Columbo
09-09-2006, 04:16 PM
My favourite is the Dennis Moore sketch (hand over your lupins) about a highway robber of the 18th century
the full sketch can be found here
http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/dennis.html
but I thought you might like a snippet of the sketch to read before going there)
(Sounds of a coach and horses, galloping)
Dennis Moore (Cleese):
Stand and deliver!
Coachman (Chapman):
Not on your life (SHOT) ... aagh!
(Girl screams)
Dennis Moore:
Let that be a warning to you all. You move at your peril, for I have two pistols here. I know one of them isn't loaded any more, but the other one is, so that's one of you dead for sure...or just about for sure anyway. It certainly wouldn't be worth your while risking it because I'm a very good shot. I practice every day...well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week. I expect I must practice, oh, at least four or five times a week...or more, really, but some weekends, like last weekend, there really wasn't the time, so that brings the average down a bit. I should say it's a solid four days' practice a week...At least...I mean...I reckon I could hit that tree over there. Er...the one just behind that hillock. The little hillock, not the big one on the...you see the three trees over there? Well, the one furthest away on the right...
Squire (Jones):
What, that tree there?
Dennis Moore:
Which one?
Squire:
The big beech with the sort of bare branch coming out of the top left.
Dennis Moore:
No, no, no, not that one.
Girl:
No, no, he means the one over there. Look, you see that one there.
Squire:
Yes.
Girl:
Well now, go two along to the right.
Coachman:
Just near that little bush.
Girl:
Well, it's the one just behind it.
Squire:
Ah! The elm.
Dennis Moore:
No, that's not an elm. An elm's got sort of great clumps for leaves like that. That's either a beech, a hornbeam, or, ah ...
Parson (Idle):
A larch?
Girl:
No, no.
Dennis Moore:
No, that was another series. No, what's the... the one like that with the leaves that are sort of regularly veined and the veins go right out with sort of um...
Girl:
Serrated?
Dennis Moore:
Serrated edges.
Parson:
A willow!
Dennis Moore:
Yes.
Parson:
That's nothing like a willow.
Dennis Moore:
Well it doesn't matter, anyway. I can hit it seven times out of ten, that's the point.
Parson:
Never a willow.
Dennis Moore:
Shut up! It's a hold-up, not a Botany lesson. Now, no false moves please. I want you to hand over all the lupins you've got.
the full sketch can be found here
http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/dennis.html
but I thought you might like a snippet of the sketch to read before going there)
(Sounds of a coach and horses, galloping)
Dennis Moore (Cleese):
Stand and deliver!
Coachman (Chapman):
Not on your life (SHOT) ... aagh!
(Girl screams)
Dennis Moore:
Let that be a warning to you all. You move at your peril, for I have two pistols here. I know one of them isn't loaded any more, but the other one is, so that's one of you dead for sure...or just about for sure anyway. It certainly wouldn't be worth your while risking it because I'm a very good shot. I practice every day...well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week. I expect I must practice, oh, at least four or five times a week...or more, really, but some weekends, like last weekend, there really wasn't the time, so that brings the average down a bit. I should say it's a solid four days' practice a week...At least...I mean...I reckon I could hit that tree over there. Er...the one just behind that hillock. The little hillock, not the big one on the...you see the three trees over there? Well, the one furthest away on the right...
Squire (Jones):
What, that tree there?
Dennis Moore:
Which one?
Squire:
The big beech with the sort of bare branch coming out of the top left.
Dennis Moore:
No, no, no, not that one.
Girl:
No, no, he means the one over there. Look, you see that one there.
Squire:
Yes.
Girl:
Well now, go two along to the right.
Coachman:
Just near that little bush.
Girl:
Well, it's the one just behind it.
Squire:
Ah! The elm.
Dennis Moore:
No, that's not an elm. An elm's got sort of great clumps for leaves like that. That's either a beech, a hornbeam, or, ah ...
Parson (Idle):
A larch?
Girl:
No, no.
Dennis Moore:
No, that was another series. No, what's the... the one like that with the leaves that are sort of regularly veined and the veins go right out with sort of um...
Girl:
Serrated?
Dennis Moore:
Serrated edges.
Parson:
A willow!
Dennis Moore:
Yes.
Parson:
That's nothing like a willow.
Dennis Moore:
Well it doesn't matter, anyway. I can hit it seven times out of ten, that's the point.
Parson:
Never a willow.
Dennis Moore:
Shut up! It's a hold-up, not a Botany lesson. Now, no false moves please. I want you to hand over all the lupins you've got.