Homeless people

[HoneySuckleBlue]

A while back Rich hired the younger brother of these two other brothers that used to subcontract decks from him...things were going fine, Rich loved his little protege ~ then the guy started dissapearing for days at a time.

Come to find out the guy has only been married for two years and him and his wife used to do coke together then after she graduated from college she got a job that drug tested so she had to quit partying like a rock star and told the guy he had to quit too. I guess he was doing good until recently.

They were buying a house and just got all the furnature...

He dissapeared and when he resurfaced four days later his wife told him he had to go to rehab or she was going to divorce him. (her mom's been divorced three times and her dad is on house arrest...Rich thinks they are all scheming to take this guy.)

So he went to rehab and got out yesterday, but she had already gotten a lawyer and a restraining order... changed his bank accounts so he could'nt get into them, the house that they just closed on he's not allowed with in a certain foot radius of. She went and told his family and now they are giving him the tough love treatment...and he's sleeping on an airbed in our garage.


lol, wtf???

Rich has told him he can stay till he gets paid on Friday and is cutting his pay down to fifteen bucks an hour...I guess I'm gonna call around tomorow and check into some half way houses and motels to see if we can find him somewhere cheap to live.

You guys have any ideas on any other kind of places I can check or any kind of help we could give him short of adopting the kid?

...or any kind of advise because I come from a family of enablers (to put a lable on it:p ) and I don't really have any hard core experience within the mind of a coke head.

Please be frank and blunt are we dumbasses for harboring him? Rich is worried that he'll end up looting the garage.

[Scholar_Warrior]

one must be careful to not generalise in-appropriately, but there are general traits that are true for general groups of people. one is of the coke-head and the thief. this is a very real archetype! take caution! there is inevitably a lot of negative energy around cocaine.


at the same time compassion is the rule.

be careful.

I mean, this guy has screwed up his most sacred vow: Marriage - for cocaine!

have compassion, but protect yourselves.

[NaykidApe]

Kinda curious why you entitled this thread "homeless people".

[HoneySuckleBlue]

Cause the guy has no place to live right now and is sacked out in the garage...I guess he is living there, so techinicaly he's not homeless. If i don't find him a place by Friday he will be though...

I feel like I've invited a venomous snake into my home and am carefully circling it trying to asses if it will bite me or not. (haha I said assesssss':p )

I've only heard bad things about binging cokeheads...

Rich is driving him to and from work, they usually carpool and I'll invite him to stay for dinner so he does'nt have to go out. So he'll only be able to walk off with small stuff:p if he takes anything. (I don't think he will, he seems so sweet and all) Plus Rich can be kind of intimidating when he wants to be, he drives around with an ax handle in his truck, lol. (He's never had to actually get in a fight though...a bit farmboyish with the hickory stick, but good strategy IMHO) So most people are scared of him.

man...I had too much conch for desert...what was I talking about???

The boy...I am just hoping he can make it four days with out loosing Rich's Trust. After that he's got to do it so his wife does'nt take him to the cleaners and then for himself.

Damn that kid has a long climb ahead of him.

If you guys think of him sleeping out there on a blowup mattress amongst the spiders, cigarette butts and the dog hairs, mebbe you can give him a push or a helping hand whutever works in the right direction you know?

C'mone Dale be a shining star:p

Much Love
:)

[crystalstarr]

look for clean and sober housing for him... some are called oxford houses.. its like a big house with many rooms and they each rent out there own room and patake in chores and have house meetings. its a good envirment for someone fresh out of rehab.

[NaykidApe]

So one guy who lives in your garage is homeless people. I see.....

[HoneySuckleBlue]

Thanks crystal, are there some points that are good to emphasise with him and others that just make things worse?

He's really easy to talk to but I'd like to help more than preach something I think is important and turn him off inadvertantly.

[crystalstarr]

well explain to him its safe ,cheap ,you make awesome life long friendships with people in the house. you get support living there no one else like another recovering addict can understand your pain and addiction. just let him know you found info on clean sober houses and see if hes interested. it can really help alot of people. my mom just got out of 90 day treatment and went straight to a clean and sober house and she loves it!

