Radiant Center

[sylvanlightning]

Blazing circle of cricket passion
Millions of thristy flowers open to drink the shimmering gold
Each grass blade with its pearl of dew nestled with neighbors alone
These windswept lake ripples upon the surface but how deep
Those sturdy roots wrapped in dark earth, do not long, just grow
Does it ultimately matter what the birds think of me
My humming song will blend with bees this morn if nothing else
Wasp caught in a spiderweb is it tragic or art
We try to make meaning with our patterning minds but is it now
What is seen when you smell the dawn unfolding its rays
To be one with these coffee beans and all else is waiting
Embracing all interconnected centers the clothes are a disguise
Stillness of crystals reflected in a birdbath
An immaculate orchid stand soars in splendor carressing the aloes
Streams of ants marching in worship
This cool silence abides from the dreaming self ... till then

[KittenX]

Tranquil very zen, but almost feels like you're trying too hard with all the superflous long weaving lines. (Unless there was an intention and there is a purpose to that.)
Beautiful images, appeal to all the senses but I think a different format would aid the poem.

[lucyinthesky]

Tranquil very zen, but almost feels like you're trying too hard with all the superflous long weaving lines. (Unless there was an intention and there is a purpose to that.)
Beautiful images, appeal to all the senses but I think a different format would aid the poem.

a- i think this poem is BEAUTIFUL. i actually saved it to my computer. i absolutely love it.


b- superflous long weaving lines are awesome. there are no direct rules to freestyle poetry...it's just writting. I wrote a poem with intentional big words and fancy imagery, and i was told that it seemed i was trying to hard. I just don't get it...those were just the words that were in my head at the time. i dont see any trying hard at all. i absolutely love it. I think if you changed the format, it would ruin the poem completely. I liiilililikekekeke it a lot. :)

[KittenX]

A. I am entitled to my opinion and I've stated it. You not agreeing with me does not change it. Disagreeing with me is okay but trying to make it sound that your opinion is the only right opinion is not okay...

B. Refer back to A.

[lucyinthesky]

A. I am entitled to my opinion and I've stated it. You not agreeing with me does not change it. Disagreeing with me is okay but trying to make it sound that your opinion is the only right opinion is not okay...

B. Refer back to A.
I was just saying, i notice some people say the lines should be shorter, or the legnth should be shorter. i actually don't get it....like does it make it crappy? Like i actually wanna know how to fix it, or how to change it, without it messing up the original idea...cuz sometimes i think if i take even just a couple words out of my poem, it loses its original meaning to me....i dunno, maybe i get too attatched to some of the lines in what i write. i guess i came across as a bitch in my post, i didn't mean to... i appreciate constructive feedback, and negative opinions and what not. I just really wanna know the answer

[KittenX]

Here is a quick example, I didn't take any words out just added punctuation and breaks...

Blazing circle of cricket passion.
Millions of thristy flowers open,
to drink the shimmering gold.

Each grass blade with its pearl of dew,
nestled with neighbors alone.

These windswept lake ripples upon the surface,
but how deep.
Those sturdy roots wrapped in dark earth, do not long,
just grow.

Does it ultimately matter
what the birds think of me.
My humming song
will blend with bees this morn if nothing else.

Wasp caught in a spiderweb is it tragic or art.
We try to make meaning,
with our patterning minds,
but is it now.

What is seen
when you smell the dawn unfolding its rays.

To be one with these coffee beans
and all else is waiting.
Embracing all interconnected centers,
the clothes are a disguise.

Stillness of crystals reflected in a birdbath.
An immaculate orchid stand soars,
in splendor carressing the aloes.

Streams of ants marching in worship,
This cool silence abides
from the dreaming self ... till then.

[sylvanlightning]

Thank you both for your perception and passions. Namaste ~*