When did you know and how did you come out? [Archive]

rocknroll_girl

09-04-2004, 03:40 AM

I was in love with my gym teacher in first grade, obsessed over several women up until junior high, at which point I became head-over-heels infatuated with my basketball coach for the two years.

Throughout all this, I did not even remotely imagine that I was gay. Crushes on older women, especially in sports, became natural and even expected in me because they happened so often and from such an early age.

Then my freshman year in high school, during basketball season, I started feeling really...warm, maybe that's the right word...about my team, which was the closest group of girls I'd ever met. Just generally loving. As the season started to wind down, two feelings dropped over my head like a bucket of ice water. One, I was falling in love with this girl Kristin, a junior. I just absolutely knew I loved her...everything about her made me nervous, happy, sad, and angry at the same time. Two, we were watching another team's game one night and there was the best player in the state, a girl named Jamie. She was also the state's "famous lesbian" and as I watched her, it flashed in my head: SHE'S HOT. Both these feelings struck me on the same winter night, and I went home and sat on the steps outside my house in a daze. I just stared ahead, saying holyshit holyshit holyshit!

That night, I knew. I absolutely knew.

But of course then there was the huge, long struggle in which we all debate whether or not we're bi or gay or nothing at all, what the fuck we're going to do about it, who we could ever ever tell, why didn't we know earlier, why is this happening...on and on...it took a couple years.

bedlam

09-04-2004, 10:22 AM

when l had a crush on a high school teacher

txbarefooter

09-04-2004, 10:32 PM

I "knew" when I was 16.. thats when I put together my "feelings" with the word gay.. and it was an epiphany. like my mind opening.. "oh ... ok, my physical feelings toward my male friends means I'm gay". I pretty well knew at 14, but it was a "I'm not positive" feeling, not the all knowing feeling at 16.

Snowdancer

09-05-2004, 07:55 AM

Like rocknroll_girl's experience I had quite a lead up. I have two really great friends that I have known since I was a teen. I love both of them deeply but they both are straight so it is unrequited. As a teen I was somewhat disturbed by this but there is always a warm spot in my heart for them. Also confusing for me was just how much I was infatuated with Peter O'Toole after I saw Lawarence of Arabia when I was 7 or Elvis or Jim Morrison or David Bowie as I got older.
When I was 24 I was getting better in touch with myself but just like so many others I went from denying it & overcompensating & beating myself up for getting horny when I saw a cute guy. It wasn't until a year later that I started accepting it but it really took those next years to completely embrace being bi. I fell full blown, weak in the knees, butterflies in the tummy, in love with a wonderful man. That was when I knew for sure. ;)

psyche

09-05-2004, 07:28 PM

i remember the first time it actually hit me i was at this idiotic little social gathering called the friday night skate. it's a stupid thing that happens at the skating rink every friday where they turn off the lights and play music and grade 6-8ers skate around aimlessly. lots of drama goes down there. so anyway, my friend at the time was trying to set me up with one of her male friends. we were in grade 8 and everyone i knew was into the whole get-as-many-boyfriends-as-you-can phase. so she dragged me around introducing me to everything with a penis she could find. i finally just said 'hilary, look, this is really nice of you but in all honesty i think i'm gay.' we stopped being friends shortly after that. in all honesty it shocked the shit out me that that came from my mouth, but i knew i didn't say it just to get her to stop pushing guys on me. and that scared the shit out of me. so i went home and started rethinking all of my silly little fancyings, and as the night wore on it became more and more apparent. there's a pretty long and difficult story following that, but if i were to pinpoint a moment it happened, that would be it.

PhotoGra1

09-05-2004, 10:43 PM

I knew for a very, very long time before I would admit it. In fact, EVERYONE knew a very long time before I would admit it. I wasn't comfortable saying that I was gay until I was 20/21 years old. I don't know why. My family is very accepting, I had plenty of gay friends. There is a process you have to go through, though, or at least I did. You grow up picturing yourself having a sitcom family like you see on TV. You almost have to morn the loss of your future the way you had imagined it.

Now, it is no big deal at all to me. Before you come out of the closet, you almost obsess about being gay. It consumes you, and takes so much energy and time away from you, trying to deal with it internally. Now it isn't an issue. It is such a small thing. I wouldn't redo highschool for anything!

Anyone understand this or have a similiar experience?

rocknroll_girl

09-06-2004, 12:33 AM

Now, it is no big deal at all to me. Before you come out of the closet, you almost obsess about being gay. It consumes you, and takes so much energy and time away from you, trying to deal with it internally.
Yep. I had a very similar situation (the open-minded parents and friends but long internal process anyway) to yours. I started the process a bit earlier, though, I expect, given that I'm all the way out at 17.

When you're out it's SO MUCH BETTER. There is really no comparison here. Even the way you deal with the most heartbreaking relationship situations - it's a world of difference.

Patch

09-07-2004, 03:52 AM

in grade 7 i juse kind of knew i liked girls...but i was terrified of being gay...not because i was homophobic...i just figured that since everyone in my town was pretty homophobic...being gay would essentially ruin my life...so bi was ok to tell my friends...and i dated a couple more guys after that...and hooked up with a couple more...it wasn't my bag...i really couldn't deny it for much longer...in the summer after grade 9 and after my big break up with my first girlfriend i gave up...there was no way out of it...my friends know now...

so i guess i always knew...i just didn't want it to be true...rhymes...wow.

Jonny6

09-07-2004, 06:32 AM

I had fooled around with another guy my junior year of high school, but managed to not deal with what it meant until later. It wasn't until towards the end of my senior year when I got a crush on another guy, Chris, that it finally hit. When you see a guy who is cute, I had always told myself that I just admire him for the way he looks- 'everybody does, right?' But when I had my first crush on a guy, that is when it finally meant something.

But of course then there was the huge, long struggle in which we all debate whether or not we're bi or gay or nothing at all, what the fuck we're going to do about it, who we could ever ever tell, why didn't we know earlier, why is this happening...on and on...it took a little while, during which time I came to this forum. I believe my first post was asking for advice on an interesting way to come out to a friend. - That was soo long ago.

"You almost have to morn the loss of your future the way you had imagined it." I've never heard that said any better.

[smiles at patch]

Patch

09-07-2004, 11:18 PM

that is a great way of putting it johnny...it definately changes everything...although right now being gay is a big obstacle in my life...i really wouldn't want it any other way...

and i just want you all to know that when i wrote the last "it" in this post...i wrote tit like 3 times before i got it right...i get distracted ya know!

tulip79

09-08-2004, 02:52 AM

I had my first relationship in the 8th grade and it was with a girl. That relationship ended when my mom caught us when we were 14. After that, I was frightened to "straighthood" and had boyfriends. For 10 years I met up on and off with my ex-girlfriend and talked. I was very mean with her and ignored her soon after we were separated from each other. As I got older and was more open-minded I began to open up doors I had closed long ago. She and her girlfriend (at the time) invited me to go out to a local gay club and on one of those occasions found myself admiring one couple and was just aroused by them. I was also hiding feelings for my ex-girlfriend. My ex-girlfriend and her girlfriend were having problems (no fault of mine) and broke up. We began dating and then moved in with each other soon after. I moved out of the house and told my immediate family. They closed the door on me....I am dead to my mother and although it hurts I am happy...being myself.

Taylor

09-08-2004, 11:12 PM

wow, tulip79, thats such a sad story and even more sadly is one which is repeated all over the world.

