what makes you think someone could be gay?

[psyche]

so gaydar is fine and dandy and all, but what do you do when you're just not picking anything up vibe-wise? what do you think makes you notice homos in a crowd?

i sadly look for stereotypes. alternative looking females with short hair and masculine clothes. of course this isn't a very good way to do it but it works a lot of the time (unless they're european). i also search for rainbow jewllery, which is just a given. then there's the way they carry themselves. how much they look at you when you're in a conversation, etc. if i get the chance to talk to them i'll bring up some gay-ish issue, or say something about a girl and if they act freaked out i know they're just friend material. so what are some of the big things you guys do (short of flat-out asking) that tip you off as to another person's gayness?

[rocknroll_girl]

With girls I do look for the cargo shorts, short hair (or sometimes dreadlocks, though both are SO unreliable), a certain tone of voice - kind of clipped, firm, cutting. In conversation I'll bring up Ani and other singers who tend to have a lesbian following...some gay political issue...or just make a friendly allusion about myself. Also, this rarely works, but the sports they play can give me a good start sometimes...field hockey/basketball/softball combination is a slight tip off.

I think guys are much easier. I look at the shoes first and foremost, then the clothes, skin, hair. If a guy has almost all girl friends, it sets mine off, and if he has a certain soft niceness about him it goes too.

None of this means anything. It's just habit.

[monosphere]

I've learned around here that I can't base my hunches on clothing or appearance as I've seen all types of guys whom you would never suspect. I was floored when one of my male friends told me in a drunken state that he was bisexual. I thought my gaydar was pretty good, but I had no idea. And the way I found out was by discussing gay adoption. Slowly the conversation turned to sexuality and then his revelation.

I like the idea of bringing up the topic in conversation. Kinda feel them out as to their views and responses to the topic. If they're friendly, then maybe you could work the conversation towards personal sexuality. One on one talking is the only way I could ever know for sure. True, there are some out there who make themselves all to obvious, but sometimes I like a guy who's a little more subtle. Ya need to look beyond the appearance for that.

[Duncan]

I look at hands and shoes. If this shoes have tassles on them and the hands are big with sausage fingers... then he's gay.

[Samhain]

I look at hands and shoes. If this shoes have tassles on them and the hands are big with sausage fingers... then he's gay.

if anyone knows of anyone with a really good gaydar then maybe you could ask them to come and teach me all they know as mines c**p (count out Duncan i think his is worse than mine) maybe its because i look so alternitive myself that i just don't gat appoached who knows.
i could be in a gay club watching a really camp guy dance to the spice girls, then neck another bloke and i still have to ask a friend whether they think he's gay.
mind you my witchdar is pretty good i can normally tell a witch or a pagan a million miles away, so maybe thats all that counts

s

[VillaVillekulla]

good question. there are so many alternative looking girls on campus and especially in my course of study i can never be sure about anything. and a lesbian friend of mine told me i look extremely straight so i guess this doesn´t make things easier.
plus i´m quite shy with girls and i´d never be able to try to find out if someone i find cute is a lesbian/bi without fainting. so i only notice a lesbian/bi if she looks and acts totally stereotype.
a friend of mine claims she always notices lesbians no matter what they look like because "of that special look in their eyes". she even claims to notice if a straight girl has thought about a lesbian experience.
i don´t know how she does it but so far she´s always been right.

[Mui]

what kind of shoes do gay ppl wear

[Samhain]

this gay person wears purple shoes with a full moon design on it.
what type of shoes do straight people wear do you know?

s

[FreeSpirited420]

A lot of people would probably think I'm a lesbian since I dress comfortably, but I am definitely not gay at all. I like wearing mens t-shirts, because they're comfy. I have to wear mens shoes, because I wear a size 11 in womens, and my feet are wide. (I'm 5'10", sue me)... I also have short hair, which is now growing out long (it's past my ears now, it's a bob)... But I do have feminine features. I don't tape my boobs down, or any of that. I do hang out with gay men, or I used to. I used to go to gay bars. But I AM DEFINITELY not gay. Hell, I wear bellbottoms on a semi-regular basis! I don't dress like a skater - read below.

