Seeking Advice (merged with) transexual lesbians

[Yurifangirl]

Not sure what to do, so figured I might as well start looking into it. I'm 17 years old, and plan on getting sex reassignment surgery to be female.

Well I don't really know where to start, and if I should start hormone therapy as soon as I can or what. That and I've been told I sound like I have a severe case of some sort of depression. Had it for last two years and been considering therapy when I turn 18 maybe which is a little over half a year from now.

I really want to be a woman, and have since before I was depressed. Though hearing horror stories about descrimination are scaring me. Though with the job I've been considering it wouldn't be a huge problem as far as insurance and stuff goes.

Well I don't know if this is the right place, but could anyone point me to a good forum or place on this one maybe that's the right place to start learnign what I need to do for the surgery and such. And as for the depresion, anyone have thoughts about what I should do there?

[Peter Popper]

i wish you good luck for the future. but i only wish i knew more to help you. i wish i had the chance to experience every concious perception, from the beggining to the end.


forget anti-depressant meds from the doc. try going to the pharmacy and getting some St. johns wort, or 5-htp. if they dont work, then perhaps get the harsh sickly feeling meds.

[Apples+Oranjes]

I don't really know much about this subject, but I do know that you're still young, and you should definitely give yourself time to think about it, and learn everything you can about the surgery if you haven't already.

Ask questions like this, is it irreversible?
That is something important to know, because if someday perhaps, your mind changes, you wouldn't want to be stuck with something that is so permanent. When it comes to any type of permanent surgery, regardless of the subject matter you want to be 110% sure it is exactly what you want.

Don't take offense to the fact that I state you are young, it is just the mere fact that your mind and body are still growing very much so. I'm not a whole lot older than you are, and I find myself changing often, in my goals, in my opinions, etc. It's part of growing.

I understand it might be something you want really bad, and are impatient about, but I would definitely give it a couple/few years to think about, and if you still want it then, go for it. What's the rush?

There should be a link at the top of this forum for this sort of thing; the people there might be able to help you a bit more.

I think if it's something you want, and know you want, after giving yourself time, go for it, and fuck who wants to judge you; it's your life, your body, and your choice. But don't do something that you might end up regretting...

I don't just mean regretting that transition, but the look of the surgery itself. I am not sure what you all intend to do... I've heard about some people that get the whole shebang, and get their cheeks and face done as well, to make them look more feminine; you need to decide what you want with that as well. Would you be prepared, if perhaps you got an entire surgery, on your face and all, and it ended up looking nothing like you had imagined? If you got breast implants, and they were a failure, how would you deal with it?

I suppose the the breast implants aspect make me more frightened than anything, because if not done properly, they can literally start coming out of the seam after the surgery and such.

Take into account how you would be able to handle these things, how you're going to pay for it, what you want, and make sure you research plenty of different doctors before making a decision... You don't just want to go to the first doctor you hear about for a surgery that is as life altering as this is, you know?

I am not, by any means, advising you against it, I just want you to be sure, and be prepared for all the possibilities. Your desire to be female does not bother me, the surgery does.

But, as I said before, if this is something you decide to do, and go through with it, fuck what people think... if you live your life worrying about what they think, and letting them interfere with who you really are, you are never going to be happy. Maybe part of the reason you feel depressed is because of that; because of your uneasiness about what people might think about the real you.

If the people who are already around you react negatively towards this, find people that can either relate to what you're going through, or people who just flat out accept you for who you are. Maybe try finding support groups, or forums where you can talk to others that understand what you're feeling. It might make you feel a lot more comfortable with yourself, and being yourself in society today.

Aside from St. John's Wort and the like, there are even better ways to cope with depression.

The biggest thing I can offer as a suggestion is: exercise. Although you may not feel motivated to exercise while struggling with depression, you have to push yourself to do it because it WILL help. It will increase the levels of seratonin in your brain [the very thing that people are typically depleted of while depressed]

Get adequate sleep...not too much, not too little. For the time being, until you feel better, try setting a time you are going to go to bed every night, and wake up every morning...for your age, about 8 hours of sleep is what you need. Start dimming the lights about an hour or two before bed time, unwind, read, write, whatever it takes to start relaxing. Do not nap in between during the day; too much sleep can just make depression slide out of control. Too little will do the same. Make sure your bedroom is at a comfortable temperature... one that you are not cold, and one that you do not sweat during the night. If you don't already have one, try a matress pad, and lots of comfy pillows and soft sheets and blankets.

If you are feeling a lot of things right now, try expressing them either through talking to someone you trust, or by writing, art, or other ways that might help release the built up negative feelings.

