"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

[PriceCheck]

Let's hear your best excuses!

"...I have the 24 hour Ebola."

[Ash_Freakstreet]

...24-hour Priapism

[lynsey]

I called in once about half a year ago and said I needed a mental health day, it was the first itme I called in so all was good. I don't like to take off unless I need to hmm but if I had to lie I would say I was being quarintined for a SARS as I am kinda always behind on everything anyway they would believe me. (:

[8footsativa_chik]

Im REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY sick, im spewing up every 5 mins.

[crummyrummy]

I got my penis caught in the dvd player ...again....

[mystical_shroom]

I have diarrhea and i cant leave the house without shitting myself every five minutes..
OR
I have my period and I am bleeding like a mofo...

[PriceCheck]

...my village was wiped out by a typhoon.

[crummyrummy]

some one put a snow man out in my front yard and it scares me to go near it. I will be in when it melts.

[mystical_shroom]

haha..
hmmm... I killed someone last night and i have to spend today trying to hide the body..good day :D

[crummyrummy]

...I can come in , my old boss came by asking why I wasnt at work. I am not finished gutting and butchering his corpse. But hey, barbecue tomorrow, on me!!!!

[TheGanjaKing]

I can't come to work cuz I have explosive diarrhea, and I have to clean my balls

[ryupower]

Ash_freekstreet ripped off my leg....

[clockworkorangeagain]

i cant come in today because i have decided that i dont like any of the people i work with and refuse to be around their template chat

hmm, and that is truly why i have no job

[paulfreespirit]

i was abducted by aliens last night.now im" being brought back down to earth

[crummyrummy]

...I wont be in. someone locked my hnds to my feet and I had to dial using my penis. call ma lock smith please.

[paulfreespirit]

crummyrummy you wish man..........bollocks

[PriceCheck]

...the old lady next door siphoned all of the gas out of my Gremlin.

[crummyrummy]

.....a tribe of four foot tall native norwegians has taken me hostage and wont release me until I learn the Koran in Vulcan!!!!

[redresonant]

i lopped off my left leg and nut but i will be in thursdzy ready to work

[*~*Giggles*~*]

i can't come in because my pussy hurts! or my moms famouse one i am going thro menopause!

[redresonant]

i cant come in today because your a total retard.....and i dont like the way you eat

[phillyrp314]

...when I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the toilet, but I feel darn good about it.

[bedlam]

l have a runny bottom..

[crummyrummy]

my fingers are stapled to my keyboard

[syd]

that racoon stole my lambchop

[crummyrummy]

the voices in my head are fighting with me and hid my car keys.

[Lodog]

I just didn't wanna come in.


Wanna fight about it.

[crummyrummy]

I cant come in, I have to go to alaska and pick a fight wih Lodog.

[puddin]

I have to go watch lodog and crummy fight.

[Lodog]

I just kicked someone's ass. That deserves comp time or something doesn't it?

[MBintheOC]

I'm much to occupied w/something else that's much funner:)

[crummyrummy]

I wont be in today either, Lodog Kicked my ass.

[puddin]

I wont be in cause i gotta watch over crummy at the hospital.

[Lodog]

Sorry. I used the Phrase "Crummy's feeling Crummy" and laughed so hard I developed a hernia putting me in the hospital.

[bedlam]

still got the chicken pox

[Taylor]

my hand is posessed and kills anyone who comes near me... but if you're willing to take that risk, i could come in for a half day...

[puddin]

Mu penis is posessed and penetrates anyone who comes near me... but if you're willing to take that risk, i could come in for a half day...

[bedlam]

l've slashed my wrists again.

[crummyrummy]

My perm fell out.

[puddin]

I have to get another perm for crummy

[crummyrummy]

the line for the restroom at the shelter is real long and I promised to hold my mom's place in line....

[bedlam]

my girlfriends fist is stuck up mu pussy..

[crummyrummy]

my dog ate my homework.

[bedlam]

l've got better things to do..

[puddin]

I havent got a job

[Peregrine]

alien probing again

[gesone]

Diarrhea. This excuse works all the time!

