On Becoming a Wolverine....

[~Sam~]

http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638wolverine.jpg

Last phantom of the wilderness, Hyena of the North, Master of the Forest, Trickster hero, Magical link between the material and the spirit worlds, Revenge, Craftiness, Understands how to satisfy appetites.

Ability to travel in very cold places, Understanding aggression, Protection against attackers, Multilevel protection, Standing your ground, Fierceness, Elusiveness, Gluttony, Cleverness, Strength, Non-retreat, Effective attack, Endurance, Courage.

Baby wolverines are born blind and weigh less than one pound. This prompts all their other sensory organs to awaken quickly, their sense of smell, feeling and inner sight are heightened at an early age. Small yet insightful, the newborn wolverine acknowledges and responds to all its intuitive senses from the moment of birth. They respond to life and the challenges it holds with clarity, focus and persistence giving them a deeper understanding of personal power. Those with this medicine should ask themselves if their personal power is serving them appropriately. Learning how to utilize personal power in a balanced way is one of the teachings the wolverine holds.

The wolverine's crafty cunning nature coupled with their perseverance and focus keeps them aligned with energies of creation. This alignment serves them in many ways. They know when to act, when to retreat, how to respond to any situation and how become invisible. All of these abilities inherent in the woverine are also inherent in those who hold this medicine. Woverines are masters at shape shifting their reality to benefit them in some way and teach us how to do the same. Shamanic study is helpful for those who have this totem.

Woverines are excellent scavengers although not the best hunters. They are very resourceful and know how to make do with whatever is available. They turn trash into treasure and teach us how to do the same. Alaskan natives consider the wolverine to be a symbol of the wilderness, a survivior of the elements. Its fur is commonly used for parka trim and hoods because of its durability. The guard hairs of the wolverine fur resist frost accumulation helping people survive in extreme cold weather.

Solitary creatures with tremendous physical endurance the wolverine can travel up to 40 miles a day in search of food. Because of their great strength and endurance wolverines have become the center of folklore, although its fierce reputation has been exaggerated. They rarely attack any predator larger than itself and only attack when food is needed. They show us how to go the distance and acquire that which we seek.

When this medicine is fully developed in humans the capability to survive in any situation is common. Because the wolverine is a shape shifter, the art of survivial doesn't just represent the physical realm. It also indicates the challenges associated with mental clarity, emotional balance and spiritual understanding.

The wolverine is a master teacher and embodies a variety of skills. when it appears in your life it is asking you to take a serious look at yourself and utilize your personal power for the good of self and others.


... Feeling much like a Wolverine these past couple of weeks, I went in search of its spiritual symbolism. My account of what's been going on in my little life, here in this little valley, is what prompted the above into that account.

My story continues below..........

[~Sam~]

The last time I wrote of my day-to-day was a couple of weeks ago... I think. At that time, we had just rented the Cottage to a young couple with three children. During the days which followed, I became increasingly alarmed by the hootin' and hollerin' going on just across the stream. What was My peaceful little valley now held all the things most of us living on this road come here to get away from... City Folk not intune with the beauty that surrounds them. And, I might add, as noisey as you can get... til all hours of the night.

Now, their moving to the valley complicated another distressing change in my cage... New Homes being built. New homes and new people mean increased road traffic.

You know... We knew this 14 years ago. But the knowing of it and the living the reality of it ain't the same bowl of beans. No, it's not.

At times, I have been so angry that I have been ready to rip out throats with my bare teeth. Then there were the quiet times when I thought that I could get a handle on myself and learn to ignore those, "You ain't from around here, Are Ya?" people who ride by, slow down and gawk at me and my critters.

My plans became the design and wearing of a T-shirt with the "California Wave" on the back... so, that when a car drove by, I could turn my back to them and show my true feelings towards their invasion of my private little world here in this water-rich valley. The "Wave" has now changed, in my imagination, to the words; "You Ain't From Around Here, Are Ya?" written on the back of same-said T-shirt.

I bought some new rubbers for my sling-shot. That I'm a crack shot with the sling-shot is not to be disputed... and when those little monsters come walking through here, stop to gawk at my horses... then think to themselves; "Those horses aren't moving... let's throw some stones at them to make 'em move!"... I'll be ready with my sack full of crusher-run to bombard the little creeps. Let 'em see how it feels to get stones thrown at Them!

