I ACCIDENTALLY HAD SEX WITH A COUCH! revived edition

[freakwentflyer]

Yes, I know many of you hate it but then you don't have to read it.
After 10,000 views on the old site it was lost. So, I'm gonna re-tell all my old stories and some of the others, and I hope more join in with classic goofs, screw ups and pranks from their distant and recent past!
Here's the first-
__________________________________________________ _____
I accidentally had sex with a couch..... http://www.hipforums.com/images/icons/icon19.gif

...I have a ton of stupid things I've done over the years. This is my friends favorite story.

I was 16, at a party in England. All the free booze I could drink. Barely able to walk, a pretty young English girl dragged me into a vacant room. She sat on the couch and motioned me to come hither as she lifted her skirt and pulled off her panties. I crawled across the floor pulling off my pants (just to the knees)
As she sat in the middle of the couch I pulled myself up her legs trying to fight back a hurl. On my knees, between her legs, I more or less fully erect, mounted my good woman.
After a few minutes of humping, she says, I passed out. The next day, I found out as she explained laughing to my friends that I had missed the hole. You see she was sitting right above where the cushions come together on the couch. That explained the friction burns.
Funny thing is I now have a furniture store. I love my work.

[Willy_Wonka_27]

wow...i hope u didnt get any couch STDs..

[Fractual_]

hahahahha....

[kier]

Yes, I know many of you hate it but then you don't have to read it.
After 10,000 views on the old site it was lost. So, I'm gonna re-tell all my old stories and some of the others
i love you, keep them coming :D

i'll post a couple too :eek:

[Jetblack]

ahaah i remember seeing this post on the old forums and fuking laughing so hard i started crying haha geart story man i wish my life was the amusing

[random_spontaneosity]

i love you.

[freakwentflyer]

From the old site (july 2003)-

And- just last month, here in my furniture store, I have a tv and vcr for when my 2yr old or customers kids need to be entertained with a video. So my daughter could see her cousins when they were young, I popped in an old tape marked "Grandmom and kids 1993". After about 20 minutes of family, with my wife, daughter and some customers kids watching, the scene suddenly changed to me and a former girlfriend, Wendy L., butt nekked, doing the deed. I didn't even remember making the tape. (Wendy, if you read this, sorry.) On the tape you can hear Wendy say, "you better erase this." And me say,"I will". And I did too.
Just all of it but the end apparently.
_______________________________________________

Almost a year later, my wife still gives me shit about that. She tells people, "god, that girl had the biggest bush I ever saw!" But it was actually shadow that she saw, mostly.

I'm copying posts from the old thread and moving them here. I won't do it all at once so hopefully you will post some new ones in between the old.

[freakwentflyer]

booshnoogs
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I have one similar to your sterno story. I used to do a trick where I would fill my mouth with the gas from a lighter, then light the lighter and blow a fireball. Once, when I was really drunk, I tried it and I set my face on fire. I burned off my nose hair, most of my eyebrows, and set the hair on my head on fire. (not for very long though).

The best part is it was videotaped.
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Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes! Posted: 11:24 AM
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Life is strange!
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LOL! These stories made my day. You guys are so crazy! http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

This is embarassing. But, when I was 16, I went to Great America. It was a surprise birthday. I was wearing a dress with a black and white bikini. So, I went on the Revolution ride, where you hang backwards and my dress went up. Everyone could see my black and white bikini under a pink dress. I was so embarassed as I looked at the people on the ground just looking up giggling. I had bad fashion sense, not thinking straight. Argh! Posted: 11:46 AM
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Make My Day?!
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I have tons of crazy stories and all your stories cracked me up.LOL!

When I was about ten years old, my best friends lived two house down from me. My friends had a mean grandfather who was bed ridden, but a foul mouthed, drunken old fart .

When my friends mom and dad left all of us kids to watch the old man, he would yell, James get me a G.D beer! you worthless piece of shit?!

I had enough of his being rude, so I said, hey guys lets all piss in the bottle, then give it to him?

So we poured out some of the beer andfilled it back up with pee and gave it to the old man.

We ran outside and climbed into our tree house as James took him the beer, in less than a minute james comes out of the house and the old man yelled at the top of his lunges, "You stupid little motherfucking sonofabitches!!!
Yall pissed in my G.D beer!!

We laughed so hard we nearly passed out. The good thing is, he never asked us to bring him another beer? Posted: 06:54 PM
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Life is strange!
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LOL!

About 5 years ago, I went to a casino. It was packed and there was line. I went into one of the stalls. I guess I did not close it shut because this woman storms in while I'm taking a piss and I saw this big hairy white ass in front of me. I screamed "oh, my God" and pushed her away and closed it shut. Funny thing is she said she was sorry. I just wrapped up, pulled up my pants and left. It was a scary sight. ALWAYS CLOSE THE DOOR!

[freakwentflyer]

nonconformedgurl
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HAHAHAHAHAH....LOL...Omg that is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. LoL...sorry haha. Man can't stop laughing.....must stop...stomach hurts...lol! *sigh* silly kid.

[freakwentflyer]

Good stories. They don't have to be just about you, you can bust out your friends and family too.

In my early 20's I did a little stunt work in movies. One night at a party my friend Joel and I were asked to do a stunt. We were drunk and stoned, but foolishly couldn't resist the chance to impress the girls. We moved everyone outside to the yard, Joel and I briefly discussed between us what we were going to do and thought we both understood.
Joel stood in the middle of the street, with the crowd watching. A few moments later I came speeding down the steet in my car.

Now I believed the plan was he was going to dive out of the way "just in the nink of time". Joel, believed that the plan was for me to slightly swerve as he steps aside, barely missing him, with him slapping his hands on the hood and rolling back as if he were hit.

Doing about 45 mph I hit him head on. We had eye contact just before "contact", and we knew we fucked up bad. He jumped up as I hit him, shins against the front bumper, I heard him bounce off my roof and saw him in the rear view mirror, fall to the ground. I slammed on the brakes, and ran back to him, motionless on the ground. The crowd, stood speachless.
As I reached down to him he sat up, and I helped him to his feet. He turned to the crowd, and smiled and waved. Seeing he was ok they clapped and cheered. Under his breath he said to me, "get me to a hospital, you broke my fucking legs."
Turned out only one was broken.

[freakwentflyer]

onewayout
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Couches need the love too!
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"The story of life is quicker than a wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye until we meet again" - Jimi Hendrix Posted: 09:28 PM
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Dammit I still can get over the couch thing...its the most hilarious thing ever. Hah i even called a friend and read it to them...lol sorry but i will remeber that forever...haha!

