masturbation

[showmet]

"And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him..." Genesis 38:9-10

The ancient art of Onanism ... how often do you do it:eek:

[Claire]

Probably 2-5 on average... although if I'm bored I can do that in a day:eek: :p

p.s. Jon! you cant put the poll up then not vote in it! Chicken!

[Claire]

Chickens! I know Showmets is 10-20 and tulips is 2-5 so who's the 5-10 i wonder?


muahahahaa

[DoktorAtomik]

Not to sound smug or anything, but does it count if someone else does it for you? :D

[Claire]

Not to sound smug or anything, but does it count if someone else does it for you? :D
I dunno:s Ref?

[showmet]

According the Biblical definition I kindly provided it would be disallowed if someone else does it for you... it doesn't say "Onan went in unto his brother's wife and yea she did give him a handjob":p

[Ellie-Rose]

;)

_________________________________

[DoktorAtomik]

According the Biblical definition I kindly provided it would be disallowed if someone else does it for you... it doesn't say "Onan went in unto his brother's wife and yea she did give him a handjob":pYes, but it doesn't say she didn't, does it? Anyway, the Bible doesn't provide a definition of Onanism, merely a point of derivation :p

[Koolaid]

*laughing my ass off" Only this board could talk about whether the bible has rules on who gives the handjob....pure genius :)

[Smartie.uk]

well i say 2-5 times a week.. but really its whenever im feeling a bit horney and sometimes i go thru stages of being continuously horny for a period of 2-5 days... now thats a lot of kleenex

[Claire]

*laughing my ass off" Only this board could talk about whether the bible has rules on who gives the handjob....pure genius :)
we are intellectual wankers:p

So how often are you?:p

[showmet]

Yes, but it doesn't say she didn't, does it?
Actually you have a point ... he did after all go in to "see" her... and if he didn't want to get his brother's wife up the duff, perhaps he just came on her boobehs or something ... and missed. Ahem.

[Claire]

Actually you have a point ... he did after all go in to "see" her... and if he didn't want to get his brother's wife up the duff, perhaps he just came on her boobehs or something ... and missed. Ahem.To be honest thats how it read to me... that he made love to her but withdrew before he came.

So maybe onanism means the withdrawl method not masterbation. In that case who can we name masterbation after?

[showmet]

Clairism?

[Claire]

Clairism?
:( I think it should be named after you...

Showmetism

[showmet]

"I'm just off to have a quick showmet" ... "that driver just cut me up ... what a showmet"

[showmet]

"you took a long time in the bathroom"
"sorry i was showmetting"

[Claire]

"I'm just off to have a quick showmet" ... "that driver just cut me up ... what a showmet"
It does have a certain ring:H

[showmet]

I am showmetting as I type this

[DoktorAtomik]

How about if we contracted it slightly? Shmetting sounds kinda more like it. "Oh, I really need a quick shmett.". "Who's the fucking Shmett in the pink shirt?". Waddayareckon?

[showmet]

Shmetter:p

[Claire]

How about if we contracted it slightly? Shmetting sounds kinda more like it. "Oh, I really need a quick shmett.". "Who's the fucking Shmett in the pink shirt?". Waddayareckon?
Ooo slick:H

[showmet]

Ooo slick:H
Ewww, get the tissues;)

[showmet]

OK just to clear up the rules, I'm going to disallow manual stimulation by others, even though Onanism itself seems to derive from a story about coitus interruptus and technically masturbation is any manual stimulation, either of ones own or another's bits. In common usage though it refers to the finest of "the lonely arts" so for the purposes of this poll, nobody else may be involved other than in an advisory or spectatorial capacity.

[Smartie.uk]

does it still count if the second person, after taking their spectatory postion then becomes a target for the ejactulation?

and what if they catch it in their mouth?

[DoktorAtomik]

does it still count if the second person, after taking their spectatory postion then becomes a target for the ejactulation?

and what if they catch it in their mouth?Oooh, I see you've met Claire then.....

[Claire]

Oooh, I see you've met Claire then.....
Dok's dreaming again:rolleyes: ;)

[DoktorAtomik]

Dok's dreaming again:rolleyes: ;)Are you saying you wanna be my fantasy?!? :p

[showmet]

does it still count if the second person, after taking their spectatory postion then becomes a target for the ejactulation?

and what if they catch it in their mouth?
Umpire's ruling
This would be allowed only if the second person does not touch the first's bits.

