Capitalism

[Uncle_Asshatt]

There's nothing wrong with Capitalism
There's nothing wrong with free enterprise
Don't try to make me feel guilty
I'm so tired of hearing you cry

There's nothing wrong with making some profit
If you ask me I'll say it's just fine
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live nice
I'm so tired of hearing you whine
About the revolution
Bringin' down the rich
When was the last time you dug a ditch?

If it ain't one thing
Then it's the other
Any cause that crosses your path
Your heart bleeds for anyone's brother
But you're just a pain in the ass

You criticize with plenty of vigor
You rationalize everything that you do
With catchy slogans and heavy quotations
And everybody is crazy but you

You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses, whoever they are
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain?

[Malapascua]

I know many people that fit this well written description.

Nice poem.

[redyelruc]

If it ain't one thing
Then it's the other
Any cause that crosses your path
Your heart bleeds for anyone's brother
But you're just a pain in the ass

You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses, whoever they are
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain?
Eloquently vehement. I like this a lot especially the bit about the mouth and the brain. This made me smile when I thought of the people it would offend. Good writing.

Peace,
A.

[WoodstockChild]

Is this the anti-'America'? (Allen Ginsberg)

I disagree with all your points...
And strongly...
There is much wrong with Capitalism...
Why are you on Hipforums...
You're a republican...
Whatever.

[saffronfrancisburnet]

There's nothing wrong with Capitalism


You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses, whoever they are
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain?hi there
good worded poem.
i also disagree
{are you fighting your inner fears that you are
in fact not free really, to have to point your finger at those who know pain..and wish for a change in the system for the better..of cause profit is wrong, people in the uk can earn little whilst working long hours.children in schools here going to the charities for help...
whilst our government offers managers to run schools.
pensions disappear whilst the old who have seen much pain suffer and dare not use their heating system because of companies who have profits...
the youths so angry, anti social behaviour,whlist
tax payers give money for the police system ,yet
still our streets are not really safe,ie the boy just murdered after training for football,shot in the kneck..
yet no one in court yet, for this death...
i am not sure you understand what capitalism means for many in other parts of the wolrd really ,it means the west
can rule this planet ...if we allow...

right now in this world profit is causing war...
thats why i do not agree with your poem..
we do not just talk ,talk talk, socialists that is...
believe in human developement and equal
living standards world wide,middle class..mmmm
this is a capitalists' idea..
i believe in the ending of class divide
then you will see what the human race is possible
of, as a people...

i am sad that you do not see past this capitalists'
dream of nothing changing, everyone knowing their
place and never allowing peace...
take care
lovenpeace from saff
a socialist a lover of life ,not what profit i can make
from using other humans...

[redyelruc]

I want to expand a little on my earlier reply.

There's nothing wrong with Capitalism
There's nothing wrong with free enterprise

I strongly disagree with this statement. There are lots of things wrong with capitalism but there are many positives too. Rewarding people who stick their neck on the line to try and better their economic situation being the most important among them, I think.

I still think that this is a well written poem. I really love the anger and swagger of the speaker's putdowns.


If it ain't one thing
Then it's the other
Any cause that crosses your path
Your heart bleeds for anyone's brother
But you're just a pain in the ass

You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses, whoever they are
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain?
Saff, I would like you to know though that people like you were not incuded in the people who I think get offended from this poem. You responded rationally and eloquently too and also noticed the ability of the writer with words.

People who get offended by this type of work are the people it addresses... the middle classes who like to chatter about improving things from the comfort of there 3 bed semi. They jump on every band wagon that they think makes them sound more caring and liberal without ever doing anything to really improve the situation of others, without any real knowledge of what povertty is.

I just want it to be clear that I am not a capitalist money-grabber, nor am I putting down people who truly believe in or want to adopt another system of living.

I do think the poem is a very well written angry outburst at some of the bleeding heart types who follow trends, like for example the current trend to be totally anti-american.

I hope that people can see it for what it is, a poem. It has been one of the inspirations for the following poem, extolling the vitue of the working classes.

Peace,
A.

http://www.hipforums.com/images/newsmilies/new/worthy.gif A Real Hero

These calloused hands tell their own tale:
A life of hard work, my body for sale.

I built the towers for you big-shot bankers,
You heroes of commerce, you white-collared wankers.

I laid the pathes for your heroes of war
To march their armies and go down in 'lore.

I built the houses you heroes call homes,
I even caste those garden gnomes.

I'm the man that built them all.
The KL tower, the Chinese wall.

So when you stand there up on high,
A concrete shadow in the sky.

Remember my words
Before you condemn.
Real heroes build pedestals,
Not stand upon them.
__________________________________________________

[usfcat]

although i disagree with your poem i really like it. it was well written and i do like how you poked fun at people who are simply anti for the sake of being anti, without any real drive, experience, or reasoning. kudos.

[WoodstockChild]

There is everything wrong with capitalism...

[Malapascua]

http://www.hipforums.com/images/newsmilies/new/worthy.gif A Real Hero

These calloused hands tell their own tale:
A life of hard work, my body for sale.