The features I've noticed on lesbians is their dress, honestly this is the first tip off. Girls who wear baggy clothes, hats backwards, or look like "Skaters" (I hate labels) ....is a good key.

Men, on the otherhand... You have to look for mannerisms, a short steps when walking, talking with their hands, their speech, who they look at and talk to. Sometimes even what they drink.

I feel so bad for bringing out these stereo-types, but it never fails for my gay-dar.

[captain_my_captain]

yeah i guess i do the same....like guess by the way they dress......and to be honest im almost always right. and me and my gay friends can hang out somewhere and i'll be like 'shes gay' or whatever and they'll be like...'how did you guess????' and that thing about the look in their eye...i totally get that! just a little something..i guess they ar doing the exact same thing 'she must be gay' etc etc...hehe

flo xx

[Patch]

i always rely on vibe...if i can't tell then i can't tell and i usually start up a conversation about gayish issues or like eliza, musicians with a largely gay fanbase...i would hate to be caught assuming someone is gay based on their mannerisms... but sometimes i guess people just buy into the stereotype...it's like a calling card...it's harder to find gay people if you yourself are not blatantly gay.

[Hippy_Smurf]

I don't seem to be able to spot bi/lesbian girls around where I live, because at the minute everyone and their dog seems to be into androgenous clothing/hairstyles etc. Gay guys are quite easy to spot. I live in a scruffy town, so they're usually the ones who look like they took a shower and made an effort to wear clean clothes and do their hair.

Someone turn my gaydar on damnit!

[Samhain]

Gay guys are quite easy to spot. I live in a scruffy town, so they're usually the ones who look like they took a shower and made an effort to wear clean clothes and do their hair.

Someone turn my gaydar on damnit!

really? maybe thats why everyone thinks i'm straight then

s

[Hippy_Smurf]

Maybe maybe. I don't know any hippy-ish gay guys round here, so I may yet be proven wrong. :)

[Samhain]

Maybe maybe. I don't know any hippy-ish gay guys round here, so I may yet be proven wrong. :)

ive had people come up to me in clubs and say 'you can't be gay youve got long hair' oh come on

s

[Hippy_Smurf]

Oh man! I don't get that one.

[Samhain]

Oh man! I don't get that one.

i think she thought that all gay men where polished neat and very clean and long hair on men didn't go with the gay image.
shes basically sterotyping, which is what most of us have been doing on this thread if you think about it

s

[Hippy_Smurf]

I'd say generalising and working on past experiences of the people we meet - who's gay and who's not.

[ZePpeLinA]

i think many people will think I'm a lesbian cos I dress different to other girls, i couldnt care less, cos even though I might consider myself as "straight" I'm keeping my mind open to anything, anyone...I'm dont look girly, i'm much more alternative looking so i guess people assume I'm one cos of that. either way i'm not bothered.

[Samhain]

in my opinion with a guy you can tell if he is gay if he has this sort of femininity that even girls cannot acheive. i have friends who are gay and they are the nicest guys ever. i guess its cuz they dont look at girls like sex objects!!!

LOL so you haven't met the ones that are butcher than bluiders yet?

S

[Legend]

Its Pretty Easy To Pick Gays And Lesbians, But I Can Never Ever Pick A Person That Is Bi-Sexual... Never!!!

[Snowdancer]

Or have seen the BROS magazine when it was published. Both are full of longhaired hippies, bikers, truck drivers. In the yahoo newsgroup you are strongly discouraged from joining if you aren't a Gay or Bi longhaired male. Many of the group have shaggy beards. Just as many are proud of their messy hair. Sure all of the above are a minority when it comes to GB folks but it just goes to show you that you can't go by looks.


ive had people come up to me in clubs and say 'you can't be gay youve got long hair' oh come on

s

[Snowdancer]

The last guy I spent the nbight with looked & acted very masculine. Spoke in masculine tones dressed like a hunter. If I hadn't met him in a gay bar & he hadn't came up to me there I may not think he was gay at all.

in my opinion with a guy you can tell if he is gay if he has this sort of femininity that even girls cannot acheive. i have friends who are gay and they are the nicest guys ever. i guess its cuz they dont look at girls like sex objects!!!

