Crush on an older woman

[Aprilshower]

I am a 27 year old student who's bisexual. Over the last 5 months I have developed very strong feelings for one of my tutors at college. It started when I was doing a course that she was taking me for. When I first saw her I did wonder whether I'd fancy her due to the fact that I have a tendency to go for people in postions of authority. Then I thought no, she's much older than me of course not. But as I got to know her and despite the fact she could be quite strict I began to see a gentle, attractive side to her personality. I also felt she began to single me out, almost pick on me infront of the class but not in an unkind way. Often she'd ask if I had a boyfriend even when I told her I was single (she doesnt know about my bisexuality). She'd also make comments of a slight sexual innuendo and would sneakily wink at me from time to time. I then got that gut feeling she may possibly fancy me. Then I thought this woman is married and she is approximately late 40's, or around the 50 mark, would she be interested in a 27 year old?

I then decided to switch courses, mainly because of the workload, although seeing her constantly in hindsight did play a small part in the stress I was under due to her being too close for comfort. Since being on my new course I still see this woman around and she is more friendly than she was before. She's given me the odd hugs and according to other staff members, she asks after me quite a lot. Also she still winks, hence I have started to reciprocate. The other day she said "Oh you're looking good!" when I actually was just wearing my usual clothes and looked like shit.

I don't know what to make of her. One minute I think yeah she fancies me, the next I think she's married, she can't be interested in someone so much younger who's female, therefore she is just being friendly. It's so frustrating cos I just wanna know where I stand.

If anyone out there could shed some light I't be interested to hear what you have to say.

[mrpwonder]

She maybe be bi as well. Just because she's married doent mean that she doesnt have the ability to have a girlfriend as well. If you find her attractive then you need to let her know that. She how she reacts back. Since shes not one of your instructors at this time, theres no chance of harm in your grades. Good luck!

[erzebet1961]

mrpwonder is right....you will never know unless you bring it up...she may feel awkward doing this herself due to her posistion there as a teacher. Try it...what have you got to lose !!!?????

[06thenewsummeroflove]

Yeah i say you go for it the worst thing that could happen is her not be into you and have it be very awkward every time you see her. I had a thing for my Government teacher when i was younger. Of course i was in high school and 16 and she was 29 so i never considered making a move. But i will always remember her as my first teacher crush and her words will forever live in my signature, below everytyhing i post :H

[Aprilshower]

It was interesting reading what people had to say. Let me tell you some more... Today I was sitting in the canteen in college with some other students and she walked in one door to go through another. As she came in she caught my eye, I then said "Hello" with a smile and then she blew 2 kisses in the air at me (just with her lips) making that kissing sound as she walked by. I couldn't believe what I saw and I thought maybe the other girls sensed something, cos there was this awkward silence (or so I thought) and I didn't know where to look. Obviously deep down I felt lightning pulsating through me! Anyway, I asked one girl who was sitting next to me if she thought my ex-tutor was doing what I thought she was and the girl agreed. Because I couldn't quite believe it I had to ask for a second opinion! LOL!

Now what does that say about my ex-tutor?? Taking into account I have not exaggerated, just been factual?

[amp7325]

It's hard to say what her intentions are. I honestly don't knwo what to say because I don't know her, but from what it sounds like, there's something going on with her. Maybe you should talk to her about it.

[erzebet1961]

It says she is interested !!!........you are of legal age, it would be different if you were a child. I may be wrong, it wouldnt be the first time, but I think you should let her know you would like to grab a cup of coffee with her, or maybe lunch off campus, just in case shes not supossed to date a student !!!

[Aprilshower]

Another thing I didn't mention in my original post was about 6 weeks ago I sent her a card anonymously from outside the college. As I was too chicken I asked a friend to write in the card her name followed by "WITH LOVE AND KISSES" and then he signed it off "from an admirer" and put a "+" with a "O" underneath it (to hint it was from a female) followed by more XXXXXX below.