Aside from that, if you need anything PM me. Good luck <3

[Apples+Oranjes]

Oh, also about sleep... melatonin is an important thing to pay attention to...its our body's reaction to light and dark; we are designed to sleep in the dark, and awake in the day...if you're having trouble functioning during greyish days, maybe try out one of those light boxes. I have one, and it works really well, but you have to be careful to use it properly because if you use it too long, or too close to you, you might experience a bit of a headache later.

Draw the shades at night, and open them immediately in the morning. I suggest waking up a bit earlier than when you have to start getting ready for school or work, or whatever you do; open the shades, sit fairly close to the window or otherwise good source of light, and let yourself wake up a bit. For energy, while you're depressed, you might want to stay away from too much caffeine [though I don't really follow this, because I'm in love with coffee] possibly try drinking things that have guarana in them to get a boost of healthy energy, or take B12.

If you eat breakfast, eat LIGHT carbs. Heavier carbs like breads and such might just fill you up so much that you want to sleep... possibly try some light cereal or oatmeal. Fruits are a great thing for breakfast too.

Also, make sure your depression isn't related to anything physical like hormonal imbalances, vitamin deficiences, or anything of the sort. Before anything I would suggest going to a doctor and asking for a blood panel, and whatever they do for males to check hormonal imbalances. Straight out tell the doctor you've been feeling down, and you want to make sure it's not related to anything physical and they should be able to tell you exactly what tests you would need to go through.

The mind and body are exclusive to each other; how you feel mentally can affect your physical health, and vice versa: how you feel physically can affect your mental health.

If you don't seem to get adequate nutrition, take a multi-vitamin and possibly just some plain ol' vitamin C.

I could go on forever.
PM me if you need anything else.

[honeyhannah]

http://hipforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=435

You might want to visit this forum.

[Samhain]

http://hipforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=435

You might want to visit this forum.
thanks honey and o the author of this thread, I will happily move this to the transexual forum, if you would like, there posters will have had some experince of what you are going through, so just let me know what you would like
S

[Yurifangirl]

Thanks, I've already had god knows how many conversations in the last couple years abut if it's really the thing I want. People trying to discourage me or it seemed like it but anyway. I want to get it earlier so I am done with it earlier, and because I've read the younger you are the better it will turn out. I won't really get started with it until I am 18 but that's still over half a year from now.

I plan on getting the full deal, even removing that which declares me a male :P... Well as for pay, I've been working on saving up money but pretty sure it'll be paid for even easier once I take a job with my parents over in New Orleans.

Thanks about the tips, I'll try them out. Though not sure if they'll help.


And thanks for the forum link.

[Yurifangirl]

Not sure what to do, so figured I might as well start looking into it. I'm 17 years old, and plan on getting sex reassignment surgery to be female.

Well I don't really know where to start, and if I should start hormone therapy as soon as I can or what. That and I've been told I sound like I have a severe case of some sort of depression. Had it for last two years and been considering therapy when I turn 18 maybe which is a little over half a year from now.

I really want to be a woman, and have since before I was depressed. Though hearing horror stories about descrimination are scaring me. Though with the job I've been considering it wouldn't be a huge problem as far as insurance and stuff goes.

[Samhain]

well first of all check out these threads, it may just help you get a clearer picture about what this is all about
http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=188579

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=191159

S

[Samhain]

The second thing you should do is seek professional advice and that would involue going to your doctor, if s/he's your family doctor make sure s/he will keep this confidential, however they should do this anyway.
look in your local yellow pages for transexual support groups and telephone help lines near you, so you can start to speak to people who are in your situation.
you are never alone with this
S

[Apples+Oranjes]

Well, I just want you to know that I am not discouraging it, rather I just want you to be sure its what you want, and be aware of any health risks that might come along with the surgery is all.

Basically Im more concerned about your happiness and safety; I hope you didnt take offense to that.

The tips for depression can help, but if you're supressing these feelings a lot, or feeling singled out because people aren't accepting of it...that's another story, then you have to talk with people that understand and such. Exercise won't help, if you are letting people bring you down ;)

I think, with time, your courage to stand up to these people and not let them get to you will be your best medicine :)

[Yurifangirl]

Oh also Apples, you don't need breasts implants. My friend knows someone who took the hormones and got natural D cups from them.

[Yurifangirl]

Ah are there any other people here that sought to get sex reassignment surgery (MtF), to be a lesbian? Versus going after guys?

