Advice for Stupid People

[PriceCheck]

You cannot learn how to breathe under water.

Knock with your hand, not with your head.

When you are hungry and have some money, use it to buy food rather than eating the money itself.

When waiting for the bus, wait for the driver to stop and open the door before you get on.

Humans, even really light ones, cannot fly. Do not throw people.

Can anyone help me out here?

[crummyrummy]

Dont eat the brown acid.

[evil i 13]

steal copper pipes from construction sites if you're not too stupid. and panhandle on the side. Steal a dog and pair of sunglasses everyday. at the end of each day sell the dog to a vietnamese restaurant, then back to work on the copper. By the way let me know how that works for you. I'm writing a book about idiotic squallor.

[newo]

Never pet a porcupine.

[PriceCheck]

When throwing things at other things, try not to aim for something directly over your head.

You cannot access your thoughts through your ear.

People are not staring at you out of admiration.

[newo]

Catching snowflakes on your tongue is fun. Golfball-size hail, not so much.

When playing soccer you can bounce the ball off your head. Do not attempt this while playing baseball.

If someone is throwing a javelin and asks you to catch it, don't take them seriously.

[crummyrummy]

Snowshoes will slow you down when playing basketball.

[rak]

This thread is so full of wisdom.

[crummyrummy]

You can never catch a rainbow, only appear to catch one to others.

[evil i 13]

You can never catch a rainbow, only appear to catch one to others.SHHHH! Let him dream.

[crummyrummy]

Light birthday cake candles from back to front.
Don't shave with a lawn mower.
Don't wash floors with cough syrup.
Forks need carry food no farther than your mouth.
Only squeeze the handle end of a sword.
Don't snap towels at passing cops.
Don't throw an angry cat straight up

[WritersPanic]

Never let anyone who isn't a cop put handcuffs on you.

10 pounds of flour makes a big biscuit.

Don't be a jerk JUST to be a jerk. Have a purpose so at least your life will have some meaning, even if you're a jerk!

If you can make her laugh, you can make her moan.

Don't bum weed off people.

Prime numbers aren't about meat.

Don't be a prime target.

Do check into rehab if it means staying out of jail. Jail sucks, the food is lame and the sex is violent.

If you have a step-mother, and she had a child before marrying your Dad, and then she and your Dad had another child, it places you 4th in line for giving a crap about her when she's old and senile.

If you're running away from home, you'll probably be raped by someone you barely know, no matter what your gender is.

It is illegal to drive a rental car on a dirt road or across the border into Mexico.

Don't try to remove a hoodie while you're driving.

Chemicals are a fucked up high eventually. Use them as an occasional treat, not a daily problem.

Don't steal from old people.

Don't ever think you are more important than your children.

Very few cars are works of art. The rest are just machines that will some day be melted down to make lawn furniture. They are not investments, they are just a way to get around.

Lottery tickets are like a tax for not paying attention in math class.

Martha Stewart is a convicted felon. She can never own a gun. She can only vote in a few states. She will likely never be able to adopt a child. Dating services will screen her out. Every court case she has from now on will be tainted making it unlikely she would ever have a fair trial again. Face it, she's screwed!

Just because it's hard doesn't mean she wants it. Pushy isn't sexy.

If you stink, people will avoid you.

Racism is lame in ANY direction.

Even if you finish high school, without a skill you compete with people willing to work for the minimum wage or less. Keep learning.

CF

[i_was_in_shroom_land]

- don't squeeze wine glass wondering whether or not its plastic - it'll break. (i've done it)
- dont cut your telephone wire with nail cutter because you want to find out if it would cut it or not - it'll cut. (i've done it)
lol
- dont pour salt on slugs.
- dont dip your hand in boiling water.
- dont sit down in the middle of the highway
- green means go
- red means stop
- turn the hot water on if the waters too cold
- dont smoke a blunt infront of a police station
- hats go on your head
- shoes go on your feet.

[crummyrummy]

When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.

Walking barefoot in the sand is good. Walking barefoot on a cactus is bad.

Don't lick toads, bulls, or jellyfish.