How naughty am I?? Usually I would never have the guts to go through with something like this. It was something I'd been thinking about for months and originally I was gonna wait till Valentines Day to send a card. Then I thought - shit that's 6 months away!! So I kept debating whether or not to send one until one day I just plucked up the courage to push the boat out a little. I was nervous, excited and terrified about the consequences at the same time!

[erzebet1961]

I think you should give it a shot !!!! You two might be good together !!!


Wish I had your luck !!!!! hahaha

[Aprilshower]

I hope her behaviour is what I think it is. I still think that maybe she is just being friendly or that the 2 kisses she blew were simply her being maternal towards me. I was telling a close friend and her mum (they don't know I sent the card) and the mum thought that maybe she was just acting maternal towards me. But although my friend's mum likes me as a person, she doesnt really approve of gay relationships. She's one of these people that can't get her head around the fact that people are openly gay these days. Like being gay is a fashion trend to her. What do ya think??

[erzebet1961]

I think you should tell the lady you would like to grab some coffee...then jus talk..it doesnt even have to be about the two of you, it would give you a chance to get to know her away from the school setting !!!!

[Aprilshower]

I would love to ask her out for coffee, but it's not the sort of thing that is done at my college and I fear the rejection. Do you think she definitely likes me though or is just being maternal/friendly?

[Wheels]

This is by no means my area of expertise, but the principles still apply. Just go for it, rejection is tough but by the sound of it I think she might be waiting for you to ask her. Getting over that first hurdle is often the toughest step.

[erzebet1961]

Hahaha.....maternal usually doesnt consist of blowing a kiss...believe me, Im old enough to know maternal !!!!

[Aprilshower]

I agree blowing a kiss or 2 in my view in kind of intimate. I was trying to rule out any other possibility.

[juicyxxx]

I too like you used to have feelings for one of my tutors, she was a real mentor and influence. but i could not personally approach the subject,

it would not be fair on either on you.....

I'm bi as well and i found it hard to face her knowing she wasn't, but i would never of given up my course.

xxx

[Aprilshower]

Often I can't help but think it will be sods law that she's not interested. If she is I can't completely believe it and I think it's because I have not had much luck when it comes to hooking up with people I really like. Usually it's because they are taken in the first place and not interested for the most part.


I didn't see the woman today, but when I next see her I am tempted to blow a couple of kisses like she did to me. I probably won't have the guts though as when I usually see her it's always by chance and never at certain times every day, so whenever I do bump into her my heart races and I get a little nervous. Awwww!

[erzebet1961]

Try it...see what happens !!!!

[Aprilshower]

I would love to ask her to go for coffee but don't feel it would be appropriate yet. I keep hoping I will bump into her whilst waiting for the train as I know she gets the same line as me. Last week for the first time in ages I nearly got on the same train as her. Turned the corner and the doors of the train were just closing. I thought damn and as I turned my head away I caught sight of her but she didn't see me. OMG!! Had it been a few seconds earlier I would have had an opportunity to talk to her!

I saw her today when I was standing outside the admin office. I turned round and she was there. It was a nice surprise but I was shocked at the same time. I was rather annoyed with myself cos I just acted normal around her and didn't have much time to flirt. :p

[x_WaX_x]

sounds.......

Hot.

^_^

all the best...

Love & Light,

Angela~

[Aprilshower]

I hope this crush does hot up and lead to something. It would make my day! ;)