I built the towers for you big-shot bankers,
You heroes of commerce, you white-collared wankers.

I laid the pathes for your heroes of war
To march their armies and go down in 'lore.

I built the houses you heroes call homes,
I even caste those garden gnomes.

I'm the man that built them all.
The KL tower, the Chinese wall.

So when you stand there up on high,
A concrete shadow in the sky.

Remember my words
Before you condemn.
Real heroes build pedestals,
Not stand upon them.
__________________________________________________
Another great work of art.

[WoodstockChild]

This poem was obviously written by a filthy rich republican who can't relate with the people who have nothing because of capitalism and its festering greed.

[redyelruc]

This poem was obviously written by a filthy rich republican who can't relate with the people who have nothing because of capitalism and its festering greed.
Maybe it was, but maybe it wasn't. I have written a lot of things, poems and others from weird perspectives. In fact, sometimes from the exact opposite point of view to my own. It is a good exercise to improve your writing and expand your understanding of the world.

This poem gives a typical view of some peoples ideas on capitalism. It is a comment on reality. It does not however, give a definitive statement of the writer's true views on the subject.

On the other hand... you could be 100% right. Who knows?

Anyway WoodstockChild, it's good to see you back posting and I'm looking forward to reading more of your excellent work.

Peace,
A.

[WoodstockChild]

I know...
Anything concerning rich republicans and their hazy point of view just sets me off.
I have a lot of anger about it and I don't know why he didn't post it on an NRA website or something.

[redyelruc]

I don't know why he didn't post it on an NRA website or something.
It wouldn't have gotten any reaction there. The whole point of writing an angry outburst is the reaction you get. Choosing your audience is one way to encourage maximum reaction.

Maybe you can use some of your anger and write a stinging rebuke. I would love to read it. Anyway, when can we look forward to more of your excellent work?

[WoodstockChild]

Hmmm...
Like Allen Ginsberg said in 'America'
"I won't write my poem until I'm in my right mind"

xD

Soon I'll write more.
You'll be the first to know.

Peace :)

[Vetty214]

There's nothing wrong with Capitalism

When was the last time you dug a ditch?

You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses, whoever they are
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain?

Okay, this was a good poem... the message was clearly right wing. Not my thing either... but it was written well... I understand capitalism and I've probably benefitted from it in various ways, but I still think compassion, acceptance, and understanding of a person or persons who have a totally different culture and way of life and point of view is a much more respectable and humane. If you read the poems here you will find many who know suffering and pain... let down your walls and open your pores to it.

[Hypocrit]

I am going to critique the actual poem and not the message.


"There's nothing wrong with Capitalism
There's nothing wrong with free enterprise
Don't try to make me feel guilty
I'm so tired of hearing you cry"

First stanza is good. The repitition actually works here. However you put it a tad blunt. How about "Don't sour my success with guilt" or "Don't torture me with idealistic mistruthes that will never come to pass". I dunno, those are a bit long but really anything would be better.

"There's nothing wrong with making some profit
If you ask me I'll say it's just fine
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live nice
I'm so tired of hearing you whine
About the revolution
Bringin' down the rich
When was the last time you dug a ditch?"

Now it gets boring. Congradulations, you can make simple rhyms. Care to move past that? Give us something to simmer on. Give us some food for thought. Right now you are simply rhyming absolutes. Taht gets real boring real fast. Maybe you're new, and if so your on a good track but otherwise... might want ot try and expand.

"If it ain't one thing
Then it's the other
Any cause that crosses your path
Your heart bleeds for anyone's brother
But you're just a pain in the ass"

This one is actually a bit better. Maybe it's simply cause it's funny, the heart and ass bit. The first two lines are rather boring though. If you want to make a realistic political statement via poem then give many specific metaphors if you want to do if vaguely then load it up with imagery. Waht you have here is a half assed poem hanging inbetween the two.

"You criticize with plenty of vigor
You rationalize everything that you do
With catchy slogans and heavy quotations
And everybody is crazy but you"

Well done.

"You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses, whoever they are
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain?"

Um... it started out fine until you rhymed pain twice and threw in extra words like "had to" and "entire". It makes you sound somewhat childish.

In the end you obviously have a grasp of the english language, now learn poetry. Take a step deeper into metaphor and the surreal, or risk losing your readers to boredom.

All of you who thought this was a good poem and couldn't find anyhting to fix should go read more poetry. Not trying to sound mean or nasty but... I dunno this was half assed at best. I HATE capitalism but am pretty sure I could make it come more alive.

[redyelruc]

.

All of you who thought this was a good poem and couldn't find anyhting to fix should go read more poetry. Not trying to sound mean or nasty but... I dunno this was half assed at best. I HATE capitalism but am pretty sure I could make it come more alive.
The beauty of poetry is that it appeals to many people on many levels. Not all poetry has to be image laden and take two years to decipher.

Maybe I should read more poetry, but who the hell are you to tell me to do it.

[Hypocrit]

I am noone to tell you to do it but hwne someone posts poetry and gets this many good comments for absolute trite well... someone has to step in.

