Why is it

[lynsey]

that no matter how much of a bastard your father was a psychologist will still try and place the blame on your mother? I'm changing psychologists. I am sick of being told what i am thinking all the time when it's not even what I'm thinking.

[ihmurria]

well, your mom does have a few tendencies that can be damaging to some folks, at least from what you've described on here. But it does sound like your father was much worse, had a much worse impact at least....

yeah, try a new counsellor... sometimes it takes a while to find the right one (I've been to about five before I found one I can talk to regularly, and comfortably)

[Peanuts]

If you are not comfortable with your doctor I wouldn't stick with him/her. This is supposed to be helping you not making you upset. HOWEVER that said...sometimes my doctor would say things that upset me but after I spent some time thinking about it a lot of times they were right. I'm not saying your doctor is right.

[lynsey]

I just don't think it's fair. I mean I know my mom was stressed out when I was a kid and that's prob why I am so type A and did some things that she regrets but at the same time she worked so hard and I just don't see why he passes over all the stuff with my dad and seems to perk up and enjoy reeming my mother. I don't want to pay someone to talk crap about the person who has always been there my whole life. I think I just need a female.

Plus this dude goes on and on about 'sleep hygine' and my 'oversconsumption of caffine' and my 'addiction to adrenanline'...I was like what? I'm not taking speed and then he said you're body naturally produces it' like I am suppossed to now be an addict because I like something my body naturally produces? omg??? wtf???
and my psychiatrist is even worse. he perscribes me so many prn's and then when I got addcited to them got overly upset at me. It's like well you know I have a history of addiction. I told you and then you give me 90 ativan a month? what the fuck do you expect?
If you are not comfortable with your doctor I wouldn't stick with him/her. This is supposed to be helping you not making you upset. HOWEVER that said...sometimes my doctor would say things that upset me but after I spent some time thinking about it a lot of times they were right. I'm not saying your doctor is right.

[interval_illusion]

ive never been to a psychologist like that and in general i think that is a freudian stereotype though i guess there are assholes like that.

[rg paddler]

I was in a real state - I couldn't stand in a queue in a supermarket - I'd have to leave without food.
She must have been one hell of a pyschologist cos she just asked me what my deepest fears were - I answered - I was talking for about 2 hours - she listened - she was a mixture of all different origins - she had a student who was learning with her - I never went back,though I don't know if I was cured - I kept a job though after that - does that count?
Then went on the streets for a year,then back in a job

How do you pass the sanity test? - I never have I don't think - just accepted my insanity a bit more?

[rg paddler]

Hold on though - I'm off topic - I don't know why they seem to blame your mother more than your father - the pyschologists job isn't to explain things - it's to try and help you have an understanding.. or - an acceptance of the state of things as they are

[Maggie Sugar]

I just don't see why he passes over all the stuff with my dad and seems to perk up and enjoy reeming my mother. I don't want to pay someone to talk crap about the person who has always been there my whole life. Sounds like your therapist either has a problem with HIS mama, or he is an awful father and doesn't want to get NEAR his own issues. Therapists need to guide you, but not force things on you, when you want to talk about something else.

[hippychickmommy]

Sounds like your therapist either has a problem with HIS mama, or he is an awful father and doesn't want to get NEAR his own issues.
That makes sense.

Yeah lyns, I'd look into seeing another therapist if I were you. I know it sucks to make a switch and start all over, but if you want to resolve these issues, there may be a better candidate out there that can help you.

[cutelildeadbear]

Hmmm... I have had 2 therapists. The one that really helped me was great. She was female and I sought her out because I honestly didn't think the male therapist I was seeing really understood what I was talking about, but rather had already formed an opinion before I even spoke. The female therapist asked me a lot of questions about growing up and how I felt, etc. She talked about the present as well, and what my plans for the future are, but she was trying to figure out where all of my anger came from and find a way for me to confront everything (anger, fear, regret, etc). The male therapist basically blamed me for everything (not the fact that my father was a complete asshole who physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally abused me.) The male therapist didn't get it. That is the only way I can explain it. He thought the problems I was having getting along with my boyfriend's mother (we bicker, who the hell doesn't bicker with their inlaws) had to do with me just being opinionated and passive aggressive. He never tried to figure out why I was afraid of telling people how I feel, and why I fear abandonment so much, etc. I honestly just think that there are good therapists and bad ones out there. Then there are some that are good for some people, and not so good for others. The male therapist I had, might have helped someone, I sure hope he has. But he was a very poor listener. If I were you, I'd try to find another one, and if that isn't the right one for you, keep looking. But don't forget you will have to take some responsibility some time. Even if your parents were crappy, you are making decisions now on how the rest of your life will turn out. So if a therapist does suggest that there is something you can do now to help yourself, listen to them and don't get so defensive. If they are way off, like this guy seems to be, then just tell them, I don't think you understand what I'm trying to explain to you. You have the power now, not anyone else. So make what you want out of your life. :) Good luck.