And so my distress at these not-so-pleasant changes was becoming intolerable. I was losing it, plain and simple.

There have been moments, if not hours, I just sat and brooded about what my options were and which ones I should choose.

One option was to get in my truck and just keep driving until I ran out of people. I don't think there are many places that an old woman can survive in these days that are free from social interaction. By that, I mean... No noise, no people, no cars, temperate weather, a stream and lots of woods... With a small, comfortable place to be my hide-a-way.

Another option was to leave Ken, find a cabin somewhere in the Apalachians, sell my horses and goats, and just have Commander Cody and my rifle as company. I played with this option with great seriousity, but then I had a tarot card reading done which said that if made one choice I'd have to give up something, and decided that I truly didn't want to leave.

Next option... Sell both properties and find a better place in the general vicinity of where we be now. There just aren't any comparable places. Believe me. When I first began writing in this forum, I said that we were truly blessed to have found this small pocket of isolation in a sea of development. It still is, and I am getting used to the idea; that it is me who has to change, along with the changes going on around us.

That's all well and good... if one can learn to keep their wits about them while under a barrage of rural population growth. I'm trying. And today doesn't seem as bad a few days ago seemed to me to be.

Now we have a plan for our retirement. It'll be about 6 or 7 years in the future, but it seems like a solid plan. I know, a lot of things can change in 6 or 7 years, but for now... I have a way out.

Have to take a telephone call, rather; I have to return a call. I'll be back to continue with my tale of woe in a few..........

[~Sam~]

Awright! I do be back... Just another lesson in patience I guess. I'm beginning to learn this lesson really well these days.

So... the plan is this; at the end of those years we sell both properties, and find ourselves a hundred acres or so in the Appalachians or in NY State. Isolated acres... at the end of a dead end road, in the middle of the woods, adjoining state game lands, with a house, barn, workshop, pasture, And No One around for miles and miles.

That would seem like an easy thing to do... I've been looking, and it's not. Too far south and you have trailer trash for neighbors. In the hills it's hard to find piece of property with a year round stream... usually it's just dry woodland you have. New York State looks like a good possibility, only not too far north, west or east. I just don't like the soil depleted, barren hill tops and cold winds with no cover. The TRi-State area looks very promising.

A plan's a plan... hope this one comes together.

But for now, I'm learning my lessons at ignoring noise and becoming invisible to passers-by.

Now, the first weekend the new folks moved in they threw a party. A party's OK... I love parties. But not with Rap music and its bass Boom-Ba-Ba-Boom-Boom rattling my windows. I felt like a prisoner in my own home that night.

Next morning, I went out to feed the critters and found that my barn was full of smoke. I'm really, really pissed at this new development after working out my anger at being told that I have to be understanding and tolerant by Kenny the night before. So I march myself across the road, down the stone steps, past the pond, and to the stream... where, I find... tents all over the place and their campfire smoldering - untended!

Limping back up to the house (I'm still nursing that broken toe and crushed joint from when Raven stepped on my foot 4 weeks ago), I tell the Ole Man what's goin' down. He says; "Well, go and tell them about it." I do.

Splash, splash, splash! I plod across the stream, walk past tent city, and bang on the door. I sort of scratch my head, look down, then look up at the guy and say; "Have you ever lived in the country before? Havin' a party is OK, but this is an old neighborhood and we usually take it indoors after 10 )'clock. I had calls last night complaining about the noise and I don't want to be in that position. And when I just went out to feed I found my barn full of smoke. You can't leave a fire untended, and besides the point, all fires are supposed to be put out at sunset."

He said that he'd take care of it, and my day was beginning in an awful frame of mind. We got the goat penned cleaned out during the day, and that evening I had been down in the cellar giving the cats some food, coming up the stairs with my finger on the latch, fumbling with it, when Kenny thought to help me and pulled the door open only to have my finger become caught between the door and the jam.

Jesus Mother Fucking Christ !!! Were the first words out of my mouth. And with those words came the realization that the neighbor was standing in my kitchen. Good way to start a conversation about neighborly problems... NOT. And when I went to fill the dog's bowl with kibble and he knocked it out of my hand and all over the place in his excitement... I very much lost what ever cool I had left and was trying to maintain.

