Alomiakoda
09-29-2004, 01:17 AM
1. Sharpen a parsnip to a needle point and repeatedly stab yourself about the body with it.
2. Inject a parsnip with a particularly vile chemical waste and eat it.
3. Position a parsnip point-upwards on the ground and throw yourself out of a tree onto it. Aim to hit the parsnip with your eye-socket. (This one may take several attempts.)
4. Slice a parsnip into a number of finely crafted shuriken. Comission an elastic wall to be built in your living room. Throw the parsnip shuriken at the wall and hope desperately that they'll rebound back and hit you.
5. Find a large parsnip, hollow it out, fill it with explosives and a mercury tilt switch, stick it down your trousers and go for a ride on a rollercoaster.
6. Soak a parsnip in cement for several hours. When it's solid, belabour yourself around the head with it very hard indeed.
7. Spend years breeding a rat which lives only on parsnip. Starve it for a few days, then make sure it sees you swallowing a large chunk of very juicy parsnip. Lie back with your mouth open.
8. Remove the entire projection mechanism from a shotgun and fit it into a suitable parsnip. Then shoot yourself.
9. Concentrate on cultivating enormous parsnips until you get one the size of a small car. Fit wheels to it, stuff it with bricks, perch it on top of a steep hill, lie at the bottom, and wait.
10. Set up a complicated Penelope Pitstop/Hooded Claw-style trap involving a lot of weights, pulleys and ropes, the end result being a nail-stuffed parsnip being projected at great force into your head.
2. Inject a parsnip with a particularly vile chemical waste and eat it.
3. Position a parsnip point-upwards on the ground and throw yourself out of a tree onto it. Aim to hit the parsnip with your eye-socket. (This one may take several attempts.)
4. Slice a parsnip into a number of finely crafted shuriken. Comission an elastic wall to be built in your living room. Throw the parsnip shuriken at the wall and hope desperately that they'll rebound back and hit you.
5. Find a large parsnip, hollow it out, fill it with explosives and a mercury tilt switch, stick it down your trousers and go for a ride on a rollercoaster.
6. Soak a parsnip in cement for several hours. When it's solid, belabour yourself around the head with it very hard indeed.
7. Spend years breeding a rat which lives only on parsnip. Starve it for a few days, then make sure it sees you swallowing a large chunk of very juicy parsnip. Lie back with your mouth open.
8. Remove the entire projection mechanism from a shotgun and fit it into a suitable parsnip. Then shoot yourself.
9. Concentrate on cultivating enormous parsnips until you get one the size of a small car. Fit wheels to it, stuff it with bricks, perch it on top of a steep hill, lie at the bottom, and wait.
10. Set up a complicated Penelope Pitstop/Hooded Claw-style trap involving a lot of weights, pulleys and ropes, the end result being a nail-stuffed parsnip being projected at great force into your head.