[Jonny6]

I've been in the business a while and my gaydar is accurate as long as I'm getting a vibe. It tends to say either gay, straight, unable to determine, or need more information. Most of the time it gives 'unable to determine' but when I get a gay or straight, it never fails. It wasn't always like this. I think that you need to hang around with people you know are gay. Then you notice the very subtle mannerism many gay people have. This isn't shoes or clothes or how often they take a shower. This is the way you sit down or grab a piece of paper. Arbitrary motions yield answers. This isn't the flick of the wrist or 'sits down like a woman' thing. It's much more subtle than that. Thinks you will learn only if you hang around with other gay people.

[barefoot_boy]

People thought I was gay because I wear bellbottoms.They alwaysdid anyway even before I even went with a guy.I think I have good gaydar though.
Lesbian woman(Not bi) always dress sort of guyish.Gay men have a certain
look in there eyes if they find you attractive.

[dhs]

when I'm at a public urinal and the guy relieving himself next to me, turns to me and says, 'Nice watch'

[barefoot_boy]

Somehow though i never found washrooms a sexy place to meet a
guy.I prefer a club or a party.

[rocknroll_girl]

Arbitrary motions yield answers. This isn't the flick of the wrist or 'sits down like a woman' thing. It's much more subtle than that. Thinks you will learn only if you hang around with other gay people.
I completely agree...I'm better at it with gay men simply because I know more personally and closely. A certain way of sighing, glancing down, or a particular facial expression - not feminine in the least, simply different.

With dykes if I'm right on the money, I'm right. It's less of an observatopm process. From the few lesbians I hang around I'm picked up such an innate ability to notice those subtle mannerisms: sharper, more defined movements, quicker hand motions, a fixed gaze. But like you said, Johnny, I often get an "unable to determine" signal.

[psyche]

also dykes tend to have shorter nails. reminds me of that joke i once heard.

what do you call a lesbian with long finger nails?



single!! harrr

[Sus]

I have been so wrong a couple of times when thinking a woman was gay...short hair, jeans, cargo shorts, the whole bit (even rainbow jewelry at times), has failed me, not most of the time, but sometimes. One lady who i though for sure was gay was even married to a man and had 3 kids!! Oh well...


As for me, I'm kinda fem, and I don't figure that women automatically think of me as gay. I like having longer hair, etc., and don't want to fit into any stereotypes, but unless someone has really good gaydar, or knows me personally, I don't think they get me for gay.... I wish sometimes that it were more obvious, especially when I'm around someone I like, but I'm not so sure of their status.

[teepi]

I too am "straight looking" and while most would never consider me bi...I do.

Although I am not at all interested in being with anyone other than my husband, I take my vows extremly serious at this time because it would hurt him if I were to be with anyone else and he just does it all for me anywise.

If anything happened to him I would go back to my total lesbian ways.
Before I found him again I was totally in the family and was very comfortable with it, I would want to find a good woman to come live in the woods with me and share what I have here.

Anyway, I am I guess what you might consider a "fem" and for years I wore a tiny little hoop earring with extremely small rainbow colored beads on it.
It was so subtle but anyone who knew, what the hell...could pick up on it.

Alot of times i was surprised at the beautiful totally "straight" looking women who would comment they "liked" my earring...

That little earring provided me with some good fun and good friends,

teepi

[Metatron]

Nobody has ever thought that I was anything but straight. However, I'm very bi. But I just dress in jeans and a plain-shirt. I kinda look like Andrew WK without the long greasy hair. I don't talk effeminate. Most of my friends are men. I like working on cars. I listen to grindmetal and punk rock. So there you go, you can't really tell anymore. All stereotypes can go out the window.

