upon an evening

[Tamapoulialamafoa]

under the desert lies a secret swarm,
like the veins of mid eastern women-
draped and naked;

ants fornicating under every ripple, humming sunburn
the throbbing blood of my skin, filtered in white drops

thirst for the hunt

upon an evening, it all came down,
and in the morning there was nothing

[Bhaskar]

I like the unique images. Particularly the mideastern women. But the ending could use some punch. You got a bit lazy there.

[Tamapoulialamafoa]

you're completely right, in retrospect, i don't like it that much... i just wanna start posting again after so long... I will soon!!
thanks for replying

[Bhaskar]

We all go through periods of hating our work. Don't let that stop you. This piece has its merits.

[skyfire]

Hi tama...i remember your name...i'm with bhaskar here, i like the beginning quite a bit