For me... I was 14. I was sitting in maths class and looked across my class and saw Amelia and was like "wow... she's hot." It was fucking weird. That was the beginning of 2 years of the most painful phase of my life... working this shit out with myself, my friends, my family and between amelia and i - nothing real ever happened... but who knows what will happen in the future... we're still sometimes in touch.

do you know whats weird? I'm now 19 and this shit with Amelia started over 5 years ago and ended about 3 years ago... and still, whenever I mention her name or write it, I have to pause afterwards and take stock... it still makes me stop still with the power of it... *sigh*

-Tamsyn

Bug_Man

09-08-2004, 11:15 PM

It's impossible to know you are truly gay until you are in your mid- late twenties.

Patch

09-09-2004, 02:17 AM

Bug-man:

this has been brought up so many times...some people understand certain parts of themselves at different ages...and although it is typical of a teenager to think they know everything...i feel as though i have experienced enough in my life to know that i am gay...there is no set age for knowing...and what if i'm wrong about myself...so what...then i date a guy...there shouldn't really be a gender on love anyways...i have always told myself that even though i connect with women on a sexual and romantic level...there might be that one guy that i can connect with...in which case i drop the label...it's just a label anyways...
you never experience enough of life to be sure about anything within yourself...everyone is really different when it comes to epiphany and self-revelations...a twenty year old can know what he or she wants to do for the rest of their life...while a 60 year old about to hit retierment can still be searching for the one career that makes them happy.
sexuality vs. career...i don't know if that is a great comparison...so take what you will bugman...but i'm gay.

on the other hand i really don't believe that love exists...but that is really a whole other story.

pianoperson60

02-25-2005, 03:25 AM

The Sandreckoner

02-25-2005, 05:26 AM

Depesnds -- I had a boyfriend when I was in High school, but we were discrete. I came out ot most of my friends and family when I was 19 and 20. It's a lifelong process, don't forget. I'm not outwardly out to most of my frat, who just elected me their President. I'll let them figure it out and go "dang!"

SkeeterVT

02-25-2005, 05:13 PM

I am bisexual, and came out to my closest friends a couple of months ago, and they were all super cool with it. Then I let everyone know that I was bi, and everyone I know in shcool is fine with it, luckily.

How about you guys? how did it turn out when you came out?
The fact that you were able to come out at age 15 is nothing less than a miracle; a testament to how the times have changed since I was your age. I came out twice, first as a gay man (in 1978), than as bisexual (in 1993). But I didn't come out the first time until I was well into my 20s and safely out of college (let alone high school). I had my second coming-out on my 40th birthday.

Thirty years ago, it was unthinkable for a teenager to come out -- especially a male teenager. Anyone who dared to do so back then would have been relentlessly harassed and physically abused. Indeed, some were driven to suicide because they could no longer take the nonstop abuse.

You are part of an entire generation that either knows someone who is gay or bisexual, has never known a time during the month of June when there wasn't a Pride Day celebration in your area, or both.

Congratulations!

-- Skeeter

laura4484

02-25-2005, 08:18 PM

i came out twice to 2 teachers and my best friend when i was in 7th grade, at first i thought i was a lesbian, but then i realized i was bisexual. in high school i came out to 1 guy friend. i tried comming out to another guy friend, but every time i tried to talk to him about it, he would say that gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, were sick. i came out to my mother in 7th grade too, but she doesen't want to hear anything about the girls im interested in. i've only met two bisexual girls and i only know one guy who's gay.

GreenButterflyDaisy

02-25-2005, 11:45 PM

I am bi when I was 14 or 15 years old I came out to my best friend but didnt tell anyone else and once I started high school I was more open about it and told my closest friends. I am 19 now and am very open about it, all of my firends know and are fine with itand I told my cousin but I chosen not to tell my parents yet. I plan to tell them sometime this year but just havent found the right way to yet.

I am in awe of anyones strgnth who comes out to everyone, especially at such a young age!

Congrats to all of you guys!

Zeitgeist

02-26-2005, 12:38 AM

I was 15/16 when I told my close friends and inevitably most people in my year found out, and plenty of people from other years at school.

My siblings found out when I was 17 from a friend who'd heard some gossip around school.

My parents still don't know...I wouldn't deny it if they asked, but I doubt they'd ever ask because they'd be too ashamed in case they found out I was 'that way inclined'.

LOSTBOY7

02-26-2005, 01:43 AM

Hi Have Come Out As Bi The Age Of 36 To A Str8t Mate He Cool With It. I Have
All So Told A Long Standing Gay Frend. He Told Me He New That I Had A Gay Side Yer's A Go. Lol . Lot's Of Respeckt For Comeing Out So Yong

SurfhipE

02-26-2005, 01:51 AM

SkeeterVT

02-26-2005, 05:52 PM

I'm glad this post came up.
Latley, I've been confused..
In a way I'd like to come out, as bi-but I'm not sure if I am, and if it was a phase, and I came out, and decided I wasn't..god, it would be a mess.
I'm confused.
I am attracted to girls, yes, but not in the way I am to guys.
With guys, I feel like I could have a relationship, and with girls I'd just want to have a good time, nothing relationship. So, I don't know if that's solid enough to claim that I am bi..

?
As I said in another thread, most bisexual people have a stronger attraction to one gender than to the other. Only a fraction of bi folk are drawn to both genders equally.

Only time will tell whether that changes.

-- Skeeter

ZePpeLinA

02-26-2005, 10:28 PM

I had the chance to come out to my parents yerterday but decided to wait til a better moment comes up. eventually they'll know. I have only officilay told one of my mates, who's really cool about it. The rest, well, I only have like one gay friend and i know other gay guys at my uni, they know too. My cousin also knows about it, cos he saw me kissing a girl once hehehe...but everyone seems to be cool about me being bi. I dont care anyway.

pianoperson60

02-26-2005, 11:36 PM

I am lucky that where I live, homosexuality is highly tolerated by nearly everybody.

As for the girl who was unsure about coming out, a couple posts up:

Just give yourself time to get used to the idea that you may some day "be" with a girl someday...once you accept that, you will cruise for a month or two...but then...this feeling...this annoying nagging feeling, telling you to do something, anything. This feeling is telling you to TELL SOMEBODY. Soon, you'll have chosen who you think you will, and wont tell...but you have one certain person picked out to tell first...you are extremely nervous, horrified as you realize you are about to tell that person- then it spills out of your mouth-" Im bisexual," and the rest is history.

Just two things- when finding someone to tell, make sure you "test the waters" i.e. get a feel for how that friend tolerates gays. Once you find someone who seems cool with it, then work on what you are going to say.

Another thing- living in secrecy isnt healthy- thats not to say RIGHT NOW you have to come out, but get used to the idea, and then...try and tell atleast someone.

Best of wishes to ya,
Cheers,
Dylan

Abyle

02-27-2005, 01:12 AM

I came out the first time at 13 to my mother. She screamed at me until I was silent.

Same thing at 15.

And at 17...

Then I did at 19. In front of both my parents. Finally, they believed me. My dad swears I'm a lipstick lesbian... Mom lives in denial. My friends I always told immediately and were cool with it. My brother and I are both bi and he came out after me. (He's older.) We're both pretty much best friends. :)

soccergirl

02-27-2005, 02:29 AM

I came out earlier this winter. Actually there were some rumors around our school so my parents asked me about and I told them I was Bi. My mother was a suprised but I think deep down she knew. My step-dad thinks the "goverment schools", that is run by liberals, put the idea of being a bisexual in my head. Most of the people I know are okay with it.

I'm glad this post came up.
Latley, I've been confused..
In a way I'd like to come out, as bi-but I'm not sure if I am, and if it was a phase, and I came out, and decided I wasn't..god, it would be a mess.
I'm confused.
I am attracted to girls, yes, but not in the way I am to guys.
With guys, I feel like I could have a relationship, and with girls I'd just want to have a good time, nothing relationship. So, I don't know if that's solid enough to claim that I am bi..

