Sanctuary

[blackheartbitch]

so sweet the fruit of life once tasted
upon her youthful lips so many years
have passed since then, now
that same fruit so tempting on
the outside tastes like a metal
liquid on the inside.

shes trapped in her fantasy
world where she escapes the
hellish reality that people
will her to grasp.

she crawls into a ball pen and
paper in hand scribbling the
words that wont stop flowing
most aren't making sense they
are her faerie friends words
that have been whispered into
her hair as the creatures rape her.

even her release isn't real her
fantasy is just another hell
pen and paper are her only life.

[redyelruc]

BHB, I've read both of your poems on this page of the forum. I find that they really affect me. I'm not sure how this one makes me feel, but I know it makes me feel something. It's very moving
There is only one thing I don't like. I can't grasp the "tastes like a metal liquid".

Anyway, looking forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing.

Aidan.

[blackheartbitch]

thanks yea i need to move the words around in that part a bit...glad u like them ill be posting more soon

[jim kirby]

I like your work ... seems to come from the soul

[Freakymetalchik]

good one :)

[floydianslip6]

I like the ending, really nice imagery. I'm not sure the first section really goes with the rest though, I understand how it sets the stage, but I don't think it sticks with the overall point it's like there's two works in there fighting for which is going to make it to the end first.

[The Instinct]

interesting

[blackheartbitch]

I like the ending, really nice imagery. I'm not sure the first section really goes with the rest though, I understand how it sets the stage, but I don't think it sticks with the overall point it's like there's two works in there fighting for which is going to make it to the end first.
yea it does seem like that. thanks for the critisism

[Stubb0rnSt0n3r]

I like the ending, really nice imagery. I'm not sure the first section really goes with the rest though, I understand how it sets the stage, but I don't think it sticks with the overall point it's like there's two works in there fighting for which is going to make it to the end first.

^^That's the next layer beneath what's going on, on top of it.
I'm thinking probably the motions going on, keeping the graphic belief which the poem suggests, alive. Like literary feng suie.
Good Write Blackie.

[blackheartbitch]

^^That's the next layer beneath what's going on, on top of it.
I'm thinking probably the motions going on, keeping the graphic belief which the poem suggests, alive. Like literary feng suie.
Good Write Blackie.
yea exactly wat i was tryin to hit...it was supposed to be the motions that were going on as the woman ponders on her life and her false sanctuary

[Stubb0rnSt0n3r]

yea exactly wat i was tryin to hit...it was supposed to be the motions that were going on as the woman ponders on her life and her false sanctuary
I know the feeling ha, I'm a friggen contradiction addict, it's fun to watch the pieces collide, like mixing drinks or plate tectonics haha, I don't think I spelled that right.

On the serious side tho, I found that it's the complexity of varying perspectives that simply evolve to be reaped, like a plantation, which is "fertilized, and the "produce" is picked and the "land" is simply overseen...
I'm very basic...