a poem- groundscore, amy

[celeritea]

im not really working
because im broke
i wake up overcome by thorns in my side
i wear cold amethyst and surrender
to the fact that you're always working
we could have risen on beds of cedar
like lecherous mycelium and roots embracing
instead you feed the meter
that keeps you in the race
you pour concrete fast, a rapidly aged spirit slave
drive ninety
if you make it that far
risking it all for another's bullshit existence
wasting the earth for the sake of some fucking satanic texan
and get paid in insults
instead of my love
given from within a formless grace
instead of your cube
that your constantly typing numbers inside of, against all common sense of decency for the old growth
id rather clear cut the hearts of greedy men than lose
dreams of entranced birds painting themselves anew
the same paint the amethyst makes us too
owls blinking and mice that flew
drove me alike to you
caught in your trap
you wake without me
on cold mornings
and i hunt without a goal
amy you lost me at hello
instead of a long goodbye
ahead of the game, i knew it didnt matter
im only going about eleven

[FreeBird1969]

:eek:

'Tis good.

One suggestion, though-the line with "some fucking satanic texan" kind of offsets the rhythm for me. You might try wording that different. But otherwise, I loves it. :)

[Duck]

all of the lines throw off the rhythm for me

work on that :)

[Treadge]

I find nothing wrong with it,

in fact I dig it.
F'ing satanic texan, nothing wrong with that, couldnt have put it better meself.
I like where you said youd rather cut down the hopes, aspirations, dreams
of the greedy Fcks than see one ounce of nature hurt.

Keep on keeping on,
Crowfeather

[celeritea]

the fog crept into humboldt county
enshrouding all the ganja
hiding it from the prying eyes flying over
and we rejoice
we toil endlessly, picking, trimming, packing
smelling, smoking, wandering lost in our minds
for what?
for three thousand dollars a pound?
for financial security?
for the love and admiration of young stoners?

it is futile
growing this plant or any other
the world will end in milliseconds
i give up on your love
the taste that sold me was better than the meal