my last ever words

[sentient]

I have decided my writing is becoming much too popular for my liking and
have decided to become utterly anonymous again by witholding all creative
output in the form of the written word but befor I do this is my last ever work

Many people have tried to persuade me to continue but I feel that I must protest against injustice by not uttering any more poetry or prose
so here is my vey last work Its called Gloria Stits.

As I sit on Great Yarmouth Beach
I grab a handful of sand
and think of it as silicone (which it is)
A gull swoops down to pluck at seaweed

I scoop the sand into two huge mounds
smooth them off and make them rounder
cap them with two small stones
they look like tits

I scrawl in the sand beneath
Women get your silicone tits here
these belonged once belonged to Gloria
but you can have them
as Gloria Stits is free
she's become a man

[StayLoose1011]

Effing awesome.

[White Scorpion]

That is too good to be posted in here!

[guy]

very funny

the first part sets up the whole thing
the second shows the thought process
the third delivers the punchline

well done

[Mary Poppins]

Unbelievably good!!

[sentient]

Due to popular demand I have decided to do an encore
and write the sequel
its called "Up the Garry"

The Garrick pub is the local beer hole
a joke amongst townies who call it "The Garry"
an unfortunate association

Garry Glitter famous ex rock star
now a reviled paedophile
whose name always was a cockney rhying slang
even before his fall

Once the pub was proud but now
people feel silly being there
theyre up the garry
up the garry glitter
garry glitter
shitter

Who wants to be in a pub
that reminds you of garry glitter
"oi oi - whose been up the garry"?
"have you been up the garry"?
"come up the garry"!
"fancy a pint up the garry"?

sick and so no-one goes there no more
I have never been up the garry
people I know used to go up the garry
I saw someone in the garry a week ago
he looked like he enjoyed it
so did the bloke he was with

[White Scorpion]

Double post made due to demented intoxication. Has since been edited, because I spotted it and felt like a twat.

[White Scorpion]

Once again, a phenomenal milestone in verse writing achieved.
I like what you did there, and I hope people spotted it.
You started off by writing prose and
Made it dynamic by shitting on rules

You gradually changed the pace,
talking of things perverse.
How cunningly you changed your style
and started writing in verse!

Garry Glitter is a sick old man
Perhaps he'll never learn
I don't think that there's still a fan
Whose stomach hasn't churned.

But what about dear ol' Paul Mc C,
Whose Heather caused such a mess?
Surely if he had some dick control,
He would stand to lose a lot less!

Should I mention all our sports teams,
Who are good at winning nothing?
Or the 2012 Olympics
That will cost an arm, a leg, and a farthing?

Who could forget dear ol' Tone?
Certainly not Scotland Yard.
It's just as well he's Prime Minister
And carries a "Get Out Of Jail" card.

Let us not whinge and moan like Poms
We're British and we love a Derby
With global warming just forget the Proms
And throw another shrimp on the barbie.