Where did I go wrong here?

[PharmaPhunk]

Ok so I'm really puzzled as to what just happend 30min ago. My girlfriend gives me my "birthday present", and its one IOU for "whatever you want :P", so I think its pretty obvious what that means. Well her parents are out this weekend and she asked me to come over because she wants to redeem the IOU ticket. Of course I'm obliged, but I haven't made my mind up as to what I want yet.

Well I get there and shes looking very hot! I start taking off my coat and shoes when all of sudden she grabs my arms pushes me on a nearby couch and starts rolling here R's in my mouth! Very hot. An excited tingle runs through me as her hand starts moving down my leg, she slips her hand into my pocket, takes out the IOU and says "what do you want to do with this?"

Ok so I am really turned on at this point. I stare at her for a moment and quietly say, "umm I dont know?". She giggles and makes her way down. Im ready to explode when she takes out my pen0r and slowly inserts it into her warm welcoming mouth. So about 2 minutes go by and she's in the exact same position as before! She just stuck it in her mouth and left it there! This is a rather unfufilling birthday present, so I said "umm...I think your suppose to suck it or something.". She quickly got up looked at me like I was some kind of bleeding bug, and stormed upstairs to her room.

I'm still over here and I'm using her laptop, What should I do?

[philywilly]

Ahah what the fuck? Why are woman so complicated?

[skullkidnate]

ROFLMAO, hahahaha, she just stood there with your wang in her mouth not doing anything? wow

[skierdood]

when she takes out my pen0r and slowly inserts it into her warm welcoming mouth. You see thats where you went wrong. The second that happened you shoulda given her a wierd look and been like "umm thats not your ass....."








Ha JK I dunno girls are wierd.

[skullkidnate]

Maybe she wanted you to do the work? haha

[jo_k_er_man]

ya should have grabbed her head and skull fucked the shit out of her til you blew your load through the back of her throat

[jo_k_er_man]

your other problem could have been using words such as "pen0r"

[PharmaPhunk]

your other problem could have been using words such as "pen0r"Well I didn't want to offend any possible women here, I've already got one mad at me. Pen0r is just the lighthearted synonym for bulging chizzeld penis

[The Reverend]

If my girlfriend gave me a voucher for whatever I want I'd ask her to make me a Victoria Sponge whilst wearing a lycra bodysuit. Then I'd ask her to go to the bathroom and pour a can of baked beans over her face while she shouts out my brother's name repeatedly. All the while I'd be watching soap operas and drinking cheap cans of lager.

[hippieatheart]

girls hate it whenever you give comments like that when they're doing shit, especially sexual things. i don't know why, we're just crazy i guess

if you're still over there, you should talk to her and apologize. tell her that you didn't mean the comment like that, and that she was doing fine (girls like hearing that)

[8milehighclub]

This probably is not your first lesson in how women think differently than men. Your gf probably got instructions on what to do and was disappointed when you weren't happy with her effort. Not your fault. It was her ego, so now even though you did nothing wrong, it's up to you to apologize and appreciate what she did. Yes, I know (for what?)... It doesn't matter. It's just our psyche. Don't bring up our psyche, we already know we're... different.

So go make it right with her. Don't make suggestions right now. See if you can get a porn movie in front of her to show her how to suck you to completion. That is, if you both are of legal age! It will be better for her to say "so THAT is what you want" instead of you convincing her how she messed up. Then she wins, and YOU will win ;)

[marksup123]

Or you could just fuck instead. I'm probably too late, but oh well.

[macian2]

wtf is with your gf

[makesmomcry420]

"bulging chiseled penis" def the funniest thing ive read all week

but yea dude, chicks are strange, i would be confused to if my "bulging chiseled penis" was just sitting in a chicks mouth, id have said the same thing, or at least say "lets do this thing"

[Popularity]

That had a hilarious ending!!!!!

[slybond]

own3d

[wutthe4k]

lmao thats hilarious man. sounds like a blooper for a porn movie hahaha i can picture the expression on her face lol

[Captain Cannabis]

.....So did you finish?

Ok but really. That sucks, if I was in your position I would pull my pants up, and then I would

Ok I dont know what I'd do. Thats probably the most akward thing that I've ever heard

[Mother's Love]

shes stupid, she should have just asked you what felt good. cant really blame her for not knowing, how old is she? My mom explained everything during a field trip to dairy queen, but then again, my moms cool like that.

tell her that you didn't realize she didn't know what she was doing. everybody has to learn once right?
I found the "bulging chiseled penis" thin funny too. its a penis, erect, hard, flaccid, its still a penis. dont be shy. ;) I thought for sure you were writing an erotic novel, great word usage....
but yeah, offer to teach her. her mom should be locked up for not preparing your gf. letting someone face such a potentially embarrassing (and damaging) situation without giving them the means to succeed is cruel.

Its a delicate situation, because she may never attempt it again after having it go awry. be careful what you say.

[ishade32]

how can she get pissed off if shes the one at fault? ur penis isnt meant to just lie in her mouth and she should know that! haha

[Therese Aline]

She should've known that giving you an IOU meant that you might actually want a real blowjob. Lol. If she didn't want to blow you, she should have said so, and perhaps drawn some boundaries for the IOU. But 'you can have anything you want, I'll even put it in my mouth, but I won't suck it?' That's just cruel. Lmao. And all you said was 'I think you're supposed to suck it or something.' I think she overreacted. It's not like you grabbed her head and said 'suck it, bitch.'

[ava]

oh dear, has she given you good blow jobs in the past and or great sex maybe something was up with you, like hygeine, maybe it was bad timing guys that just lay there are as boring as girls that do the same. maybe you could ask her what was going on? you could have started something else, got her horny and then got your IOU have another try

[Friends]

lol this sounds like a comedy novel.

sorry bro dont know what to tell ya.

[medicalbud]

Some ladies need a "sucking a dick for dummies.

[ishade32]

give her some amazing head and then say "my turn" and if she doesnt do it right be like "YOU OWE ME BITCH" and she cant just walk away hahaha

[mr.greenxxx]

maybe she like wanted you to jack off in her mouth or something... but seriously man women are weird, i know for a fact. theyre ways are inexplainable

[Mother's Love]

if you try something you are unsure of and fail, embarassment is a common result.
when you are born you know nothing about sex. many people try to have sex without watching a porno, or asking the questions. It can end in disaster.

[Ebene]

This is seriously probably the best thread I've seen. Ever.

Someone sticky this.




And I send my condolences to you. :(

[skullkidnate]

How did this end?

[skullkidnate]

C'mon, PharmaPhunk....

[young_deadhead]

dont leave us hanging dude

[PharmaPhunk]

lol everything worked out perfectly, better then I expected actually. The next day I get a call and I'm expecting this whole dramatic rambling but instead she says she wants to try again. And let me just say internets, she did a much better job! To this day I wonder how she got so much better, I like to think she invited some friends over and they watched an erotic movie while practising on house hold items.

[young_deadhead]

well im glad it worked out for ya

[Mother's Love]

practice makes perfect, or almost. don't forget to give her feedback on techniques.