[NaykidApe]

"we are all one...well, homeless people are"

I don't know what that means but I think I just learned everything about you I'll ever need to.

[Scholar_Warrior]

we are all one in unity. that is one level.


on another level, in this land of multiplicity and materiality shit happens. I strongly support compassionate acts towards one another as we are all one and interdependant, but I've seen some fecked up shit that people have done to one another!

I used to know two brothers who lived together. one of them was a crackhead. he actually stole his brothers wallet from his room on payday and went and bought a big slab of crack! from his own brother!!!!

this is why I suggest cautious compassion. secure any small valuables well, just in case.

no doubt your friend has his own beauty and is just learning a difficult lesson this time around. try to make sure he doesn't teach you a hard lesson in the bargain.

Namaste'

[HoneySuckleBlue]

Always a pleasure being judged nekkidape, however I simply meant that he is one individual in the group of people labled as 'homeless'. Though if you like, we can split some hairs...I can argue simantics with myself and he is not quite literaly with out a place to lie prone and be warm and have a full belly or a hot shower so to that effect he's not even a real homeless person. Any other conclusions you'd like to jump to?





He seems so nice, I am hoping he's just made some bad judgement calls. He's only worked for RIch for about two months so it's hard to really know someone's heart in that short amount of time, I feel optimistic.

I don't have anything worth anything to anyone else except me...but Rich has tools, but that's all replaceable you know. Calculated risk's and all that...

I went to a womens shelter down in florida for about a week durring a particularly bad spell with an angry drunk fiance and I think the issues are a little different, but the environment is kinda the same. The girls all took turns preparing the meals and with the housekeeping and took care of each others kids so they could go out and find work. But like you said Crystal there is something really good about being with people who really understand where you are coming from. They can help you heal and motivate like no others can.

That is awesome, I am glad your mom is doing well and recovering, so many people don't. I have never had that struggle, nor really known anyone going through it so I am kinda in the dark here, but it sounds so so difficult to pull yourself out of. So I really respect the amount of determination she has to posses. I hope she continues to find strength from those around her and from with in herself.

[nirgal]

If he just got out of rehab, they may have some ideas as to where housing is available and it sounds like he needs a layer as well. It is hard to deal with addictive personalities, because the addiction itself is almost a seperate person. the rational and gentle side very often is not in touch with the addicted side, he may not be aware of the things he may do. My bro is addicted to alcohol and has been in and out of treatment for 20 years...... Be aware, but not paranoid. He has to work it out for himself.

[HoneySuckleBlue]

He does'nt have a phone, so i am going to call up to Thresholds today and see what we can find him. There are some of those efficiecy motels around too but I'd think that would'nt be a very good environment if he wanted to stay out of trouble and save money for a lawyer, cause from the looks of it his wife has been planning this. He'd have so many more resources available to him through a halfway house.

It just strikes me as odd that if he is such a nice person why won't any of his friends or family put him up? Why is he in the garage of someone that has only known him for a few months. We may be missing a part of the story here....(yeah, I know...I'm quick:p )


Addiction can really change a persons original personality. I have my own petty addictions and consider myself fortunate, because I don't think I could handle anything more hardcore than a daily conch habit. How's your brother doing now Greg?

[nirgal]

He is back in the center again after being out for nearly a year. He fell off again and had to start at the beginning. Out of touch with everyone for a while. As He starts over. :( He was working there and had freedom and resposibility, but it unraveled again...... Some of us have it rough.

He is in the same situation, noone of the people he knows will take him in. He is kind and hard working until the addiction takes over again... My mom and dad gave him every opportunity, but my dad is gone and my mom can't deal with it any longer. We can care, but Ultimately, It is up to him........

[NaykidApe]

[QUOTE=HoneySuckleBlue]Always a pleasure being judged nekkidape, however I simply meant that he is one individual in the group of people labled as 'homeless'. Though if you like, we can split some hairs...I can argue simantics with myself and he is not quite literaly with out a place to lie prone and be warm and have a full belly or a hot shower so to that effect he's not even a real homeless person. Any other conclusions you'd like to jump to?