?
I prefer having a relationship with a guy as opposed to a girl although I find a girl more physically appealing than I do a guy. Thats just me and all bisexual women are different in some way. There is no set of rules that say all bi women are like this and if not then they are not bi.

ciaobello24

03-02-2005, 09:16 PM

I was 17 now am 24
jesu

Co0kiezGurl

03-03-2005, 05:07 AM

I came out as bi to my best friends when I was about 17. All the friends I've had since then have known rather early on. My husband knows, but also knows that I'm monogomous. Had my best friend been as open then as she is now, I probably would have tried to date her...I was in love with her for a good while, but she was staunchly against homosexuality at the time. It was hard enough to come out to her, I have yet to come out to my parents, and I honestly don't think I ever will. A part of my thesis is a few pieces on the gay marriage ban, which I am so against, and my mom got really upset when I told her that..... :/. She'd never understand if I told her I'm bi...especially since I'm married now...she'd just think I was lying and trying to get a rise outta her. So I feel like there's no point now with them anyway.

Ocean Byrd

03-04-2005, 10:52 AM

I never came out; just like I never went in. I started questioning my sexuality, and realised I was attracted to both men and women, so I just talked about it whenever the subject actually came up. I didn't feel that it was a breakthrough that needed to be hidden/announced.

lemonhead

03-13-2005, 01:05 AM

well.. i never really came out to anyone.. just was open about it. i dont like hiding. actually i asked my parents if my "friend" could live with us cause she didnt want to live at home anymore.. they eventually figured it out. my mom still tries to play dumb..its funny.

lemonhead

03-13-2005, 01:05 AM

bedlam

03-13-2005, 01:22 AM

was rather late coming out was 27..

Zypher

03-15-2005, 08:55 AM

im bi and ive just turned 16 i cam out last year to my closest freinds and i introduce myself to most people as bi a lot of guys know about it, I know one lesbian a couple of other bis and heeps of bi curious, ppl have come out about it since i did, i told my parents im bi about a week ago they sed they loved me no matter what etc but i know my mum was a lil disappointed. there are so many ppl im yet to tell tho like the rest of my frends and my dad (i told me step dad not my reel dad) and my sis knows i think my bro over herd me telling my parents but yer ive had a pretty breezy run ive been reely luky o yer n i have the most boodiful gf in the world! :D

Sininabin

03-15-2005, 09:03 AM

Man if i came out my whole world be turned upside down, just the idea makes me shiver. i love doing sports which i do all year long. I don't think it possible to bi/gay and be on sports with stright guy, maybe i wrong any ever get through that at a high school level maturity. Well at least my mom probaly be fine about and my home life. But i be defineitly ostrazied at my school
woops this is when did you come out
not why aren't you out
any ways i'll post for any comments
or similar situations

Sininabin

03-15-2005, 09:06 AM

I'm glad this post came up.
Latley, I've been confused..
In a way I'd like to come out, as bi-but I'm not sure if I am, and if it was a phase, and I came out, and decided I wasn't..god, it would be a mess.
I'm confused.
I am attracted to girls, yes, but not in the way I am to guys.
With guys, I feel like I could have a relationship, and with girls I'd just want to have a good time, nothing relationship. So, I don't know if that's solid enough to claim that I am bi..

? Wow surfhipE i feel exactly the smae way, execpt i a gay and i feel i can have a relationship with a girl and with a guy just a good time. It feel werid, good, and really coll to hear someone post my exact feelings and ideas out of my mouth thx

Leki

03-17-2005, 02:28 AM

I came out in 8th grade to one of my friends, then in 9th grade (maybe a few months ago) I told all my friends. then I told my mom. She was cool with it she said 'I'll love you no matter what. But if you ever dating...a girl I wont support the relationship' And like a few DAYS ago my father found out on accident and he was like 'damn' ah well, he hasnt made a big fuss over it.

Shaman420

03-17-2005, 05:58 AM

I'm bi and still haven't come out mainly because I don't know any one who is gay who I could hang out with. Plus its hard, very hard, to be gay where I live. It's kind of a bummer.

rainbowcoloreddark

03-18-2005, 05:33 AM

well...thats interesting subject for me.
sophomore year of high school, after my three year relationship with the love of my life ended. i kissed my first girl. i had had crushes on a couple of my best girlfriends...but kissing that one girl did it for me. her and i would kiss in the halls at school. we were open about it. i never had to say im 'bi' to anybody, except the next guy i got involved with, because he was absolutely oblivious to everything around him.
as with my parents. i never told either of them. i was wrongly outed. i never ever thought it was my parents business to be in my sexual life. still DONT for that matter. my fathers room is right above mine, hes a smart man, im sure he knew before my mother found out. but i never came out and said 'yo, i like girls'. then freshman year here at stephens i met this AMAZING girl, and broke up with a boy that was getting ready to propose to me because i was happier with this girl than i had been with this boy for the past year. i feel, right now, that i will be happier in life with women.
but i dont limit myself. im single now. and i have my crushes, and one is a boy.
but yes...i digress. i was wrongly outed to my parents and my brother loved it, my best friends understood and loved me more for it, and it brought some wonderful people into my life that i dont think i would have met before i came out.

vimmeroony

03-19-2005, 02:07 AM

I first came out way back in 5th form, when i was 15 or 16.. I told my friends, and they eventually spread the word around (aren't friends great haha) but i didnt mind.

Most people who find out about my sexuality dont actually care - to them its just another thing they know about me, and it doesnt change anything. It's not a major issue.

I havent told my family though, mainly because they're not a significant part of my life and i don't tell them much at all.

One thing that frustrates me though is that not everyone believes i'm gay when i tell them. Some of the guys that i know (most my friends are guys) are still stuck on the stereotype that i dont seem to fulfill.

RoamingGnome

03-19-2005, 06:16 AM

I'm 15 and in an extremely conservative city. I don't have the guts to be all the way out, but my closest friends know and are completely fine with it. The first person I told is still my best friend. She's really open-minded, so I thought she would be a good person to tell. It turns out, that she had a crush on me at the time. I didn't even know she was bi until then, so it turned out amazingly well. (aside from the fact that we both had boyfriends at the time, but that's another story altogether.) Aside from her I'm mainly friends with guys and they apparently think it's hot.

sickcharlie

03-19-2005, 06:06 PM

the first person i came out to was my straight friend who i was in love with. she was really cool and it turned out that she was bi and we ended up foolinf around .....so i guess it turned out okay. the next day she made me tell my mother and she was totally cool with it and told me she already knew.:)

twentyoneforever

03-21-2005, 09:25 AM

Those who truly know their sexual preferences in their teens are lucky.

I remember having many sexual fantasies about cute guys while in my teens, but I forced myself to ignore them. I didn't want to even face the possiblity of liking boys or men. I had several straight sex experiences in my late teens and early twenties. None of these were relationships, they were simply sex. It was a case of me trying to convince myself I was "normal". All I know is the sex didn't feel right.

Apart from my mixed up sexual urges I am a very ordinary straight acting guy. I have a group of friends who are all very straight. My family and work colleagues are quite archaic, or at the least conservative, in their thoughts of homosexuality - this has always been enough reason for me too never out myself.

I know many of these people would be horrified if I were to come out. I'm sure they wouldn't believe me and I'm sure once they realised it was fact then they would feel like they had never really known me all these years. The majority of students at the High School I work at are openly anti-gay. I have a very good rapport with the kids and I think they would be stunned if they ever knew my true feelings.

So in summary: I'M NOT OUT, AND AT MY AGE AND POSITION IN LIFE, I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER BE OUT.