I beleive poetry should communicate with people on all levels but I believe the people on thsoe levels should better attune and equip themselves ot hear and see good poetry. The more you read and the more you write the easier it is to sort hte good from the bad.

It was a suggestion, I am sorry if I hurt your ego. i did not mean to start a battle of the cocks.

[redyelruc]

You are entitled to your comments on the poem itself. that's what they are posted here for. But slandering the readers as ignorant is not exactly criticising the work.

I'm sorry the people of the world don't live up to your high expectations.

BTW, cockfights are fun.

[usfcat]

Hypocrit there is no such thing as good or bad poetry. As long as the person expresses what they feel the way they want to express it, it is perfect how it is. Whether or not it touches you has nothing to do with it. If it doesn't reach you on any level then too bad. Doesn't mean it should be changed. Personally, I would be insulted if someone actually suggested how to change the lines of my poem. Pretty rude honestly. I rarely snip back at people on these forums but I really felt I had to speak up here.

[Hypocrit]

Poetry, being an art form, is naturally open for critique. I did not argue with the views he expressed simply the manenr in which he was expressing them.

I disagree, I think poetry can and should be critiqued. Not attacked, but without picking apart your own poems or having others do so how will you ever grow as a poet?

He posted his poem and I posted my response.

I think critiquing is vital if we are to keep poetry alive. I do not subscribe to teh train of thought that suggests that because it is expression it should not be examined. I think expression, if anyhting, should be examined even closer so we can begin to explain ourselves better. Is there such thing as a bad poem? yes there most definately is. One that fails to express any emotion of any kind.

Now it's fine if you keep said poems to yourself but when posting on a forum obviously you want someone to read and why would you want them to read if not so they can see a bit through your eyes? And wouldn't you like to know if the vision you granted them was good or not?

I think the real art in poetry is knowing how to take a critique. It is not rude at all, it is actually a friendly gesture of trying to help a fellow artist in a similar field grow by giving your thoughts on his work.

[Vetty214]

It just occurred to me why this poem has caused quite a stir... anytime anyone makes a statement... followed by an attack... then it is not discourse. Instead of indicating WHY "there's nothing wrong with Capitalism" the author chose to attack those who don't believe in it. It's like saying "your momma is so fat" but instead of saying "she's so fat she....." and giving examples, they said "and anyone who doesn't agree with me is an asshole". Okay, the author has chosen this path. If that was the goal well fine. The author attacked his readers, this was aimed directly at anyone who didn't agree with him. :sabres:

[usfcat]

I am going to critique the actual poem and not the message.



Now it gets boring. Congradulations, you can make simple rhyms. Care to move past that? Give us something to simmer on. Give us some food for thought. Right now you are simply rhyming absolutes. Taht gets real boring real fast. Maybe you're new, and if so your on a good track but otherwise... might want ot try and expand.

Waht you have here is a half assed poem hanging inbetween the two.


It makes you sound somewhat childish.


All of you who thought this was a good poem and couldn't find anyhting to fix should go read more poetry. Not trying to sound mean or nasty but... I dunno this was half assed at best. I HATE capitalism but am pretty sure I could make it come more alive.I'm sorry, how is this not rude? Critique is something completely different than what's going on here. These lines I've pointed out ARE rude.

[Hypocrit]

That is how I critique. I'm sorry if I hurt anyones fragile sense of self but well, when you post your shit on a forum, you take that risk.

Those lines ARE critiquing. They ARE giving pointers on how to better the poem. I will not soften critiques to make people feel better. If your or anyone else on here ever gets published they will have to take some pretty hard blows to their poetry/writing.

How are they not critiquing? Just because they are harsh does not mean htey have no value. You also took several things, like the line about the half assedness of it, completely out of context. Right before I said that i stated that this could be a great and fabulous poem and that the person does have some potential, he's just not utilitizing it.

In short, deal. That's how I crit. I would hope to get equally harsh crits from you or anyone else.

[KittenX]

Poetry, being an art form, is naturally open for critique. I did not argue with the views he expressed simply the manenr in which he was expressing them.

I disagree, I think poetry can and should be critiqued. Not attacked, but without picking apart your own poems or having others do so how will you ever grow as a poet?

He posted his poem and I posted my response.

I think critiquing is vital if we are to keep poetry alive. I do not subscribe to teh train of thought that suggests that because it is expression it should not be examined. I think expression, if anyhting, should be examined even closer so we can begin to explain ourselves better. Is there such thing as a bad poem? yes there most definately is. One that fails to express any emotion of any kind.

Now it's fine if you keep said poems to yourself but when posting on a forum obviously you want someone to read and why would you want them to read if not so they can see a bit through your eyes? And wouldn't you like to know if the vision you granted them was good or not?

I think the real art in poetry is knowing how to take a critique. It is not rude at all, it is actually a friendly gesture of trying to help a fellow artist in a similar field grow by giving your thoughts on his work. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/iagree.gifhttp://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/iagree.gifhttp://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/iagree.gifhttp://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/iagree.gif