Experiences: Child of a Transexual

[a_rabid_pineapple]

First of all I would really like to say how cool it is that there is a Transgendered/Transexual forum! I have never really had the opportunity to talk about this without getting that 'err' feeling.

When I was 8 years old my father came to me and said that there was something very important that he needed to tell me, "There is something very strange that I do... Sometimes I like to wear women's clothing." I can remember that he was very scared of what I might think (as well as others). Well to make a long story short I said, "Okay, you're weird. I don't like wearing dresses but if you do then go ahead." And so he started to wear women's clothing in public for the next two years, then finally journeyed off to Canada for surgery.

The years after the transformation were both hard on the both of us because of the lack of social acceptance. Although we had heard about there being so many unsuccessful transgenered people she has been employed ever since and has made a reasonable middle-class life for herself. She did however encounter situations where she has been questioned of her identity by police, credit card companies, sales personel at stores, women in public bathrooms, and etc... plus the 'odd' or 'nasty' look from others.

This also had a negative effect on me as well. I was always afraid of having friends come over to my house because if they found out they wouldn't be my friends anymore. In one case, the parents of my friends next door found out and forbid them from coming over to my house. As a consequence I rarely got involved with other kids outside of school. Sometimes things got to the point to where I had neighborhood kids 'gang up' on me and chase me, taunt me, or throw things at me. But thankfully I always got away and it didn't occur all the time. And I did find some friends that didn't care about my dad's gender. ^_^;;

In short I would like to say to people who are considering a sex change with children (or planning on having children) to keep in mind that there may be consequences for them (even though times are changing). Please don't take this as discouragement. I am proud of my dad decision because it was what she needed to do but she was not prepared or knowing of the effects it would have on me. Be strong, be open, and talk a lot! =)

Oh and if you got any questions don't be afraid to ask!

[Samhain]

welcome here, and thankyou for your frank and compassionate account.
8 years sounds terribly young to have had to cope with that, was mother around?
I think because the transexual journey is such a traumatic experince for smeone, when people do get involued they tend to forget about other people it effects, when of course it does effect everyone around them espiecally the children.
if you could do it again, with your dad still being transexual is there anything that your dad could have done different, i guess you have a chance here to say to transexuals who are in a similar persition to your dad, about ways that they could make this difficult process a little easier
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[a_rabid_pineapple]

8 years sounds terribly young to have had to cope with that, was mother around?
My mother was around seldomly and I have no idea to how it affected her. She is a chronic Paranoid Schizophrenic and the last time I talked to her was 5 years ago sadly. =( She was also too mentally ill to care for me but from what I can remember, she didn't seem to mind my dad's change.

if you could do it again, with your dad still being transexual is there anything that your dad could have done different, i guess you have a chance here to say to transexuals who are in a similar persition to your dad, about ways that they could make this difficult process a little easier
Hmn... I think it would have been much easier for me if my dad had taken more time to talk about why she made her decision and how it was not something to look down upon just because other people did. Also it would have been helpful to be told that, "You shouldn't be afraid to bring friends over. If your friend chooses not to be your friend because of your family, then they aren't a friend you'll want to keep." And other things like, "Don't be afraid to ask me questions," and of course always reasure them that you love them as should any parent. =)

[Samhain]

and as a witness to your dads journey, what advice would you give anyone that feels that they would like to go down the (male to female or vice versa) path
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[soaringeagle]

my sis's ex husband had a simular childhood, his dad never had anjy operation but has worn dresses his whole sdult life ithink
they ..theyre relationship was very strained by it &he didnt talktohis dad for over 10 years..actualy untill shortly before he married my sis &invited dad to the wedding & fromthat point on ithinktheyre relationship improved..its really just a shame that being non accepting of people for who they are can tear up families, but its something youve gotta concider before really exposing that side of yourself..but sometimes u just cant helpbeing you & not care what pplthink..just tryto gently explaintothe ones ulove why u gotta doit & well let themknow bout the insesitity of the world & how it could ffect them..&realizr that your not goin through it zalone but with everyone around u

[Samhain]

maybe this thread could be of use also
http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=188970
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[honeyhannah]

Wow! Thanks for sharing your story. I think (or like to think) things would be a bit easier these days, but it is still important to keep open communication and understand that other people's reactions are a reflection on themselves... especially as a kid.