[squawkers7]

These are excuses I found online, they are so dumb I wouldn't dare tell my boss these. My last excuse was "I got in a car accident with my daughter"



401. I would also love to use this one....I can't come into work right now because I'm busy makin whoopee!


402. I won't be in to work today, because my liver isn't up to speed yet due to last weekend.


403. A guy I work with actually called in and said, " I'm sorry I can't make it in today. Somebody spiked my drink last night"


404. One of the better excuses I have ever used, came to me one day when I showed up to work 6 hours late without calling in. I told my boss that, "this morning I woke up only to find the 1st and 2nd floors of my house soaked and with puddles of water everywhere. There was no way I could come into work until I contacted the plumber, waited for him to come over, and started to clean up the mess. Then to top it all off I had to take another shower and find more clean clothes." When my boss asked me what had happened? I told him that one of the water pipes had snapped out of its socket and the water all night had dripped down through the walls and the ceiling for what looked like 3 hours or so. To top it all off he gave me the next 2 days off from work to deal with the problem and get my house into order. THAT WAS A GREAT 4 DAY WEEKEND!

[bedlam]

l want to sleep in today..

[kindwoman]

I told my work a few weeks ago that I couldn't come in because the job was stressing me out so badly so I needed the day off. I always try to be honest, & I was REALLY telling the truth that day.

[bedlam]

the police have me locked away today..

[puddin]

I had to lock Bedlam away today.

[crummyrummy]

There crazy turkeys following me and I dont want them to start hanging around work too.

[squawkers7]

I ride into work with my aunt, she called out of work today cuz she is sick. So I also called off work...told them my back hurt & I had the runs and was spending to much time in the bathroom to work. So I guess I have extra time to be on this site tonight.

[crummyrummy]

shit I gotta go to work!!!!!



Late

[bedlam]

because l have to finish this slab of beer..... Cheers....

[puddin]

I have to buy bedlam a lot more beer to keep her happy.

[bedlam]

have to teach puddin how to make a fine beer brew..

[puddin]

OOOOWWW FUCK!!!! i broke my back getting the beer for bedlam.

[roly]

....the Penguins Are Coming.....save Yourselves Dammit....im Too Young To Die.......

[crummyrummy]

hello, mr . bossperson? I am not coming in. I am dead. no really. Its a mild case, doc says I should resurrect in 3 days or so.

[redie*]

sorry boss, i'm going to superbowl!

[crummyrummy]

I wont be in today, I am shagging your wife.

[redie*]

thats shady

[redie*]

shit i gotta get my ass to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crummyrummy]

I wont be intoday, I am stalking Redie* and she has to get her sweet ass to work.

[bedlam]

l;'m gonna help Crummy with his stalking today.

[crummyrummy]

I cant come into work today, my lips are chapped.

[bedlam]

ummm because my butt is stuck to the washing machine.

[crummyrummy]

sorry I wont be in tonight, my ass needs waxing.

[bedlam]

the doctor put me in a straight jacket for the week.

[redie*]

stalker crummyrummy!

[redie*]

and bedlam is helping him, hmmm.. :X

[bedlam]

my figers are super glued to my ass.

[puddin]

im trying to pry bedlams finger from her arse

[bedlam]

to very anal today..

[crummyrummy]

I just welded myself in my car and I am waiting for the jaws of life to come free me.

[bedlam]

cause i refuse to work on weekends..

[Kione]

I ate the e on my keyboard and must now wait until my fruit loops give me a sign.

[bedlam]

have the watch the Australian open womens final.... so

[crummyrummy]

I have decided to sit here til the maggots eat my brain.

[bedlam]

l'm speeding off my titts..

[grow your own music]

i have a bone in my leg....

[bedlam]

cause l'm going to die today instead..

[grow your own music]

i just learned my brain exploded

[crummyrummy]

I have decided I can write a better novel that a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters, and I am not moving til I succeed.

[grow your own music]

i farted and can't get up

[crummyrummy]

I was just nominated emperor of canada and I need to fire my entire Ministry. hey...wanna better job?

[redie*]

my butt stuck in my bed

[bedlam]

l have vomit in my hair...

[crummyrummy]

I cant come in today because I think you are all a fucking bunch of god damn dick sucking morons that gag then vomit anytime you smell your own stink.

[bedlam]

l don't remember where l work anymore...

[redie*]

boss, you're a dickhead i'm sick of you!