[fulmah]

I agree that if you don't trust your psychologist, cancel your next appointment and find a new one. Anyways, by grouping sleep hygiene, addiction to adrenaline and overconsumption of caffeine... do you work long hours or stay very active/busy and not sleep much? Those three things all fit together and if you do them, have a lot of stress in your life, and have other issues on top of that; well it's kinda hard to focus on those other issues without doing something about this other stress that's much easier to deal with. If your psychologist hasn't explained exactly what all this stuff is and why he wants you to look at it in a way that you can understand and agree with, definitely find someone better, because he sucks!

The mom/dad stuff I'm not touching... I've no idea why he'd do that.... and I hate Freudian psychology.

[lynsey]

both my psychiatrist and psychologist are so forceful. My psychologist said I have an 'over inflated ego and an under inflated ego all at the same time' oh my god as if i didn't know that and as if him saying that helps in the least bit!. I am just pissed and I have to go to my psychiatrist tommorow because the withdrawls from all those meds he got me addicted to is making me physically ill and my doctor says I am ready to have a heartattack at 24.
I have pacificare and they have horrible mental health coverage. I'm picking Kaiser next year I loved their therapists as a kid.Sounds like your therapist either has a problem with HIS mama, or he is an awful father and doesn't want to get NEAR his own issues. Therapists need to guide you, but not force things on you, when you want to talk about something else.

[lynsey]

I have no problem with taking responsiblity. My problem is I am too determined to not let my past affect me and then the remnent of it kinda blow up whenever i am in a relationship, good or bad or have a negative encounter with a male, usually a stranger making a comment or a confrontation at work. Then everything like rushes back and I get nervous and anxious. It's very odd. But if I'm alone and everything is smooth I am fine. But yes, I am sick and tired of being told how fucked up I am. It's like they are intent on tearing me down.Hmmm... I have had 2 therapists. The one that really helped me was great. She was female and I sought her out because I honestly didn't think the male therapist I was seeing really understood what I was talking about, but rather had already formed an opinion before I even spoke. The female therapist asked me a lot of questions about growing up and how I felt, etc. She talked about the present as well, and what my plans for the future are, but she was trying to figure out where all of my anger came from and find a way for me to confront everything (anger, fear, regret, etc). The male therapist basically blamed me for everything (not the fact that my father was a complete asshole who physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally abused me.) The male therapist didn't get it. That is the only way I can explain it. He thought the problems I was having getting along with my boyfriend's mother (we bicker, who the hell doesn't bicker with their inlaws) had to do with me just being opinionated and passive aggressive. He never tried to figure out why I was afraid of telling people how I feel, and why I fear abandonment so much, etc. I honestly just think that there are good therapists and bad ones out there. Then there are some that are good for some people, and not so good for others. The male therapist I had, might have helped someone, I sure hope he has. But he was a very poor listener. If I were you, I'd try to find another one, and if that isn't the right one for you, keep looking. But don't forget you will have to take some responsibility some time. Even if your parents were crappy, you are making decisions now on how the rest of your life will turn out. So if a therapist does suggest that there is something you can do now to help yourself, listen to them and don't get so defensive. If they are way off, like this guy seems to be, then just tell them, I don't think you understand what I'm trying to explain to you. You have the power now, not anyone else. So make what you want out of your life. :) Good luck.