One of the BIG problems I was having with these folks was that they had two of their teenaged nephews living in a camper over there. The boys are not bad boys, it's just that their teenage energy doesn't belong in this valley. Being a sensitive empath, I have a hard time dealing with this kind of energy on an upclose and personal basis.

Ken had told me that he was going to say something about that the next day when he went over to inspect the remediation tanks the plumber had been installing to deal with Hydrogen Sulfide in their well water... But I blew that plan. Yes I did. I unloaded on this poor guy with both barrels blazing away.

The guy was upset because earlier that day I had found him on the road with his son, looking over the hedges to watch the fish jumping in my pond. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't do that." I said to him while standing out on the road. He was confused. "You can't say that you own the road," says he. "No, I can't say that, but how would you like it if I walked on the road and came and stared into your backyard?" Same thing I told those folks who were gawking at my horses the week before. Same damned thing. Sometimes I wonder why folks are just so damned CLUELESS.

Anyway, things that bother me are piling up. A few days after they had moved in, I'm walking Cody on the back lawn (on a Leash!), and I look over to see 12 people gathered at MY Spring. I told them nicely that their backyard ended at the woods, and that the Spring was my very private place. That if they wanted to walk in the woods that Codorus State Park was just a mile up the road and the park had plenty of trails to walk.

This obviously upset the woman, for during that conversation on the back porch, the guy tells me she wants to move out. "Her too?", I say in surprise. And from there our tenent/landlady talk mellowed a bit, and we all agree to give some time to allow things to find a more "Normal" way of being.

It was only right. These folks had been living in a motel room with three kids and two small dogs, one with two, 4 week old pups. They had to be ecstatic about finding a place so wonderful. I simply had to give things time to settle.

And they are settling very nicely, much to my surprise.

continued below...........

[~Sam~]

It's Thursday, today. Saturday night, after going through the; "I can Make this work, I can get used to all of it" and then; "I can't take it anymore, I'm gonna leave this place, it's not my home anymore," ... A friend calls me at 10:30 PM.

I give him the story of what's troubling me... although I really didn't want to poison his evening with my piss-off-ed-ness. And he gives me the same pep talk that Ken has been giving me. I don't want helpful suggestions here... I want to RANT. I AM the Wolverine !!! Snarling, growling, and generally carrying on.

Finally he says; "It's no big thing. That's a soldier's saying from the jungle. 'It's no big thing.' When you have to kill a Pappason or a Mommason, or a child or a dog or an ox, you have to say to yourself, 'It's no big thing. It happened, get over it, move forward.'"

Well, geewhiz... when you put it that way, I guess a little noise Is no big thing. Sort of put me off my rage and made me think about what others have had to deal with in their path through life. Compared to some... my plight with this changing situation is piddling.

This past Sunday, Ken and I took a ride out through the Appalachians to State College to see if the land out there appealed to us. It didn't. And after driving 200+ miles, I arrived back home with a whole new take on life here in the valley. After all is said and done... We do be very lucky.

I'm glad that I looked up the spiritual symbolism of the Wolverine today. I had observed one in the wilds of the Rockies for a few days a long time ago. It growled, howled, rolled around, climbed trees, came down and continued to make all kinds of ungodly noises. That memory of my observation has been making me smile for months. For I have been growling, snarling, talking loudly to myself, and generally being a crazy bitch. Much like that wolverine.

I liked what that symbolism calls one to remember. There was a story about a wolverine I had read in a book of Native American Tales about Mother Earth and Father Sky. I can't remember the name of the book, but I'll find it up in the attic one fine day. But, I'm still glad that there is more to the wolverine than the growling, snarling, and general unpleasantness that I've come to associate with it.

I hope that you've enjoyed this little flight into my ups-and-downs. They're beginning to be mostly Ups again, thank you very much, and I really am learning to become invisible, and I'm also learning to ignore and tolerate the inevitable changes in the world around me.

Kenny's home early and waiting for me to join him in doing some work outdoors. Think I'll trim the hedges so that our place looks nice and neat for all those people passing by....

You Have A Good One.

Sam

[~Sam~]

"Snarl... Growl... Snark, snark... spittle flying out my mouth!"

The damned hedge trimmer... she is no working! Guess I'll have to go mow some lawn.

See Ya All next week... Sometime... same station.

Sam

[Fractual_]

i can dig it

[SandyLee]

I feell the Wolf in me.