Yes, always nice being judged--especially for someone else's actions. That's more or less what I was getting at.http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

The fact that he isn't literally homeless only makes you're having used that lable worse. Basically you're labeling homeless people for the actions of someone who isn't even one of them.

Is putting 2 and 2 together and getting 4 jumping to a conclusion?

[HoneySuckleBlue]

Who was being judged?

It was simply two words in a header...

Starting at zero and multiplying by four still equals zero.

[Fractual_]

now now , play nice friends of mine.....

my drughead uncle stayed in our garage for a week as well, one day he and my mom went shopping and i got curious and snooped around out there, not really knowing he still did drugs but i had my suspicions i guess, and i found a near empty coke bag with just enough for me to taste right there on the floor! along with with bits and pieces of pot on the table, so this got me really curious and i went through one of his pockets and found what im pretty sure was a crack pipe. dont get me wrong my uncle is a very generous guy, very funny and happy go lucky not too bright, but still brighter than most people i know... but if you catch him at the wrong time, which just happened to be the day i found this stuff, it isnt pretty... i was upstairs trying to take a nap, and i heard yelling so i ran downstairs really quick to here him calling my mom 'one fucked up bitch' and then storming out to the garage, my mom was hysterical so i asked her what was going on naturally, and she said that he wanted to borrow something for work the next day that she didnt think he needed, and when she told him that she didnt think he needed it he snapped and threw a beer can at the brick wall over our fire place... keep in mind he had been staying at our place for free, totally free, stayed bumming off of mom the whole time like he had been for a month or so before, they had gotten into a fight about a year ago so he would have bummed longer probably... but he was telling me not to tell my mom i was letting him borrowed money, cuz he was from her, and i didnt think anything of it, he had payed me back every other time, but now he took the jackpot of a whopping 40 bucks and just left... i was planning on keeping the jackets he left here utnil he payed up, or just keeping one because i liked them, and i told my mom this, and she puts them on the front porch when autumn rolls around after he calls for them anyways, man that really bothers me some of the stuff he does, and the stuff my mom let and would still let him get away with... if i look at my window or go down the street too he is usually there smoking crack every friday, or payday maybe... some nerve eh? i know there his friends and they are nice crackheads for the most part too, help my mom with her vcr and hooked up my gamecube once... but i met his ex wifes brother the other day at the park and he told me about how he used to smoke crack with them and how they go up to the 3rd floor and throw down all their money togtehter, he said he didnt really like my uncle because he would always fuck with him, hes a pretty big guy so i dont doubt it, said one time he pulled his hair when it was longer and said he would kill him right now if he wanted, also said he would stick his foot up my ass when i told him he was full of shit when he tryed to tell me the coke was pot, which was a little more understandable, then he yelled and got in my face for going through HIS room, like he now owns the garage in exchange for drinking my moms beer or something, when it was riiight there on the floor, of course by now im terrified because its the first hard drug user ive ever met and i was still 15(haha) so i didnt even think to tell him it was lying in plain sight.... then im taking a nap on the couch later that night while we havent spoken to him since and he strolls in microwaving spaghetti my mom made waking me up, without sharing a word and eating right in front of me. i was ready to pack his stuff the next day when he and my mom were at work, i even called mother to ask if it was alright but she said to wait and not piss him off even more... didnt get a goodbye from or my 40 bucks, yet to hear back........

[HoneySuckleBlue]

I mean, this guy has screwed up his most sacred vow: Marriage - for cocaine!



I just wanted to add Gil...on a side note, because this is really about my issues with labelinga person that does'nt have a home, homeless, that She was doing coke right along with him up until six months ago. He said he put her through school and when she got her degree she found a job where she would be drug tested so she had to quit, but her condition was that he had to quit too.

I don't condone cocaine use...though I have probably done it before and am too poor to do it on a regular basis but from his point of view he only went and did it a few times which was way less than before.