Don't drink water that comes from swimming pools, puddles, bathtubs, dishpans, sewage pipes, radiators, oceans, acid rain, or toilet bowls

[Stubb0rnSt0n3r]

Eat shit until your cancer consumes you.

[FlyingBurritoBro]

Hike faster when you hear the banjo music.

[bongwater89]

This thread is so full of wisdom.

LOL indeed..

interesting tips though

[bandbeyondescription]

o man i love this thread,
-dont eat shit if someone tells u to
-dont take everything literaly
-dont listen to bush's BULL SHIT!!!

[bongwater89]

dont attempt to put out a roach in your friend's mom's car with the window rolled most of the way up... it will probably fly back in the car and burn the car seat.
Lolercopter~!

[crummyrummy]

Dont swim with polar bears.

[i_was_in_shroom_land]

don't rub honey all over your body when you're standing next to a beehive.

[crummyrummy]

when peeing behind a tree in a forest in Arkansas, be careful for fire ants.

[sm0key42o8]

Do Not Have Kids

[stinkfoot]

It is not possible to suck-start a Harley Davidson from the tailpipe.

[crummyrummy]

Do not empty the bong water AFTER the cop has pulled you over.

[newo]

Don't say any of the following:

Is our children learning?

Most of our imports nowadays come from overseas.

Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/ack2.gif

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/willy_nilly.gif

I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.

I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, uh, er, um that is, won't get fooled again!http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/smilielol5.gif

I'm the master of low expectations.http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/biggrinjester.gif

[stinkfoot]

The metal flag pole is not strawberry flavored in January.

[crummyrummy]

follow the light

[PriceCheck]

Those big bags of salt they sell at the hardware store are not for really big bowls of popcorn.

Giving Christmas decorations as Christmas presents kind of defeats the purpose.

Tinsel should not be stapled to party guests.

Do not shake babies to help you guess what is inside.

When someone says "Punch?" they are usually offering you a beverage, not asking you to hit them.

The stairs are not a good toboggan run. Find a hill.

Start at the top of the hill.

"Buy now pay later" is not the same thing as free.

[crummyrummy]

Dont Lick self adhesive stamps

[elayne]

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Don't whittle toward yourself.

Don't pee into the wind.

[GLENGLEN]

If Your Left Handed ....Never.... I Repeat Never, Try To Use A "Right Handed" Screwdriver.


Promoting Safe Screwing....

Cheers Glen.

[WritersPanic]

Do NOT put ether in your bong!

[GLENGLEN]

When Painting With "Striped Paint"......Never Mix The Paint Too Vigorously......Or You May Distort The Stripes !!!!!


Another Home Improvment Tip From......

Glen.

[def zeppelin]

Don't zip up really fast.

[crummyrummy]

never wear cordurouy underpants

[Rock Hard]

Oral Sex does not mean you should just talk about it!

[Love Fest1969]

when someone says to go fuck yourself you really dont have to do it.

[newo]

When your mother asks, "If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge?" the correct answer is no.

[stinkfoot]

Under no circumstances should you wear a loincloth made of 80 grit sandpaper.

[Mr. Melty]

Red Bull does not ACTUALLY give you wings. It even says it in the commercial now. You're probably why.

[PriceCheck]

Although they are often called cakes, those little pucks in the bottom of urinals are not complimentary desserts.

Calling women whores will not get you a date with one

You know how you'll sometimes be on the subway and you'll start talking really loud because you think others will be impressed by your story? We aren't.

[Mr. Melty]

When they say "swallow" they aren't talking about gum.

[Love Fest1969]

If you see a sign that says Wet Paint don't touch the wall.

[FlyingBurritoBro]

The only time you should ask a woman if she's pregnant is when you see a baby coming out of her.

[crummyrummy]

Family gatherings are not for meeting chicks
* Advice void in West Virginia*

[PriceCheck]

Apples are said to "keep the doctor away" because they are a healthy food choice. Throwing apples at doctors will not result in fewer visits to the emergency room.

