Little poem I made a little while ago.

[NightRose]

I made this a short while ago, and wasn't sure where to put it, so I thought I may as well let you real poet's out there have a looksie.

I dont think I've ever posted in here either.
http://i44.tinypic.com/711t6p.jpg

[Collideascope00s]

Crazy Rose. I like the style and the way you decided to show it off.

[mrs_hendrix]

I love it Missy =D Talent right there

[Vetty214]

This is great. The only constructive feedback is for you to take a look at the word "Dissolve" and see if dissolving makes sense to you here. I would drop "that" before "I pass" and I would drop "and" before "through the spaces of the dark".

I also thought the final two lines were awkward but was having a difficult time trying to identify why. My initial thought was that the last line starting with "as" is similar to starting a line with "like" and not sure you have to say "like"... but then I also thought using the verb "shakes" in both lines just didn't work for me... you also earlier in the poem used the memory reference so it appears you are just restating something stated already, in dissolve the floors of memory... but I do like the madman geraniums reference because it is original. Perhaps... The midnight madman shakes my memory into dead geraniums. This way you eliminate the "as/like" part, keep the visuals, and removes using shake verb twice.

Very awesome poem with some original thoughts/visuals. I like! :-)

[NightRose]

This is great. The only constructive feedback is for you to take a look at the word "Dissolve" and see if dissolving makes sense to you here. I would drop "that" before "I pass" and I would drop "and" before "through the spaces of the dark".

I also thought the final two lines were awkward but was having a difficult time trying to identify why. My initial thought was that the last line starting with "as" is similar to starting a line with "like" and not sure you have to say "like"... but then I also thought using the verb "shakes" in both lines just didn't work for me... you also earlier in the poem used the memory reference so it appears you are just restating something stated already, in dissolve the floors of memory... but I do like the madman geraniums reference because it is original. Perhaps... The midnight madman shakes my memory into dead geraniums. This way you eliminate the "as/like" part, keep the visuals, and removes using shake verb twice.

Very awesome poem with some original thoughts/visuals. I like! :-)

Thank you very much :) I appreciate that :cheers2:

[TiedyeDreams]

What made this poem even more interesting is that while reading it I was listening to The Mariner's Revenge Song by The Decemberists. It was an oddly fitting rhythm for it.