in need of advice....

[gypsymama]

im going to try to make a very long problem short....ive been with my bf for just over 5 yrs. we have a his, hers, and ours family. ranging from 4yrs old to the oldest 17, so you can imagine the fuss we have alot of the time...all three families have a very different view of raising babies...and we always seem to be the wrong ones, this is very hard on the kids and has taken a very big effect on our relationships , kids and mamas, kids and papas, kids and kids and so on. im at a loss and ready to give up, i love them all so very much , but i feel like im starting to fall apart and ive always considered mysef a strong person...

peace and love to yall.....

[OlderWaterBrother]

Hi gypsymama,

Just remember children only need two things to grow up strong and healthy.
They need to know that they are loved and they need to know where the boundaries are. I know that you are taking good care of the love part. So that leaves the boundaries part, it’s your job to teach them where the boundaries are. It’s funny but boundaries make children feel safe, secure and loved and then they can feel free to explore the world which is their job.

When you’re doing this, relax, look at your children, see that they are healthy, happy and loving life and that’s the whole point isn’t it, not what others think.

[gypsymama]

i think i worry too much about the influences of the other parents, (my ex and his ex).. becuase in their eyes we are bad people, and will never amount to anything...they have put this thought into thier kids head and it just really bugs me to think that the kids think this. the two older kids are my bf kids and their the ones that i worry the most about. I see it in the way they are toward me and they were not like that before a year ago.my 8 yr olds dad is very manipulative also and im afriad he is trying to raise a child that will always be dependent on him instead of teaching him to be an independent, stong man.....we cant take these 3 of our childeren to festies or gatherings or any of the sort and its very discouraging becuase they are missing out on so much...

[OlderWaterBrother]

Of course it’s only natural for a parent who loves her children to worry about them, even if there’s nothing to worry about. It is important to remember that the child loves both parents, so never denigrate the other parent no matter what that person says about you, your mate or your lifestyle. Give the child credit, most children can tell for themselves when someone loves them or that they are just being manipulated.

Remember that communication is the key. Open the lines of communication with your children, maybe by just asking how they feel about your lifestyle. Remember you’re not trying to force your ideas on them but trying to let them see that it’s a wide world out there and that there are many different thoughts about what being successful or amounting to something could be. Remember that soon they will be making the decision on how they will live their lives and it will be their decision. But help them to see that it is their decision and that they shouldn’t make that decision to please anyone else, even you, and that you’ll love them no matter choice they make! A parent’s job is to give them the options and information they need so they can make an informed decision based on who they are and who they want to be.

Also remember love is not a competition, the child can love both of you even if you have different ideas about life and how to raise children. So don’t let the child play you against one another, don’t let the child play the dad lets me do this card.

Love always wins out; love is not selfish and looks for the best interest of the other person not themselves.

Of course it’s easy to say but not always easy to do, but it’s not always what you accomplish but sometimes what you attempt that you are remembered for, remember we’re pulling for you!

[gypsymama]

I totally agree, and i know this...I think sometimes its hard to focus on the things you belive in when theres so many others interfering. Sometimes you just need the little reminder....and the encouragment to know you are doing the right thing...:) thanks

[OlderWaterBrother]

I know what you mean, I sometimes think that's why we're here to remind each other of the truths we already know and nudge each other back on track when we get a little off course and just be encouraging when time comes!

My pleasure, I know you'd do the same for me!