoving the Entire Universe