[Moon_Unit]

there is no such thing as a left handed screw driver and elbow grease...if you looking for it expect to be pelted with various things from contruction sites

[Love Fest1969]

It really doesn't rain cats and dogs so don't stand outside during a storm looking for a pet.

[Mr. Melty]

Those little squirty bowls in fancy hotels aren't little baths for babies.

[freethinkinghippie]

Don't put a baby in the freezer to reduce a fever it'll get freezer burn
Don't hold a firecracker and light it. put it in a bottle light and get away from it
Don't play horsey with a newborn it'll shake it's brain and damage it
Children need food don't forget to feed them while you play video games.
Coffee from a resturant will be hot don't put it between your legs while driving.
If your going to try to walk on water make sure you can swim if it doesn't work.
you can't fly no matter what your thoughts tell you.

[crummyrummy]

I dont care how vegan you are, its OK to breast feed a baby.

[bandbeyondescription]

dont try to fuck ur selfwhen somone tells u to
:)

[newo]

It's okay for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers.

[crummyrummy]

It is not ok to fondle women in the subway.
Keep your feet in your own stall in the restroom.

[PriceCheck]

If you can't read the instructions, they're probably in another language. Don't pretend you understand them just ask for help.

Parakeets are not baby parrots.

If someone asks if you want to dance, they mean with them.

[crummyrummy]

If the instructions are in another language, flip the page over before calling the 1-800 number.

[PriceCheck]

"We need to talk" does not mean you are getting a pony.

[Love Fest1969]

If a cop says you fit the description thats a bad thing.

[Mr. Melty]

The corrosive sign on bottles doesn't mean you will get x-ray vision if you drink it or rub it on your eyes.

[Idunno~do.you?]

2+2. does not = 5.

LoL....

[themnax]

do not climb on the roof of an electric train in germany looking for the tode!

(i don't really know doitchie all that well, but even i could figure that one out)

=^^=
.../\...

[newo]

Things not to do or say in front of the police http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=277886

[bat for lashes]

no matter how yummy looking something looks... it doesnt mean it is.

same as: just because it looks eatable doesnt mean it is. :(

[marbchic]

Don't breathe under water

[crummyrummy]

Dont poop in your own bed.

[marbchic]

open your eyes when walking

[WritersPanic]

and wash your sheets if you do

[crummyrummy]

try not to explode

[PriceCheck]

Can openers do not work the same way as hammers.

If you're insulting someone's intelligence on the internet, make sure you spell "stupid" correctly.

[E-Rocc]

Shower

[i_was_in_shroom_land]

Showeryeah, the shower curtain goes on the inside of the bathtub.

[GLENGLEN]

When Having "Sex In The Shower".....Do Not...I Repeat Do Not Use The Soap For Lube.........



Yours...."From Past Experience"........(stings like freekin hell)....

Glen.

[E-Rocc]

the penis goes in the vagina

[Love Fest1969]

Give me all your money.

[E-Rocc]

Don't stare at the sun!

[PriceCheck]

Sticking something in your ear and lighting it on fire will not cure cancer.

[E-Rocc]

Dont bury yourself alive

[GLENGLEN]

Before Attempting To Remove Stubborn Stains From A Garment......Always Circle The Stain With A Permanent Marker.......So When You Remove The Garment From The Washing Machine........You Can Easily Locate The Area Of The Stain........And Check That It Has Gone...




Yours....With Another Timesaving Household Tip..

Glen.

[E-Rocc]

dont light yourself on fire

[GLENGLEN]

Always Poo At Work......Not Only Will You Save Money On Toilet Paper........But You'll Also Be Getting Paid To Do It....



Cheers Glen.

[GLENGLEN]

Recreate The Fun Of A Visit To A Public Swimming Pool In Your Own Home By........Filling The Bath With Cold Water....Adding Two Bottles Of Bleach....Then Pissing In It....Before Diving In....



Yours....Whilst Typing On A Floating..Urine Proof.. Keyboard....

Glen.

[i_was_in_shroom_land]

don't use your baby to test if your boiling water is hot enough.

