Ashtonsmom

[Samhain]

I asked Ashtonsmom for permission to do this, so here goes.
Astonsmom is going through a hard time at the moment, so ive started this support thread for her, this gives her space to talk about whats going on for her if she wishes and gives us space to offer her support.
ideas can include lighting candles, praying, sending out postive thoughts or just typing a message.
this is a support thread and as such theres one basic ground rule that does need to apply, although i don't think anyone would dream of doing this, i do need to mention it, this is not a space to make judgements about her situation (the amount she chooses to disclose is up to her) or make lighthearted of her situation. i know that all my friends on here wouldn't dream of doing it, but on a forum Its needs a mention and I don't want to have to delete any messages.
ashtonsmom you can request that this thread gets deleted or closed at anytime you feel uncomfortable with it
blessings
S

[Hacker]

She's such a sweetheart guys...

:(

I'll let you get things rolling, AM.

[Samhain]

I'm going to light a candle tomorrow for you on the full moon and ask the goddess to send you some healing energy and some answers
S

[AshtonsMom]

ok, basically the situation is this...you can all call me Heather by the way, as that is my name...:D. Anyhow, the situation is that the father of my child has ran off with a 16 year old and got her knocked up; he did all this after I decided to get back together with him. I just have this complete feeling of helplessness, and don't know what to do about the situation. He called and checked on his son after us being apart for two weeks, and was surprised that I was bitter. I am just so tired of all this drama. I really don't believe in Love anymore, and I never thought I would say that. But right now, it's true. I'm losing faith in everything. And I know all this sounds childish, but he has had me on this roller coaster for three very long years. And each time he wants me back, I've been stupid enough to believe that he has grown up. I think the worst of it is, he has turned the only friend I have in this area against me. I am utterly alone here. All I have is the internet, and it is becoming quite depressing.

[Hacker]

Heather, I did NOT know the girl was 16. WOW. He's one guy. There are so many great guys out there. Do NOT give up on 3billion + eligable men over one bad one.

You have an outstanding charisma. You will not have problems finding someone who loves you, Heather.

[AshtonsMom]

Heather, I did NOT know the girl was 16. WOW. He's one guy. There are so many great guys out there. Do NOT give up on 3billion + eligable men over one bad one.

You have an outstanding charisma. You will not have problems finding someone who loves you, Heather.hahaha....:D. I guess what hurts the most right now is I dont' have anything I can do to distract myself at the moment...no friends nearby to go out and do things with so I can heal. It's just horrible. All I can do is get angry and cry, and I know I have to get out of this or I won't get anybody decent.

[Hacker]

Come on here and talk about Sammy's bizarre ball washing fetish. That should provide you a nice distraction!

:p

I do wish we lived closer. You'd be more than welcome to come hang out at our next party. We'd get you hooked up!

[AshtonsMom]

Come on here and talk about Sammy's bizarre ball washing fetish. That should provide you a nice distraction!

:p

I do wish we lived closer. You'd be more than welcome to come hang out at our next party. We'd get you hooked up!lmao... I saw that about the ball...that was great. making a bunch of typos i'm freezing....:(

[Hacker]

Why so cold?

:(

Think about hot stuff...

[AshtonsMom]

lmao....ain't no hot stuff around these parts to think about.

[Samhain]

I know this is easy for me to say,but I think its important that you don't get 'hooked up' at the moment, give yourself some time to heal, time to realise your inner strengh, it will come back, however if we get together with someone when we're vulnerable, we can easily loose ourselves.
Hackers had a good idea, hang around in here and post!
S

[Hacker]

lmao....ain't no hot stuff around these parts to think about.
There's nothing hot in Bama?

Come on now!

[hippychickmommy]

I will light a candle for you tonight Heather.

{{{Hugs}}}

[warmhandedcanadian]

I feel for you Heather, I've been in a smilar situation. When I had my first child my husband used to use drugs and party all the time with these young kids... it was so frustrating and I felt totally abandoned. I couldnt settle down and enjoy anything for myself. I think it was some kind of co-dependancy shit, you have to learn to detach from the anger of the situation. What you do need is to take the time to do things that are going to make you feel better, once you're strong I think you'll forget all about him. You need to see the big picture, think of your child and what you need to do to make his life the best it can be. I know this is easier said than done. I wish you had a friend where you are. Can you move?