Sunnie
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I once got stuck in my kitchen window.
I used to forget my keys lots back in junior high, and one day after school I came home to an empty house with no keys. I was locked out.
I figured I could climb through the kitchen window, my younger brother had done it before so I figured I could just as easily do it.
I used the ladder for the trampoline to climb up to the ledge, I then pried off the screen and started to wiggled into the kitchen.
The problem was, I was much too long for the window. My legs were too long to bring up over the ledge, and if I continued through head first...I would be breaking my fall with my face on cold linoleum floor. So I decided to abort the plan and climb back down.
Only problem is, the ladder had fallen over. So there I was, the upper half of my body sticking through my kitchen window and my lower half dangling over the ledge.
I eventually managed to get out, ended up with a couple of bruises and some scrapes.
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I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad...The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I ever had. Posted: 02:27 AM
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Ok, well, the most horrible thing happened to me!!! I was at a music festival or something like that, and I REALLY had to go to the bathroom. Of course, they only had port-a-loo's.
I hate port-a-loo's because there's never any t paper and they always smell horrible.
Well, I was busting, so I decided that just before I went in I'd take a huge gulp of air and just hold my breath the whole time I peed. Well, I got in there, pissed (hopefully in the right place, it was very dark...). So my lungs are dying for air now and I try to find the lock on the door to open it... and guess what happens... it's stuck! I'm like panicking now and i have to let out my breath. The smell hits me like an oncoming train and and I still can't get the door open. I'm suffocating man!
So I end up pretty much slicing up my fingers, then flinging the door open so hard it flys back and his me in the head so that I'm almost knocked out! So I end up on the ground, panting for breath, big bruise forming on my forehead, infront of the lines of people all waiting to go to the bathroom!
It was SO embarrassing!!!!
~Nature
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[freakwentflyer]

Quote SunFree (July 29 '03)

I DID THE EXACT SAME THING!!!! Well, there was no trampoline involved in my scenario, just a bench, but the rest is there. Somehow, I ended up standing in the kitchen sink.
Here's another Stupid Kim story, as I call them: I was in my driveway with my sister, and for some reason "The Sound Of Music" was stuck in my head, so I started belting it out loud. My sister started singing along, and being the dorks we are, we started spinning in circles and everything for the full effect. Then my sister says to me, "dude, if you look up when you're spinnning around, the telephone wires look really trippy!!" Naturally I followed suit. They did indeed look extremely trippy, so much that I didn't notice where I was drifting, and suddenly, I tripped on a rock bordering our driveway, and was so dizzy I couldn't regain my balance before I toppled into the rosebushes. I then whacked my head onto the lightpost, causing the top to be knocked off and also fall on top of me. Now everytime someone asks me where I got the scars on my leg, that's what I get to tell them.

[freakwentflyer]

freakwentflyer
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My friend, Joel, (featured in the 'stunt' story) and I went to high school together. In school, the girls all thought he was "so cute". And he played it up. He would enter the cafateria slowly, and take his time sitting down so he'd be noticed by all.
One morning (we were in a dorm school) he came in, grabbed a hot chocolate mix and hot water, came to our table (slowly)
stood at the table, and set his cup down. Then slowly unbuttoned the first few top buttons of his jacket. But, remained standing as he mixed his hot chocolate, waiting to be sure the girls all noticed him.
And they did. And confident that half the girls in the room
had their eyes on him he casually sat down.
The bottom button of his jacket caught the spoon in his steaming hot chocolate spilling it into his balls.
He jumped up with a scream.
Every guy in the place died laughing.






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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 08:06 PM
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Ummm... My most embarrassing story? It's kinda nasty, and I'm a bit young to tell it, but whatever. It's way short too. Anyway, I was spending the night at a gal-pal's house and we started playing truth or dare. I always say dare, too many secrets of mine to say truth, anyway, what started out as just a little dirty game of truth or dare ended up as me losing my virginity to another girl. Whoopsy... Haven't told anyone but the peeps on this forum. Ok, thinking of another story...

Ok, got one. One day, in the end of 4th hour, 5th for me was lunch, I had to take a major piss. So, I asked to be excused from class and ran to the bathroom, and when I got in there, it was empty. Well, I took a piss and when I went to put my pants back up... My button had broken. I couldn't close my pants. At my school I wasn't allowed to tie a jacket around my waist, and we have a uniform, so my shirt was tucked in. Well, at the end of the day, when the bell rang, I had managed to make it through the day without being spotted, I was kinda joggin to my bus because it's like the 2nd one, and on my way to the bus, my pants just come down, bundling around my ankles and I trip, face first into the concrete. And, the worst part, I was wearing a hot pink thong because my mom hadn't washed my underwear. I was so embarassed. I still haven't heard the end of it.
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I know I may sound like a motivational speaker but, almost dieing made me truly see life. I hope that no one else has to almost die to see it. Everyday I realize, I could NOT be here right now. I wanna thank my friends for caring so much. http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif Posted: 01:44 AM
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Great story GoldenFlower! LOL http://www.hipforums.com/images/icons/icq.gif

...I use to know a girl we called GoldenShower,... but no.. I won't go there.

I have a few more stories for later when I get the time. Some more good ones about Joel and others too. Till then keep them coming.
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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 10:26 AM
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[freakwentflyer]

scratcho
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dumbass

OK--I'll try one.Back in 1960,my buddy Richard and I got drunkern 2 sombitches and decided to crash at his place.We staggered and bumped our way down the hall to his room and successfully flopped into the single beds contained therein.About ten minutes after floppin',he puked all over himself and his bed.I was layin' there with one foot on the floor tryin'to keep the room from spinning out of control and attempting to ignore the awful stench consuming the place.I was thinking-"oh god --I gotta shit--oh god---I gotta puke--oh --god I gotta get up".I vaguely remembered his parents were in bed at the other end of the hall and knew I had to try to be quiet getting to the shitter.I don't know how in the hell I got there--but I did--- alternately puking and crapping,I felt likeI was doing handstands.I sort of remember thinking that some dirty bastard had snuk up on me and shit in my mouth--what a godawful taste in my mouth--so I grabbed a toothbrush--I didn"t care who it belonged to ,an squeezed what I thought was toothpaste on it and tried to brush.Motherfucker!It was Burma shave or some kind of soapy shit.I immediately spat the shit out all over the bathroom mirror .The next thing I remember was several people trying to pull covers off me and telling me to please get out of their bed.I had taken a wrong turn out of the bathroom and gotten in bed with his parents! We laughed about it years later,but for a while I was persona non grata around there. scratcho Posted: 12:28 PM
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Great story Sratcho! LOL

A friend of mine, Ryan, had a simular situation.

After a night on the town, a girl/friend of his took him to her aunt and uncles place on the beach where she was staying for the week. The aunt and uncle and their two kids were asleep when they got there. Ryan crashed on the couch. Later he got up to piss but ended up in a bed.
Ryan had long blonde hair. The two kids, a boy and girl both had long blonde hair. When the aunt and uncle awoke, the aunt began stroking the head of one of the kids that climbed in bed with them through the night. But, of course, it was Ryan. When he lifted his head up, she saw him and screamed. The uncle, woke and screamed, Ryan screamed as he jumped for the door with the uncle chasing him with a lamp.

Ryan got away. They all laughed about it later over oysters and beer.

Several years later, Ryan feel asleep, drunk driving and almost died. Lost one eye and crippled his hips.

Two years after that, he was riding another friend of mines
jet ski and ran into a boat, breaking both of his legs. Totalled the ski.