Ive always liked the name Wolfgang.

Now it makes sense.

Loving Ya Sam.

SandyLee

I feel like writing sam, and im gonna be honest.

I have a fear of rejection sam, and like the Great Blue Heron I Love to do things solo, but at the same time sometimes the loneliness runs deep, and it hurts.

i keep myself away from the very thing I(MY HEART) craves, and thats friendship, because im scared of rejection.


These words are For Me and To Me.

I No longer will live in fear,

I let myself be me.

the good old SandyLee.

Im Home, and its damm good to be back.

Loving Ya Sam.

And give me a reply sam, as i would love to hear from ya.

Just 2 ppl being, and sharing.



May The Force Be With Ya.

Sam

[rubymontana]

Desiderada




Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.


Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.


Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater
and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble,
it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.



Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.



You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.



With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


I Just thought you could use this today Sam....As always, Peace , Ruby

[~Sam~]

Deteriorata (Spoof)

Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.

Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss, and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance.

Remember the Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.

Know yourself. If you need help, call the F.B.I.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs, specially with those persons closest to you; that lemon on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls will scarcely get your feet wet.

Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth; birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan. And let not the sand of time get into your lunch.


Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.


Take heart in the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese.

And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.


You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. And whether
you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you conceive him to be --
hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate.

Give up.





Writers of National Lampoon Magazine®

Hey Ruby! Long time no see!

Thanks for the desiderata, I really do keep it in mind when I go through these kinds of changes. But, things are working out just fine since I wrote this post... Had the two older neighbor children on my lap, while sitting on the milking stand with Ebony on Friday, teaching them how to milk a goat... good fun.

I just don't know where my head went to these past few months... somewhere else, that much I do know. But since Friday I've been thinking that it sure does feel better inside of me, sharing the land, than the bad feelings I was having trying to keep everyone else off of it.


Being rejected is hard, Sandy. But I guess I'm jadded in the fact that I'd spent 8 years very ill in bed and had all of my friends reject me. Fuck 'em, is how I dealt with it. And in doing so, I only filled my soul with anger at the universe.

During those 8 years, when the only activity I could do was to get up and go to the bathroom and go right back to bed, I got used to being alone... Really alone. Ken came home from work every night and cooked for me, but that was only for 3 waking hours and then he went to sleep.

Now days, I don't feel the need for the company of others. I got so used to being by myself that I don't want or need it. At first I was very angry and cried for the company of friends... maybe to share the misery, I don't know. But then that need went away and I haven't been able to bring it back. Which is good, for I'm not missing a thing, and I really enjoy my own company... and the company of all my critters.

http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/638Sam_and_Raven_III.jpg
Taken today... Me riding my horse Raven

Love Ya's,
Sam

[Turquoise]

oops....see proceeding post.

[mosaicthreads]

I love you Sam.....it was refreshing to read your thoughts and feel for you and the changes you are going through. I'm relatively new here and the kindredness of many here, quenches my spirit. ~barbara

[rubymontana]

Hey Sam Girl....I really don't post much as you can tell....if you stick your head above the wall, you will surely be shot!!!! I am going through some strange things right now, the medical term is "menopause". My term is " what the hell is wrong with me", or "did I just say that?". or "shit, why is it so hot in here?" Anyways, I never know what my mood will be in the next 5 minutes...I keep the desiderada above my desk...a glass of ice water and a bowl of the best I can afford near my right hand, and I look for answers on the internet. And I come here to read your posts when it really matters to me that I can find no comfort anywhere.......You are here for a reason to many of us. Peace As Always, Ruby

[~Sam~]

Hi Mosaic! Thank You so very much for the love you send. Your words of affection have made my day... it's nice to be appreciated every once and again.


Ruby... I came out the other side of the Change a few years ago, but I surely do feel for you going through it now. I remember kicking the covers off and then pulling them back on, again and again during the night. Kenny, gawd love 'im, would pick up a magazine when I'd have a hot flash and wave air in my direction, saying; "I'm your biggest 'fan'." (He also thought that my temperature regulator was under alien control. I agreed with him.)

There Is a reward for the "going through" though... once past all the craziness of the change, I've found that there aren't as many ups and downs and all that jazz that rules the lives of women during our child producing years.

Keep your head low, the powder dry... and for heavens sake, keep that bowl clean.

Love Ya,
Sam