[lynsey]

yeah I normally work a lot and I go to school and have a bunch of other responsibilities too and I am an insomniac and I have a hard time sitting down before the late afternoon. But all of these things are caused by something else. I haven't always been this way. I used to be the laziest person on earth.I agree that if you don't trust your psychologist, cancel your next appointment and find a new one. Anyways, by grouping sleep hygiene, addiction to adrenaline and overconsumption of caffeine... do you work long hours or stay very active/busy and not sleep much? Those three things all fit together and if you do them, have a lot of stress in your life, and have other issues on top of that; well it's kinda hard to focus on those other issues without doing something about this other stress that's much easier to deal with. If your psychologist hasn't explained exactly what all this stuff is and why he wants you to look at it in a way that you can understand and agree with, definitely find someone better, because he sucks!

The mom/dad stuff I'm not touching... I've no idea why he'd do that.... and I hate Freudian psychology.

[Raving Sultan]

i would make a shitty therapist. im in the frued school of thought where sex has alot to do with everything. i would probably end up banging lynsey while trying to help her, or at least i would try to.

[lynsey]

Juan d: ....that's horrible but funny as helli would make a shitty therapist. im in the frued school of thought where sex has alot to do with everything. i would probably end up banging lynsey while trying to help her, or at least i would try to.

[Peanuts]

yeah I normally work a lot and I go to school and have a bunch of other responsibilities too and I am an insomniac and I have a hard time sitting down before the late afternoon. But all of these things are caused by something else. I haven't always been this way. I used to be the laziest person on earth.

I would be overwhelmed with all this going on too plus trying to find a medication that works...gheesh

Our chemistry changes which really doesn't help matters. Everything is so fast paced sometimes my head is on a swivel trying to keep up with it.

Do you ever do breathing exercises? My last therapist suggested trying to breathe from the abdomen. I'd take short breathes which ended in my shoulders but if you feel the breathe go down to your abdomen it helps relax the body and take some of that tension out. Sounds silly but it kinda works. :)

[cutelildeadbear]

Well, you can take this any way that you want. I already know you will probably get defensive, I can tell by the posts you've already made and by the problems you have described above. It is exactly how I used to be. But it honestly sounds to me like you refuse to listen to what your therapists are telling, and it sounds like you already have it all figured out so why bother going to them anyway? My mother did this. She went through 4 therapists in a year and they were all wrong according to her. She was perfect or she had it all figured out, etc and what the therapists said were all wrong, and they didn't know what they were talking about and they were all out to get her. It was everyone else's fault what was happening in her life. Pretty paranoid and extremely ego-centric if you ask me. Honestly, people have better things to do.

But anyway, you won't get any better until you start to accept things. Accept that you aren't perfect and that you might be the cause of some of your problems in life right now. You do have the power of choice, regardless of what you might think, you do not have to react the ways that you have described. The fact that you blow up at men in relationships or strangers who might comment to you, that isn't a good or normal thing (of course this is just my opinion, but you sound exactly like I used to be, so I'm just speaking from experience).

The only way I was able to actually gain control over my life and myself was to finally see that sure I had a really fucked up childhood with a lot of abuse. And now I don't have two loving parents to offer support like a lot of other people my age, I never have. Yes I had to miss a lot of my childhood and grow up too soon. And yes I have serious abandonment issues because everyone who I ever loved or trusted has left me in one form or another. But that is the past. Yes it has molded me into who I am. I am no longer a victim. I choose not to blow up at people anymore. I choose not to blame my screwed up parents anymore. I choose to move forward with my life and stop being so defensive (ask the people who were in this forum like 4 years ago. I used to blow my top at everyone for the slightest difference in opinion).

And sure, you could be stressed, but do something about it. I work a full time job, then a part time job every single night and sunday afternoons. I work about 65 hours a week, and I take classes in college, and I have a home to take care of and a boyfriend who needs my attention on occasion too and a sick mother who keeps trying to kill herself. Life isn't easy. Do what you can. If something is causing you this much stress, then try something else. Chances are you are only going to be here for about 75 years or so, why spend that time doing things that make you miserable and push others away?

My true feeling is that yes there are really shitty therapist, psychologists and psychiatrists out there. There are some that are right for other people and one that is right for you, but you also have to be open to what they are telling you. You have to listen with an open mind and consider for once that they might actually be right, and that you might actually have the power to heal yourself and be in control to some extent of your destiny.

I really do wish you luck in your journey. Take care of yourself.

Peas.

[Peanuts]

I'm going to use your advice for myself cutelildeadbear. :)

Thank you for posting all that you did. You sound like a strong woman.

