No Title

[lady_dreamcatcher]

OK, so. No editing yet. And no title (EDITTED -- SEE BELOW). If I wasn't clear enough in the poem itself, it's about govt. So. Any suggestions for a title, or any constructive criticism would be much appreciated! Thanks!



Take my hand to care for me
Lock me up and call me free
Say I'm whole and give me parts
Put plastic tags in place of hearts
Replace my mind with nods and smiles
Give me inches, call them miles
And all the while, you're so beguiling
Hide your fangs but keep on smiling
Look at my nose and pretend it's my eyes
Hand me your sugar to swallow these lies
And I'll thank you for all that you've taken away
Become placid and mild with nothing to say
You'd like that, you snake! You theif in disguise!
That the heart from my chest, the hope from my eyes
But I'll not lay down like a dog at your feet
I'll not just give in and accept this defeat
I call out your lies and demand now what's true
You're not fit to lead, I'm better than you!
Give back my dignity, give back my brains
And in return for what's mine, I'll give you these chains


AH HA! And I so thus title this piece... A Gift of Chains... Tanks for the idea, Trippin! hehe

[TrippinBTM]

Another great poem, lady dreamcatcher. I must say you have an real way with your rhymes...which is great because I love rhyme-poetry when it's done well. In fact, I'm sorry that you've only just joined the forums with your excellent poetry, since I'm going to be away for a few months (see my other thread for why, if you care); I have a feeling I'm going to miss some great poems. :)

[TrippinBTM]

Oh, for a title, how about "I'll give you these chains"?

[lady_dreamcatcher]

tanks for the idea, Trippin. i'm going to modify it a bit and call it... A Gift of Chains... what say you? :)

[indian~summer]

i like it alot
sounds great :D

[TrippinBTM]

"A Gift of Chains... what say you?"

I like it, I think it works.