[Yurifangirl]

Well I don't really care what my family thinks, or my friends. I had planned to move off and start new and keep somewhat contact with family but.. I'd rather just not deal with the trouble of telling them. I will probably tell my parents to get them to help me pay for it, (not out of their wallet). They're considering taking up a dare care center job that the government is funding for a good bit of money. And 1/20 of the funding would easily pay for all of my surgery if I'm correct on cost(50,000 dollars)

[Yurifangirl]

Gah I keep forgetting to add stuff, I need to pause before hitting reply. Also I exercise a little but...I'll start doing it regularly, infact I just got done jogging about 3-6 miles. Not sure on distance but I had to do a round trip so giving an estimate.


Kinda scared about getting the surgery, fears of not being attractive or a convincing female after it. I'm sure it's a common worry but eh, you know:P

[Yurifangirl]

Ah what does everyone else do to exercise, and stay fit and all that?:)

Also, any specific exercises that'd help give a feminine figure?

I've started jogging and eating more subway.

[Samhain]

whats subway?
S

[Samhain]

Ah are there any other people here that sought to get sex reassignment surgery (MtF), to be a lesbian? Versus going after guys?

its not a generalisation to say that the male to female transexuals I know (and I have known a few) tend to be experimental with their sexuality after the op.
while gender and sexuality is not the same thing it certainly goes hand in hand, I hope that no ones offended by me saying this, do feel free to disagree!
S

[Yurifangirl]

Ah subway sandwiches.

[Samhain]

Ah subway sandwiches.
are they that healthy??
S

[Yurifangirl]

I dunno they're probably the healthiest fast food place around here ^^;...they're under 6 grams of fat for sandwhiches, dunno the full nutritional details.

[Yurifangirl]

My family isn't the most tolerant, so I decided I just wouldn't tell them about me wanting to get surgery. Then I thought about how I plan on being with another girl after it so they'd probably be more accepting of that.

Then realized their response would be "Why the **** are you getting the surgery then?"

[calmingbrook]

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/grouphug.gif (http://www.hipforums.com/forums/misc.php?do=getsmilies&wysiwyg=1&forumid=0#) Can I know what state you are in.

I am the former director of
the Lexington, Ky Diversity in Gender Alliance.
There are support groups in almost every state, I can safely say this being from one of those state you hear of having diversity and set back, scratch your head in amazement.
Let me tell you a bit about myself.
I am 33 years old, and have lived
"full time" meaning as a woman, for over 17 years.
I started as one dose, dressing at home full time when I was 15. long story shot- my parents divorced when I was 13 and by 15 I was pretty much living alone. I got a job at Hardee's just before I turned 16, giving me a sence of being responcable for my self, no one to answer to but me. So I started living outside my house. I wanted SRS, boy did I. I wanted to be able to strut up town in a tiny tank top braless. LOL sounds so silly to me now. I didn't see any other life outside the shithole town I grew up in.
The more that life in general cost, the less savings I ever could emass. However I decided I felt more comfortable dressing as a woman, I could present myself to the world more openly and freely only as a woman. All along I was depressed! DEPRESSED!!!
I mean my life was so turbulent, my parents had never really wanted me. My little brother teased and beat me for a while. My parents were so sheltering I knew nothing of the world. I had no idea that "after work" people stayed in town, much less "went out".
We all, encluding my parents went to bed at 9:30.
So ok where was I, 16 out in the world for the first time with no retreets. Living on my $85.00 weekly paycheck. Plane ol depressed.

This happens to the best of us hun. For many reasons. Some that trans, mourn the loss of there "male" self. We all get the harsh ugly REAL truth, IT IS A LONELY LIFE. No one can truely understand what is so obvious to you.
I am sure you see this is not going to be an easy road. I have myself had to face the " do this or die" I had to present myself this way to the world or I would end my life, for the stress of the desire was far greater than any of life's stress I have face sence.

I am on medication for my depression, the happiest of us are! LOL It is much easier to do things that truely bring you joy if you don't have the weight of depreson holding you down. I have a wondrful doctor, very knowligable.
Also I am going to give you a bit of "heads up" knowlage. You have to live "full time" for a while before you can be a canadate for SRS.

I hope this has helped you in some way.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LexDGA

[Snowdancer]

It's a pretty common problem of T-People. We have various individual reason but I know in my case & a few other T-People it came from the attempt to live in the wrong gender. Again, in my case I went to great means to prove to others & myself that I was male. Also a lot of energy was put forth to attempt to hide the fact that I was feeling female. I have a dear friend who is just opposite me, he started female & now female. Common terms for us would refer to me as M'S him as F2M. We both share being miserable before transition & being much more healthy & happy after starting & increasing improvement as time goes on.