Six months later, at my wedding reception, Ryan's girlfriend ditched him for the guy with the jet ski.
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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 06:18 PM
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ROFL

that was a damn cromulent story! http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif
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The band (Alice in Chains) used to have a strict policy of dating only girls who worked in fast food restaurants so that they could eat for free Posted: 08:08 AM
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The video tape thing reminded me of some old friends of mine. They made a tape of themselves on somebody else's video camera and forgot to erase it. Well he video taped something and was showing it at a party of about 15 of the couples friends, and apparantly he didn't record long enough because the entire party saw my friends home-made porno. The best part is, right before the camera cut off and went to static the last thing that was heard was "Don't worry, maybe it'll look bigger on Tv."
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dumbass again

Great stories Freakwentflyer,Goat and all---hell,I've done dumb -ass shit as long as I can remember--here's another you might enjoy.In "59 or thereabouts,one night I was going to a dance in town and I was duded up in a brand new Pendelton shirt(man --they are beautiful and spendy--still are,I guess).Anyway,I was in a hurry and had to take (or preferably leave)a shit,so I whipped my car into a gas station,went in the crapper and began to proceed.Things were proceeding nicely--me ensconced on the throne,suckin' on a cig,when my buddies reminded me,by pounding on the door,that we were in a hurry.Jolted out of my reverie,I grabbed a handful of shit paper and took care of business.LO and behold and Dirty son of a bitch,I wiped my ass on my fine Pendelton shirt!I was so mad I ripped it off,buttons flying,and flung it in the trash can,knocking the cig out of my face at the same time.I cleaned up,left for the dance ,determined to have a good time,despite another dumbass trick.About an hour later,a friend came into the dance and said "hey man,did you hear about the fire at the Richfield station?Some dumbass threw a fucken cigarette in the trash"My brain immediately said "shut the fuck up" to its self and having an aversion to possible confinment,it obeyed.The only thing it would allow me to say was"You know ,there's way too many dumb-asses running around these days"You know Freakwent--I have never had the opportunity to fuck a fine piece of furniture,you lucky dog,but neither have I ever had another Pendelton shirt! Regards-----scratcho

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Alright Sratcho, http://www.hipforums.com/images/icons/icon14.gif

Great one. LOL
You must have been one wild ass youngster,- puking, shittin', burnin' shit down. I accidently burnt a house down in 8th grade, but not a very funny story.

Keep 'em coming! I know Sratcho's got one or two more comin' up.

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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 08:31 PM
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My brother used to sleepwalk. One night he walked to the end of the hallway, and pissed all over my Mother's book bag.

One year, me and two of my cousins were doing our own rendition of the "I'm too sexy" song, and stripping down to our boxers in front of an audience. When it was over, I gracefully exited the stage by stepping in a bucket and nearly falling http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

In the dead of winter, I was walking across a field of snow. I spotted one of my friends. He spotted me as well and flipped me the bird. Well, I couldn't let that slip, so I lifted both my arms into the air so I could top him with two birdies. At the same time, a gust of wind caught my rediculously large winter coat and picked me up off my feet and into the air. I ended up landing on my back laughing.

Another time I was watching my friends play chicken on GT Snowracers. They wanted to see who could get closest to the river without going in (Now there's a brilliant idea!). One of them flew right into the river. He makes his own way out of the river, forgetting about his snowracer. After getting out, he jumped right back in again to retrieve it.

That's all the stories I can think of for now http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif
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Many an embarrassing moment for me... heres a few

Ok I was at a funeral when I was younger and it was mid May, and I was wearing a black buttonup dress. I went to pick lilacs for my aunts who were all gathered outside with the rest of my family, I started running with the flowers towards my family when my whole dress flew open in front of everyone

Another time I was trying to impress my older sister's friend, Garrett telling him I could do some really sweet tricks on the trampoline. So, I go to land a front flip (which I normally do fine) end up landing right on the edge of the trampoline go flying off it with loss of balance right into a lawn chair that ends of flopping over and me ending up rolling halfway across the yard...Garrett: "Ughh, are you ok" not too impressive

Another time me and my friend decided to get drunk at her boyfriends with some of his friends..his parents were home but they were upatair and we were in the cellar. We were taking shots of vodka and some green apple shnapps crap, and I was fucking wasted. We go upstairs and sit in the living room, all the whill I'm sitting there breathing in and out trying not puke, I end up running to the kitchen trying to get to the sink but puke all over the floor and the shelves, on the phone, and the counter...then after that in the sink. His mom hears this comes running down freaking out, and nearly steps in my own puke
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"But then one day, I met a man who came to me and said, hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head" Posted: 11:44 PM
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dumbass onece mo

Thanks frequent--oh yeah --I was a wild one alright--quit drinking at 28 for 20 years or so when I was coerced (well --maybe not)into taking some window pane in hawaii--which of course led to the million stories I have about all of that.Anyway here's another couple of goofy things I accomplished.I've always been a girl watcher-(who isn't)-still am --nothing like a beautiful girl.One time I saw two lovlies across the street from me,going the opposite direction and of course I put on a big dumbass grin,watching them look back at me and--- BONG--damn--- there I was ,looking up at the sky,ears ringing,a fucken knot on my cranium the size of the proverbial golf ball.Lesson learned:never butt heads with a metal light pole!Next thing I heard was what sounded like a couple of jackasses braying from across the street.Then there was the time I was just about to get in my car(4 door "40 plymouth)when this lovely and I made eye contact and both liked it.I kept looking at her as I grabbed the door handle and got in---oh god dammit---I had gotten in the back seat!She was still looking at me,so being 16 at the time,I sure as hell did'nt want to look like the dumbass that I was,so I started acting like I was looking for something back there"till she left.Ain"t life grand?-regards-----scratcho Posted: 05:11 PM
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[Willow-Bridget-Love]

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you! i really do! wow.. i ve missed all those stories! and i was soo sad when i lost them all!!! yay! dude! thankyou!! yay!

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Cool! Good ones.

FENRIS,
My cousin, Mike Bumbulski, walked in his sleep as a kid. One night his mom caught him standing in front of the open fridge, he must of been hungry. He also must have had to go to the bathroom because he was pissing in the fridge.
INFINITE CHARLIE,
Thanks for "exposing" yourself like that. In high school I did the whole first act of a play with my zipper to my big baggey 40's style pants wide open. No underwear.
That same play, Inherit The Wind, I had a line,"it takes a pretty smart fella to say I don't know the answer". On the final dress rehersal, I said, "it takes a pretty fart smeller to say...." fortunately, I got it right with the audiances.

SCRATCHO,
What can I say, you crack me up. I wish I had a dollar for every time I got drunk and made an ass of myself trying to impress the ladies.


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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 11:32 AM
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this one isnt so much about me, but i was involved.

the guy i was with took me to a party where i didnt really know anyone. well, we drank and smoked quite a bit, and went to sit by the bonfire pile. he sat next to me and asked if i wanted to go in the woods for a romp... of course i did!

so yea, we head into the woods (note: it had rained all week) and stripped... only to lay down in some pretty damn gushy ground. ok, i could deal, it was just mud, no big.
until ian, who was too drunk and high to know which was was up, claimed to be having sex with me... when in reality.. he was fucking the mud....

anyhow, we broke up, and somehow the topic got brought up, and i spilled to our friends. he came back to where we were hanging out, and every joke made had to do with mud, til the point when it reached talking about fucking mud, whereupon ian stands up and screams "i fuck mud! i stick it in the mud!" and we're all thinking... yes... yes you do. he hadn't remembered the entire incident! it remained a huge inside joke for our group that he was totally outside of but still pretended to understand and join in, which made it even funnier.

the guilt killed me, and i told him what it was about. he hasnt talked to me in a month. lol. but he still thinks its hilarious, he tells all the guys so.

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acts like a guy, but looks like a girl Posted: 01:12 AM
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Alright SqueeNess, http://www.hipforums.com/images/icons/icon19.gif

So now I don't feel so stupid. I fucked a couch, your friend fucks mud, surely there has to be all kinds of fuckers out there.
I have to leave for a week. Taking my wife on our long over due honeymoon, to the Bahamas. When I get back I hope to find more "super fuck up" stories. I have a few more myself to add later.
Take care. On second thought, don't take care, you may be able to create a new story.


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[freakwentflyer]

I hope sticking in all these oldies in here isn't too confusing or against the rules.
And I'll eventually (hopefully) get all that's still on the old site, on here. But, I also hope we get some more new good stories. Got any?

[freakwentflyer]

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frequent flyer, you are THE man. Keep em coming.
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Although I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my own meals, and even hurl rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered they weren't Indians at all, but dirty clothes hampers. Posted: 12:48 AM
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Thanks StreetCarp.