Good luck to all those who feel strongly enough to bravely announce their sexuality.

pianoperson60

03-25-2005, 01:44 AM

Twentyoneforever...Im sorry

I really think you should come out

Snowdancer

03-26-2005, 12:31 AM

Like Skeeter & a couple of others said. It's great that things are now open enough that people in their teens or earlier can be open about their sexuality. I get uptight often at how much we need to change the world to make it a better place for GLBT folks but this kind of thing makes me realize that really not that long ago I would have been arrested just under general purposes & if the pigs would have decided to they could bust people just on sodomy laws gay or straight alike. Thanks Gods that is another pice of history that I hope to goodness never returns.

Now back to the actual question...

I first came out to myself when I was in my late twenties, a little hard to really pinpoint, it was something that built for a [i]long[/] time. I had crushes on guys that I couldn't admit to myself often growing up but suppressed them. As for my genderqueer thing. HA! I wasn't able to do anything about that in my little hole in the wall town that I grew up in. Hell, folks thought I was gay (or the term they liked to yell) FAG! even though I did absolutely nothing other than not wear the uniform flannel shirts & dirty blue jeans. Oh, ya, wash my hair once in a while. This was at the time that I was busy acting (or at least trying) macho. That whole thing kept me in my own little closet, as I said, into my late twenties.

Just as my second marriage broke up I was finally starting to allow myself to accept that I liked guys too & started wearing "girl cloths" around the house. Wife # 2 oddly enough inadvertently helped me realize that I liked guys. She started trying to annoy me by telling me I was a fag & how I should go screw guys. Stuff like that (yes, she is a piece of work) she didn't really mean it she just likes picking fights. That got me to thinking that in fact she was right but I wasn't ready to let go with it. It wasn't until about 3 years after I escaped that nightmare & was living with my present wonderful wife that I actually let myself "experiment" by going to gay bars. I have been hooked ever since. Yep, got the queers big time. :p I was 29 then. About a year after that my son was abandoned by the psychobitch that was wife # 2. This after an extended custody battle in which she won mostly because she was female. I am pretty sure what she wanted was the support money. Anyhow, at that time I couldn't chance giving her any excuse to try to take him from me so I went back into the closet. Not as far it was more like on the down low. I still got out & had some good times but I couldn't fully express things like I do now. That was about the time that AIDS hit. 5 people that I was very close to, three that I was very very close to died. I kind of got scared straight & went a little farther in the closet. That was until I guess it's 3 years ago now. I decided to go to an Ending the Day of Silence rally, I put duck tape on my mouth & that caused me to get my picture in the local paper. The next day a bi coworker accidentally outed me in the hallway outside the main office of our department. With the genie out of the bottle I let myself all the way out of the closet. To the point that I am now a 49 year old with adolescent breasts. Have had a short relationship with a wonderful man who I had dated back in the 80's & everyone near me knows I am bi.

As for those people who have feelings that they really feel more like they want/need relationships with the opposite gender but are still attracted to their own. That happen all the time. For a married bi that is pretty much how it works. For me I am attracted to males differently than I am females. I want what each has to give sexually for what they can. I do have some friends of both genders that even though they maybe don't realize it I am attracted to them as if they are the opposite gender than they are. It's complicated but ties in with concept that is more to gender than our physical bodies & gender is more of a continuum than a binary thing. Also the deal where the Yin/Yang is different balance in different people.

ThisBirdHasFlown

06-30-2005, 05:51 AM

Ocean Byrd

06-30-2005, 06:23 AM

Hey! This one's prob. been thrown out there before but I was just wondering how you all have come out (or plan to)? Where and when was the right time? How long did you know (maybe your whole life... I know some people have known for less)? How did the other person react?

I am completely open with my bisexuality; so open, that I leave it up to other people to ask. If they don't, they either figure it out, or just think I'm weird; I don't mind either way. When I DO tell people though, it's because they created the situation; everyone that I've told it to has been acceptive and tolerant, but some are a bit ignorant still.

I've known I was bi for a very long time; I had the idea that you fell in love with somebody's mind and spirit, not their body, at a very young age. I was 14 when I finally accepted it. Now, I treat this differently than comming out about my gender dysphoria... it requires a lot more trust. I've only told a little over half a dozen people, but I'm pretty sure they have told others. I was met mostly with acceptance there too; I don't know about tolerance.

This is just me and where I live though; I dunno what the people who live around you are like.

SageDreamer

06-30-2005, 04:08 PM

I can't remember a time when I didn't know.

I came out to different people at different times in my life. I've had some "coming-out" experiences that went very well, and others that were disastrous. It seems best to wait until there is some sort of friendship or other good relationship, some sort of trust.

Don't come out when you're angry at someone or when you think that information will hurt another person. Come out as a gift, an expression of trust. Never come out when you think of being gay as a deep, dark, dirty secret.

You may want to come out to someone because you think he or she is gay, maybe even because you are attracted to that person. That person may indeed be gay, but he or she won't necessarily want to tell you.

Don't tell people not to tell anyone else. That makes it sound like being gay is bad, and you really don't want that. My experience is that the younger the person is whom you come out, the more likely that person is to tell someone else. If you want everybody in your school or town to know you are gay, find the biggest gossip around and tell that person and make him or her promise to keep it a secret.

Come out at a time when there isn't any other big drama going on with you and the other person. Christmas dinner is usually a bad time. Visiting someone in a hospital is another bad time. Come out in a place and at a time when you can be at least a little bit relaxed.

DreamerSpirit

07-03-2005, 01:13 AM

I came out in March. I had been depressed and my emotions were all messed up because I was crazy about this girl who I suspected was bi, yet I was in the closet and I had no openly gay, les, or bi friends to seek out for advice. My emotions were so screwed over, I knew I needed to do somthing, so I came out.
My mom had noticed I was acting strange. I was depressive, and had little intrest in anything other than sleeping. I didn't eat much. Luckily she didn't know that I was into cutting.

Well anyways, she was worried and concerned. I knew that if I told her she'd be cool with it, so one night, my bro and her were both in my room, and my mom was talking to me, and asking what was wrong. So I told her. She was a bit shocked for a few moments, then she saidI was too young to be figuring out my sexuality, so I had to explain my whole 'loving somones spirit, not thier body' theory, then she was cool with it. uring the whole process my brother didn't even bat an eyelid, for a minute I thought that he didn't even hear me. Later I told my friends and my crush, they were all cool with it, my crush even liked me, but due to the fact that her parents are homophobes and are always prying into her life we can't really date.

Now I'll tell people I'm bi if they ask, or they usally just figure it out on thier own if the topic of boyfriends, girlfriends, crushes and such comes up in conversation.

As far as knowing I was bi... when I was 11 or so I had this wierd feeling around certain girls, but I didn't recognize these emotions as actual crushes until I was 12 or 13. I fully came to terms with my bisexuality when I was about 13 and a half, yet stayed closeted until I was almost 15.

enigma_rising

07-03-2005, 01:27 PM

i told my best friend i was bi when i was 15, who told her friend, who told the whole of my all girl boarding school. which was fun. lol, i was in a room on a floor with some younger girls, and the teachers moved me to a room way away from everyone, incase i corrupted them or something, that hurt. one guy teacher was really cool tho, told me he thought i was brave to be so true to myself.

dubh

07-04-2005, 03:00 AM

Hi there, finally I write something in this beautiful forum!

@ School
At school, when I was 16 yo, a mate found us (my girlF and me) while I was kiss her on the neck, and she has tell it to all our class mates. For few months we were a bit excluded from the group, but nevermind, no one was talkin' about homosexuality; we were, for them, only strange girls http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif (Hippies both, too!)

With friends
'Til one year ago I haven't talk very much about my homosexuality, but then I've meet a little group of gays & lesbians in my town, so it was no more a problem, he he.
Was a little problem from 12 to 18 y.o., 'cause all of my friends were hetero (or I was think so...who knows http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif)

With parents
My dad doesn't know, we don't talk so much, I seen him one time a week, so doesn't matter who I like, even if he talks about gay men with no nice words. He's silly, not cruel, anyway. I think that it couldn't be a tragedy. One day, if I'll be with a girl who I love, he will know it. Now is useless.

