i am so fucked

[LoriBaby]

my name is lori. im 23 years old and have been on heroin for 7 years. i kicked a week aga . made it five whole days but i was to fucking weak and went back. i wanna jump off a cliff. i feel worthless . i have to dance at a go go bar every night just to support my habit and i dont have the money for detox and no rehab will take me unless im clean first (well atleast one the gov. pays for.) i wanna die someone please give me some words of wisdom before i go eat a bottle of ambien and end it all...im sorry for even troubling u guys enough to write this shitty post and have u waste ur time reading it.

[MrDot]

Bad situation, but never give up! I had a friend who was a heroin addict, he was actually able to jump off of all drugs cold turkey just like that. It is so hard but just keep trying, while you're trying to quit cold turkey just take all your earnings and save them, possibly use this money for a rehab center or something. Do you smoke pot? While trying to quit the heroin maybe you could just move to this?

[weallhumalong]

find suboxone. fucking miracle drug for getting clean and a hell of a lot cheaper than dope too... hopefully you can find someone with a script if not search for a doctor who can prescribe you some...itll be costly but if you work out the numbers will probably cost less than youre spending now. and yeah pot, benzos, and alcohol definitely help.

Or just look at MrDot's signature image.

[LoriBaby]

yeah but the nasty thing about suboxin is it can be just as hard to get off. also, by me being an addict i could never afford the 400 it would cost for the doctor and the script. somewhere around 400. thx anyways guys

[Morphoxycode1]

Hey, Lori! You're not troubling us at all with your post. Being able to kick it for 5 days is a long time when you're doing it every day. During that time, your tolerance must have gone down at least a little bit. What exactly were you feeling that drove you back to using? Withdrawals, depression, cravings.. or all the above? Sometimes if you can figure out exactly what drives you back to it, you can learn how to nip that and your chances of staying off H get better.

I can tell you're sick of being a slave to this stuff, and it's a very depressing place! Would it be possible to make another run at cleaning up for another week, or maybe beat that and go 2 weeks? Then during that clean time, get into the rehab program you were talking about. I'm not sure how it all works. That's kinda messed up how they won't take anyone who's not clean.. isn't that what it's for?!

I think there's hope for ya! Don't be too upset at your relpase, though. Most people quit smoking a bunch of times before they finally quit for real. Quitting opiates and staying off is harder than quitting smoking, in my opinion. There's a good thread on surviving withdrawals in this forum, too.

Keep hanging in there and use the Ambien for a good night's sleep... not the big sleep! I really hope things go in your favor. Keep us posted!

[LoriBaby]

u sound like a wonderful person and thanks to replying to my shitty little thread.i know exactly what happened that led me to go back to using. when i was growing up i was raped for ten years and my mother knew about it. so on my fifth day of sobriety these flashbacks kept coming, in other words i was having to face demons i have been blocking for 7yrs. Ive been self medicating and heroin was my therapist. plus, as pathetic as this sounds heroin makes me feel like my life is worth living despite my past because no matter what it wont leave me. this may sound like gibberish to some but its the best way i know to explain.im trying again next week when i have enough meds to deal with the withdraw:confused:s. im not a religious person but if any of u are please send them my way. i hope u all have a much happier day than I.

Much love and respect to u all that have posted
lori





Hey, Lori! You're not troubling us at all with your post. Being able to kick it for 5 days is a long time when you're doing it every day. During that time, your tolerance must have gone down at least a little bit. What exactly were you feeling that drove you back to using? Withdrawals, depression, cravings.. or all the above? Sometimes if you can figure out exactly what drives you back to it, you can learn how to nip that and your chances of staying off H get better.

I can tell you're sick of being a slave to this stuff, and it's a very depressing place! Would it be possible to make another run at cleaning up for another week, or maybe beat that and go 2 weeks? Then during that clean time, get into the rehab program you were talking about. I'm not sure how it all works. That's kinda messed up how they won't take anyone who's not clean.. isn't that what it's for?!

I think there's hope for ya! Don't be too upset at your relpase, though. Most people quit smoking a bunch of times before they finally quit for real. Quitting opiates and staying off is harder than quitting smoking, in my opinion. There's a good thread on surviving withdrawals in this forum, too.

Keep hanging in there and use the Ambien for a good night's sleep... not the big sleep! I really hope things go in your favor. Keep us posted!

[Morphoxycode1]

Hi! What an awful thing to endure for 10 years.... I feel awful that happened to you. Opiates are great painkillers, huh? To be able to get you through all the feelings from that. You sound like a genuinely good person, yourself. Doing opiates doesn't make someone bad. I love 'em! I haven't tried Heroin, but if I had the chance to try some pure powder, I'd try it. Had morphine, oxy, hydrocodone and codeine, and it gets me through my depression sometimes. If I keep using it continuously, it becomes the source of my depression. I know what you're saying about it making life feel worth living.

I wonder if Dr. Drew knows of any good resources to help you. I'm sure you've heard of him.

If it's any consollation, it's not your fault that someone picked on you and did awful things to you. You were young, and there are really heartless and rotten people in this world that prey on others. I'm sure it's given you post traumatic stress syndrome and stuff like this is so hard to come to terms with. One of my best friends (male) was sexually and physically abused when he was a kid and he eventually got hooked on Soma and he kept taking so much that it killed him in '07. He had a lot of grief, with his g/f dying 3 months before him...she o/d'd on prescription morphine.

Keep trying and imagine something better. The meds you have should help with the withdrawals. Don't underestimate Loperamide to help out! Hang in there, girl!