I am lion, hear me rwoarr

[fulmah]

my notebook opiates,
increases endorphin count,
creates serotonin flares
circulating peacock paints.

the lyrical photographic shock
and awe and amazement abides
in this eleventh world wonder:
my Mead five subject five-star.

eloquent calligraphic script
in cursive, from black rollerball
enthralls, converts the skeptical
into college ruled apostles.

I’m that fucking good.
to criticize is heresy
punishable by exploitation
of said inferior opinion.

don’t make me
come over there
and kick your ass.

that’s what I thought.
now, kow-tow and repent
to the best ever; period.

*this is to that guy at a coffee house open mike who called me stupid after asking for poetical advice.

[rainbowkid]

Thats really cool. There's a good ue of words in there. I especially like
'circulating peacock paints' and 'enthralls, converts the skeptical into collage ruled apostles.'

[kidder]

Fulmah, you love words and you give them opulent display. Our language is rich but the ore, the ore is often hard to find. You like to write in a highly decorative manner but you have to make sure we can see the tree below the decorations. Form and body in mutual celebration. Form is an extension of content. Marry them. Hey, I guess I'll be kicked out of here soon!

[sylvanlightning]

Yes, fulmah... this was quite flashy and emotional. I think you captured the occasion well. I can see the slam and the strutting. I can hear the powerful emphasis of the embellishing. Screaming how beautiful is this ornate mundane. Not that you took it personally, but the one you asked didn't have the time or attention to give to your verses. Criticism takes not only an eye for form but an empathy to see content.

[maryjaneguitargurl]

I really lIke that.. Good job.


peace
chickens

[fulmah]

Thanks for the comments, all; and I'll most definitely be expanding it, Kidder, but I usually save revisions for when I hit a writers block; it helps me work through it! Thanks mucho for your honesty, it helps me see that the story isn't conveyed as well as I might hope, sometimes ;)

Not that you took it personally, but the one you asked didn't have the time or attention to give to your verses. Criticism takes not only the an eye for form but an empathy to see content.
ah, I can see I misinformed! it's the other way around, he heard me and he wanted advice on how to get better, I read his stuff, gave some advice, and got shot down. So this is from his point of view. :)

[sylvanlightning]

*this is to that guy at a coffee house open mike who called me stupid after asking for poetical advice.

It won't be the first time I've risked being wrong, nor the last. Thanks for adjusting my perception.