I'm back from vacation!
http://www.hipplanet.com/galleries/data/500/1650billbh2-thumb.jpgThe wife and I did a four day cruise to the Bahamas. Had a great time!



So, my wife (Emily) and I are seated for lunch on the cruise with this old couple and their 15 yr old grandson. The old lady, asked where we're from and other polite chat.
In conversation, I said that we left the little one at home, a two year old girl. Then the lady says, "that's just like our grandson, he and his little brother have a big age dfferance, his brother's 4".
My wife and I looked at each other both realizing that the old lady must think that we're father and daughter. So, we let them think that till we finished lunch.
Then I stood up, said "it was nice to meet you folks, hope you have a safe trip back to Pittsburg", then I reached over and gave a good lip lock kiss to Emily and said, "let's get back to the room and get naked". Then Emily, said to the family who sat with their jaws dropped, "you'll have to excuse him, this whole cruise he's been like a walking hard-on".
We laughed all the way back to our room.

Posted: 04:04 PM
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Posted: 04:17 PM
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Back in middle school, when i was dumb kid, one day in home ec we made mini pancakes, well i got started on mine late (wasteing time, im sure) and they got done right when the bell was ringing, so no time to eat them, so i just stuffed them in my pants pocket for later. Next hour is math class. Middle of calls i get bored and take one out and start eating it, well of course someone notices it and the whole class starts laughing, people still remember that to this day.
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If you wanna chat on MSN...my user name @hotmail.com.... Posted: 06:09 PM
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hippieandproudofit

On the surface, that seems like a lame story, but pituring it actually happening is very funny.
I once lost a bet in high school and had to wear lunch meat in my shoes all day.http://www.hipplanet.com/galleries/data/500/1650amazing-thumb.jpg

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goddammer!

Lunchmeat in your shoes!Thats one of the funniest things I ever heard!----Here's one-although I'm not sure it was that dumb--but anyway ,when I was going to college,I lived in a little duplex for a while and my neighbor was a little dweeb who managed a Sprouse Reitz,or some such. A totally square and straight guy.Well ,my half of the duplex was a party house and I,of course played music as loud as I wanted ,but I told him that if the music was too loud, to bang on the wall and I would turn it down.One night I was cranking something,probably Little Richard and was fairly well lubricated,when I heard a little bang on the wall.So of course,I banged back(obviously acording to our previous agreement).He banged louder --I banged louder --he banged louder--I banged LOUDER--BANG--his little dweeb fist came right through the wall!My guests were laughing their asses off and I stuck my face up to the wall and hollered "Damn ,I bet you wish you hadn"t done that!Un fortunately for him ,our landlord came the next day to check shit out and when he asked me if the neighbors tale of woe was true ,I told him my stereo had been broken for a month--sir.Poor little bastard got kicked out for being too rowdy!Oh well--they come and they go.------scratcho Posted: 04:57 PM
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Shit! The CIA attack wiped out about 9 days of posts.

This sucks. If any of you can remember the stories you lost, please rewrite them.
I know I lost my streaking story, but remind me of what else I lost. I'll get them back in when I get the time.

So here's a story a friend recently reminded me of.

In 1976, age 19,I was out with a few friends at a dico, though we weren't the disco type, that's where the girls were. We sat at a big round table then a few friends of one of my friends sat down. We were up and down from the table for about an hour or so, when someone broke out a small bottle of RUSH, something popular in the gay scene but being heads, anything for a buzz. You open the top, and inhale the fumes to get a brief but intense head rush.
It was discretely used and passed around the big table untill it reached I guy I didn't know straight across from me. Luckily for him, I happened to notice that he opened the bottle and proceeded to DRINK the contents. I jumped up and screamed, SPIT IT OUT! I don't know if it was my screaming or the taste, but he spit it out in a straight stream right into an ashtray containing a lit cigarette.

Instantly, the ashtray ignighted flame shooting up the stream and catching his face on fire.
This happened so quickly, but happening in a crowded disco, where we really didn't fit in, and all eyes suddenly drawn to our table it seemed like forever as I tried to put the fire on the table out, and guys next to the idiot, slapped his face to put out the flames.
With the fire out, we tried to sit still, like nothing had happened, with all of us looking to this guy wondering if he was going to drop over dead on our table. His eyebrows were gone and his face was beat red.
Someone finally asked, "are you alright?"
He mumbled something, then stood up and walked out of the club sort of zig zagging.
I said, "you better go check on your friend".
The guy that was next to him said,"I thought he was with you guys".
Turns out none of us knew the guy. And we never saw him again.

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SCRATCHO STORY.....I copied from another thread.

I had another thread called Amazing stories that Scratcho posted the following story on. Thought it should be here.
_________________________________________
Quote Scratcho-
I've got one --Back about 59',a friend of mine wanted a monkey(what the hell for,I never found out).So we get in his mom's car and head to a town about 30 miles away to get one .Browsed around in the pet shop for a while and he finally picked out this capuchin monkey and paid about 30 bucks for it with a cage and a leash.We started back home with the monkey in the cage in the back seat and he also had a short chain leash on.(the monkey, of course).Well,he was just sitting in his cage quietly--looking so cute and calm .I was driving and my buddy Bill was talking and making little noises at his monkey.Pretty soon ,he says "I think I'll open the cage--the guy said he was tame".Waddya think?I said"Bill--I sense trouble.I sense big trouble"He said "ah fuck it--he'll be alright.With that said ,he reached back and opened the cage.I want to state right here---you haven't been witness to a true clusterfuck until you've been driving down the road at 70 miles an hour with a SCREAMING crapping,biting monkey attached to a chain going round and round the inside of a car!I managed to get the car stopped in a giant cloud of dust and we piled out covered in monkey shit, and let the critter have the car.Some cars stopped and some people asked if we were ok,and when they saw what happened ,had quite the laugh at our expense.I honestly don't remember how or if we got that monkey back in his cage or what,but something very similar happened when we tried to give him a bath.Evidently ,monkeys don't like water much.Well, they kept the monkey for a while and he took a liking to Bill's mom and would sit next to her on the couch--he was jealous of Bill's dad and would raise hell if he got too close to the mom.I guess the final straw was when he buried his face in Bill's dad's crotch and bit him on the nutsack for getting too close to Bill's mom.I did not make the trip back to the pet shop to return him.
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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 07:00 PM
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For this story to be funny you really have to *picture* it in you head.