[schmokes]

in girls, i tend to look for the muscular arms and masculine tattos. and the flannel shirts and mullets have always been a dead give away, but that's just me.

in guys, it pretty much comes down to how styled and prim they look, or how thick their san fransico accent is. you know the type.

this is all, of course, a joke. my gaydar is hardly accurate, but i dont really tend to wonder if people are or not, unless it's really obvious.

[butterfly]

i guess its cuz they dont look at girls like sex objects!!!
Hey maybe that's it! You just don't feel at all threatened by gay men!

Gay or bi women....I those tend to be the more alternative looking ones. The ones with many colours in their hair, or often red hair (willow style). White vests.... y'know.

But yeah, I look too "straight" too apparently....damnit, no wonder I hardly ever, well pretty much never, pick up women.

[barefoot_boy]

Go to the drag shows.Get to know the gay men who go to them.Go to they're
parties,dance clubs whatever.Your gaydar will pickup sure enough.
I've never been into "Truck-stop" gay bars,and my gaydar is fine.

[moon_flower]

For a dude...I ask him if he needs his nails cut or trimmed. If he holds his hand out to inspect his nails...there's a good chance he's harbouring same sex tendencies.

For a chic I comment on a sexy lady passing by. If she's grossed out...chances are she's not a lesbian.


Or...in most cases I just ask.

[Disarray]

also dykes tend to have shorter nails. reminds me of that joke i once heard.

what do you call a lesbian with long finger nails?



single!! harrr
Haaaa, well I bite my fingernails! *pouts*

I don't know. I guess if I get a vibe, like one time I was coming home from the mall and this cute girl walked by me; the word "gay" like flashed in front of my eyes in red, and then she said hi to me. I said hi back, I'm really shy so I just kept walking. Also one time I went to a titty bar. And some of the girls gave me exceptional dances, even better than they did to their male patrons. The straight ones would walk by me, or the ones that paid me any mind would do shitty dances.

Then there's the boys from the hair academy across the street from the restuarant I work at. It's just a hunch, haha. Also one of them has like perfect hair, and a group of female friends.

[Sonnyboy]

Gaydar is totally unreliable. I've seen some extremely feminine guys who were married or had girlfriends, and I've seen some butch guys who were gay. I've also met lesbians with long hair and makeup, and straight women with mullets and flannel shirts.

Unless you plan on getting it on with a gay person, why does it matter? Shit, if it comes down to that, your best bet would be to simply ask them. Sitting around wondering if someone's gay or not is a waste of time.

[Casey]

This is something that my friends and I talk about a lot. I think the gaydar thing is hard to explain. Its like your walking down a busy high street and there are lots of people walking past and you and this other person will just glance at each other and know and its not a flirty thing its more that you are acknowledging each other as gay. I don’t look gay but I think that’s why I can tell when non-stereotypical people are gay just at a glance. Sometimes I see really butch looking women and I know they aren’t gay and I can tell gay guys a mile away. I've never been into the whole gay scene thing. I'm never unsure except when I’m attracted to someone probably because there's more of a risk involved. Straight women with bf's who are bi are easy to spot as well. I really don’t know how the gay dar works I think it picks up on subconscious signals between people. But by far the easiest way to tell is to flirt when you are both in a comfortable state. Nothing heavy just in a bit more than friends sort of way and if they respond then you have a better idea. Most people will be flattered even if they aren’t interested so its pretty full proof. It would all be very simple to just ask if someone is gay but unfortunately not everyone is comfortable enough with themselves or new people to admit what they are straight away.

[Bound96]

Gaydar is totally unreliable. I've seen some extremely feminine guys who were married or had girlfriends, and I've seen some butch guys who were gay. I've also met lesbians with long hair and makeup, and straight women with mullets and flannel shirts.