[Smartie.uk]

ah good ok.. just so i know..

what if second person was dancing provacatively infront of first person so as to aid the shmetting process and then became a taget.. is that still allowed

[Claire]

ah good ok.. just so i know..

what if second person was dancing provacatively infront of first person so as to aid the shmetting process and then became a taget.. is that still allowed
What the hell have you been up to with Stardust this week?:p

[Smartie.uk]

god.. well there was a bit of club passing going on.. and a lot of wailing last night... but apart from that.. it was very platonic

[Claire]

god.. well there was a bit of club passing going on.. and a lot of wailing last night... but apart from that.. it was very plutonic
or platonic even?:p

[DoktorAtomik]

or platonic even?:pThat's a little bit condesending isn't it Claire? :p

[Smartie.uk]

hah now i've changed my post and you look silly... ah shit nope.. all ready been quoted.. pooop!!!!


never mind we live and learn

[showmet]

ah good ok.. just so i know..

what if second person was dancing provacatively infront of first person so as to aid the shmetting process and then became a taget.. is that still allowed
Umpire's ruling
Any form of masturbatory aid is to be allowed, including erotic dancing.

[Claire]

That's a little bit condesending isn't it Claire? :pYES:D I thought I'd give Jon a break:p

[Smartie.uk]

what if the erotic dancer was to occasionally stroke you.. but not your genitalia.. is that allowed.. just the odd stroke of the inner thigh or something.. or is all touching forbidden?

[lascara]

this is a hard one i guess on average 5-10 times a week but sometimes its none others its 20 or so but i guess it levels out. It also depends on the amount of sex i am having and while i am missing claire its sky rocketed but when she is around maybe once a week or so maybe i am not being honest but i tried lol

Mistress Ailsa xxx

[Paul]

how often do you do it:eek:It all depends who's watching :p

[Paul]

I was having a wank this morning and decided that if I let myself come I wouldn't have any energy for the rest of the day. So I've put it on hold until later. :)

[The World of Dan]

"And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him..." Genesis 38:9-10

The ancient art of Onanism ... how often do you do it:eek:If we're going to get into the whole 'is masturbation a sin?' topic, then I would have to say no, it's not. If you ask me, he was slain by god because he didn't give him life a child... not because he masturbated. I mean it's not even definate that he masturbated, if you ask me, it sounds more like he withdrew as he was cumming.

But then, I don't believe anything the bible says... it for sure has no authority in my life.

(Oh, I'm currently masturbating around twice a day, if not more).

[showmet]

what if the erotic dancer was to occasionally stroke you.. but not your genitalia.. is that allowed.. just the odd stroke of the inner thigh or something.. or is all touching forbidden?
This is a tricky one.:confused: I mean, nipple tweaking or thigh stroking could be counted as sexual stimulation. I think just to be safe I am going to outlaw all touching.

[rainbow dew]

so does the amount of times mean the total orgasms you have, or individual sessions? just so i know before i answer..... you do know some of us can have multiple orgasms....he he:rolleyes:
namaste
x x x

[DoktorAtomik]

you do know some of us can have multiple orgasms....he he:rolleyes: Knowing and caring are two different things :p

[showmet]

so does the amount of times mean the total orgasms you have, or individual sessions? just so i know before i answer..... you do know some of us can have multiple orgasms....he he:rolleyes:
namaste
x x x
People people stop quibbling! Number of orgasms is not a factor, it's the number of independent sessions!

[Smartie.uk]

so if you started at say 9 in the morning and continually wanked until say 11 at night, regardless of how many times you shot your bolt, it would still count as 1 session?

hmmm i better bring my total down a bit

[showmet]

Haha I'm not playing anymore!

[Alomiakoda]

Haha I'm not playing anymore!
You mean you were all this time? :eek:

That's actually quite impressive :p

[Merlin]

I've just thought, thinking about the sprituality thread. Do you think masturbating could be included as a way of nuturing spirituality?

(I've entered my tally into the poll, but you'll never guess the frequency I entered. Tee hee ;) )

[The World of Dan]

I've just thought, thinking about the sprituality thread. Do you think masturbating could be included as a way of nuturing spirituality?

(I've entered my tally into the poll, but you'll never guess the frequency I entered. Tee hee ;) )I've heard people claim that they use masturbation as a way of worshiping god.... Personally I don't (seeing as i don't believe in god).... I just do it because it's so much fun.

[Smartie.uk]

this week i have been mostly....



matsurbating


well thers nothing else to do in cinderford

andy
xxx

[JadeWarrior]

never enuf !

