Immortality

[myself]

I saw clouds lying on the ground

Wet from the morning dew

Soft and silvery coloured

There where the sky is free

I saw the castle where

I could find immortality



To get there I had to fly

To fly I had to feel happy

To feel happy I had to go on a quest

To find happiness in a strange place

To learn how to feel happy

And there the one who failed was doomed to die

Falling down while flying high in the sky



Among the strange ruins

I had to learn happiness

To fly over the sea and the buildings

To be able to return

There where the sky is free



I heard someone else talking about

A place where he saw

Stars lying on the ground



Was my vision of immortality

Just an imperfect dream?

[J0hn]

Ok then....



The poem is very imaginative and quite unique in its structure. It doesn't follow the usual poetry we have often grown up with. Infact a lot does and does'nt rhym but that doesn't matter because poetry doesn't have to ryhm.

I am going to award this 4 stars.

Well done:)

My only criticism is on the last part. It kind of leaves the reader wondering. But am sure you could easily write a sequal that could answer that question.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_8.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk570KMGB)

[tikoo]

And there , the one who failed was doomed to die

Falling down while flying high in the sky


dear ancient young woman ,

hey , keep those feathers clean . or rather more
really sport a good feather sanely in your hair ?
.
.