indescribability
04-30-2006, 10:24 AM
Generally when I like a person there are two sure things: I'm in control of the situation, and I expect things to go a certain way. Never really a surprise, as its always the same basic routine with each one. Things move way too fast, and come to an equally fast, untimely end.
This has taken me completely out of my element. I've been unsure and at odds with myself more now than I can remember with any other girl, probably ever. As you've seen I'm pretty good at feeling out people and spotting patterns, yet you constantly manage to surprise me. This lack of certainty is what I believe helped me get past the loss of interest after the "newness" of you wore off.
On a similar note, we both know I don't like not knowing things. Never have, probably never will. It irritates me to no end and scares the shit out of me. I have no clue what's going on or what's going to happen. I know you feel the roughly the same. Somehow though there's something reassuring about the fact that neither of us question what's going to happen.
One of the most interesting things you ever said to me was, "Lets not ruin it by trying to give it a name and make it something it's not". I thought about that for days. At first I didn't like it. I hated it. I like titles. They're so definitive and clear. They tell you who, or what, you are in general and in reference to another person. Then I realized I wouldn't even know how to label this, because I don't know what it is, and for once I don't care.
I don't know or understand what's happening, but I know I like it. . .
This has taken me completely out of my element. I've been unsure and at odds with myself more now than I can remember with any other girl, probably ever. As you've seen I'm pretty good at feeling out people and spotting patterns, yet you constantly manage to surprise me. This lack of certainty is what I believe helped me get past the loss of interest after the "newness" of you wore off.
On a similar note, we both know I don't like not knowing things. Never have, probably never will. It irritates me to no end and scares the shit out of me. I have no clue what's going on or what's going to happen. I know you feel the roughly the same. Somehow though there's something reassuring about the fact that neither of us question what's going to happen.
One of the most interesting things you ever said to me was, "Lets not ruin it by trying to give it a name and make it something it's not". I thought about that for days. At first I didn't like it. I hated it. I like titles. They're so definitive and clear. They tell you who, or what, you are in general and in reference to another person. Then I realized I wouldn't even know how to label this, because I don't know what it is, and for once I don't care.
I don't know or understand what's happening, but I know I like it. . .