[LOSTBOY7]

for me wanking is sex with some one i love . me

[Bilby]

Last January I had five squirts in one day. Not bad for someone who is 44 yo.I have seen a web page form PETA claiming eating meat causes impotence! when I was about 23yo I once had seven or was eight squirts in one day.

[FrEaK_HiPpY]

i'm to young to admit to having a wank on this website...i'll just enter it into the poll

[DoktorAtomik]

Last January I had five squirts in one day. Not bad for someone who is 44 yo.I have seen a web page form PETA claiming eating meat causes impotence! when I was about 23yo I once had seven or was eight squirts in one day.Who can deny it? You really are the biggest wanker on the forums :p

[matthew]

i'm to young to admit to having a wank on this website...i'll just enter it into the poll
Sorry too late.. if you wish to remain elusive around here.. then you don't even post anything on this thread..see now that i have entered this thread it is know known that i am a wanker..

[Bilby]

Who can deny it? You really are the biggest wanker on the forums :p

Your compliments are really appreciated
:D

[FrEaK_HiPpY]

Sorry too late.. if you wish to remain elusive around here.. then you don't even post anything on this thread..see now that i have entered this thread it is know known that i am a wanker..
BOLLOCKS

[matthew]

BOLLOCKS
I know...not realy meant to be serious.

[FrEaK_HiPpY]

lol i want to know who the 1 prude is that won't touch himself!

[matthew]

lol i want to know who the 1 prude is that won't touch himself!
My mate.. but he lies all the time.
If you think about it it is a bit of a strange 'hobby'..

Emptying bodily fluids onto a tissue flushing contents/tissue down toilet...very odd.

[FrEaK_HiPpY]

My mate.. but he lies all the time.
If you think about it it is a bit of a strange 'hobby'..

Emptying bodily fluids onto a tissue flushing contents/tissue down toilet...very odd.
hey don't take the piss.....i mean huh funny *ahem*

[all_rhodesian_reject]

who the hell masturbates more then 20 times a week ON AVERAGE....i only m,anage that in the school holidays....record is 5 in a day...

[matthew]

who the hell masturbates more then 20 times a week ON AVERAGE....i only m,anage that in the school holidays....record is 5 in a day...
HAHAHAHA I BET YOUR SERIOUS AS WELL. 20 times a week seems a bit excessive to me ..what drove you to do it 5 times in a day ? was it all on your own ?.. you don't realy have to answer this i feel like a perv to be honest..just curious

[DoktorAtomik]

..what drove you to do it 5 times in a day ?I think it was those pictures you sent him ;)

[matthew]

I think it was those pictures you sent him ;)

Possibly ..... i am worth at least 5 wanks a day..:rolleyes:

[DoktorAtomik]

Possibly ..... i am worth at least 5 wanks a day..:rolleyes:I meant the ones of your mother :p

[matthew]

I meant the ones of your mother :p
hahahahaha oh i see... i thought you were paying me a compliment, should have known better than that .. my mum was 'readers wives' champion 3 years running though... my dad is very proud.

[Benjibean]

hahahahaha oh i see... i thought you were paying me a compliment, should have known better than that .. my mum was 'readers wives' champion 3 years running though... my dad is very proud.
hahahahaha as he should be!!

[matthew]

can i add that it was a joke..my momma aint no whore...

[Iago2]

Like a good cup of tea, there are times when only a good wank will help resolve a situation, although the scripters of Eastenders are still failing to include this bathroom concept.

Had a dream last night where I lost both my hands, fine I thought. I'll just tie a string round the stump on my right arm and the other end to the mouse and attach a hook to the left so I can type and click the mouse.

Upon the realisation I couldn't wank I woke up.

And had a relieving wank.

[Bobba]

Can I change my vote.

I thought it was per day. :&

[fountains of nay]

all I'm gonna say is quite a lot...

[Sax_Machine]

Well I should be long dead if Genesis is anything to go on. Either that or God's letting me off the hook because he knows I'm otherwise destined for greatness. :)

[Psychedelic_Loving]

Well I should be long dead if Genesis is anything to go on. Either that or God's letting me off the hook because he knows I'm otherwise destined for greatness. :) Hahahaha!

I do it quite alot...

[UrsusKind]

"And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him..." Genesis 38:9-10

The ancient art of Onanism ... how often do you do it:eek:

The thing that pissed off God. Was that Onan wasn't fullfilling Her law of his duty to his sister-in-law after his brother died. Under old jewish law Onan was suppose to help his sister concieve as many children as he could after his brothers death as his sister in law needed someone to care for her in her old age.

