KittenX
08-13-2004, 06:10 PM
Paranoid much? Heh
Work on the format, this was hard to follow, break it apart to make it more -reader friendly-. For the most part ya've got great flow even for the long lines that you've used, so nice work. Also I liked that you presented your ideas pretty clearly, although honestly you haven't really said anything new and original. A bit of Rage Against the Machine immitation...
Sadly the ending was weak, for such a quesi controversial topic I was expecting an ending that would blow me away and kick me off my seat...instead I just yawned. No punch, nada. Tis a shame.
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