Anyways, we were sitting around in my friend Jamison's basement, and we were doing the sort of things that friends do in basements. Jamison, one of more *intresting* friends, finds a glow-stick (the kind that are basically a vial full of glowing goo) sitting around on a shelf. He cracks it and starts playing around with the glowing glow-stick and is sorta chewing on it. I offhandedly remark that it'd be really funny if he got glow-stick goo in his mouth. All of us then start talking about how it'd be really funny to see somebody on the street puking up a whole lot of glowing goo. Well, Jamison, being the genious he is, bites the glow stick open and fills his mouth with the stuff. Green goo is dripping down his face onto his floor. I make a remark about stabbing aliens (and their glowing green blood,) and Jamison bursts out laughing, getting his entire room covered in green glowing speckles. We try to clean it up, but the paper towels just turned green in addition to the carpet and walls. We had a trashcan full of radioactive green towels and a rave-like room. His parents eventually hear us, and they pick up on the "clean it up before they notice" theme in our conversation. His parents, thinking we were drunk (not to say we weren't on something) and somebody had puked on the floor, came down and open up his room door. They just stood there for a few seconds, looked at us, and left. We eventually managed to get the stuff out of his carpet, but there are still a few dull yellow stains on the floor to remind us. Posted: 02:38 PM
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This 4th of July we were having a huge party/cookout and we were all extremely drunk and high. We were in the middle of having a fireworks war with the neighbors. Somehow during the course of events my friends dared me to shoot a bottlerocket out of my dick. Well of course I did and I must say just sticking the bottle rocket down in there a little bit hurt like fuck. The bottlerocket was lit and then pure chaos was unleashed...first the bottlerocket set my pubes on fire. It then shot into the back pocket of my friends pants. He happened to have 6 bottlerockets facing downward in his back pocket. All 6 of them ignited also and set his ass on fire. He went running through the woods trying to take his pants off. He finally got them off and then jumped into the creek to cool his scorched ass off. I guess about 20 people witnessed the whole thing and they were laughing there asses off at us.
I was okay but he ended up getting 3rd degree burns from his ass down to the back of his knees. Posted: 10:59 PM
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Drunk people and fireworks are never a great mix.
My friend Kelly has this really awesome house that backs right onto the lake. She had a huge, end of summer party.We spent most of the night skinny dipping in the lake, or in the hot tub. But at about 2am some boys found some fireworks in her garage. So they decided that one of them would run through the woods, and the other one would chase after them trying to shoot them with the fireworks. It was a pretty dumb idea, but what can you expect from a bunch of drunk and bored country kids? It was pretty hilarious watching them stumbling through the trees, with bursts of bright,pretty lights every few seconds or so though.
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give me a reason to be beautiful. Posted: 12:50 AM
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ChinaCatStarflower-I can picture it. LOL

Shockw4ve-
Quote-Somehow during the course of events my friends dared me to shoot a bottlerocket out of my dick. Well, of course I did......
_______________-
LOL! I was saving this story for later, but since you had to mention bottlerockets in your dick....

When I was 31 my ex-wife, Elise and I were driving down the interstate late at night and I had to piss, so I took a remote exit only to find the only business on the exit was a CLOSED gas station. So I pulled up next to the building, and stood next to a coke machine to piss.
As my ex tells it, she watched me standing by the coke machine, then suddenly saw a bolt of lightning shooting out of my dick right before I flew backward on my ass. I had pissed into a wall socket.
I burnt the inside of my dick. No serious damage, but I couldn't cum for about 2 weeks. Elise, loves telling that story every chance she gets.
Freak

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In high school (early-mid 70's) I was living in England. My father was U.S. Air Force.
Streaking was something new back in the states, which we had read about. So, a few of my friends and I were among the first to bring it to England.
One day, the village I lived in off base had a small day festival that my friend Randy H. and I decided to streak.
I was "The Blue Streak", always wore blue tennis shoes and a blue ski mask.
Randy and I prepared in a field nearby, then came running from between two buildings into the crowd butt naked. The crowd began to cheer, laugh and clap as we neared them.

Just at our closes point to the crowd, Randy slipped in the wet muddy grass and landed sliding belly, balls, and knees across a cement driveway.
I stopped for him. By the time I got him to his feet, several people had gathered around us. Directly in front of me was a fellow classmate, the very beautiful, Karen Hartsfield.
Randy was standing, bleeding a bit but ready to run again but Karen stood just inches in front of me blocking my way.
We had eye contact (she knew I was the Blue Streak), then her eyes, those very sexy eyes, drifted down to my crotch, lingered for a moment then back up to my eyes. Then she said,"Bill, you and I really need to get together sometime."

Suddenly, I felt the blood rush to my loins. I was getting a hard-on in front of over 100 people.
I started running, Randy right behind. I ran through the crowd with my semi-hard cock swinging side to side as if it was signaling the crowd to step aside and let us through.
I ran as fast as I could, trying not to think about Karen Hartsfield.
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The missing naked girl

Kirsten, if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind. But I gotta tell it.

I was 24 and living in, Los Angeles. I had recently met 18 yr old, Kirsten H. A very pretty "model/actress" who had just finished working a bit part in the movie "Rumble Fish". She was new to L.A., from San Fransico.
It was the first night I took her out. I picked her up in my '78 Chevy van. It was lined inside with red shag carpet, with a couch that opened to a bed. We had hit several clubs on the Sunset Strip and drank a great deal in the van. We also had smoke pot which (turned out) was new to her. It was time to head back to my house so I left her to rest on the bed in the dark and listen to music which I had turned up fairly loud.
I lived in Burbank which that time of night only took 20-30 minutes drive from West Hollywood.
When I got home, I went into the back of the van only to find all of Kirsten's clothes (including her panties) but NO Kirsten. I looked under the couch, but she was gone.
I thought, my god, she could have got out at any number of red lights I hit along the way. Then, what if she jumped out while I was moving! I was beginning to feel a major freak-out coming on.
Then suddenly I heard a faint cry. Also, in my van was an extremly small sink with a very tiny cabinet under it.
I opened the tiny door and there she was. Balled up naked in a space no one but a contortionist could fit in. She was crying. I said, "are you stuck?" She said, "no". "Then why are you crying?" I asked.
As she unfolded herself out of the cabinet, she said, "because I don't wanna grow up!"
I let her sleep it off at my house.
Three and 1/2 years later she moved out.

We still talk now and then. She's a good friend and successful investment broker, wife and mother living just outside San Fransico.
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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 06:35 PM
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There's several stories about my dad, he used to tell them to me when I was younger. Who knows if they're all true http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif .. I assume they are.. there are lots more, he was a crazy fuck when he was younger these are the two I remember offhand, they're not that funny really.

First, my dad and his friend nicnamed Goose were drinking and fishing when they were teenagers. Goose kept getting his line caught in a tree, so he decides to cut the tree, only when he's almost done they realize there's a canoe coming almost right under it. He just stops sawing the tree, and they leave like nothing happened.

The other involves dad and Goose too..

Dad and goose were partying in the woods, they needed some good firewood, and since they liked to cause trouble they thought some fence posts would be a good idea. Dad has a vw beetle back then I believe, anyways, they cut some fence posts, put them in the back, and out the right window.. as my dad is driving off one of the fence posts hits a fence post outside that's still standing, and slams Goose into the windshield..

they're funnier when dad tells them http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

One about my mom...

Her parents never drank and were very strict about her going out.. one night she got totally wasted and came home with her friend. She starts telling her mom about the snakes under the sofa, then she tells her dad, and she's being really really loud about snakes under the sofa, while her friend is trying to get her to go to her room. Her parents never mentioned it, oddly.
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Neros_Neptune, http://www.hipforums.com/images/icons/icon14.gif

Thanks! Those are funny stories because they're true.

The fence post story jogged my memory.
Here's another Joel story.

1978, Age 20, Joel and I used money we had just made working on a film to go back to England for a visit. His parents were still there and his brother was graduating from our old high school so we went to the schools senior party at the beach. We were the "cool actor/stuntmen from the states" that they had heard of, so we knew we could end up with some cuties. And we did. Two hot cheerleaders snatched us up. After many drinks we took off in Joel's parents car. A very small British 4 door something.
The girls wanted to know all about our work. Then one asked if we could do a stunt.
The dumb asses that we were, drunk and all, we said sure.
Joel sped up down the winding narrow road as I opened the back door to climb up on the roof. As I started out the door Joel looked back at me not seeing that he was drifting off the road. I got my head just above the top of the door when the side of the car started hitting the embankment on the side of the road slamming the door on my head. It kept slamming over and over for what seemed like forever to me. I tried to pull my head out but it kept slamming, holding me in place.
Finally, he pulled the car back out of the rut and on the road, and I fell back into the car. I was numb. The girls were freaking out. Joel started laughing. So I said, "wanna see it again? Then the girls, now thinking we did that intentionally, laughed with amazement. "You guys are CRAZY!"