My mom knows everything about my homosexuality, I haven't say the phrase "Mom, I'm lesbian" but it was natural: she knows that I've suffer two years for a girl, she knows that I've build a GLBT website, she knows that I was @ Gay Pride last 4 june, we watch together lezmovie, she reads my lesbians magazines (she loves Diva Mag) and so on http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif

PS: sorry for my bad, bad English. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/sad.gif

ThisBirdHasFlown

07-05-2005, 04:58 AM

your situation seems similar to the one with my father. And your english is beautiful... I wish I could speak Italian that well!

professionalwidow

07-05-2005, 01:47 PM

First of all a few years ago i mention 'not being straight' online.
Then never mentioned it really again.

On saturday night i came out to 2 of my friends, as the wkend before i got VERY drunk in a pub near by with my flat mates lesbian friend(who is confused right now, thinks shes bi maybe).. i remember walkin home from the pub but not really anything after that! she stayed at mine.

next day i was like, omg what happened lastnight, she wasnt there, and i only had slight flasgbacks. So my flatmate came through and i said i thought something happened the night before he said nah if it did it would have just been a kiss, anyway later that day his friend came over to pick up the phone she left in my room, he were just talkin like normal, my flat mate was like ah nothing must have happened otherwise she would have said something.. hm i wasnt so sure. Anyway my flatmate got a text from her and he said that he thinks something DID happen.

So the next day when he was in the shower i checked his phone and read the message, it said 'didnt you know, she aint straight, defo not.. i wasnt allowed to sleep, very keen ;)'

so my flatmate knew this and said nothing, but a few nights ago i said to him that i was bi, buts its complicated. Lastnight i told another friend too.
my flatmate was like do you like her, etc i think u guys would make a good couple.. but i dunno shes older.. im 21 and shes 38. but she doesnt act or look it.

With my friends.They sorta knew it was personality with me. So I never really spoke about guys or girls. One of my friends guessed the other night too, cos i was like, omg i got really drunk last week and ened up in bed with someone, my other pal like 'who was he' and my other friend was like was it a girl?

but yeh, feel better that some people know.

Hey! This one's prob. been thrown out there before but I was just wondering how you all have come out (or plan to)? Where and when was the right time? How long did you know (maybe your whole life... I know some people have known for less)? How did the other person react?

dubh

07-08-2005, 03:53 AM

your situation seems similar to the one with my father. And your english is beautiful... I wish I could speak Italian that well!Oh, really? Thanks! :)
I'm sorry if your situation with your father is like (more or less) mine...but what can we do? Nevermind, we're all together, right? ;)

Patrick

01-11-2006, 12:08 PM

For me it was when I was watching porno with my guy friends and I realized that it was the penises in the porno that was turning me on and not the girls.

mushie18

01-11-2006, 10:26 PM

I have always known. I've been attracted to males since elementary school..

SelfControl

01-11-2006, 10:36 PM

Same as above, I think it was more that I realised most people weren't gay. Just think, if I hadn't been bombarded with sexual health pamphlets explaining how lots of boys have homosexual urges in their teenage years and how it's probably just a phase that you'll grow out of I could've been emotionally well-adjusted from a much younger age.

Jorma's Branches

01-12-2006, 01:44 AM

In addition to the experience described above, I met this guy named Ryan a year or so ago and thuroughly enjoyed doing him up the ass. That sort of finalized matters.

txbarefooter

01-12-2006, 02:35 AM

I've known I liked guys since like the 6th grade and I guess it was when I got it up the ass for the first time I was sure (9th grade)

maryjaneguitargurl

01-12-2006, 05:01 AM

when i touched a penis..lol jk

peace
chickens

luxhombre

01-30-2006, 08:31 PM

since primary school, i was attracted to boys rather that girls.

SageDreamer

01-30-2006, 08:46 PM

When I read the chaper in "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex...." as a young boy and thought, "Oh, so that's why...."

Night_Owl49

01-30-2006, 09:38 PM

I've always been "drawn" to males. I would find myself staring at guys all the time. It wasn't until I was in 7th or 8th grade that I realized what it was. :)

I guess I always knew in the back of my mind.

henry101

01-31-2006, 12:38 AM

I had a typical gay childhood. I was given crystal meth by an old man, and then he molested me and told me I was gay. Been gay ever since. /Erasmus

Seriously, I was always drawn to boys, based on things like colour of their hair, etc. When I hit the "awkward years" I started thinking about guys sexually, more than girls. Then in highschool I had several full-blown crushes on guys, and from that point on I started secretly considering myself to be gay.

PatchOnPatch

02-07-2006, 07:59 PM

I knew at a very very young age. Maybe 5 or 6 years old.
I wanted to play with dolls. How gay is that?

melyn

02-09-2006, 12:44 AM

Used to watch Ally McBeal when I was little and found her really attractive, then there was the episode where she kissed Ling, and I knew, thats what I wanted to be doing :D

lutsko67

02-09-2006, 06:35 AM

I Always was drawn 2 women. I personally think there is nothing more stimulating then seein a beautiful woman w/her hair hangin down and no make up, just bein herself, rather she is in a dress, shorts and a T or naked, a woman w/out all the glam is more beautiful then a woman who is all done up 4 a nite on the town. I def. love women, always have, always will. I admire them, I adore them, and most imp. I always respect them in the am!!! (a jk)lol!!

treyola

02-12-2006, 12:12 PM

I had a friend sleep over when i was 8,we messed around a bit;harmless exploration.Then there was the experience of showering/changing in the locker room when i was 10 at swim classes.bunch of naked boys,and me with a hard on!Guess those were the eye-openers for me.

wassa

02-14-2006, 09:20 AM

I don't know if anybody has experienced it so early but I think that by four I had an idea that I liked boys better...some sensation I've exerienced in the boys locker room when I changed after my first swimming lesson...

Closet Kid

02-15-2006, 04:07 AM

........

jp234

04-28-2006, 07:36 PM

i asked this question in my other thread

when do you know that you are gay? does it slowly creep up on you bit by bit with fear and confusion, or did you always know you were gay?

and how old we're you when you got the first clues,

JI G

04-29-2006, 05:29 AM

that all depends... when i got first clues.. well about 12ish... i was in denial through 6th and 7th grade though....
you know when ur gay when u think some guys are cute.. and/or if you think about them and/or if u watch gay porn.. JMO

Closet Kid

04-29-2006, 06:13 AM

it was kinda weird for me i was at the highschool with my friends and they were all saying 'Holy shit dude that bitch is so hot I wanna fuck her' amd then I thought to myself 'Why don't I see that in girls? Why don't I have an urge to fuck girls?' and then it hit me 'Holy shit I'm Gay...' and a lot of stuff is clearer now those weird feelings for my best friend...god he's hot...his hair...those tender blue eyes...anyway yeah so thats how it happened

Sasssss

04-29-2006, 06:53 AM

I didn't even know what the word Gay meant at the time, however I can remember being around 8 years old and fantasizing about my friends and myself naked. But even before that I remember I always had a fasination with penis and boy butts.

When I'd be at my friends houses for sleep overs or in the bathrooms together with friends or whatever I would always try to see them naked or take a innocent peek.

By the time I was 9 years old me and Timmy one of my best friends took our clothes off and laid together all the time, we didn't have sex we just touched and played with each other and laid on top of each other.

I'd say that was a good indication about my sexuality but I was still young and had no clue.

It wasn't until a few years later when his older brother caught us down in the basement together and taught us a few new things to do.