[grow your own music]

my hair is broken

[newo]

I used to work as a mailman and I always called in sick if it was raining, snowing, sleeting or if it was dark and gloomy out. They always said, "Sure, no problem."

[bedlam]

l'm overseas today

[crummyrummy]

I am not sure why I am calling you, but your number is written on my fridge.......

[PriceCheck]

I cant come in today because I think you are all a fucking bunch of god damn dick sucking morons that gag then vomit anytime you smell your own stink.:eek:

[Abyle]

I cant come into work today, my lips are chapped.
And not the ones on my face!

[bedlam]

attending Hipforums today

[Kione]

I have better things to do.

[Peregrine]

i'm just plain tired man.

[grow your own music]

my oven is hot....very hot!

[crummyrummy]

I cant come in today because the government has me locked up and plan on torturing me.

[carnelian]

i can't come to work today because you see there was this tornado sweeping me off to oz and y'know what? this place is trippy and i wanna stay!

[Duck]

My grandma died......... again
I'm locked in my house
Scandanavien whores are holding me captive
My door broke
Aliens probed me and my ass hurts so much I can't get up

Or you could always just use the ultimate:
My dead alien grandma's scandanavien whores broke my door, are holding me captive, and probing my ass until I die............ again

[Archemetis]

*after injesting an 8th of mushrooms, during my peak i called work* i cant come into work today because...because.......*starts laughing and hangs up phone*


i never went back...true story

[bedlam]

cause my doctor said to have another week off..

[grow your own music]

my toe has a nail

[crummyrummy]

I cant come in because this guy my brother knows is supposed to be calling his cousin who can hook us up with really cheap ribbed condoms and if I leave now I will totally miss this opportunity to interface with real players on the condom circuit.

[bedlam]

super glued my eyes closed...

[crummyrummy]

I cant come into work because I have fleas.

[bedlam]

got my period

[( ∞ )]

abducted by aliens

[bedlam]

want a colonoscopy attended today instead..

[ki_raven_24f]

i'm still halucinating from what i took last night

[grow your own music]

my asshole is sucking buttermilk

[Peregrine]

i don't feel like it.

[crummyrummy]

I got an audition for a fetish porn flick. I need to go and let a woman stomp on my penis with stilletto heels.

[bedlam]

l gotta go shopping right now for stilletto heels...

[grow your own music]

my accordian died

[crummyrummy]

I cant come intoday, because I have to go to england and hvae a pint and talk about weird stuff with Kozmic Blue

[daisymae]

I am having an out of body experience.

[crummyrummy]

I cant come in because daiseymae triple dog dared me to lick a flag pole and now I am stuck.

[daisymae]

My goldfish are getting married.

[Peregrine]

getting married to daisymae's goldfish

[bedlam]

l'm attending my funeral at 1pm...

[Peregrine]

i'm unable to have breakfast because of a brown out

[bedlam]

my mummy said l'm not aloud to today..

[grow your own music]

i'm shy

[bedlam]

l'm not moving my feet today..

[Peregrine]

i'ts saturday

[daisymae]

My mom says I can't play until i clean my room....

[crummyrummy]

I am stapled to a standard poodle.

[daisymae]

I can't figure out which is the front/back of my pantyhose....

[bedlam]

gotta read the sunday papers..

[Mui]

my grandma is leaking again

[bedlam]

l have removed my eyeballs.

[ki_raven_24f]

i moved yesturday and now i live 2 states away

[puddin]

Im due for a pap smear..

[bedlam]

I'm leaving on a jet plane..

[grow your own music]

my hard is on

[bedlam]

l'm busy cooking yolky butt...

[grow your own music]

i'm watching the yolky butt cook...smells good.....

[bedlam]

the yolky butt has made me really ill...

[Peregrine]

i suddenly got old timers disease and forgot where i work

[daisymae]

My leg fell off....

[crummyrummy]

I got shot in the head.

[FallenFairy]

I fell off of my car roof and now I cant see....

[crummyrummy]

someone locked the door and I onstar says they cant unlock my house for me.

[bedlam]

l'm trying out a new job today

[daisymae]

I am auditioning for American Idol.

[crummyrummy]

I cant stop masturbating.

[daisymae]

I have to help crummy put his hammer down.