[GLENGLEN]

If You Suffer From High Blood Pressure..........Simply Place A Small Cut, In A "Major Artery"...And Bleed For Awhile........Thus Reducing The Pressure....




Yours.......In The Promotion Of...Safe...Simplified.....***Do It Yourself*** ...Medical Procedures....

Glen.

[newo]

If someone gives you a pot brownie you're not supposed to smoke it.

[newo]

This was actually in my horoscope:

Never test the depth of water with both feet.

[bandbeyondescription]

dont try to drown a fish

[ESRUOS ENO]

Police dogs can run faster than you think even if they do eat Donuts.

[GLENGLEN]

If Your Anorexic...And Your Knees Become Fatter Than Your Legs...............Then It's Time To Start Eating Again..!!!!!!



Yours....... Whilst Chewing On His 16th Mega-Double Cheeseburger For The Day....

Glen.

[ESRUOS ENO]

Dont let GLENGLEN give you directions!!!!!!!

[stev90]

Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.

-Frank Zappa


So, stupid people, we salute you. Keep your chin up, you are the basic building block of the universe.

:jester:

[ESRUOS ENO]

Lighting farts on fire can be a good idea but not near the drapes.

[ESRUOS ENO]

Stun guns are not effective birth control.

[GLENGLEN]

..Never Hitch A Lift In ESRUOS ENO's Truck.....Without First Reading The Bumpersticker....



Yours........In The Secure Knowledge That All American Hitchhikers Are Now Safe...... From "E..E's"..... "Unique Style" Of Driving......( well at least until "E..E" finds his "stolen truck").....

Cheers Glen.

[ESRUOS ENO]

Advice for stupid vampires. Plasma T V's dont have blood in them.........

[ESRUOS ENO]

Dont Smoke Poison Ivy Because someone on the internet said it gets you HIGH.

[nakedtreehugger]

do not tell your kids they can be whatever they want to be. we might end up with another president bush.

[redyelruc]

do not tell your kids they can be whatever they want to be. we might end up with another president bush.BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Chainsaws don't make good nail-clippers no matter how thick your toenails are.

[ESRUOS ENO]

You can not do a CRAZY IVAN manuver in a automobile.......

[nakedtreehugger]

when you loose your child's pacifier, a balloon will not suffice.

[redyelruc]

melting candles on your nether regions while getting undressed is not the meaning of strip-waxing

[GLENGLEN]

When..They Say It's "RAINING CATS AND DOGS"....It Doesn't Mean It's..."PAWING".....!!!



Yours.......With Sincere Apologies For The Above.....

Glen.

[redyelruc]

The bible IS a collection of fictional metaphors and parables.

[nakedtreehugger]

going to church to confess your sins does NOT make you a better person. or even remotely likeable.

[redyelruc]

using a dictionary as a pillow will NOT increase your vocabulary.

[nakedtreehugger]

having kids with your bangin' hot sister will not lead to you having bangin' hot kids. it will lead to retardedness. also see previous entry about not telling your kids they can be anything they want.

[redyelruc]

having kids with your bangin' hot sister will not lead to you having bangin' hot kids. it will lead to retardedness. also see previous entry about not telling your kids they can be anything they want.
HAHAHAHAHA1

Although vegetarians eat veg, humanitarians do NOT eat humans.

[gesone]

Revolving doors DO NOT have doorknobs!

[GLENGLEN]

Never Talk "Tough" To A Guy With A Flat Nose...And Squished Up Ears...


Cheers Glen.

[redyelruc]

If you bear an uncanny resemlance to the postman, it's probably not that big of a coincidence.

[GLENGLEN]

Never Believe Anything You Hear.....Until It's Been Officially Denied ...Many Times.....By The Highest Official Of That Organisiation.....



Cheers Glen.

P.S...Good Advice For All......Not Just The Stupid Ones.....

[gesone]

Never assume anything unless you know for sure you can work around it.

[edenfield]

If u find yourself looking down on someone, be sure your hands outstretched.
If u find yourself looking up to someone, be sure it's because they'd do the same for you.

eden.

