Right Now

[laurenq]

I wrote this on 11/20/07

Right now I’m scared,
I’m sad
and alone.
When will you be gone forever,
as of today, I really don’t know.

Right now I’m scared,
I’m sad
and alone.
I never really appreciated you,
and now you’ll never know.

Right now I’m scared,
I’m sad
and alone.
How can I help you,
I really just don’t know.

Right now I’m scared,
I’m sad
and alone.
You were falling apart,
but you never let me know.

Right now I’m scared,
I’m sad
and alone.
We are all crying for you
but you don’t even know.

Right now I’m scared,
I’m sad
and alone.
I’m writing this for you,
and hopefully someday
You will know.

[The Instinct]

Right now I’m scared,
I’m sad
and alone.
I think you used these lines a bit too much, I did the same idea before using the same lines...it kind of takes away a bit of the poem, the feel...I guess you could say. Good words however.

[green-hair-blue-eyes]

^ i have to dissagree, i think the repetition adds an element of passion. like a chant, emphasises the primal feel of the strong emotions conveyed.
it also regulates the poem, like a metronome, so the rest of it doesnt clash.

i like it. very good

[The Instinct]

^ i have to dissagree, i think the repetition adds an element of passion. like a chant, emphasises the primal feel of the strong emotions conveyed.
it also regulates the poem, like a metronome, so the rest of it doesnt clash.

i like it. very good
I wasn't saying that the poem stunk, I think what I meant to say was that the repitition of words could have been spaced out a little more. I agree with the temp part and everything else you said.

[green-hair-blue-eyes]

yeah i know i was only dissagreing with what you said about the repetition

[edenfield]

i agree with GH/BE, the timing is classic

[laurenq]

ahh thanks guys!!

[laurenq]

i wrote this when we thought my mom had cancer
i guess i can be dramatic but i was scared or w/e

it was weird because neighter of my parents thought it affected me
hmmm