I Have Spoken To God!

[Nalencer]

Here is the all-exclusive interview I had with God, where I got his opinion on some of today's important issues.




Me:
Hello God, how are you today?
God:
Ah. Hello child. What is your name? I am doing very well. How are you ?
Me:
I'm Nalencer... I'm here to interview you, remember?
God:
It's good to meet someone who is Nalencer. How did you get there?
Me:
I'm not sure I understand the question. Can we get on with the interview? I've got a 2 o'clock with a public school's reading program.
God:
Could you ever be certain? Good then you can explain it to me. Do you mean you and me? Have you tried another program? How did you get it How much did it cost? it.
Me:
I'll just go ahead and start with the questions.
God:
How will you get there?
Me:
How do you feel about gay marriage?
God:
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
Are you telling me you don't even know your own opinions on these issues?
God:
Of course I know my opinions on these issues.
Me:
Then what is your opinion on gay marriage?
God:
I would do a search for it.
Me:
So you're saying you support it?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people: Nalencer said I support gay marriage.
Me:
Not if it's true.
God:
That seems unlikely.
Me:
I agree. Next question. Do you think condom usage is sinful?
God:
It depends on what you mean by thinking.
Me:
You're a hard one to pin down. But you still can't hold a candle to Bobby Dylan.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a hard one to pin down? Yes. What is not possible today, may be possible tomorrow.
Me:
You'd know. You ARE God.
God:
I do not know everything. Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
I thought you knew everything.
God:
I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
Me:
Do you believe in premarital sex?
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
Yes, I do. But those "wackos" in the Vatican seem to think differently. Why is that?
God:
When? All of them? " All of them? " is due to reductionism.
Me:
I'm afraid I don't understand.
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
There's no need of that, your holiness. Just a few more questions.
God:
There never is. You want more?
Me:
Why aren't we allowed to bone our neighbor's wives? The way our eyes meet, I can tell she wants me...
God:
Reductionism. Which way is that?
Me:
You're a bit like trying to pick up a bar of soap in the bathtub.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am far superior.
Me:
I couldn't agree more, your holiness.
God:
Could anyone do it?
Me:
You certainly could... whatever "it" refers to.
God:
It is certain. How? It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
So it does.
God:
That's alright. How often?
Me:
Actually, I've gotta go. Catch ya later.


I'm open to interpretations. God's words are mysterious.

[rg paddler]

My my - now I can relate to god more than ever.And thats no joke - he's even as vague as me.(when I was an inexperienced schoolboy I used to get invited into the staffroom where they were all having a smoke.Didn't improve my results - just reminded them that a kid half their age could talk and smoke shit as much as they'

Thanks - I enjoyed that

[rg paddler]

oh and, *religious moment* - remember lot's wife

[scratcho]

Tell m' he's got a lotta 'splainin; to do!

[rg paddler]

OK - nalencer you gotta lotta explaining to do - to this guy whos's way above my head - no - just above me actually - I live with a giant whiskey drinking rat.

'Do not be sorry my child.I'm sorry your even born'

[Liroy]

Haha I think that he has spoken with that strange E-God,
there is some sosrt of website where you can have a "conversation" with god, very amusing :P

[Nalencer]

Bingo. He gave two answers I really liked though.

The one where he assured me he did know his own opinions, and when he said "that seems unlikely" in response to whether he supported gay marriage.

[Liroy]

Yeah you can have alot of fun with it :P

[themnax]

almost everyone talks to god. almost no one ever shuts up long enough to listen.

and i don't mean listen to what other people have told them to expect to hear,
and no some silly eliza clone program isn't the nontangable presence you feel alone out in the woods.

=^^=
.../\...

[theprophetofold]

I have spoken to God myself and God has spoken to me....I don't know which God you have been speaking to ...But the God I serve ..The almighty God Yahweh [elohim] and son yahsua [jesus] shows me that thoes answer is not Him. this is one of the question I have ask God about today Quest:; What do God says about computor system? ....[ans] For it is all man made to educate the children for I God have given man knowledge to make the computor' saith God' I indeed give it for knowledge, but as the curse devours man, that he seeks as a helpbecomes a cruch . In this time man crawles on his belly before me, many seeks to control, man uses computor to see when you pray, wake, have sex, man wants more knowledge, saith God. ...I have asked many questions and have recieved lots of answers.

[Zimmy]

That sounds very simalair to the old 'Eliza' program, hehe,