[autumn_jewels]

hm ive had similar experience last 12 months. i fancied a woman at work who usedta be my boss and shes in her early 50s, divorced, and her oldest son is 35. im 23. but she always seemed friendly, smiling alot and the winks. it all felt very flirty. nothing happened and i never told her though she knew i was bi. she usedta ask me about my love life when we chatted too. finally ive managed to get over it coz it messed me up alot seein her all the time an caused me to break up from the relationship i was in. i think she probably saw me in a motherly caring way, rather than a sexual way, even though sometimes it seemed like that with comments she made, like with you, that i looked nice, or when i wore a short skirt once instead of my typical long one, she commented that they didnt usually get to see my legs and other such things. i told her off jokingly for slacking and not making the works xmas do last year and she was so apologetic to me and stuff. i mean she definately flirted alot with me, but i flirted alot with her and im not sure she realised she was doin it. tho to this day i still dont know if she blew a kiss to me or not when i got out of her car when she gave me a lift to the train station once last year. but anyway...yeh similar experience...all i can say is try not to let it screw too much with you like i let it do to me. all the fantasies etc and the jumpy feeling when you see her...is the up side of these crushes.....tears and heartache are the downside on the same emotional scale. best of luck. peace and love xx

[Aprilshower]

I think you're right Autumn as not knowing if she likes me or not is beginning to mess with my head and upset me already. I have enough on my plate as it is at the moment and sometimes I think this tutor is like a form of escapism for me - like a drug which I have been addicted to over the last 6 months. For me I need a type of fixation in order to function otherwise I feel like nothing. I've always felt like this and always will. There's nothing better than the anticipation of seeing someone you fancy! It's the ultimate high! It's nice to have another focus other than just study/work, hobby, family and friends.

The problem is I just wanna know where I stand with her and don't know how to go about finding out. Also the problem is I don't know her that well. If I was to say anything to her, I have no idea how she will react. Because I'm in a negative frame of mind I sense the worst. And if she told me she wasn't interested, it not only would knock me big time, but it will only drag up bad memories. Atleast I would know where I stood, but the negative scenario would far outweigh the positive so right now I feel it's best to not know. Part of me wants to forget I ever felt this way towards her.

Perhaps it's just better to go with the flow and not be too bothered. If me and her are suppossed to bump into each other regularly as opposed to me trying to find every opportunity to bump into her then it's meant to be (in whatever way). Perhaps only fate can decide.

[erzebet1961]

It would be wonderfull !!!!!!!!!!!

[Aprilshower]

What do you mean? Sorry I'm a little confused! :confused:

[erzebet1961]

If it did actually grow into something...it would be wonderful !!!!

[Aprilshower]

I thought that was what you meant! :p

[erzebet1961]

Of Course..you know I wish you all of the luck in the world..!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Aprilshower]

Well thank you! Much appreciated! ;)

[EarthyGirl1985]

Gah, I love this thread. You HAVE to make a move. I HAVE to see this beautiful story unfold. I have had similar things and I just never had the guts to do anything about it. Good luck!!

[Aprilshower]

Oh, I wish I could make something happen. I just fear the worst which is understandable as usually when I'm in this type of situation it usually backfires or doesn't go quite how I want it to. However I'm a little more wiser and more cautious - if anything I'm bordering on the paranoid side! :H I take it you've been reading through this thread. Well you know I mentioned how I was on the train and she got on and walked all the way down the carriage, sat down and a few secs later got her mobile phone out (bearing in mind you can't send a text on the underground!) I immediately got that sinking feeling as if I'd been rejected, when I saw her walk off.

Taking into account I was feeling hormonal (which tends to make my judgement a bit off), I thought she doesn't like me, she thinks I'm a freak, I must have it all wrong etc. The reality is she might not have seen me, unlikely but possible. She may have seen me and have similar feelings, but panicked out of nerves and so walked away quickly. She may have planned it and even though she was further up the carriage she made a point of sitting where I could clearly see her (the "Look at Me" syndrome) and hope that I might make a move - which i did which was when I ended up going over and speaking to her and her acting all surprised. There could be other reasons too. I'm still not sure enough if she likes me.

[erzebet1961]

It could be the CHASE ME game....!!!!!!!!!!...I recall the thrill of the chase ....WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Aprilshower]

I'm surprised she's not chasing me more - she is the more dominant one!

[erzebet1961]

So was my ex.....but she liked to pretend to be hard to get !!!