By the time I hit puberty I knew what I was and I hated myself for being different, however I still wanted to be with other boys. I stood in the closet until after high school. (it was very painful living in the closet)

The one good thing was I found out along the way I wasn't the only one in the closet. I was fortuneate enough to have two older and two younger brothers and our house was the house everyone hang out at so there was always boys sleeping over. I won't go into the details for now but you get the idea, right?

evil lesbian

05-01-2006, 08:45 PM

if you have to ask....

pianoperson60

05-01-2006, 09:38 PM

it's different for everyone really. I wasn't aware of my homosexuality until last year. For some people they know they like guys their whole life, and find out one day that that isn't how it normally goes. But for me, my awareness of my sexuality kind of started dawning upon me. Then i denied it a bit, sort of. Then I embraced it, and now it's all good.
Cheers,
Dylan

amp7325

05-01-2006, 10:36 PM

I've known since about 8th grade that I was "at least" bi. I'd looked at gay porn and liked it, but would never think about cute guys at all. I even had a girlfriend last year (my freshman year) and another at the beginning of this year (sophomore), though nothing really happened with the most recent one. (Oddly enough both were named Anna... hmmmm). Anyway, I didn't really start thinking to myself that certain guys were hot until the end of this summer, or maybe the beginning of this school year. It was really hard to admit that to myself. I was especially confused, because I really do cherish what I had with Anna from last year, and I really did like her. I also realized that I never thought of her sexually or about doing anything past kissing her. So that was kinda tough for me, but I know now that I'm pretty much gay... I say pretty much because I'm not going to let myself be defined by a word. Just because I call myself "gay" doesn't mean I can only strictly like guys, it just means I'm attracted to them sexually.... if another Anna-like person comes along, I honestly dont' know what I'd do.

zpiper

05-02-2006, 04:45 AM

I was 13/14 when i figured it out for sure

Bunbury

05-30-2006, 06:51 PM

The only people I've ever fallen in love with have been male. Reading 'Maurice', by E.M. Forster, for the second time made it all a bit clearer.

Peace,

CB.

Redhead420_23F

06-09-2006, 06:25 AM

hmmm well hindsight is 20/20. I think I've always been attracted to girls, but I didn't understand it. Like when I was 12/13ish, I remember I had pictures of women on my wall and fantasized about kissing them. But I didn't know anything about sex, aside from "penis goes in vagina" lol. I was naive. I didn't even know what oral sex was. So I seriously did not even understand how gay people had sex.
The only lesbians I ever heard of or saw were really butch, so I never beleived I could be one cause that wasn't me. (I'm talking about being practically still a kid here lol)

From there, junior high, first years of high school....I knew I was supposed to like boys so I'd pick a guy to like. But it wasnt' real; I'd name who I had a crush on to my friends when it came up, but it would always be someone I didn't have a chance with and never persued it.

Than freshman year of high school....I had the hugest crush ever on a student-teacher in english class. lol I still didnt' realize it at the time though. I just knew I thought she was "so cool" and I was jealous of her fiance "just because". I HATE poetry and yet I tried so hard to be good at it cause that was what she taught lol.:-)

But I guess it wasn't till I was 16 that I really KNEW I was attracted to women. And I fought it hard for awhile! Slept with a lot of guys to prove to myself "I'm not gay...." I really became quite the little slut for awhile actually lol. That lasted for years. you know fantasizing about a woman, and than going out and faking it with some guy you think is ok...

But after my first girlfriend, which wasn't till I was almost 21...after one night with her, I knew there was no more denying it. I came out to all my friends after that. Still not out to the family though

Sasssss

06-09-2006, 01:18 PM

Thanks Redhead420, you sumed up the frustrations of growing up gay very well, thanks for sharing.

I really wish the people who think gay people are an abomination would read what you wrote and read inbetween the lines with an open mind and just try to understand what its like to walk in our shoes.

whereami

06-09-2006, 07:01 PM

First off,I'll take women over a guy anyday. I love them,adore them everything about them. And besides,I could never give up pussy.

But I sometimes wonder if I hadn't been in situations that I was in when I was between 6-8 if I would have the feelings I do towards the male genitalia. I'll be honest,I don't have the slightest interest in kissing a guy. As a matter of fact it's not appealing for me to see it. Sorry,it's just not. I could never be romantic or have feelings for a guy. I'd say I was about 12 or so when I realized that what happened with me & the babysitter's son I actually liked. I guess that's why I continued to explore it with myself & later with others. I still have a hard time considering myself "bi". Don't know if I'm trying to fight it or what. I don't have a hard time with myself nor am I disgusted. I usually just say that I like sex of all kinds. Because that's pretty much the only attraction I have towards males,is if he has big giant cock.

Is that strange? lol

Lanze

08-17-2006, 03:31 PM

I am basicly coming out now , my junior year in high school, I wanted to hear any stories about anyone else and how they came out. What happened with people. ETc. I'm not sure how the reaction at school will be but im at the point where i dont care that much because ive realized people will always be ignorant and i cant stop living.

mushie18

08-17-2006, 04:34 PM

i'm out to pretty much everyone except my father.

one of my friends told her boyfriend, who told some, who told some, etc. :rolleyes:

it was kind of a good thing though.

Lanze

08-17-2006, 04:50 PM

i'm out to pretty much everyone except my father.

one of my friends told her boyfriend, who told some, who told some, etc. :rolleyes:

it was kind of a good thing though.How were people after they first found out? did they treat you significantly different?

Pax

08-17-2006, 09:04 PM

When I told my best friend, her fisrt words were "So? Did you think it would make a differnce?" And I've since slept over at her house, so in this case no, but I haven't told most people yet

Samhain

08-17-2006, 09:12 PM

dances in pajamas

08-18-2006, 07:14 AM

When I told my best friend, her fisrt words were "So? Did you think it would make a differnce?" And I've since slept over at her house, so in this case no, but I haven't told most people yetThat's awesome. That's how it was with my friends. They stuck up for me (it was obvious I was bisexual freshman year - I was dating a girl) and accepted us both, considering we were friends way before we we together.

Of course it caused problems, seeing as it was my first year of high school. All in all, when I look back, I was glad I did it and me and my ex because known as one of the cutest couples at my high school.

Morty4114

08-18-2006, 12:58 PM

Tad bit difficult for me....but I am most likely coming out his year at school. I already told a few friends(Im a senior)

amp7325

08-18-2006, 03:30 PM

Last spring, when I knew I was "at least bi," I told a couple of my closest friends who I knew wouldn't talk about it. This spring, I told the same friends that I'm gay. I also told my parents around that time.

Then just a couple days ago, I did a livejournal post with one of those dumb, long ass surveys, and I answered each question very honestly, if you know what I mean. And apparently more people read my journal than I knew about, and word travels fast. I kind of felt lame doing it through the internet, but at the same time, I'm just relieved that people know. My whole is that I want people to know, but I don't want to actually have to tell anyone, because it's the most awkward thing to talk about sometimes, unless it's one of my easy-to-talk-to friends.

iChris

08-19-2006, 02:38 AM

I am in the process of coming out. I came out to a friend last summer who told another as she thought I had told her. I then came out to my gf and recently I've come out to about 5 or 6 more people.

Best time I came out was when I was with three other friends - another one of my friends had just some out in a blog post on MySpace and they were saying. "Hey Chris, Jenny is bi!" so I just kinda said "Funny that, I'm kinda like that too!"

I then discovered that one of my other friends at my house at that time was also gay... brilliant night! Tomorrow I'm hoping to come out to a few more people - and then possibly everyone in the world. That will be good - but I'm afraid about the people I fancy, they don't know I do but what if they stop hugging me! I need those hugs to keep my sexual-orientated mind happy! RARG!

mushie18

08-19-2006, 04:45 PM

How were people after they first found out? did they treat you significantly different?

treated me the same exact way. no one could care less.

i tend to hang out with a liberal crowd though..