[afowlking]

if someone has told you that they skipped a grade dont ask if they are smart
we will kill you eventually
physically or mentally

[i_was_in_shroom_land]

Dinosaurs are not as friendly as the ones on "the land before time"

[Some call me Jim]

If u find yourself looking down on someone, be sure your hands outstretched.
If u find yourself looking up to someone, be sure it's because they'd do the same for you.

eden.HA.

em,
never eat shredded wheat is a good way to remember North, East, South, West.
hopefully, you won't get lost.
but if you do -- do NOT get into a car with a stranger.

[i_was_in_shroom_land]

when going to the mall, and the door says "pull" dont forcefully try to push it.. and vise versa.

[marbchic]

take candy from strangers

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't stick your foot under the tire of a moving car no matter what anyone tells you.

Don't try to trim a hedge with a lawn mower then try and sue the lawn mower company because someone got hurt.

(both true stories)

[GLENGLEN]

If u find yourself looking down on someone, be sure your hands outstretched.
If u find yourself looking up to someone, be sure it's because they'd do the same for you.

eden.Thats Not Advice For Stupid People......It's Advice For All Of Us......I Have Never Come Across This Quote Before........Thanks For Sharing It With Us...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon14.gif




Yours......Whilst Sitting Here In A Deep And Thoughtful State Of Mind...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon5.gif

Glen.

P.S.....Yes I Know It's Hard To Believe....But I Do Take Time Out To "Think" On (rare) Occasions......

[OlderWaterBrother]

Do not swallow fishing lures even if they forgot to put the do not swallow warning on the packaging.

[OlderWaterBrother]

If you're taking a bath and the water gets cold don't try to warm the water by putting an electric room heater in the water at the other end of the tub.

[crummyrummy]

Dont golf using Flamingos and Hampsters.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Dont golf using Flamingos and Hampsters.Now you tell Me!
I thought that only applied to croquet.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't correct mistakes in a word doc by using whiteout on the screen.

[GLENGLEN]

Don't Wait Any Longer.....Procrastinate Now..!!..http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/crazy.gif




Cheers Glen.

[OlderWaterBrother]

You can eat Trix if you want to, even if you're an adult!

[GLENGLEN]

Please Don't Complain About The Coffee.....You'll Be Old And Weak One Day Too.....http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/sad.gif


Cheers Glen.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't test an electrical curcuit by licking your fingers and touching the wires.

[ESRUOS ENO]

dont eat peanut butter after you have used it to shave your groin area.... you can eat it if you used it to shave anywhere else though...

[OlderWaterBrother]

When a policeman behind you turns on his flashing red lights he's not challenging you to a race.

[Boogabaah]

this thread reminds me of a chatroom i used to make called "terrible advice"

throw bricks!

eat that packet of stuff marked "do not eat" it's really tasty

[DroopySnoopy]

Whatever you do, don't walk into a tornado hoping to find Dorothy and Toto.

Don't pour cat litter into a toilet to see if it dries up.

Don't drive head-on into the ocean, even if your best friend told you a mazda doing 95 mph would float.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't ever believe someone when they say; this won't hurt.

[GLENGLEN]

If At First You Don't Succeed........Then Redefine Success....



Cheers Glen.

[OlderWaterBrother]

If you're driving a car and the road is straight, it’s not okay to take a nap.

[newo]

When they say, "Don't try this at home.", it doesn't mean it's okay to do it after you leave the house.

[newo]

When you use the cruise control in your car you still have to steer.

[GLENGLEN]

*********ADVICE FOR REALLY..REALLY..REALLY.. STUPID MEN*********





We've All Heard About Men Having..."Guts Or Balls".....But Do You Really Know The Difference Between Them...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/crazy.gif...?.....I Therefore Offer The Following As A Guide For All Stupid Men Out There............


A "Guts" Is Arriving Home Late After A Night Out With The Boys......Being Assulted By Your Wife With A Broom.......And Having The "Guts" To Say......Are You Still Cleaning......Or Planning To Fly Somewhere....http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif...?


