Bamboo dreams

[bird_migration]

Bamboo dreams and dreaded lights
And flights of seagulls screaming
For nothing that we'll understand
And nothing we could be dreaming

For children's songs and sandy rocks
And flocks of seagulls mourning
For time that passed and passing time
And yestersummers morning

As bamboo dreams vividify
And lights that last 'come clearer
We realise with wisdom comes,
The dreaded light comes nearer



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[poopzilla33]

i like it alot, you could try messing around with the syllable count in each line and get some kinda form in there

[groovecookie]

Seriously, you're 8 and you wrote that?http://www.hipforums.com/images/newsmilies/new/worthy.gif

[Malapascua]

Seriously, you're 8 and you wrote that?http://www.hipforums.com/images/newsmilies/new/worthy.gif

Yeah, 8, with over 14,000 posts. ha ha ha ha

[groovecookie]

Yeah, 8, with over 14,000 posts. ha ha ha haJeez, if he's an 8 year old, he should get busy being an 8 year old. I'd like to hear an 8 year old say the word "vividify". lol

[KittenX]

Jeez, if he's an 8 year old, he should get busy being an 8 year old. I'd like to hear an 8 year old say the word "vividify". lolhaha that made me laugh out loud.

[bird_migration]

Instead of helping me to become a better poet you guys make fun of me.

How rude.

[senzgirl]

Wow....that poem was unique and intruging..I highly enjoyed reading that.

[bird_migration]

Wow....that poem was unique and intruging..I highly enjoyed reading that.
Thank you very much, Senzgirl.
I do not mind being critisized, but I dislike being made fun of.

[senzgirl]

I wasn't making fun of you I was telling you Ienjoyed your uniqueness and talents.

[bird_migration]

I wasn't making fun of you I was telling you Ienjoyed your uniqueness and talents.
I understand that, that is why I was thanking you.

I was referring to some of the other posters being nasty.

So again, thank you kindly, Senzgirl, you are sweet.

[groovecookie]

bird migration, it wasn't you or your poem I was making fun of. I don't know you, so I wouldn't make fun of you, and I definitely wouldn't make fun of your poem because it's awesome......it's just too awesome to have been written by someone who's really 8 years old which is why I was making fun.......maybe you are 8 in which case, I am the biggest boob in the universe and you are going to be a great poet so you needn't worry about a boob like me

[KittenX]

Bird, be nice to groovecookie or if you really want to play an 8 year old internet prodigy, delete those pictures of your ole self in the gallery, silly boy.

[KittenX]

PS the poem isn't bad, but too sing-song rhymey for me, but I just have my own preferences. your ending was kind of eerie, dreaded light made me think of death.

[poopzilla33]

please take my first suggestion i made seriously it was not meant to be anything but helpful