No, we didn't get laid that night. But, we had a good time.



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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 11:15 AM
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hahaha!

keep them coming! these are so funny! good thing i found this existed, otherwise i'd probably still be feeling down.
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http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gifhttp://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gifhttp://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif Posted: 03:54 PM
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Oh shit!

Indeed--I am so fucking dumb sometimes--I dropped a ladder off my truck on the freeway a couple days ago--- the sucker spread across both lanes--cars were swerving and assholes were hollering at me and by the time I got the fucken thing off the road ,I could have put it in my pocket!Jeez--People won't slow down for nothin'.But it made me think of another act of genius that I was able to acomplish some years back.I was home on a weekend from Fort Ord (national Guard-6 mos. active duty).I had a date on a saturday night and borrowed my Dad's brand new Desoto--a really fine looking 2 door car with the big fins and all.Well- a bunch of us went to a party and then to the country to dance and drink beer.It's all country around here--and my hometown was about 2000 pop. then ,so we didn't have to go far.It had been windy all day and was still really blowing.Later, my date and I took off and I was taking her home, with the wind howling like hell--she lived on a farm about halfway between 2 roads --the roads being a mile apart going north and south.We were heading east and when we got to the 1st road,there was a yellow sawhorse with a flashing light,and naturally I thought "what the hell is that all about?,but not really giving a shit.We pulled into her place,played smacky-mouth for a while and then she went in.I took off and wanted to see how that Desoto could haul ass!I stomped her and reached for my cigs at almost the same time.Well ,I guess I was doing about 40 or 50 when I hit the goddamn tree.Oh I didn't run off the road--no--there was a giant eucalyptus tree across the road due to the wind (hence the sawhorse--DUH)and I had launched me an the Desoto all up into it!I was still half drunk and could not believe what had happened.I was thinking at this point that maybe I could just back out,but when I stepped on the gas ,the wheels just spun.OK--plan B--fuck--what the hell was plan B?Whatever plan B was ,I knew it involved me getting out of the car.SO I got out and promptly fell through branches,leaves,dust and all ,about 6 fuckin feet!How I got that car buried up in there that high,I couldn't guess.When I got myself together and fought my way out of the foliage--I went back and humbly asked my dates' dad if he would pull me off the tree with his tractor.He did --with only the loss of a bumper--and I was on my way.On the way home there,was such a screeching sound coming from the front of that beautifull Desoto,that I was afraid for her life.About halfway home--a loud BANG--sparks flying by the drivers window and the goddamned left front wheel and tire were keeping pace with me.The damn thing pulled right over the lugnuts and was racing alongside the drivers door.Fuck me---well ,I got her stopped ,grinding off part of the brake drums in the process,collected the wheel and tire and drove the poor thing home.So here I am --sitting in the driveway--the lovely Desoto--front end smashed-back -bumper sticking out of the back seat--left front brake ground off about a third--scratches and dents on the rest of it--drunk and unlaid --and the sun's coming up.What can a poor boy do.Haul ass--thats what!Chickenshit bastard that I was--I didn't come back for a year.The car was never mentioned and I supposed it wouldn't have been wise to even ASK him what kind of a car he was driving! scratcho-------ain't life grand?

[freakwentflyer]

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Life IS grand, Scratcho!

You know, people are gonna start thinking we're making this shit up.
I've got many more to tell when I get the time. I left a message for my friend Joel (in a few of my stories) to help jog my memory. I know he has some good ones to tell (the David Cassidy story).
I know you gotta have a few more, Sratcho.

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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 02:34 PM
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remember you can always breath thru your mouth Posted: 03:21 PM
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yup

Yeah flyer--I know--some of this stuff seems unbelievable,-but some of us actually live all this stuff.Can you imagine NOT having lived it.Looking back on my life--I realize I"ve had more fun,( and that includes stupid shit and otherwise), than several hundred people are supposed to have!Nobody ,other than you ,seems to comment on my stories,so maybe I'm not believed by most in here--but I'm not in the habit of making shit up--so if you keep 'em coming ---so will I.I got a bunch more--hell--I'm still makin' em!--------ain't life grand?----scratcho Posted: 10:08 PM
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http://www.hipforums.com/images/icons/icon14.gif Acratcho..i didnt reply..but i just wanna say i love your stories dude!! there entertaining as hell...and i enjoyed..peace out
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If you wanna chat on MSN...my user name @hotmail.com.... Posted: 07:24 PM
October 10, 2003

[freakwentflyer]

RoamingHippy
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Great stories freakwentflyer and scratcho! I have had many a fun time, although I can't seem to think of any that rival yours. I don't really have the story telling gene, but I'll try.

A couple of friends and I went merrily into a small forest bordering out suburb to smoke some pot. All of the trees were dropping this cotton like seed shit. There was about a foot of it blanketing the entire ground. We thought it would be pretty cool to light it on fire. It kept burning away from us in a half circle until we realized we were fuct. It continued to light leaves, trees, any everything in-between on fire. We tried to put it out but it was useless. The sky was covered in smoke and the trees were burning! We heard the sirens so we decided to make haste. Further in the forest my friend told me about his discovery upon a stash of porn magazines. He said he was going back for them, what the fuck? He wanted me to wait but I ran like hell. It's wasn't very funny at the time, I thought the police were going to be knocking on my door for about 2 weeks there.

Another time me and a friend were walking around stoned[like usual]. Anyways, we were munching.. this time on KFC popcorn chicken. My friend was having a good time feeding the seagulls chicken. All of a sudden he straightens and tenses his whole body. I was wondering what was up because just a moment ago we were laughing like maniacs. He slowly reaches for his neck with his free-hand. I was asking him what was wrong and he declares that a bird had shit on him. The shit was watery and gooey and dripped down his back. I found it pretty funny at the time.

Umm.. another time a couple of friends and I were stoned and one of them proclaimed that he needed to take a piss. Well every time in our past escapades I had found it amusing to chase him full-throttle while he was doing the deed. It was even funnier when he came back walking slowly and embarrassed with piss covering the front off his pants. Anyways, this time he had wizened up and took off a hundred yards of so, over this hill so that I couldn't see or chase him. So I was chillin' with my friend waiting for the other when I got the idea to throw rocks at him. So I picked up a few rocks and started flailing them aimlessly in his direction. I really thought nothing of it and had no intention of hitting him. So he comes back with the same sort of drawn out walk and as he closes in I see that the front of his pants are indeed soaked. My friend and I thought this was hilarious and we had to hear what happened. He tells me that there were rocks nailing the fence behind him and one of them actually hit in the leg! I guess it is cruel, but no one got hurt. http://www.hipforums.com/images/smilies/smile.gif



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Just another new age hippy on the road of life. Posted: 08:52 AM
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RoamingHippy,

Thanks, for the image of your friend dodging flames and cops to save his porn stash.LOL

[freakwentflyer]

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Damn you guys got some pretty interesting lifes. I don't have anything interesting unless... When I was like eight me and one of my friends would collect our piss in gatorade bottels, I stored it outside and when my parents were cleaning the outside they found it. I was so so so damn scared. Luckily since it was in a gatorade container they thought it was gatorade. I stoped collecting my piss after that...
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a pisser!