She's taken everything. He's got some laundry baskets with clothes and stuff does'nt even have a frekin pillow..he was the one that was working and put her through school and just when they buy a house, not a day later, she wants a divorce?

Can you tell that I've chosen a side?:p

I just think there should be some fairness and compassion, you know?

[HoneySuckleBlue]

*waits onthe edge of the seat for the rest of fractuals story!!*

(I'm being serious...time for me has stopped with the sound of a tin can ricocheting off the brick mantle)

[Fractual_]

quite a story eh?

edit-- i guess it was hard for my mom to ever draw the line with him since he was her brother and my mom has just never been the type to stand up for herself, very submissive kind lady...

[Moominpappa]

Okay, from a professional background, I've met incredibly few people who are houseless from choice - in my experience, (12 & half years social work) there are inveterate outsiders, wandering from shelter to cheap hotel, there are those who are on the street short-term because of mental illness, drug abuse or violence, and there are those, usually young males, who have a number of friends houses to stay at, (including squats). What they all have in common, I believe, is that they are "home - less" in the true sense of the work. They have nowhere to call home, no safe place, no refuge, nowhere to retreat to and shut out the outside world.


There is no unique combination of factors but certainly addiction was seen as one of the mental illnesses, (rightly or wrongly), a manifestation of depression. http://www.sane.org.uk/public_html/index.html.So if you don't feel in control of area's of your life, your self esteem drops, and one of the ways to bolster it is with drugs, (sorry folks, that includes d'herb). Of course it may not become addictive, (and yes Nakkid Ape, I have met people who have become addicted after the first time, and I do honestly believe them), but if you do become addicted, then the little lies we tell each ourselves every day in order to get through become bigger and bigger lies. And you know you're lying so the self-esteem takes another bash. I've seen drug addicts who will tell me anything, do anything, will wheedle, cajole, threaten all in the space of 30 seconds in order to get that fix.

You mention half-way houses - I'm surprised any decent re-hab clinic let him out with-out somewhere like that to go too - on the basis that they have to earn trust, even a potentially ex-drug addict shouldn't just be let out of the door because he says he's got a wife and house to go too. I've have jumped up and down on someone if that happened in my area- the wife and house could very well be what's causing the addictive behaviour. Maybe you do things different in the states.

BTW - you say she has the steady job with presumably good enough pay to make her give up the rock'n'roll life-style. Sounds like he should be sueing her for palimony citing her for leading him astray - just call me Lionel Hutz, Springfields premier divorce attorney.

Funnily enough I think you're doing the right thing - your giving him a temporary shelter to have a chance to sort out and prioritise his life. Sounds like he's going to have to go some to get any drugs, and that's what he needs right down - the old Alcoholics Anonymous line, take one day at a time.
It is difficult - after all any other guest in your house could turn out to be a raving kleptomaniac without having a drug habit, and none of us want to spend all our time hovering around a guest checking their every move - we have a home, and most of us boring old farts want others to feel welcome and at ease in it. I wish you and your guest well in this venture - I know only too well that being around good people can give you something to live for.

http://www.toonopedia.com/peanuts.jpg

[HoneySuckleBlue]

Yeah, that is quite the story.

It will come around, it always does. You'll find your fourty dollars in mysterious ways.

I'm sorry he did'nt even say bye, though, I would'nt take it personaly, he's got stuff to deal with...

Did your mom ever find anyone to help her stand up to him? I hate seeing people being taken advantage of.


*edit..cause I'm slow:p *

Thank you MMP, I was hoping you'd reply to this:) Rich mentioned that he might consider Palimony. He said today he was pretty much lost, can't come up with a plan or anything, says he was just so in love. The guy had to go over tonight and sign papers to put the house on the market.

I am amazed at how fast this is happening.

I called the half way house for our area, there are only two and they are full, which is why he could'nt get in. He's supposed to call twice a day to see if anyone checks out to get in...that's kinda messed up.

[Scholar_Warrior]

gee. now it sounds like she is the one with the problem.