[Samhain]

Wow! Thanks for sharing your story. I think (or like to think) things would be a bit easier these days, but it is still important to keep open communication and understand that other people's reactions are a reflection on themselves... especially as a kid.
I think unfortuantly people who are transexual are still very misunderstood, I don't know what other people think about this, but the transexual movement almost seems to be where the gay movement was 20 years ago, people are getting their head around minority sexuality, but not people who wish to become another sex
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[a_rabid_pineapple]

I think if you are to choose the journey of gender change that you should build confidence in yourself and when you choose to tell your family of your decision well before the transformation begins (to ease the stress of family members and get used to the idea). The first few years for my dad were the toughest but it has gotten significantly better. To this day there are family members that don't approve of this, but there is somewhat of an exceptance. One other thing I'd like to point out is that in my dad's journey she has stumbled over some bumps of depression so beware!

I think unfortuantly people who are transexual are still very misunderstood, I don't know what other people think about this, but the transexual movement almost seems to be where the gay movement was 20 years ago, people are getting their head around minority sexuality, but not people who wish to become another sex
Yes, I've noticed this too... But it's making some progress. I once stayed with my best friend's family for two years and I'm glad that my talking about my dad and what she does and how she runs her life because it convinced my friend's family that transexuals and transgender people are just as normal as they are.

[Samhain]

I see you are new around here so I'm also going to add 'welcome to the hip forums!'
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[a_rabid_pineapple]

Why thank for the welcome! So far I've been enjoying the stay!

[Samhain]

you have been bringing a lot to this little forum, if you have the same presence every where else on the hip forums we are all very lucky
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[erzebet1961]

Greetings A rabid pineapple, It is verry nice having you join us !!!!

[Bunbury]

Very interesting thread. It's always good to get the chance to see another perspective on this. Thanks very much. :)

[Samhain]

Very interesting thread. It's always good to get the chance to see another perspective on this. Thanks very much. :)
yes its an excellent thread!
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[cerridwen]

I think unfortuantly people who are transexual are still very misunderstood, I don't know what other people think about this, but the transexual movement almost seems to be where the gay movement was 20 years ago, people are getting their head around minority sexuality, but not people who wish to become another sex
S It's true, unfortunately transexuals are quite misunderstood, but it's still a fairly 'new' thing to adjust to in our society.

I've an uncle who often (although not daily) dresses as a woman, and it took me a while to get used to it, although I was absolutely ok with it. As open minded as I am about pretty much anything, I do catch myself doing a double take when seeing a man obviously dressing as a woman or vice versa.

[Samhain]

It's true, unfortunately transexuals are quite misunderstood, but it's still a fairly 'new' thing to adjust to in our society.

I've an uncle who often (although not daily) dresses as a woman, and it took me a while to get used to it, although I was absolutely ok with it. As open minded as I am about pretty much anything, I do catch myself doing a double take when seeing a man obviously dressing as a woman or vice versa.
I think thats a very honest response- thanks C
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[High Priest]

I don't have much to add to the discussion itself, but I did want to say thank you to rabid_pineapple for sharing. Hearing about this from the child of a transsexual is very unique and not a story I hear often.

From what I do hear, though, it never turns out much differently for a parent to come out as transgender than it is to come out as gay. Some children accept it, some don't. Same with the rest of the family... You never really know how open-minded somebody is until they're forced to make a choice like whether or not to accept a family member...

[Walelia2]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am very curious as to how my children would react in this situation (hypothetical children, don't have any yet).