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jahmerimaka
11-09-2007, 03:42 PM
My second poem... any advice would be appreciated.


Read your bibles, I became ill from this quixotic, unexplainable reality long ago.

I have questions, with answers void of experience.

So I embarked on a journey through my mind,

I searched for myself in another realm, perhaps a true one.

Smelling the sounds from your touch, and seeing the colors of your voice.

The glaring voices blinded my hearing, as the sounds of nature were soothing to my eyes.

My senses have been distorted, forcing me to see this earth as no one else.

Experiencing life from another perspective, I realized the more I encounter, the more knowledge I bear.

My actions were once shady and my mind had been corrupted.

This new knowledge I have gained, has excavated prior thoughts from my mind, and pin pointed errors.

I begin to see clearer, understanding purpose and reason; for everything is living around me.

The voices of nature chronicle past events, and their relation to future.

The voices are fading, as I begin lose grasp of this exploration.

WAIT! DON’T LEAVE!

It has taught me so much.

STOP!

Now I am hearing sounds, and feeling your touch once again.

My enchanted discoveries have left me with nothing but a single revelation.

We seem to just dart for the answer books, not even glancing a question.

As for the question of life,

What if we picked up the wrong book?

jahmerimaka
11-09-2007, 07:04 PM
any feedback guys?

VolcomStoner420
11-10-2007, 01:03 AM
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skyfire
11-11-2007, 08:02 AM
^ yah cuz that's helpful...


My senses have been distorted, forcing me to see this earth as no one else.
Experiencing life from another perspective, I realized the more I encounter, the more knowledge I bear.
i want to know what this looks like...describe for me how things look...i want some concrete details so i can know how your world looks too, help me expand my knowledge...


What if we picked up the wrong book? then we put it down and pick up another...truth is subjective, knowledge is experiential...

jahmerimaka
11-11-2007, 11:45 PM
^ yah cuz that's helpful...

i want to know what this looks like...describe for me how things look...i want some concrete details so i can know how your world looks too, help me expand my knowledge...
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then we put it down and pick up another...truth is subjective, knowledge is experiential...Finally somebody.

I will deffinetly take into consideration adding details, although that verse was referring to the previous part of the flipped senses (seeing sounds, smelling touch, ect.) This writing was accually reflecting my mushroom experience and was written with out much revision. I am thinking of turning this in for a poetry assignment I have in my literature class. Anyway, i appreciate your advice.