Gig
04-19-2009, 02:50 PM
I was in a psych unit at a nearby hospital for depression. I went in because I reached the point where I was becoming suicidal. Normally, at such a place, they don't want to focus on any negatives, however in one "group" we were asked to take a deep look at our lives to see if we could find any underlying causes for our depression. The method was left up to us, draw a mosiac picture, write a song, etc. This was a difficult project to do because it got very personal. And since finishing it, I have realised that I omitted many verses, but I think I quickly got to the heart of one of my depression problems. After my discharge, my psychiatric counselor/therapist and I used it as a starting point for taking a long trip through my past. It has been a long journey of several years and we're still working on it between sessions where other things have come up. It is a depressive poem, yet made me feel better about myself. Its not one that I often share.
A poem in my collection ... "Poetry from the Dark Side of the Night"
Ode to My Life and its Goodbye
By Gig
You fooled around and did it well
But you messed up and out I fell
So you gave me up and said good bye
And I was gone, with just a sigh.
A new mom and dad and baby makes three
Then for a few years it was good for me
But another good bye from their divorce
Gone from my life, my father by force.
And then I was raised by my mom and hers
A different town, the picture blurs
We made it a home, but it wouldn't last
We followed the path set down by the past.
My mother remarried, I was out of her life
Thirteen years later, I also took a wife
We'd spent ten years learning of God's love
But we learned the learning came not from above.
The teachings we had learned started out right
Then changes were made, the cult led into the night
A heart wrenching choice but we left the Way
We tried to leave softly, but that was a nay.
Then after the battle, life settled down
Suddenly we had two children around
A boy and a girl, I watched them grow
Not knowing that soon I'd see them go.
A trick of my wife, to the judge a lie
Its been four years now since the kids' said "hi"
I vowed I'd not shave nor cut my hair
Til I heard their voices or they chose not to care.
I heard from my daughter, she wanted to come
Then she spoke to my mother and called me a bum
My son's full of anger, he was stolen from me
Now he's constantly told how terrible I be.
My grandmother fought for every breath
until I told her "surrender to death"
Pushed to this action by my mom and her sis
I gave up my convictions to accomplish this.
Disease and old age have left me a wreck
Arthritis and fibro both are unchecked
A dozen operations, seven this year
Two more to go, but I'm filled with such fear.
The theme of my life seems to be good bye
Everybody I love leaves or they die
I'm lonely, depressed, frustrated and blue
But don't get too close or the next could be you.
A shadow of death hangs over my life
I'm filled with heartache and loaded with strife
My mind filled with thoughts that race in my head
But they'll never be silent, ... until I'm dead.
A poem in my collection ... "Poetry from the Dark Side of the Night"
Ode to My Life and its Goodbye
By Gig
You fooled around and did it well
But you messed up and out I fell
So you gave me up and said good bye
And I was gone, with just a sigh.
A new mom and dad and baby makes three
Then for a few years it was good for me
But another good bye from their divorce
Gone from my life, my father by force.
And then I was raised by my mom and hers
A different town, the picture blurs
We made it a home, but it wouldn't last
We followed the path set down by the past.
My mother remarried, I was out of her life
Thirteen years later, I also took a wife
We'd spent ten years learning of God's love
But we learned the learning came not from above.
The teachings we had learned started out right
Then changes were made, the cult led into the night
A heart wrenching choice but we left the Way
We tried to leave softly, but that was a nay.
Then after the battle, life settled down
Suddenly we had two children around
A boy and a girl, I watched them grow
Not knowing that soon I'd see them go.
A trick of my wife, to the judge a lie
Its been four years now since the kids' said "hi"
I vowed I'd not shave nor cut my hair
Til I heard their voices or they chose not to care.
I heard from my daughter, she wanted to come
Then she spoke to my mother and called me a bum
My son's full of anger, he was stolen from me
Now he's constantly told how terrible I be.
My grandmother fought for every breath
until I told her "surrender to death"
Pushed to this action by my mom and her sis
I gave up my convictions to accomplish this.
Disease and old age have left me a wreck
Arthritis and fibro both are unchecked
A dozen operations, seven this year
Two more to go, but I'm filled with such fear.
The theme of my life seems to be good bye
Everybody I love leaves or they die
I'm lonely, depressed, frustrated and blue
But don't get too close or the next could be you.
A shadow of death hangs over my life
I'm filled with heartache and loaded with strife
My mind filled with thoughts that race in my head
But they'll never be silent, ... until I'm dead.