[ki_raven_24f]

i woke up and don't know where i am. i can't get to work from here if i don't know where here is.

[brokenwingz425]

I'm too hungover

[crummyrummy]

I am building a sandcastle.

[humandraydel]

i have anal glaucoma.....and I just can't see my ass coming in today!!

[MysticSnowcone]

I have a case of Anal Glaucoma... I can't see my ass coming in to work today

[bedlam]

cause l want you to fire me..

[crummyrummy]

ebay is way too intresting to get away from.

[bedlam]

l going to hipforums today..

[grow your own music]

the jig is up

[bedlam]

good movie on tv that l have to watch..

[grow your own music]

my m&ms melted in my hand

[bedlam]

l've been arrested for stealing..

[MysticSnowcone]

i have anal glaucoma.....and I just can't see my ass coming in today!!I have a case of Anal Glaucoma... I can't see my ass coming in to work today
Ok that was just a bit too ESP-ish for comfort...

[( ∞ )]

I got drafted to fight in Iran

[puddin]

I have to draft people to fight in Iran

[crummyrummy]

I cant be in because I am tied up and being beaten by liquorice whips.

[bedlam]

Girlfriend has tied me to the bed today, apparently it's her day..

[crummyrummy]

stipid teddybearwearingoutfit motherfucker is trying to rip me off.

[bedlam]

cause l don't bloody want to work.

[crummyrummy]

because I was on aplane a bunch of stupid fuckers think never crashed and I am dead but unmourned.

[bedlam]

l'm in a catatonic state today..

[crummyrummy]

I got a cat stuck in bedlams ass and she just dont wanna make it suffer.

[puddin]

I am legally changing my name to Walter

[crummyrummy]

a guy named waltar is trying to lick my asshole

[puddin]

I have to try and find crummyrummy so i can beat the shit out of waltar and take his place.

[crummyrummy]

puddin knows where I work, and I am scared.

[bedlam]

got to go track down Puddin and break his kneecaps..

[crummyrummy]

I have to ejaculate.

[bedlam]

l'm going to a lesbian party this afternoon..

[crummyrummy]

I have crabs.

[grow your own music]

my meat is loafing~

[juggla]

im drunk and hitting my wife

[crummyrummy]

ICP is kicking my ass

[puddin]

Some extreemly obese transvestite just broke my kneecaps.

[crummyrummy]

a dude with a cape stole my car.

[bedlam]

l don't remember where l work?

[crummyrummy]

I am trying find naked pictures of bedlam.

[bedlam]

l'm hiding all my pictures today as l feel someone is going to steal them...

[crummyrummy]

I cant come in because I am a dick .

[bedlam]

l'm tripping off my guts and an unable to attend work today..

[crummyrummy]

my garter belt got stuck in the radiator.

[bedlam]

l've lost my pussy and l gotta go find her..

[BlackGuardXIII]

The local beauty pageant contestants need me to measure them for their various pageant gowns and swimsuits, and I promised I would, or I swear I would be right there at work.

[bedlam]

cause BlackGuardXIII is coming over and being my sex slave for the day..

[BlackGuardXIII]

I won't be in to work today cuz I have to catch a flight half way around the world in order to take care of some extremely urgent, very important, private personal business. I may not be back, depending on how it goes.......

[bedlam]

am going for a ride on a hot air baloon today instead..

[BlackGuardXIII]

I wish I could tell you, but the reasons are matters of national security, so unfortunately I can neither confirm nor deny whether I will be at work today.

[juggla]

im doing allahs work. (boss might call fbi)

[bedlam]

killing myself at 10am..

[BlackGuardXIII]

I have to separate uranium isotopes and install a mercury tamper switch onto a titanium encased, 128 bit encrypted, programmable digital timing circuit board.

[puddin]

I cant stop dancing.

[bedlam]

l'm sleeping for the day..

[puddin]

Im making cake for disabled people. You wouldnt deprive disabled people of cake would you?

[bedlam]

l'll be binge drinking..

[puddin]

I caught disco fever from Bedlam

[bedlam]

I'm going to get drunk in the park and mug an old lady..

[puddin]

I have to go save the old lady from being mugged

[bedlam]

l'm cleaning the house cause we had a party last night?

[BlackGuardXIII]

I am making a soft porn video for Madonna

[bedlam]

l'm glueing my fingers to the keyboard..

