UNTITLED. (Any feedback on this would be greatly appreciated.)

[HORNZ]

Black clouds close in around the lonely moon
Suffocating it, smothering it, squeezing out its breath
Its glow grows dimmer, the light fades
The stars watch in stunned silence, begging to be spared
The clouds expand & take over the sky
Below, the water splashes against the rocky shore
Mourning
The wind sings its own somber, grief-stricken song
As the trees sway in unison
The menacing clouds disperse
And the ghost of the moon dissolves into nothingness
The stars burn out, one by one
And the world collapses into oblivion

[redyelruc]

I like this. I think it could do with a little fine tuning and I will come back later, when I have time, and offer you some more specifics.

Off of the top of my head, the first thing I would do is change the last word to 'daylight'.

[Bhaskar]

Try working on the images more and get away from the cliches of black clouds and stunned silence and stars burning out... A little more effort.

[HORNZ]

Thank you to both of you. However, I don't want the last word to be quite so uplifting, as the poem is supposed to be more on the dark side. I chose 'oblivion' because I wanted the ending to be a little more apathetic.

Bhaskar, what would you suggest instead?