[AshtonsMom]

There's nothing hot in Bama?

Come on now!Look what i had for a b/f last time...sigh; and I had to fight tooth and nail for him.

[AshtonsMom]

I feel for you Heather, I've been in a smilar situation. When I had my first child my husband used to use drugs and party all the time with these young kids... it was so frustrating and I felt totally abandoned. I couldnt settle down and enjoy anything for myself. I think it was some kind of co-dependancy shit, you have to learn to detach from the anger of the situation. What you do need is to take the time to do things that are going to make you feel better, once you're strong I think you'll forget all about him. You need to see the big picture, think of your child and what you need to do to make his life the best it can be. I know this is easier said than done. I wish you had a friend where you are. Can you move?I'm about to be up in the middle of a bunch of legal ruck a maroo. He's taking me to court for custody of his son, at least that's what he says. And of course Ashton is put first. This is always the case. :D. It would just be nice to go out with some friends, have a beer, and just have a good laugh. I know that would work wonders. To top things off though, the car I just got has broken down already. sigh.

[AshtonsMom]

I will light a candle for you tonight Heather.

{{{Hugs}}}thanks for the candle and the hug. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Hacker]

Heather, I wish we could all be down there with you right now. We'd all have a great time. Just be strong through the whole ordeal. You know you are a great mother, and if he actually does attempt any legal action, you'll eat his lunch.

:)

[AshtonsMom]

I'm making it. That's a good thing.

[seamonster66]

just a few comments...if you have to fight tooth and nail to get someone, its not going to work out. Good relationships should develop naturally in my opinion.

Samhain is right, you shouldn't rebound into something just to fill the loss you feel

never get back with this guy again, don't even consider it

when you are ready, I think you should seriously try putting a profile on an online service, as we have talked about, and go slow

maybe start to look towards the future, do you want to move, what kind of thing do you want to be doing in a year.....

the whole thing will fade as time passes, as all things do. At least you don't have to feel like the guilty person

[warmhandedcanadian]

Heather, that "anger problem" you have may not be as simple as that. Are you in an abusive or controlling realtionship? The anger may be your fear or lack of control. Is someone pushing your buttons?

[AshtonsMom]

I have a lot of anger because of the way I was treated. I have alot of anger that he is threatening to take me to court to see his son, but doesn't even take time out to call and check on him. It's like he's doing everything in his power just to hurt me, making threats and ignoring his kid at the same time. I just feel like crying.

[seamonster66]

get him out of your life, don't let someone like that control you, stand up for yourself, get a lawyer, inform lawyer that he impregnated a 16 year old and left...

if he could do that to you, sorry to say, the relationship was a sham and its time to move on, don't waste tears on someone like that

[AshtonsMom]

That's why I'm wasting tears...I have wasted three years of my life on him, when I could have been out there doing other things. I guess the only thing I have to be thankful for is my son. He's the only good thing that came out of the relationship. Anyhow, it's just rough right now. When he does give me ten dollars every week, he is usually so covered in hickies it makes me want to cry. And I realize that his sex life is none of my business, but I guess that it just hurts knowing that he can't tear himself away from her long enough to see the beautiful son he helped bring into this world.

[seamonster66]

gross, he sounds really nasty, hickies?! what is he 16...oh thats right she is :D

seriously, look ahead, and plan on a life without him because thats what its going to be...you have your son, love him, protect him, and start planning and most importantly dreaming of your future right now...a future without some idiot dragging you down..

I'll bet you can find another way to get 40 dollars a month, who is he kidding?!

[Samhain]

I lit a candle for you tonight, on my beltaine love altar at the full moon.
I asked for you to feel settled and supported and for everything to work out ok for you and your son, I light the candle that was a present from my friend to strenghen the connection of love
S

[warmhandedcanadian]

I'm thinking about you too.

[AshtonsMom]

Thanks guys for everything. All the support really means alot.