My Word

[need_to_know]

Please tell me what you think!

My word

One word I own,
Is what I give,
One chance to hold,
One time to live.

I never knew,
That I discovered,
About the pain,
That always hovered.

In the background,
I always heard,
The way that's gone,
My life still stirred.

And now, I ask,
Did I not see,
The wind roll by,
Now I am free?

One word I own,
And it is this:
One chance to take,
The chance I missed.

[rambleON]

well, ill be honest. firstly, thank you for your comments on my word plays.

secondly, i felt that this poem was about seizing the moment; carpe diem, but only a failed attempt to take on the world on your own terms.

i also felt this poem was borderline cliché. not that it was, but close. i think you managed to steer away from that in an effective style.

i know nothing of poem structure and lay out, but i really loved your first stanza. when i read it i thought, 'one life to live, like time through an hour glass' hehe, you know, like the soap operas.


i suggest tightening your poem down from generalization to specification. not easy to do. but rewarding.

thanks for sharing.

[need_to_know]

thank you so much! I'll try to shorten it and get to the point quicker. I think I'll take out the 2nd stanza, which I feel is the most cliché. Once again thank you for reading my poems and contributing.