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sunshine_daydream07
07-11-2007, 07:04 AM
Hearin' sweet sounds of nature
relaxin' under the sun.
The shade of the willow is too common of an escape
and you'd find me too easily there,
so look for me near the stream.
Once you find me
we'll encounter barefoot adventures that seem endless.
A simple blow of the wind will take all our worries away
leaving us with carefree footsteps on the inviting green grass.
We'll find tranquility within & with one another
as you & i will walk hand in hand
and slip away to another day.


it probably needs a lot of work! i've changed it around a couple of times. feel free to share your feelings [but try not being too harsh please] :)
windsong
07-11-2007, 09:19 AM
Well I don't see any reason to be harsh. You did a good job! I got a very clear picture in my head.
NumberNineDream
07-11-2007, 09:27 AM
I enjoyed it, man. Very peaceful and relaxing.
hoperenefeese
07-11-2007, 10:36 AM
what you think of this? I liked the one you wrote too..
but you asked if anyone else had any other idea's..here is mine.
enjoy..and keep writing , it is great



Hearin' sweet sounds of nature
relaxin' under the sun.
Another day relaxing, Another time has come
The shade of the willow is too common of an escape
and you'll be sure to find me there,
so look for me near the stream
For the time being
Once you find me
we'll encounter barefoot adventures that seem endless.
A simple blow of the wind will take all our worries away
leaving us with carefree footsteps on the inviting green grass.
We'll find tranquility within thee & with one another
as you & i will walk hand in hand
and slip away to another day.
sunshine_daydream07
07-11-2007, 05:57 PM
yes yes i like it! & thanks everyone for the very nice comments.|

would you mind if i wrote a side note of your suggestions?

:)
hoperenefeese
07-12-2007, 04:01 AM
sure that is fine....


chrissy
scruuuub
07-12-2007, 02:57 PM
i thought it was a beautiful read , keep writing =]

peace
AddictiveSmile
07-12-2007, 09:46 PM
I really enjoyed this piece. It made me think of this place I used to go. It's in the middle of the woods in Bethel, NY. It's so beautiful there. You placed me there with your words. Keep writing. I'm looking forward to reading more.
thcinfectedhair
07-13-2007, 04:44 PM
i liked it ive got like a romeo and juliet chillin by the river picture in my head.