I used to do coke occasionally, but I decided to take it off my menu in 1993 and haven't touched it since. doing coke doesn't make a person bad, only criminal. (not the important difference)

the way I read the story the first time made me perceive one way, now I perceive another and have to point out that I don't know the guy.

I do know what it feels like to be fucked over.

blessings to all.

[mariecstasy]

wow...so they did it together...she told him he had to quit..he went into rehab for her and he has lost everything....what a biatch.......
i mean we dont have her side, of course...but he seems to have a lot of heart if he is willing to go through all of this for her.
i think you are doing the right thing in trying to help him out. all you can lose are some things around the house and your trust in him...do your kids like him? they are generally pretty good character analysers, you know?
wow.......i am sorry for all involved. is he willing to try a halfway house? does he seem really thankful to you all?

[NaykidApe]

Who was being judged?

It was simply two words in a header...

Starting at zero and multiplying by four still equals zero.

Uh huh,.....guess which two words I'm thinking of right now http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[HoneySuckleBlue]

Badger pie?

[Scholar_Warrior]

http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

[Fractual_]

Yeah, that is quite the story.

It will come around, it always does. You'll find your fourty dollars in mysterious ways.

I'm sorry he did'nt even say bye, though, I would'nt take it personaly, he's got stuff to deal with...

Did your mom ever find anyone to help her stand up to him? I hate seeing people being taken advantage of.


i didnt take it really personal i guess, he is probably embaraased and even ashamed maybe, i still have a lot of dreams about him, all of which i remember have been really unpleasent, and i sordove got the feeling maybe we were in the dreams together, or his feelings somehow affected those dreams, but a lot of it probably had to do with unresolved issues i have about it, who knows... i just had one tonight actually though i dont remember much detail, i was busy trying to figure out this old dude who was about to shoot me while i was running down the highway before i woke up... but i do remember this one was a lot better than all of the rest for some reason, we were in my basement talking about something freedom related and just had a really long talk i dont remember and we were on the same side for once and working with each other... then it turned into this movie someone made about him and his ex wife, and they almost started to get it on under my porch, anywho... yeah, she just asked him to leave the next day when they got home from work at the same time which was kind of strange, i was asked to go upstairs by my mom which is probably why i didnt get a goodbye, i overheard him say he was so mad at hisself for letting this happen, but i just went to my room after that.....

[HoneySuckleBlue]

Well I suppose there is hope in that he is capable of showing remorse, if he was indeed sincere. I hope he learns to control his urges. Do you like being around him?



I guess i'll fill y'all in on this weeks developments as they have taken a turn for the worst. Apparent we lack what it takes to be miracle workers.

Rich gave the guy 20 bucks for gas because he told Rich he had to go sign some papers to put the house on the market. I thought that was kinda quick because of how long it took Marie, but wtf do I know? You know? So after work Tuesday he took off and Rich did'nt see him again till this morning.

Rich said he rode up in a beat up old red lincoln with to black guys, whom he told rich were christian friends of his. Said he'd gotten a DUI and had been locked up and his truck was impounded, so could he please have his pay for monday and tuesdays work and wanted to know if he still had a job.

*rolls eyes*

poor dumb kid.

Rich told him no, because he'd went over and talked to his family to find out why no one would let him in...come to find out he'd been at his grandparents at two thirty in the morning shaking them down for money and he stole stuff from his uncles and parents...jeeze.

He was sooooo convincing, lol.

He was alwayssuspect, but his lies were really good, and we wanted to believe him.

Now Rich has to change the locks on his trailer and we have to lock our house and garage...I can't leave the keys in the car any more. Man, our little sanctuary has been penetrated...but the fun part is rich is gonna get some rock salt for the shotgun and he's gonna sleep out in the garage this weekend (after he's had time to blow his wad and is back to stealing again) and wait for him to come back for the tools. lol, Rich said he had told him his tool belt had been stolen out of the back of his truck...what kinda genius carpenter sells his tools for drugs. He could make waay more than he got for them just working for a few days.

Poor guy has been possesed.