[Aprilshower]

It's funny how they try and do the whole macho thing. With me I feel I play the more female role. I'm more expressive and girly in my behaviour. Also with this woman I've noticed she wants to know a lot about me but doensn't want to give much away about herself. :p

[lostdazedintime]

I'm pretty gay so Im not sure if what i beleive applies to you but it seems to with all my crazy lesbian cousin's mode of thinking, who i love very much, but all I can say is GO FOR IT! seriously! being akward is far less of a deal compared to what kind of joy you can get from being with with some one special to you, if it works than it's great, if it doesnt then it is only a slight bit of discomfort. From what I have learned age does not matter at all, it's what society imposed upon us, if it feels natural, go for it.

[Aprilshower]

I'm gonna bide my time. Take time to check her out a bit more. Try and get an indication on how she feels, look at her body language more. I might even back off this week just to see how she reacts. As much as I don't like playing games I need to know she definitely likes me before I take things one step further. I absolutely don't want to make a prat out of myself.

[erzebet1961]

Good Idea !!!!!!

[Atom bomb therapy]

keep us updated! -very- romantic story. Good luck sis!

[Aprilshower]

I've seen her twice this week. The first time I was on a break and was talking to a friend on my mobile outside the photocopying room. She then came out and winked at me so I smiled to acknowledge her. My heart was racing and I was completely taken back. A few minutes later I was still talking on the mobile and was leaning forward on the window sill and out the corner of my eye she walked past again....hopefully she got a nice view of my bum!

Today, I was outside talking to a friend on my break again. It was raining slightly and we'd been chatting for about 5 mins when I just happened to glance over to the other side of the street and I could see a woman under her umbrella sneaking a look at me. I immediately thought it looked like my tutor, but was surprised to see her on the other side of the road. Anyway a couple of lorries drove by so I couldn't see to check, but once they drove past, sure enough it was her and she was about to cross the street to where I was standing. I pretended not to notice, until she was right by me and then I turned my head and completely ignored what my friend was saying and started talking to her. She was friendly and we spoke for about a minute. When we were saying goodbye I winked at her and she winked back!

[erzebet1961]

BRAVO !!!!! good for you girl !!!!!

[Aprilshower]

You know me, I'm dying to pull! ;)

[EarthyGirl1985]

I'm pulling for ya girl!

[Aprilshower]

I saw her yesterday and today. I was outside and she was walking with some other girls and she put her arm up as if to say "Give me 5". I was talking to someone so I didn't put my hand out to catch hers in time. Felt a bit of a dipstick.

Today, I saw her again and she made a jokey comment about me smoking outside like she often does and all I could do was make a little comment back. I keep thinking of things to say to her when I next see her, but when I do it's like my mind goes completely blank and I end up smiling and laughing with her instead. The other thing that went through my mind was "Do I really fancy her?" It's like I want her to know but I don't - if that makes sense!

Is it normal to feel like this when you fancy someone?? To get all tongue tied and doubt whether you do actually like them? These crush feelings haven't happened too often in my lifetime so I don't know if this is normal or if I'm confused!

[erzebet1961]

It makes sense .....it happens that way...but I havent a clue why.

[Aprilshower]

I keep telling myself to be as normal as possible around her, but it's easier said than done. Also when I see her I'm often with people so I can't flirt or anything which is so frustrating!!

[erzebet1961]

Eye contact is a great way to flirt when people are around.....she will know what you mean....believe me !!!

[Aprilshower]

One thing I have a tendency to do is I will spot her in the distance coming towards me say and I will give the impression I haven't seen her. Then as soon as she is close by I will make eye contact and say something - sometimes I'll give her the wink. I'm sure she picks up on the fact that I notice her presence immediately. As soon as she comes into the canteen I see her straightaway. It's like I'm never oblivous to her being around. A couple of times I've been thinking about her and then she's suddenly appeared - mind you she's always on my mind so I don't feel spooked or anything. I like to think she may sense I fancy her from what I've just said. She's not stupid but I don't know how intuitive she is.