[BlackGuardXIII]

I'm not into it

[bedlam]

l'm lost in the ocean..

[BlackGuardXIII]

I'm feeling a tad peckish and somewhat verklempt this morning so I think I need to go down to the pub and tip back a few jars of Guinness instead.

[crummyrummy]

Because I am chasing my dream to become a fire truck!!!!!

[BlackGuardXIII]

cuz its none of your fucking business, so fuck off and then maybe i'll come in tomorrow mr. fuckhead.

[grow your own music]

my nuts are raosting

[grow your own music]

...and my spelling is bad:p

[BlackGuardXIII]

Yesterday I felt a twinge while I was at work and when I woke up I realized that I pulled my groin and it stiffened up overnight, so I can hardly walk, let alone work.

[_chris_]

I've ran out of sick leave so im now phoning in dead

[bedlam]

l'm just not telling you why..

[BlackGuardXIII]

cuz it looks like it might rain.....

[bedlam]

cause l'm hiding out from you today..

[dogknott7]

Call the office to report an illness,only to be told "You don't sound very sick."Your reply is "Hey! I'm fucking my sister. Is that sick enough for you?"

[tsif's]

I went to visit my molesting father yesterday, and I cant sit by the desk right now.

[Kinky Ramona]

I have internal leprosy. *HACK HACK HACK* Yup, there's my liver...

[ArgScalawag]

A Grandmother's baggy vagina was flapping violently in the wind and her elongated vagina piercing smacked me in the face on my way into work today and it gave me a black eye.

[bedlam]

I'm on a date with Jack Daniels..

[crummyrummy]

Barry, the guy at the car wash, says my moon is in the wrong spot, and if I leave my bedroom, fat people will try to suck my dick.

[bedlam]

work will be blown away in 2 mins..

[crummyrummy]

because the music they constantly play says nothing to me about my life.

[Kione]

My dog told me not to come in today and my cat thinks you're a crazy asshole. The bird though, was strangely silent...but I think she'd agree with the dog.

[Quest_techie]

I'm chasing a large wheel of cheese down a mountain.

[crummyrummy]

because I have recently been hired to replace Sebastian Bach (formerly of Skid Row) in the traveling road show "Jesus Christ Super Star"

[gumbygurl]

because I can't will myself to get there.

[hailtothekingbaby]

Because I'm sodomising the president with a chainsaw.

[ki_raven_24f]

i've gone blind and can't see to get there

[Professor Jumbo]

"Because I don't have a job." Hehe, that was a good one, at least I think so. I'm so smart oh boy.

[Amanda's Shadow]

Ashton kutcher punked me into thinmking that geoge W bush was dead, so i flew all the way to DC to dance on his grave, and was informed when i got there that he was alive and kicking and ready to drill in ALaska!

peace love and laughter
amanda

[Amanda's Shadow]

a plane dropped jell-o powder in my pool and i cant let this oportunity pass me by!

[crummyrummy]

I cant come into work today because I have Mono.

[Quest_techie]

I can't come into work today because... well you make more than me how bout you make up the lame excuse today?

[bedlam]

l just took 3 trips...

[BrownTripleQQ]

I can't come to work today because I was arrested due to mistaken identity.

[BrownTripleQQ]

I can't come to work today, because my cat unplugged my alarm clock.

[Flic]

"I can't come into work today because my grandad's dead. Yes I know it's the 6th time, my grandma was with alot of men, and her memories bad, she can't tell me who my grandad was. I know they've all died recently, there was a reunion, they were in the bus back when it crashed, the funerals are on different days.
Oh, and I can't come into work either, my house is gonna flood and I need a week off to have it cleared out. No no, it's not flooded yet. Of course I'm not bool shitting you, it really is gonna flood, I left all the taps on with the plugs in. Well sure if you wanna fire me, but you have to pay redundency!"

[Quest_techie]

I can't come into work today because I have this odd disease that makes me have to lick any living thing I contact, it's awful, first the plants, than the femail man then the ups guy then the lawn, oh it is awful, I mean I could come into work to day if I really have to but I really do think it's contagious and you really wouldn't want an office full of people licking eachother would you??..... oh you would..... Mycatatemycarkeysbyebye