God had the rite to be pissed!!! The shallow cunted wanker couldn't even knock his sister in law up one time I mean DAMN!!! If you come to me and say hey Dan, God wants you to inject some of your grade A baby batter in this sheila, I know she isn't cute but hey man you are doing it for God. I would climb rite on.


I guess what I'm realy saying is

Wank All you Want!! GOD Don't Care!!!

[Raskalization]

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27083 does this count?

i mean only god knows whats going on there.

[SunshineLovePeace]

who the hell masturbates more then 20 times a week ON AVERAGE....i only m,anage that in the school holidays....record is 5 in a day...
oOoOo Hugh, 5 times a day? If I was there, there would be none of that going on ;)

But yeah, I used to never masterbate cuz I didnt think I could get myself off. But a few months ago, I found out that I could and I have been addicted ever since. I think its about that time right about now as well....;) :p tehehehe

[sensualerotica]

bout 2-3, sometimes less and sometimes more

[wolfie65]

depends how I feel, once a day or once a week.

[iliketocum]

between 5 and 10 times a week usually--self inflicted plus the odd one administered by a female or male in between if im lucky;)

[love_touch]

About every 2 or 3 days but when I do Iusually do it for a long time and really enjoy it......sometimes hours before I actually orgasm. When I do orgasm it like an EXPLosion!!

Paul

[love_touch]

Hot Thread!

Others????

[kissya]

Everyday...2x on Sunday...Doing it...now.:X

[love_touch]

Doing it Right Now TOO!!!!!!

[chris69]

usually once a day for sure, maybe twice if the gfs away and i'm in the mood lol

[Quoth the Raven]

Hah, whenever the opportunity presents itself.. which is about 3 times a week normally.

[Alloftheabove]

um yea, whats a way not to *wink wink*

trying to control my inner beast.

[Brightonguy]

I don't keep count - but very often, doesn't hurt anyone and feels great - perfect pastime!

[atr69]

probably on avarage once a day so 6-7 times a week, but its all fun and games:)

[CrucifiedDreams]

Too much.


Wait is there such a thing? :D

[LBK]

Im a 2-5 times a week guy, may be more but like another poster said, it all depends if im feeling a bit frisky or not, don't know why but the hot weather makes me want to it more...................and who am I to resist the urge!!!!

[PurplePearl]

Why was there no option for 'every so often'??

[gingerness]

nope theres no such thing as too much!

me its about once a day

Too much.


Wait is there such a thing? :D

[MancChris]

I seem to go through moods. It's always at least a few times a week but sometimes I'm doing it 3-4 times a day, like now. Well, not right now. It would shock the others in the bar lol.



My first post on this forum and its about wanking. Typical!

[IlUvMuSIc]

Im a prude... :(

[CrucifiedDreams]

Not that much right now. I'd love to just get laid, finally, but I'm bored with masturbating.

[lucozadeOK]

Not that much right now. I'd love to just get laid, finallyCouldn't be that hard surely...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/moresmilies/huh.gif

[antony26uk]

More than 20 thats all the excitement i get in life

[verseau_miracle]

I dont masturbate, theres no need nowadays really

Although ven when i was single i never did as much as some of YOU GUYS:O Where do you get all your energy? And doesnt it just get boring? I know i used to get bored:rolleyes: Ive always found sex a bit overrated though. Not love-making, but definitely sex

[boyla]

"Never; I am a prude and never touch myself"

Lies Lies

[boyla]

On the only two occasions when I passed the 10+ in a day,
I have a life you know

I felt depressed after, shit you can only wank soooo much

[J0hn]

Once a night. It is strange/.

[Brentfball]

I'm 15 and I wank at least 3 times a day. When I get up in the morning. Then at lunch break at school. Then at night lookin at my comp

[jazzyjen]

anyone wanking at the moment??

[lithium]

anyone wanking at the moment??

I think the odds are quite high...

This is probably my favourite thread I've ever started on this forum:tongue: Well this and the one about being attacked by cephalopods...

[CrucifiedDreams]

I think the odds are quite high...

Does that mean you are? ;)

[lithium]

Does that mean you are? ;)

I'm rarely not:tongue:

[StillMourning]

2-5 times a week...

:D

[tomandhismuse]

I have an incredibly high sex drive....ok ok I am just a dirty perve. I used to get sex about ten times a week so now I am not in that relationship I wank that much lol. So 10-20 times a week.

[rich11762]

what the hell does that bible quote mean anyway i dont get it??

[69rebecca69]

every day plus sex!!!! i love using the good old rampant rabbit!!!!!