[lynsey]

Weren't you the one who posted in the relationship forum that you and your boyfriend have decided that you are going to quit work and focus on school? And you have been together for years, are going to get married after you graduate so it won't affect your financial aide? I have been there in that type of relationship and it makes things a lot easier to deal with. I understand that things may have not always been easy for you but I know having somone support you to that degree makes life easier.

I appreciatte the time you took to write this but I did not ask for this advice I asked 'why do they always blame the mother no matter how fucked up the father was'. The last thing I need right now is to be offended and agitated and I think these assumptions that you are making would be better left to the people who know me well enough that I ask for this type of advice. I am not saying what you are saying doesn't have any truth to it I am just explaining that I am feeling attacked because a-I did not ask for this advice and b-You do not know enouh about me to give it out without me soliciting it.
I really hope you don't take offense to this. It is just that for a mental health board your post made me feel a little mentally unhealthy. please don't take offense. I just want to be clear that this kind of advice does not sit well with me.
Well, you can take this any way that you want. I already know you will probably get defensive, I can tell by the posts you've already made and by the problems you have described above. It is exactly how I used to be. But it honestly sounds to me like you refuse to listen to what your therapists are telling, and it sounds like you already have it all figured out so why bother going to them anyway? My mother did this. She went through 4 therapists in a year and they were all wrong according to her. She was perfect or she had it all figured out, etc and what the therapists said were all wrong, and they didn't know what they were talking about and they were all out to get her. It was everyone else's fault what was happening in her life. Pretty paranoid and extremely ego-centric if you ask me. Honestly, people have better things to do.

But anyway, you won't get any better until you start to accept things. Accept that you aren't perfect and that you might be the cause of some of your problems in life right now. You do have the power of choice, regardless of what you might think, you do not have to react the ways that you have described. The fact that you blow up at men in relationships or strangers who might comment to you, that isn't a good or normal thing (of course this is just my opinion, but you sound exactly like I used to be, so I'm just speaking from experience).

The only way I was able to actually gain control over my life and myself was to finally see that sure I had a really fucked up childhood with a lot of abuse. And now I don't have two loving parents to offer support like a lot of other people my age, I never have. Yes I had to miss a lot of my childhood and grow up too soon. And yes I have serious abandonment issues because everyone who I ever loved or trusted has left me in one form or another. But that is the past. Yes it has molded me into who I am. I am no longer a victim. I choose not to blow up at people anymore. I choose not to blame my screwed up parents anymore. I choose to move forward with my life and stop being so defensive (ask the people who were in this forum like 4 years ago. I used to blow my top at everyone for the slightest difference in opinion).

And sure, you could be stressed, but do something about it. I work a full time job, then a part time job every single night and sunday afternoons. I work about 65 hours a week, and I take classes in college, and I have a home to take care of and a boyfriend who needs my attention on occasion too and a sick mother who keeps trying to kill herself. Life isn't easy. Do what you can. If something is causing you this much stress, then try something else. Chances are you are only going to be here for about 75 years or so, why spend that time doing things that make you miserable and push others away?

My true feeling is that yes there are really shitty therapist, psychologists and psychiatrists out there. There are some that are right for other people and one that is right for you, but you also have to be open to what they are telling you. You have to listen with an open mind and consider for once that they might actually be right, and that you might actually have the power to heal yourself and be in control to some extent of your destiny.

I really do wish you luck in your journey. Take care of yourself.

Peas.

[lynsey]

I got a handout on breathing d: I'm trying it. The thing is I just feel so guarded from him pushing me all the time that I don't want to take his good advice.
To make matters worse I had an appoitment with my psychiatrist this morning, he has found out that I was 'doctor shopping' for ativan and valium in March and is not going to perscribe me anymore xanax or any type of prn. This is fine. I know I had a problem and he is right it was just embarassing when he went through the phone messages with all...3 of my pharmacies and I had to explain how I went through 30 valium, 90 xanax and 60 ativan in a month and a half ):
The good news is that he told me the withdrawls from these drugs are the sole reason why my blood pressure is so high and why I had that stroke thing happen. now I am blacklisted from the pharmacy (all 3 of them) and all my doctors (all 8 of them d:) have been notified. So he gives me samples of the drugs he perscribes, which is good because then I don't have to pay for them. But it was just the most embarassing thing ever. I was telling him about my new weird habits; I fidgit all the time, can't sleep unless I run a couple miles and it has to be at night and that I am not motivated to look nice. He says all these things are better than being an addict...I don't know if I agree I liked being an addict just fine d:

I would be overwhelmed with all this going on too plus trying to find a medication that works...gheesh

Our chemistry changes which really doesn't help matters. Everything is so fast paced sometimes my head is on a swivel trying to keep up with it.