Before getting surgery a reputable surgeon will receive two letters recommending SRS from mental health professionals. A reputable mental health professional will follow what is called The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association's Standards of Care for Gender Identity Disorder. A big part of that is to be under their care for at least 3 months showing the desire to live as the other gender from which you were born. After that time the therapist will refer you to hormones. In my case it was nearly a year but that was because of the depression that I needed to get dealt with before she would let me. I was quite a mess but I had other issues than just being transgendered, even if some of them were related in ancillary terms.

One of the Harry Benjamins require you to be over 18 for SRS but could have HRT at 16.

A real good place to look is The World Professional Association For Transgender Health, Inc. (http://www.hbigda.org/soc.htm)

I have looked at a lot of webpages many of them quite good. Some are worthless a quick rule of thumb... When googling the ones that say he-she are most likely porn sites & not worth it in my opinion. I also strongly suggest for especially for M2F that they read She's Not There.
It's a good look into the life of Jenny Finney Boylan's life as she went through transition. Your reference points will be a little different since Jenny is already middle age & a professor but I think it valid none the less. There are quite a few more but that was an excellent book. I also suggest Leslie Fienberg's works.

Your first step is to get a therapist. Start there & get your depression under control. Get one that deals with gender different people. It will save you time & possible anguish.

If you have any questions please send me a PM. I'll be happy to answer any that I can.

Good luck & keep your head up.

[RumpusParable]

Good luck with it all, once you start it'll be a few years.

You'll likely need to save up and use insurance help, both to get hormone therapy and eventual surgery.

I'd strongly suggest against considering any of that government funding for the day care to be used in paying for it, if it's a grant or otherwise being given directly for the use of the day care facility then using it for personal health treatments will likely fall under fraud on both you and your parents' part. That's not a mess you want.

Getting the ball rolling a.s.a.p. is good regardless of monetary concerns as you can start research into information and support groups, start proceedings with your medical and psychiatric doctors, start the required time living as a female pre-surgery, etc and pay for the things insurance won't cover as time goes by and as they come up.

Wish you luck in working things out!

[Yurifangirl]

Well I don't know the entire deal with the funding. Though apparently it's not specifcally to be used on the day care center from what I heard. In any case, I know some jobs I can get to help pay for it but. As for living "full time" for a while before the SRS... would I be able to get the facial feminization surgery for that? I couldn't be a crossdresser, nothing against them, just I don't want to do that and it'd be stressful.

[Yurifangirl]

I'm thinking once I get my drivers liscense(couple years late getting it since I'm 17 1/2) I get it in a month, I'll see about a therapist. And oh I live in Texas. Though about the therapist, I tried but my parents tried to make me forget about seeing a therapist since "it'll show up on my record" for future law things that'll hurt me.

[Yurifangirl]

The problem with getting better from depression, and as suggested exercise to feel better and such(which did work)...is I'm at the point I don't really care about getting better or want it to stop. Guess it's a lack of motivation and reason to do so.

[Snowdancer]

Among the t-people I know I'm a minority.

In my support group the majority are either now effectively lesbians or have gone from being gay to effectively hetero.

One of the other T-Girls in our group is bi. Although she mostly is attracted to females.

The T-guys I know have gone from being lesbians to hetero.

[Samhain]

Among the t-people I know I'm a minority.

In my support group the majority are either now effectively lesbians or have gone from being gay to effectively hetero.

One of the other T-Girls in our group is bi. Although she mostly is attracted to females.

The T-guys I know have gone from being lesbians to hetero.
do you think its rare to find a F to M gay man?
S

[High Priest]

Yurifangirl -- I would really like to talk to you. Could you PM me?

My advice is this, because I'd say i'm about in the same situation, but at 20 years of age. Let me first say that SRS is not the beginning or the end of any of your struggles. My starting point, and I suggest it, is doing your best to pass as a female in public. SRS changes a very minor part of your body when you consider that it won't make you more or less likely to be viewed or treated as a female by others. Passing on the other hand has the advantage of allowing you to go out and really BE a female. It's a great feeling.

As far as money, being a female is expensive enough if you want to be the averag girly girl, but as a transsexual you will at first face the expenses of hormones and probably hair removal (some hormones continue after SRS as well). Each of these subjects requires extensive research and I'd also suggest finding people that know about it or are doing it themselves to give you some pointers along the way.

Don't take the "surgery or not?" problem into consideration until you are certain about who you are to the point of living and being a female. That way, if you try it and realize it's not for you, it's okay. Plus, SRS is not an immediate thing, the sands of time only affect you in regards to hormones and how your body is developing. There are ways to get these pills without a therapist, but most people seem to suggest seeing one. I personally get mine illegally... I hate the medical community!

Keep in touch.