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tweetie227
11-30-2004, 07:43 PM
You are always here when i need you
I know our friendship is true.
My heart is severly broken
Because of that chance I have tooken.
That guy took it all
But yet he stopes me from hitting a wall.
I wanted him to tell the truth
Then i realized that i am a fool.
You sit here with me through my tears
And help me releave my fears.
I am thankful and blessed that I have you.
If you have to know, I will always be true

deram_scholzara
12-01-2004, 06:00 AM
I do indeed love this piece and am quite jealous of the relationship you have.
The only advice I'll give is to make it flow more. Like, just try to make the rhyming lines appear to make love with eachother...make them seem as though they belong together. Like your relationship. You used the word "tooken." Normally it would agitate me in writing, but it worked for you.