Feta-You are certainly lucky nobody took a swig of that"gatorade".I don"t know why you saved your piss,but I'll tell you why I saved mine.In my little hometown of 2000,there was a tradition on Halloween of water balloon fights.And I mean every person from 7 or 8 up to college age and older participated in gigantic balloon fights all over town after trick or treating.If anyone drove down main street--including the cops--they got pelted Halloween night.Imagine every clique of people ,from 2 to maybe a dozen or two people on foot, to teenagers in pickups ,to kids on downtown rooftops throwing water balloons at everybody and anybody who showed their faces.And NEVER any fights.Just didn't happen.A giant free-for all- that was fun as hell.When I moved back here some years back,it wasn"t done any more.I guess you'd get shot these days.Anyway,my buddy Richard and I found a 5 gallon sprayer that that had a long 2 piece handle with an oriface about the size of a healthy piss hole and when pumped would shoot about 30 feet!( see where I'm going?)Well Richard and I had taken a horrendus wetting the year before,from a group of 18 and 19 year olds and we weren't about to forget it!(we were 10 or 11)Those balloons hurt too,if you're smashed in the face with 'em.So we kept that sprayer in our clubhouse and pissed in it 'till it was full.We knew all the little hiding places in the neighborhood-the good bushes to hide behind-the places we grew up with,as little ones.The 1st time those assholes we were gunning for came by in the back of a pickup ,looking to soak somebody--we gave 'em a few good shots of rotten smelling piss.The windows were open so we got all of em'front and back!The truck screeched to a stop and we could hear them cussing and carrying on --"back up--lets get those little fuckers!"Shit-we were already gone to our next hiding place on the other end of the block--primed and ready.They came around the block--looking around and hollering and shit--"come out you little bastards--we"re gonna kick your asses!"Well-we really soaked the shit out of "em from our dark hiding place and were gone again--.This went on for 2 or 3 more times and they finally gave up and went on their disgustingly piss-soaked way vowing to kick the shit out of us next time they saw us!It was a bluff--those dumb fucks never found out who it was(until I told them years later) and we gloated in silence as the rest of the town heard about how the self important big shots got theirselves soaked in piss by a bunch of little kids!------------------ain't life grand?------------------------------------------scratcho Posted: 05:42 PM
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[freakwentflyer]

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I don't really have any wild stories that I can remember.. I was always a cautious one. My dad and his old hippy buddies have a lot of good stories though. They are a different breed of story though; more on the side of funny but not embarrassing. It's hard to convey the humor of them over the internet. Not to mention I don’t have/remember the details to make them imaginable. They had plenty of escapades including canoeing down rivers with more booze than food, going on road trips in my dads van, growing pot, excessive drinking, psychedelics, concerts, backpacking around South America, women, and so on. One of my dad’s friends was a pilot and was deeply involved in the smuggling of drugs. Another of my dad’s friends was one of the pioneers of hydroponics pot on Vancouver Island. They all lived in a huge old house in the ghetto of Vancouver at one point. I’m sure there are many a story that he hasn’t told me, maybe I’ll hear em someday. They definitely had a lot of good times; and I hope to continue in his footsteps.
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Just another new age hippy on the road of life. Posted: 10:53 PM
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Lesson learned! Back about ten years ago I met a guy for lunch and after a couple glasses of wine, we went out in a little forested area behind the restaurant and got al ittle frisky. After about 30 minutes of rolling around in the beauty of mother nature, with the sun out full force and our sweat glands working overtime, we parted ways. Two days later I was at the doctors office with poison ivy on 90% of my body. haha. I ran into my friend the next day and he was in the same boat. This little poison ivy excapade cost 2 doctor visits, 2 round of shots and pills, everything from oatmeal baths, bleach baths, old Indian remedies and everything on the pharmacy shelf. I missed out 2 weeks of work and was the laughing stock of my group of friends for years. Wasn`t really funny at the time...felt like I could scratch myself to death. Posted: 12:59 PM
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When my exwife and I started dating, she stayed with me for a week. While I was at work, she was going thru some video tapes I had and saw a tape labeled "kick boxer". Decieded to watch it. Instead of kick boxer, she watch a tape of a exgirlfriend and I doing it doggie style! Just forgot it was in there........

[freakwentflyer]

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Sometime in the late 80's I was at my old buddy Bruce's party. (Bruce passed away at age 31, from the excess that we all indulged in at the time. I wish we had all learned moderation earlier, he'd still be with us. I miss him.)

Anyway, the party was great. He had invited the new girl from the office (not as a date), can't remember her name so just for fun I'll call here, SlenderBlondeGirl. She was 19 and new to L.A., straight from a small town in Idaho. She an I had flirted a bit at the office so I was looking foward to seeing her let her hair down.
When she arrived, she and I couldn't stay away from one another. After a few drinks (and other intoxicants) we couldn't keep our hands off each other.
Then my freindly rival from the office, Steve showed up with a mental bullseye of his own on SlenderBlondeGirl.
He brought the tequilla.

"Come on Bill, SlenderBlondeGirl, let's do some shots!"
SBG said,"I can drink any of you guys under the table!"
At the time I could out drink just about anyone (now just about anyone can out drink me) so I took on the challange.

I don't recall what happened immediately after that but later I was aware of a big tree above me and a street curb inches from my face as I was filling it with liquified party food. Then there was water spraying near me then on me as the lawn sprinklers came on (on a timer). I was soaked. Someone shut off the sprinklers, then rolling over on my back I saw Steve and SlenderBlondeGirl looking down at me. Steve-"Bill, what the fuck man, you look like shit buddy. Hey, you got some puke on my car!"
SBG-"Is this your car?" She looks excitedly at the black BMW I had aparently puked on.
She then leaned down to me and shook my wet hand."Bill, I had a great time, I hope you feel better."

She then stepped over me and into Steve's car. They drove off with me lying on the ground, resuming my hurling.
Bruce and his girlfriend came out with a blanket and moved me further from the curb up against the tree.
I said, "Steve wormed my girl".
Bruce said, "what would you do with her now if you had her,
challenge her to a puking contest?"

Within a year, Steve and SBG were married with a baby on the way. Last I heard they had two kids then were divorced.
When ever I talk to Steve, which is rare all these years later, he always says, "do any tequilla shots lately?"


aquarat
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hi freak went flying and scratcho. Thanks for the stories. i have enjoyed a night of big bellie laughs. Some of these stories should be published. We kneed more books filled with hilarous adventures. My favourites where The tale of the flaming rush lol. The monkey ( im giggling so hard now just remebering them), I can hardly type. And what woman could go past the electric shock dick. lol. So anyway here one of mine. This story took place about two years ago. My sister a high paid radio personality. Single 33 buys me recently divorced 29 year old struggling mother of two. A ticket to the hottest festival in my most favourite spiritual town. Bryon bay australia. My sister and her friends, had rented this swish apartment for the week overlooking the beach. There was eight people staying there, when i rocked up for the weekend. Here i am old mother hippie thrown in to a house full of people my own age for once. All extremely successfull. You could say i was feeling a bit out of place. Anyway im building here. On the second day of festival partying we woke up at the apartment and had a wicked joint with our eggs and coffee. And it was then decided i was to drive. Well me stoned because it dosent happen offen. Is a sight to see but me stoned driving, is stupid. Miracously i got us back too the the festival alive. I parked my car in the endless rows of cars parked on the grass. After a day and night of festing. (Where in a mosh i managed to lose my expensive reading glasses.lol.) On our way to the car we managed to pick up a extremely cute local surf hippie who needed a ride home. The girls where saying go for it amber because they new it had been a while, and were chatting. And im thinking to good to be true. So we start searching the endless rows of cars. And my sister says look some poor stoner has left there lights on. And as we get closer we realize that it was our car. And the girls start to rib me. And then realize not only did i leave the lights on i had left the car engine running. Yes all day and all night there was just enough petrol left to get us home. And to drop home the cute surfy who i was now to embarrased to look at. lol And of course as soon as we got home they ran inside with me behind them begging them not to tell everyone. but they did and after disbelief was hours of laughter and jokes at my expense.
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love light and laughter Posted: 08:30 AM
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me too.