Dylan1982

08-20-2006, 06:44 PM

Yeah i told my friends a few years ago and they were perfect with it and told my family a few months ago which again they were very good with it all. I understand about the whole not actually wanting to tell people in person, its an almost impossible thing to do to actually say it and see how they react. But after its all done its the most amazing feeling of relief.

amp7325

08-21-2006, 01:00 AM

An update on my coming out status...

My brother just walked into my room, and said something like this: "You know, I read your livejournal from time to time, and yeah... *hug* you're my brother and I love you no matter what."

I don't think anyone could have said something more meaningful to me. I'm like borderline crying right now. :p

mushie18

08-21-2006, 01:02 AM

that's terrific. i should tell my dad tonight...

don't think it's gonna happen though.

txbarefooter

08-21-2006, 01:47 AM

AMP that is terrific what your brother said and that he will stand by you no matter what.

peace out,
bob

Lanze

08-21-2006, 09:55 PM

Yeah I was pretty happy for you when you told me! I wish someone would do that to me, but that sadly isn't going to happen.

hgh238

09-02-2006, 11:59 PM

When did you realize that you were gay/bi/lesbian? What was the turning point that you were completely sure that you weren't straight?

Lanze

09-03-2006, 01:18 AM

like age 15 ...i realized i was only thinking about men constantly whenever i pictured myself with someone since I was 12 and reached puberty but i couldnt come to terms with it and continued to pursue woman as was the societal norm. At the same time whenever i got close to a woman i backed off and I always made up excuses why not that I was gay.

erzebet1961

09-03-2006, 01:44 AM

When I was 13 and realised I wasnt in the least bit interested in guys like the rest of my female friends were

Night_Owl49

09-03-2006, 05:24 AM

When I first started jacking off (7th grade), I realized I was more interested in the guys. Plus, up to that point, I always felt "different".

amp7325

09-03-2006, 05:59 AM

About... 2 or 3 years ago, I realized that I wasn't straight, though I didn't admit it to myself for a while. And in April of this year, I realized that I was gay. I probably realized it earlier than that actually, but that was when I admitted it to myself, and actually said it out loud.

mrpwonder

09-03-2006, 09:53 PM

In college when I realized that I enjoyed men as much as women sexually

just_my_xanga

09-04-2006, 01:03 AM

Mine's much the same as Night_Owl's.

VertuHost

09-04-2006, 01:22 AM

I knew I was different from a very early age, and came out completely at 13. I had lots of support, and went to 13-21 clubs in my city for glb youth. So, it was easier for me. This was the 80's (I'm 34.) and things were different though. We still had an underground. Now, straight people have taken so many aspects of our culture and call it their own.

Chris

Morty4114

09-04-2006, 12:37 PM

I started liking guys when I was like 12 and I really knew I did when my cousin got a porno mag, and I couldn't keep my eyes off the guys.

i am confused

09-04-2006, 09:15 PM

About a few months ago, and im 16 now....

amp7325

09-04-2006, 10:03 PM

Hahaha, I misread your post i_am_confused, and I thought you said "a few minutes ago."

I was going to be like, "well isn't that somthin'!" :p

junkhead

09-04-2006, 11:04 PM

i still don't

i am confused

09-04-2006, 11:07 PM

lol :) that would be a bit of a twist

wileycoyote

09-05-2006, 02:35 AM

I think I was around 16, I always knew something was different, but never knew what until then.

PatchWorkKid

09-05-2006, 02:58 AM

When I was seventeen, I had a wake up call. When i was fourteen I was looking at naked women in a magazine and felt love butterflies, and i didn't think of it as odd. It just kinda flew by me. I finally accepted the fact that I like both men, and women at the age nineteen. I am more attracted to women then men. Please don't take offence men out there. As i have gotten older I have turned more and more to women.

TreeFiddy

09-05-2006, 05:18 AM

After several months of stressing about it, I "discovered" I was bi about halfway through eighth grade, when I admitted that I had a huge crush on this one guy...and it all went on from there. Actually, shortly after that I went through a phase where I tried to retract that statement, but fortunately that only lasted a day or two.

Nowadays I consider myself gay, but back then it was much more comfortable to refer to myself as "bisexual with very, very gay tendancies". ;)

amp7325

09-05-2006, 06:17 AM

Nowadays I consider myself gay, but back then it was much more comfortable to refer to myself as "bisexual with very, very gay tendancies". ;)
Yeah it was like that for me too. That's basically what I called it.

Austin_09

09-05-2006, 11:29 PM

I realized that i liked guys when i was 11... i considered myself bi unil like the middle of the last school year... cuz i realized that i've never been turned on by a girl.. so why pretened i'm bi? lol..

The_Moroccan_Raccoon

09-06-2006, 06:07 AM

I'm bi, and I'd been attracted to men since I was probably about 12 or 13, but never really recognized it until this year. I still like women more than men though, but I do consider myself bi. I'm 15 now btw...

ImSoLA

09-06-2006, 06:10 AM

When did you realize that you were gay/bi/lesbian? What was the turning point that you were completely sure that you weren't straight?
Well..

In elementary school.. certain kids would joke with me about it. Then middle school I dated lots of girls.. but in the last year or so I've kinda stopped living in denial and started kinda knowing that well.. well I can't type it. LOL clearly it's hard for me http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/icons/newicons/crazy.gif

hgh238

09-06-2006, 06:30 AM

At what age do you think and how did it come about?

bkcmar

09-06-2006, 10:09 AM

I always knew I was different. I never fit in. I was the sterotypical sissy as a child. I had a friend that I was in "love" with when I was 11/12 years of age. He was an early bloomer, athletic, and sexy and 2 years older than me. I was totally into him. He was my first sex partner and we engaged in sex for approximately 3 years. After 3 years time, the hetro bullshit kicked in. The behavior we engaged in was inappropriate for him. He rejected me and moved on to hetro bullshit lifestyle. I say hetro bullshit because in retrospect I believe he is truly gay. I believe he was only conforming to expectations.

We never hooked up again and after college I lost track of him.

However, he was my first love and it is really sweet looking back on the relationship.

erzebet1961

09-06-2006, 02:23 PM

I too always knew I were different, though for a long time I didnt understand just in what way.Around 11 I realised that I werent like the other girls around me who were going crazy over boys, at 12 I blew into a full fledged Butch , tomboy, whatever, then at 14 had my first actual girlfriend, in secret of course. I came out to my mom awhile back and she said she knew all along !!!

Samhain

09-06-2006, 03:50 PM

While I think this is an excellent subject it has been merged with another thread thats basically the same topic.

can people please make sure that you only post one thread about a topic, if theres already a thread on a subject that your interested in, just add to that.
once a thread goes off the first page it gets much less interest and we only have a limited amount of space per page

Samhain

hgh238

09-06-2006, 08:36 PM

Samhain

09-07-2006, 02:55 AM

Yes I thought the two questions were much different but now I see they are very similiar. And I don't understand why anyone would merge it with another topic, even if they seem the same, they are still noticably different. That makes no sense to me but oh well.
actually I see where you are coming from as well, me mentioning to my shocked parents that I found the weather man on TV atractive was probably differnt to the point I realised I was gay, however I think they are so closely related, that it only needs one thread and people can reflect on both topics together, you may like to edit your first post so it includes both questions maybe?

are you doing a study or are you just curious?
S

Rakuen

01-14-2007, 06:23 AM

I realized that I was gay when I was 15, after a few years of having wierd dreams and urges, during a communal shower after a soccer game. I showered in about 8 seconds and wrapped a towel around myself once I realized I was getting turned on.

