Open tomb (please give feedback)

[she88]

Your sitting in the other room
Were living in an open tomb
and I am fighting for life
The dark has seeped its way on in
we are trying to defend,
this loves thats slipping away
But when the light comes again
Your thick tongue will lash and bend
whats left of my fragile soul
and I will know
that change cant happen over night
and I cant make you do whats right
But then here comes the dark
and your apologizing for your part
in this nightmare we live in each day
But your still sitting in the other room
and were still living in an open tomb
waiting for a break

[The Instinct]

took me a couple times to read it, maybe I'm slow or something. You have a good idea. Good release. I personally was wanting a bit more of an expansion of what you were wanting to say. Ever put punctuation in your poems?

[Johnnice]

took me a couple times to read it, maybe I'm slow or something. You have a good idea. Good release. I personally was wanting a bit more of an expansion of what you were wanting to say. Ever put punctuation in your poems? sorry i cant get it..