Aquarat--Hi----I thought I was goofy falling asleep one day and letting my truck run all day--but you win.Glad you enjoyed the stories---got a bunch more--will probably put another one or two in soon.Good idea about maybe putting some stories in some kind of book form---I'd be up for it---maybe flyer would be too--he's got some funny -ass stories and more to come ,I'm sure. And others too.--------------------------------Australia-----ah--I've always wanted to come there--Ever since I was a teen and read about digging Opals at Coober Pedy.Dead dream # 123.---------------------------bye-bye---scratcho Posted: 01:58 PM
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I don't have many really halarious sex stories. Once we almost got cought doing it in my bf's moms room. I told him his mom would come back upstairs after she left and he insisted it was safe. there were other people in the appartment so we snuck off in there and just as we layed a towel down on the floor and i was practicly naked his mom comes in the place and knocks on her door..saying whatcha doin in there and he says ohhh uh Rose is getting dressed. She went and announced it to her friends we were cought.

And then theres this one time we were doin it on the couch and by brother came out to have a bowl of cerial so we were like on the couch pants down under the blanket in missionary pretending to watch a movie...very weird situation.

And that time we took a crapload of nasty pictures withour diggy cam and our very good friend saw every one of them while were sleeping one night.




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Another Kirsten story.

Hey Applespark and Dewed,
No Dewed, I don't sell any off-springs in my store though I hear there's a loveseat somewhere in England that looks an awful lot like me.
Applespark, did you keep going for it while your brother ate his cerial? Love daring women.

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I told a story about Kirsten in an earlier thread, when she was 18. I spoke with her on the phone recently and told her about this thread. She reminded me of another story. One that I may have already told (but was lost when the site went down). She refreshed my memory on it.

This wasn't the only time we were kicked out of Magic Mountain but it's the best story.

Shit! I gotta go, forgot about a meeting- I'll come back and finish tonight.

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WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO? Posted: 10:30 AM
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SIX FLAGS MAGIC MOUNTAIN

One saturday afternoon back in the early 80's, my former girlfriend and still good friend, Kirsten and I were in the Japanese Garden at Six flags magic mountain. It was at the top of a hill at the end of a path.
There was absolutely no one in the garden.
So we started getting a little affectionate. Which turned into her bent over a bench with her skirt pulled up and me, pants around my ankles right behind.
I was confident I could see if anyone was coming into the garden before they saw us. We were at the top of a hill and I could see down the only way anyone would come.
As I became more and more into the moment, I tilted my head back looking up at the beautiful sunny sky enjoying nature at it's finest.
Then in the corner of my eye, I spotted something.
It was the tower. At the top of the tower was a crowd of people waving. Some using those coin operated telescopes.
Though being an amusement park I could here yelling and screaming all around, these people were yelling and screaming at us. We were the amusement.
As I quickly pulled up my pants and Kirsten adjusted her skirt and panties, I waved back at the crowd as we headed down the hill.
Half way down, park security headed up the hill toward us.
They weren't so bad. They said because they didn't actually see us at it they weren't going to involve the police. They said that we have to leave and that if we ever come back to remember "this is a family park".
To which I replied,(I don't recall this but Kirsten says I said it)"exactly, and we're just trying to start a family!"


A RELATED STORY
Some friends and I dicided to go drop acid at Disneyland. Because lighting up a joint there is too risky, we brought along "brownies".
We got there early in the AM and dropped. It wasn't long before we got into the brownies. We had a LOT of brownies.
The problem was, the more we ate, the more munchies we got so we ate more brownies.
Sometime in the late afternoon, park security was prodding us trying to wake us up. We had all passed out tripping on the rocks of Tom Sawyers Island. Security said it took forever to wake us. We had to deal with security, told them we had been up for two days. They let us go.
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I'm laughing. I love your six flags story.

And by the way I didn't keep going because at the time we were like 16 and my brother didn't know we were having sex there. I didn't want to get into trouble.

I have had sex in the hall of a grade school. On some playground toys. In my bf's car in the appartment parking lot ( it was rocking) and other places I cannot remember but..never in a place that I knew I was going to be seen. I am too self concious. And I don't want to get arrested. Posted: 11:06 AM
October 26, 2003
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Back in '74 when I moved to Oregon from Hawaii,my girlfriend at the time,who was from Lincoln City,Ore--and I,opened a little art gallery on a strip of antique stores,a doll and dollhouse store and a restaurant.The restaurant was a great place and I used to show movies there before VCR's.The female owner was an old friend of my girl friends' and had some art work of my friend's on the walls--and she worked there from time to time.OK.I used to shut my little shop down when the tourists thinned out and go the couple hundred paces to the restaurant, drink coffee and bullshit with the characters who worked there.I used to have this goofy -ass routine where I bent over,jumped up and down,gave peace signs with both hands and farted like a mule!Used to get a few laughs --but the cook at the restaurant thought it was the funniest fucken thing he'd ever seen.So one day,I go into the joint to have some coffee and such-and the owner and the waitresses are literally on the floor in the kitchen laughing so hard ,they couldn't even tell me what the hell they were so out of control about!Finally one of the girls told me the cook,Chuck,who admired my little routine,had copied me while he was cooking and shit his pants!She said the look on his face--horrified helplessness, was fucken priceless.She said he duck -walked out the door and gingerly sat down on his recently acquired load of shit and took off to clean up,change and come back to work.They were so entirely cracked up when I came in,because the dumb ass had run out of gas,duck-walked up the road to a pay phone and needed a ride.-------just goes to show ya'.-----------------ain't life grand?--------scratcho Posted: 07:18 PM
October 30, 2003
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I'm sorry, I don't have an ilncredibly outrageous story to tell, but I read this post, and damn near laughed my ass off...this is my first visit here, I think...I will have to come back more often! Posted: 07:50 PM
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Ha Ha! That is too funny Scratcho. Reminds me of the time we were camped out and my son who was about 12 at the time, had to take a shit. He was up in the woods, pulled his pants down and sqatted. Shit right on them. So the next thing I hear "Mom, turn your head." And I just give him hell and keep up the "what for" for awhile and then finally I do. Here he comes down the hill heading straight for the lake and I turn my head towards him and there he is doing the duckwalk with his pants around his ankles with a big shit pile on them, his little bare ass just a shinin. Laughed til I phyically hurt.
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Those two "crappy" stories sure cheered me up this morning.

My only related story I can recall is, once when I was about 18, my younger brother (16) was in the only bathroom we had, for a long time. Tired of waiting I banged on the door and said, "come on hurry up, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT! After a short pause the door cracked open and I saw my brothers hand pop out down by the floor. He had taken one of his own turds out of the toilet and laid it outside the door on the floor. Shutting the door again, he said, "you can take that one, but that's all you get".

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http://www.hipforums.com/viewthread.php3?TID=114451 Posted: 10:28 AM
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hey ChinaCatStarflower, your glowstick story reminded me of a pool party I went to a while ago

These 2 kids, Matt and Tyler, found a couple glow sticks in the house and decided they wanted some camo that night. So they head into the bathroom, break them open and start spreading the stuff on their faces. Well it turns out that Matt was allergic to whatever is in those sticks. So Ty