Unless you plan on getting it on with a gay person, why does it matter? Shit, if it comes down to that, your best bet would be to simply ask them. Sitting around wondering if someone's gay or not is a waste of time.
Asking somone if their gay is extremely unreliable for several reasons:

1.) The person could be lying to protect themselves
2.) The person could be lying because they see YOU as a threat
3.) The person could give you an answer that is false just to have you reveal your sexuality
4.) You might not feel comfortable asking them for fear you will be discovered

Please take into account that all of this would be going on in a public environment such as a classroom or workplace. These reasons may not be entirely true but I find them to be the most probable causes. :) O and I know this because I myself am gay. :D

[LOSTBOY7]

most of my frends and my wife dont know that i am bi i am in to x sport's like bmx.ska8tbording.surfing.moto x. so you my not see my gay side but it is ther

[SkeeterVT]

I don't seem to be able to spot bi/lesbian girls around where I live, because at the minute everyone and their dog seems to be into androgenous clothing/hairstyles etc. Gay guys are quite easy to spot. I live in a scruffy town, so they're usually the ones who look like they took a shower and made an effort to wear clean clothes and do their hair.

Someone turn my gaydar on damnit!Oh, boy if that's your way of telling who's gay and who's straight, then I've got a newsflash for you. . .You've been watching too many episodes of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and your "gaydar" is going to get fooled a lot. . . especially with older gay men (and when I say 'older," I mean guys over 40).

I don't register a blip on anybody's gaydar when I'm not at a specifically gay event, like Pride Day, or in a gay bar. Why? Because I don't fit the popular perception of what a gay guy looks like. For one thing, I'm not white. For another, I wear my hair in shoulder-length dreadlocks. For still another, I'm neither overtly butch nor overtly fem. And for the capper: I'm bisexual.

So if you were to meet me on the street, your "gaydar" would fail miserably. I shut mine off a long time ago.

-- Skeeter

[SpliffVortex]

http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/christopherlowell/gallery/lowell_main.jpg (http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/christopherlowell/announcement.html)...

[LogsOnSticks]

Gaydar for me is confusing. I know it's there and it's functioning, but I tend to second-guess my observations, assuming they're pointed out towards another reason.

For example, I've noticed that when my gaydar plots that a guy is gay, it's usually someone who I find to be very attractive and interested in. Therefore, my gaydar could only be a way for me satisfy my wishes.

Then again, I have been right on several people, even if it's on TV. And no, it's not just pointing out the stereotypical guy guys who stick out like a sore thumb. So who knows...

And then, I still have current suspicions on some people...Probably just wishful thinking on my part.

[SpliffVortex]

Be carefull theres millions of gay that wont give you the slightest clue that theyr are gay. they dont dress as gay, they dont talk like gays, they dont stereo type them self as gay. many of them are in the military/police/game hunters /extreme sports so be extra carefull if you plan to f,,,k with them.

[Zypher]

TELL ME ABOUT THE "LOOK" lol i wanna know about this look in the eyes . I agree about the whole skater thing tho. I'm bi (leaning more towards the gay end of the scale tho) and i think i probably dress completely straight- a lil bit alternative sometimes but quite straight.

[LOSTBOY7]

hi skeeter
I have come out as bi to a long standing gay frend that i have know for 15yers he told me that he all
way's thot that i went both ways but kept it to him self. I ASK HOW AND WAY
JUST TOLD SOME OF THE THINGS I DO AND THE THE WAY I HAVE BEEN
WEN I HAVE BEEN ON THE GAY SEEN WITH HIM . BUT WILL NOTT TELL WOT
THAY ARE HE JUST TOLD ME NOTT TO THINK ABOUT IT MUCH PEOPLE LIKE ME
FOR WHO I AM

AND I THOT MY IMAGE WAS SO STR8T. BUT TO BE HONST I THINK I HAVE GAYDAR BECUS SOME TIME I GUY'S IN THE STREET THAT I DONT LIKE BUT I STILL THINK YOUR GAY.