"Balls" Is Arriving Home Late After A Night Out With The Boys......Smelling Of Cheap Perfume.....Beer.....And With Lipstick On Your Collar........Then Slapping Your Wife On The Ass........And Having The "Balls" To Say.........YOUR NEXT........http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon25.gif


Cheers Glen...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif

[OlderWaterBrother]

Goldfish aren't really made of gold.

[FlyingBurritoBro]

That's so funny. Glen giving advice to stupid people. It kind of connotates intellegence on his part...

Just kiddin' Glen.

Actually all the good advice I needed was in a Jim Croce song. "You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind..." It's how I've gotten thru life so far.

[GLENGLEN]

Heres A Motto For Stupid People..........Do It Tomorrow......You've Made Enough Mistakes For Today....



Cheers Glen.

[crummyrummy]

Dont eat the green, furry ham steaks.

[GLENGLEN]

To Avoid The Embarrasment Of Shouting Out The Wrong Names Whilst In The Act Of Lovemaking.........http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon11.gif.Only Have Affairs With Women.. (or men...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon25.gif.).. Who Have The Same Name As Your Wife.....http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif



Cheers Glen.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't eat yellow snow!

[newo]

Fuck Dr. Seuss! Don't eat green eggs and ham! Not in a boat, not with a goat, yadda yadda yadda!

[GLENGLEN]

If You Want A Healthy Sex Life.....The Key Word Is Communication..http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif..So

When You Are Making Love To Your Partner....... For Heaven's Sake....Tell

Them...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif

Cheers Glen.

[OlderWaterBrother]

If you're hiking in the Florida Glades and you see a large alligator, don't try to put your head in its mouth!

[gesone]

Do not attempt to fix a light socket with a butter knife.

[GLENGLEN]

Advice For Stupid Women......Most Men Are Like Blenders.....You Need One.....But You're Not Quite Sure Why.......http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/crazy.gif



Cheers Glen..http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif

[newo]

Learn to swim before you learn to surf.

[OlderWaterBrother]

If you say something stupid, saying it again won't make it any less stupid!
Saying it louder doesn't help either.

[GLENGLEN]

You Haven't Failed......Youv'e Just Found Another Way That Doesn't Work...




Cheers Glen.

[themnax]

don't do anything you can't figgure out. people will bitch at you for this and call you lazy, but you'll be less likely to hurt yourself or cause harm to others.

=^^=
.../\...

[Rock Hard]

Anti Pasto does not mean you are against Spaghetti!

[GLENGLEN]

A Thrifty...Money Saving Tip For Stupid People.....Stop Wasting Money Buying Toilet Paper..And Use An Old Telephone Directory Instead...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif....WARNING.....Do Not Attempt To Try This If You Use......"Directory Online"..http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon25.gif...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon2.gif...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif




Cheers Glen...

[OlderWaterBrother]

When flying in an airplane you do not have to flap your arms to help the plane take off!

[GLENGLEN]

When Queuing At The Supermarket Checkout.....Pass Your Time By Chewing Off And Eating The Useless Bits Off The Vegetables.......Such As The Leafy Ends Of The Celery.....And The Blunt Stump On The Broccoli.............This Way Not Only Will You Benefit From The Fibre......But The Veges Will Be A Lot Lighter When The Time Comes To Weigh Them.......http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon14.gif...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif




Cheers Glen.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Remove the egg from the egg shell before cooking scrambled eggs!

[GLENGLEN]

Remove The "Dry Clean Only" Tag From Your Clothes......Have The Tag Itself "Drycleaned", Leaving The Rest Af The Garment Free To Be Washed Normally.....http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon14.gif



Cheers Glen.

[OlderWaterBrother]

When posting to an advise for stupid people thread tell them not to do stupid things! Don't tell them to do stupid things which they are probably already doing!

[crummyrummy]

Dont pull your your mc hammer pants up so high that you get a camel toe.

[Captain Cannabis]

Do not ever, ever help Jack off the horse.

[crummyrummy]

Dont eat raw rice.

[OlderWaterBrother]

When trying to remember your right hand from your left have someone put and big L on your left hand and a big R on your rignt hand. Don't do it your self!