I came out when I was 17 to disastrous results.

bwankima

01-18-2007, 04:15 AM

Honestly, I'm not rushing into anything. I've struggled with being gay for quite awhile and thankfully was not pressured into making a decision. I've come out to myself, collegues, my classmates, the world....just not my family. I know that I will eventually, but I'm not going to force myself into doing something that is going to cause myself a great deal of stress and harm. Sure there are plenty of people out there that say that you are lying to yourself, or not representing a good gay image, or that it's unhealthy pretend to be something that your not. Honestly, currently I'm not ready to accept the possiblity that my family will not support me or want to have me in their lives once they know the truth.

I was told once, that the coming out process requires that you ask yourself whether or not you could accept or live without the person you told. It's an interesting idea actually seeing as though the majority of people are not accepted by someone they tell and they lose them. Currently I am not ready to lose my family...any of them. Until I come to terms with fact that they may not accept me for who I really am...I'm not going to tell them.

happyonehit420

01-18-2007, 08:50 AM

Ohhh lord, well, I didn't exactly have to come out. I wanted to be the Wicked Witch from Oz when I was little, as well as Catwoman and Xena. When I was really little, I wanted to be the Yellow Ranger from Power Rangers. I've just always connected with my feminine side, moreso than my masculine side for sure. Plus, I just throw a little bit of that sass in the conversation when no one else will. But as far as when I first began to associate my feminine side with being gay, I would have to say when I was really young, probably around 10 or so. But as soon as I knew, I adopted the idea quite fondly, and never looked back.

Samhain

01-18-2007, 12:39 PM

happyonehit420

01-19-2007, 01:09 AM

^^yea, same

P_Zakreta

01-28-2007, 08:24 PM

Hi.

I just wanna to say hello(boys :)).
PZ

my pic

http://www.imgshare.de/upload/image_1170012140.jpg

Noel E

02-14-2007, 07:24 PM

hi newbie on here...
confused, but also feeling unloved..
especially today..
anyone want to send me a sweet sms messg of love, would make my
night.

0
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73
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8
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xxx

*Andy*

02-21-2007, 06:22 PM

Probably last year (when I was 15). I was starting to feel really confused about myself because while I was doing certain things *cough* I thought about men. I still was a bit unsure of myself until I spoke to someone who was gay (and still is, of course). I guess the fact that I was so confused was because I was thinking about teachers that I had and stuff and thought that liking "older" (ie. 30+) guys was just something strange and I'd grow out of it. Anyway I'm more sure of myself now, what kinda guy I like (not only old dudes) and all that. I came out to most of my friends over MSN (because they lived about 2000km away), but have been moving around so much lately that havent really had the time to meet anyone I can trust all that well yet. Sorry I'm going on a bit now.

PresidentialScandal

02-23-2007, 08:14 AM

This past week I eliminated all of the people who absolutely needed to know on my list, so at this point I have resolved that anyone else who asks will receive a straight (no pun intended) answer, although I don't plan on just shouting it out to anyone. If they're curious, then they can know.

Bocks

02-25-2007, 03:42 AM

I had my first crush at 12. I then went through about five years of "I'm not gay! I just like girls". It wasn't really until 17 that I said down and said to myself "Stop fucking around! You're a lesbian!"

Apsenniel

02-25-2007, 10:51 PM

well, my dad found out at a transgender meeting :p, we were talking about stuff, and eventually i said i was bi, while my dad was sitting right next to me(i told my mom when we were going to the cinema together)
but yeah, no big deal, i think they've had more trouble wit me being transgendered, well dad atleast (mom has no trouble with anything ^_^)

crimsontide343

03-16-2007, 06:55 AM

when my freind got out of the car to go get something out of a store...i fell asleep and awoke to him on top of me then he started making out with me...it suprised me after i liked it..........

LJDV

04-16-2007, 09:36 PM

In 7th grade. My girlfriend kept wanting to take the relationship further, (which, when we were twelve, meant a kiss on the lips) but I kept putting it off. One day she got pretty upset about it and I told her. Naturally she told her best friend and so on. I pretty much told everyone after that. My aunt told me I was gay! Haha, that took all the apprehension out of telling her. My dad...That's another story...

WanderingSoul

04-30-2007, 02:22 AM

I'm bisexual (or pansexual)... but I didn't believe it until a few months ago. Growing up (brought up by strict baptist parents) I thought being gay or bi was "a sin", but I don't remember feeling discriminating towards people that were. I've always been very picky about the people I become involved with, and I am even more so, now.

When I was young (between 8-14) I found myself attracted to both genders, but more so towards women. I pushed the feelings away and told myself it was just a phase. And for a while, I believed that was all it was, though I still continued to be attracted to women.

When I was around 14-15, I developed a crush on an older woman in our church... she was married with kids, etc. but I just really liked her for some reason. I remember saying to my sisters: "she's such a sweet, nice lady!" It did hit me after a few weeks of liking her that it was a bit odd, and I admitted to myself that I DID have a crush on her. I was more amused than worried (besides being a little grossed out), and again I told myself that I was straight. I don't remember being SEXUALLY attracted to her at all.

Bear in mind reading all of this, that while I'm no longer a christian, I was brought up in a christian home and it held me back a lot until recent years.
I had my first kiss when I was 16 going on 17 with a younger boy (14 going on 15 at the time). I did like him (in fact, he convinced me that we were both in love), but I was a bit unnerved by that fact that he was two years younger than me. We kissed a few times after that and I became obsessed (I didn't know what real love is). We moved away some months later and never heard from him again. (I'm over him now.)

Then a couple of years after that I had my first date with a guy I worked with (I was 19, he 22). He was nice. Seemed caring and kind. We dated for a few weeks and then I believe he lost interest in me... at the time, I was so innocent that I believed we were in love, in fact, he said it to me first. So after months of waiting around for him to call me or something (I called him a lot, but he never called me and we rarely saw each other), I got fed up, and we broke up. It had ended well before that anyway.

Then, about a month later, I met the guy who changed my life. I was working as a cashier in a grocery store and he and his mom came through my line. I immediately noticed him, found him attractive, and hoped to goodness he'd ask for my number. He and his mom were talking and laughing like friends, and this really impressed me. I just knew there was something special about these people. So we dated for over 4 months, which was my longest (and practically my only) relationship. I told myself that things would be different with him, that I would move more slowly and not get in over my head (you know, fall in love). We lost our virginity to each other and I did indeed fall in love, or at least, imagined myself to be.
But he was in love with his ex-girlfriend, so we broke up, and they're back together now. Which was fine with me, because we weren't right for each other anyway. We're close friends now.

I guess I knew that I was bi (or finally believed it) a few months ago when I realized I have feelings for my ex-boyfriend's mom. It was always in the back of my mind that I was either lesbian or bi. Now it's starting to make sense. I really do think I have a preference for women, even though I do like men.

Like I said, I've always been real choosy about who I'm with. I think it's because I'm pansexual. I didn't even know what pan was, though, until I looked in this part of the forums earlier today. Pansexuals feel that gender doesn't matter, just the person inside. And that is how I've always felt.

So right now I'm just taking things slow. It's got to be the right person before I jump into bed with them. Or fall in love.

I really care for my ex bf's mom. But just because I feel a certain way about her, doesn't mean she feels the same way back. As far as I know, she doesn't like women. I totally accept this and I feel thrilled just to be her friend. She's a really special person, and I am probably not deserving of someone as truly great as her.

I haven't felt like I need to "come out". It's not a secret, either, though. My sister knows I like women as well as men, and if anyone asks, they'll know too. I just don't feel a need to "confess" anything. You'll know next time you see me out with a woman... or a man. Straight folks don't have to "confess" to being straight.