family trouble...

[sweetdreadlover]

So heres my issue.My oldest sister is here from seattle this weekend. i have 3 sisters. the oldest is 37, the next one is 35 and my little sister is 19(im 22). my little sister is getting married tommorrow, and they have taken over everything. me and my husband were suppose to cater in picnic type food for her reception because she is getting married in the woods, so we were going to do a picnic type thing. my oldest sisters best friend owns a flower market near by us and my little sister is having her do flowers for her and all sorts of stuff. food was not in this agreement with her, but she called my little sister yesterday telling her that she found her a free caterer and told her what she was going to have done for food, most likely a bbq and just left me and my husband out in the cold with this really expensive food budget to boot, which we have wasted money on.they also told the lady who is now doing the catering to do the punch as well because i would probably just bring kool-aid(not true either) to make matters worse, i am my sisters maitron of honor. my two older sisters and the lady doing my sisters flowers decided that they are going to get pedicures and go wine tasting and all of this other stuff. do u think they even included me and my sister?..no they didnt.ive been dealing with this with my sister for a long time. they are embarassed by me (i.e.tattos piercings dreads) and they are embarrased of my little sister because they think she is skanky(which she isnt at all, shes just pretty). my sisters both make alot of money and use that against me as their better than me and my sister. just because i didn't go to college like they did and because i dont bring in 200,000 dollars yearly. i dont get why they would be this way towards their own family. they look down on me and my sister because we work at the same place in a packaging department of a steel fabrication plant and they think both of us are on welfare( which we are not). i dont know how to get passed this either because ive always been told by them since i was very young that i am the fat ugly sister, and that i am the weird one. they told my husband they thought i would never get married because they always thought i was a lesbian(not even close)! I dont know what to do about them because my mom has thing where she wants all of us to get along and if i get mad at them she gets mad at me, because apparantly i am causing family drama. im at a complete loss and at the verge of an emotional breakdown..

[cutelildeadbear]

Doesn't it suck that you can't choose your family. I don't have any real advice. I'm moving away from my family because they are all a bunch of weirdos. Well, except for my sister.

Do you have to see your family often? Have you talked to them about how they make you feel, or why they feel the way they do toward you? Maybe if you can't talk to them you could write to them, like a letter or a poem or something? I don't know. I'm having trouble with my father right now. He chooses favorites (my sister is the perfect princess). We are both moving on the same day, and he promised to help me but then he backed out at the last minute leaving me high and dry for a truck driver, and my sister has like 3 other people helping her, but he wants to help her now. So I'm on my own and screwed and Kim has like people fighting to help her move. Anyway, I've never confronted my father about how he treats us inconsistantly (he paid for her college, but wouldn't even consider that I could go, even though I'm far more intelligent than my sis). But I decided a few days ago, before I move 450 miles away to write him a letter and let him know what is up. Maybe that idea would work for you.

[sweetdreadlover]

theyve been this way to me since i was born. i have always tofeel and they quite simply dont care.i see most of my family all of the time. my mom my dad my two brothers and little sister are awesome and i see them rregularly. my other two sisters dont live around here and only see them once in a great while.but if i dont see them during family functions i am aconsidered the one doing something worng...so i cant win either way.

[Rainbowflower]

Aw, man! That's harsh. :(

[HoneySuckleBlue]

When I was'nt getting along with my mom, and thought my family was a bunch of carnie folk, I moved away as well.


I got into all kinds of trouble, jail, rehab, got engaged to a jackass alcoholic...so when I moved back they did'nt say anything else about me, lol. They were just glad i was safe again.

I wonder if they realise how what they say and do affects you, esp. since it has been going on for so long, they could be completely desensitized to it. Have you talked to the sister who's wedding you are going to be in?

If they continue to act like they don't care then you should not let yourself be a victim and make a stand of your own. If I was consistently disrespected I would not feel like participating to hell with what any one thought about it.

hee...my two cents worth.
Hope it all works out.

[soaringeagle]

i know just how u feel, my family does the same thing
i was gonna siggest u talk to your lil sis, its her wedding, your who she feels conected to, shes the 1 to decide who does what

wel..u know what i think it is? the whole idea of $ makes em better, which it doesnt, but it does have to always FEEL superiur you and sis are more free..individuals..and good people...by puttin u down constantly theyre just tyin to justify theyre choices as being right...only way they can by tryin tomake all yours seem wrong

but whatever, your sis should decide on all that ya kno tho..at 22 when i went around em with dreads it was fr worse then today
your older sis's will grow up one day
dont let em get u down..just be confident in yourself..u put in all that effort you should at least be allowed to follow through with it

and glad sis chose the woods:)
can i come?

[sweetdreadlover]

LOL...thanks you guys....my family has always had a very good way of making me feel bad...such as recently my parents make me feel bad because 1.my sister bought a new car and i should buy a new car because i need one how am i ever gonna do anything without a car....2.(the one i hate the most and makes me cry for hours because it is something i want so bad) i get alot of crap because my older sister has a grandson for my parents and my little sister has a stepgrandson for them and my older brother has 2 sons for them...and my husband and i have been trying for a baby for awhile with no luck and im very sensitive about the subject anyways and they make it lot worse...i dunno it kinda gets me down and i dunno what to do about all of this...my husband tells me to completely ignore my family and not be around them anymore...i cant isolate myself from one whole section of my life though what is the point in that....it doesnt seem like that would do much good anyways....im already not going to my sisters house with the rest of the family for thanksgiving and im not going there for christmas...in fact its gonna be a lonely year to me..and apparantly im not good enuff to have christmas or thanksgiving at my house....i guess because my older sisters make like 200 thousand dollars a year and so they think they are so much better than me...im so lost with all of them its not even funny.

[HoneySuckleBlue]

You can't make yourself happy by getting other peoples approval, even if it is your dearest family. You should do what makes you happy. If you are okay with not having a new car and if you love who you are and if you can not let yourself be stressed out and let your baby come when it is time, then it does'nt really matter what they think about you...until you decide it does matter...you know? Create your own reality.


My brother and sister in law have been trying for a baby for the last four years and for the last three they have taken to trying right around turkey time, which lands my sister inlaw in the hospital for thanksgiving because she always has complications. I think they dream of the whole family gathered round the table and them standing up for a speech and letting the family in on the 'big secret' but for some reason it just does'nt work out that way. Perhaps it is because of all of the expectations they put on it. I see them wanting and feel for your own and I hope once the stress of it all gets trancended it might be easier.

Don't be a victim, just be who you are, and know that you are enough. Not everyone will aprove but as long as you are okay with who you are it does'nt really make a difference what any one thinks about you.

You guys can come to my house for thanksgiving. We've broken off from the main family gathering and started our own tradition and we like it:) Our grandmo was really mean when we were growing up and it is very stressful to take the kids up to her house for the holidays because it is not childproffed and we have to constantly be on the watch for her figurines and breakables and it just sucks...it is much better in my opinion to be alone and in a peaceful place than gathered and feeling judged and miserable.