[newo]

Thought I'd ripoff another website:

Wash behind your ears, not behind your eyes.

Don't iron clothes while wearing them.

Don't sled down hills with interstates at the bottom.

Sell at most one of your kidneys.

Don't chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.

Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.

When using a weed whacker, don't hold the end with the wire.

Stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.

Although it looks like a pussy, don’t stick your tongue into an anemone.

[crummyrummy]

Dont Jerk Off a Bear in the Woods

[OlderWaterBrother]

When using a weed whacker, don't hold the end with the wire.
Speaking of weed whackers, don't try to trim your mustache with one!

[GLENGLEN]

When It Comes Down To "Points Of Law" .. A Verbal Contract...Isn't Worth The Paper It Is Written On.......http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/crazy.gif...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif



Cheers Glen.

[crummyrummy]

Dont bathe with "easy off".

[OlderWaterBrother]

Dont bathe with "easy off".Don't try to whiten your teeth with it either!

[crummyrummy]

Don't try to whiten your teeth with it either!Or enema....

[OlderWaterBrother]

Or enema....CRIMMINY!

[crummyrummy]

Wire coat hangers as q-tips, not such a good idea....

[gaum]

drain-o does not unclog your sinuses

[crummyrummy]

Do not roller skate at the ice rink

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't play leap frog with elephants!

[pixeewinged]

my advice for stupid people... quit breathing.

[crummyrummy]

Dont pet the skunks!!!!

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't hand feed Sharks!

[crummyrummy]

Do not fire bottle rockets from your anus.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don’t try to play Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic!

[crummyrummy]

If the only ladies on the bus are nuns, you prolly are not going to score.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Speaking of scoring, don't try to score at your family picnic either.

[crummyrummy]

Or your wifes funeral.

[OlderWaterBrother]

If you're racing at the Indy 500 remember it's counter clockwise! Or all left hand turns, you know your other right!

[crummyrummy]

never change your motor oil with the car running

[i2ghostman]

dont eat Copelandia Cyanescens and joke around with fat people on hip forum...

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't try to play your DVDs with your VCR!

[GLENGLEN]

Advice For Stupid People......Do Not Attempt To Answer This Question........http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/crazy.gif......http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif



Cheers Glen...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif

[newo]

Wash, rinse, repeat.

[GLENGLEN]

Never Attempt To Replace The Radiator Hoses On Any "Air Cooled" Engine..........Before First Releasing ....All The Water Out Of The Cooling System....http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif


Cheers Glen.

[crummyrummy]

Redbull doesnt really give you wings.

[FlyingBurritoBro]

Quit breaking the law, asshole!

[inkblob]

When "applying directly to your forehead"...do not use adhesive.

[crummyrummy]

brush your teeth and the toilet with seperate brushes.
Dont mix brushes up.

[GLENGLEN]

When You Go To See A Specialist About Your Loss Of Memory.........Expect To Be Asked To Pay Him In Advance......



Cheers Glen...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif

[OlderWaterBrother]

Stop talking on your cell phone when you drive!

[FlyingBurritoBro]

AAAAA MEN! And quit doing dumb shit on camera. If there's a camera around, hold perfectly still until it goes away or the battery goes dead.

[OlderWaterBrother]

If a key isn't unlocking a lock, don't keep twisting till the key breaks off in the lock!

[FlyingBurritoBro]

And if you want a beer and don't have a churchkey, DON'T try using your teeth! Use a lighter or the edge of a picnic table.

[GLENGLEN]

Advice For Stupid People.....The Difference Between "Genius" And "Stupidity".........Is That "Genius" Has Limits...http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif


Cheers Glen.

[crummyrummy]

Buy low, sell high.

[OlderWaterBrother]

On a commercial passenger plane, please don’t sit by the emergency exits

[GLENGLEN]

On a commercial passenger plane, please don’t sit by the emergency exits
WHY NOT....?????....If I Was Offered The Choice Of Seats On A Plane.........I Would Most Certainly Book The Seat.....Nearest The Exit.....http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon14.gif.

