dark room, bright night

[MountainMan]

I wrote this with a blues sound and rhythm in mind, accounting for the slight lack of finesse in the words

I got time on my hands
and no one to see
Things don't keep me busy
and aint nobody calling me

I got an empty phone
thats all out of rings
And a person in mind
Shes out, im sure, with a mile-wide grin

I've burnt a hole in this chair
and stared down this bland room
Been pulling out my hair
And listening to the blues

Oh I'm waiting for her call
Her brown eyes, gentle neck
Voice so clear, and skin of soft, sunny sand
I got time on my hands

[kidder]

Your ending is wonderful. Skin like 'soft, sunny sand.' And then clever you, you bring in that deft closing image. What better a thing to hold the sands of time than your hands. If only that sand could take shape and be your girl with that incomparable complexion! This is for the naysayers out there:I do pay attention- and I do get it. Thank you,MM, you've done well!

[KittenX]

Great bluesy poem, loved mile-wide grin & skin of soft sunny sand as well. I can feel your tension and anticipation here.

[saffronfrancisburnet]

[QUOTE=MountainMan]I wrote this with a blues sound and rhythm in mind, accounting for the slight lack of finesse in the words

I got time on my hands
and no one to see
Things don't keep me busy
and aint nobody calling me

I got an empty phone
thats all out of rings
And a person in mind
Shes out, im sure, with a mile-wide grin

I've burnt a hole in this chair
and stared down this bland room
Been pulling out my hair

And listening to the blues

Oh I'm waiting for her call
Her brown eyes, gentle neck
Voice so clear, and skin of soft, sunny sand
I got time on my hands[/QUOTE

hi there

i hope she calls on you.........
great welcome of the feelings here in this piece
love npeace from saff.....

[MountainMan]

you guys are so nice:). thanks so much for the positive comments

[sylvanlightning]

Beautiful poem, I could see a luminous blue light filling the room.

Moon, full and weighty, perching on branches in the old oak.