Makes Sense To Me......http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif

Cheers Glen.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Because GlenGlen, if a stupid person sat next to the emergency exit, in an emergency he wouldn't be able to open it and everyone on the plane would die!

[FlyingBurritoBro]

There you go. Trying to reason with him...

[OlderWaterBrother]

There you go. Trying to reason with him...
:lol:

[crummyrummy]

Dont loan money to a crack head.

[OlderWaterBrother]

When driving though a flashing red light you don't have to stop everytime the red light comes on.

[FlyingBurritoBro]

Whenever someone says "HEY!" don't assume they mean you. You look really dumb pointing at yourself with that puzzled look on your face.

[crummyrummy]

PVC is not an all occasion fabric.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't try to do your own Dentistry!

[crummyrummy]

Flipping up the collar of your Pink Izod shirt only makes you look more gay.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Remember when fishing, hold on to the pole and throw the hook into the water!

[crummyrummy]

dont give a cat amphetamines

[OlderWaterBrother]

A bummer is not a female bum.

[crummyrummy]

If you dont shower and use patchouli, you enter a whole new realm of rancid odor that is better left alone.
Fucking shower/bathe regularily!!!!!!!

[OlderWaterBrother]

Hitting yourself in the head with a hammer because it feels so good when you stop.
Not such a good idea

[i_was_in_shroom_land]

when closing the door, and your fingers hurt.... try taking your hand out of the way.

[Subliminal89]

leaves of three let them be. leaves of four eat some more

[OlderWaterBrother]

No matter much it looks like a handle don't pick a cat up by it's tail.

[Oneness]

Fire hot

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't try chewing dry ice!

[crummyrummy]

Eat the fungi, not the cow shit.

[Dwizzy]

Never give your wallet to a stranger.

[crummyrummy]

Amy Winehouse is not a rolemodel...neither are professional athletes...for much the same reason.

[Zhyppers]

Locking the door is pointless if one does not close it. (my roommate)

[Oneness]

Jesus painted the sky blue, with his christ brush

[GLENGLEN]

Amy Winehouse is not a rolemodel...neither are professional athletes...for much the same reason.


http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon14.gif............................http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon14.gif..........................http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/icon14.gif.....http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif


Cheers Glen..

[orison319]

dont try to Shave a whale.. its not as easy as it sounds.....

[crummyrummy]

Do not pee in your bathtub while you are bathing in it.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't jump head first into mud puddles.

[Spiritawakening]

Don't use a knife as a fork

[OlderWaterBrother]

If your toaster isn't working, before taking it to get fixed, try plugging it in.

[Captain Cannabis]

Do not fire bottle rockets from your anus.
.........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbQQM5cR5j4&feature=related

[Spiritawakening]

The toilet water is not for drinking

[Subliminal89]

neither is a urinal

[Zhyppers]

Don't jump from a roof and expect to make an epic wrestling move

[OlderWaterBrother]

neither is a urinalAnd you know those round white things, just because they're called urinal cakes doesn't mean you can eat them!

[orison319]

its not officially 4:20 unless the clock says so..... you cant partake in smoking till, 4:20am if you do. youll be cursed. and will always have a hard time finding buds..
Respect the DATE> and dont partake till 4:20 am est. or you could flip your clock on it side.... and Get HIGH NOON.....http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/pic041908_2_clock.jpg

[Spiritawakening]

Glass items will generally smash when dropped on the floor

[crummyrummy]

walking on said glass while barefoot will likely result in bloody footprints.

[Spiritawakening]

Said bloody footprints are due to glass cutting through your feet

[Zhyppers]

There are two rules to be a successful person.
The first rule is not to give out everything you know.

[OlderWaterBrother]

Don't try to use an egg as a ping pong ball!

[Zhyppers]

Don't cast your pearls before swine...

[i_was_in_shroom_land]

that bowl of water the waiter gives you after eating at a restaurant is actually for your hands, not for drinking.

[orison319]

Do not leave boxes of steak knives in the childrens school playground.....

[Spiritawakening]

a ball dress is not suitable attire for a job interview