Do you ever do breathing exercises? My last therapist suggested trying to breathe from the abdomen. I'd take short breathes which ended in my shoulders but if you feel the breathe go down to your abdomen it helps relax the body and take some of that tension out. Sounds silly but it kinda works. :)

[Peanuts]

I would of been embarrased too. I had something similar happen years ago taking too many klonopin. I was addicted to it and it screwed me up big time for a bit.

He was really investigating your background. How did he get all that information? I guess one way of looking at it is he is trying to help you by knowing what all you are taking so he can give you what you need and maybe so he doesn't have a lawsuit. I'm sure with meds they get hit with that threat.

I switched doctor's a few times knowing that if I did that I'd get what I wanted. I've stuck with the doctor I've had now for almost 3 years. I stopped my game because it wasn't helping me or my family. Plus Bill would get so pissed at me.

[cutelildeadbear]

I don't take offense to the internet. Ha. I can only respond to what I read and draw my own conclusions. I am not exactly sure what you wanted from everyone here. Do you believe that because you are on the mental health board that everyone has to agree with what you are saying 100% and walk on egg shells to make you feel good about yourself because you won't listen to anything else that anyone (not even your doctors) has to say unless it is to pat you on the back and say yes it is all the fault of the big bad doctors and your upbringing.

I gave you advice before on therapists. Then I came back to read what others have said and I read some more of what you posted. Whether you asked for advice at that point makes no difference, you put your problems out there and we are responding to what you have stated.
But alas, I'm sure I'm wasting more of my time even responding.

And to answer your question, yes, my boyfriend and I did talk about my quitting my full time job and going back to school full time and keeping my part time job up to 30 hours a week to pay some bills. In the fall. When school would be in session full time. But after looking at the real estate market in our area and our finances and our true desires, we have actually decided against that, we are doing something completely different that brings with it a whole new level of stress. That doesn't change the fact that for 5 years I've been working 2 jobs paying all of my bills taking care of a house and trying to finish my degree and dealing with my fucked up family. We all have problems in life that we have to deal with. Some people out there actually have problems greater than yours and mine. And they find a way to cope. All I was suggesting is that yes, you could be stressed with everything that you are doing at the moment, but if that is the case, all you need to do is evaluate that and find out what you can do to relieve that stress. Maybe it means working less hours or something, I don't know, but I was trying to get you to find a way to get rid of some of the stress if that is what is causing your problems.

I wasn't trying to offend you. I'm honestly trying to tell you from this perspective how things look. If you want to save these discussions for people who actually know you, by all means do. You are right I don't know you and I don't presume to know you or what you are going through. I base my responses off of what you just wrote. And from what you wrote it looks to me that you are trying to blame everyone else for your problems instead of taking responsibilty and actually doing something about them. So your therapist sucks, a lot of them do. Find another one. But what if that one doesn't tell you what you want to hear? Are you going to find another one? What if that one again tells you the truth instead of what you want to hear?

You are going to remain unhappy if you just sit around and keep waiting for people to tell you what you want to hear. Make it happen. And take someone's advice. I don't care if it is mine or not, but every single person who is trying to help you cannot be wrong. I honestly think that you are in denial about your problems, and until you realize that nothing will change.

Again I do wish you luck, whether you believe me or not.

[lynsey]

no I certainly don't expect people to walk on egg shells but my question was 'why do thearapists always blame the mother?' I wasn't asking for advice. If I were asking for advice and for you to interpret all my problems then I would understand your response. But I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist so they can interpret my thoughts-not you.
Since we're not walking on egg shells just thought I would throw it all out there and make it clear that I did not ask for your advice but once again you have given me your advice-which is not the right advice for me because I am not you.I don't take offense to the internet. Ha. I can only respond to what I read and draw my own conclusions. I am not exactly sure what you wanted from everyone here. Do you believe that because you are on the mental health board that everyone has to agree with what you are saying 100% and walk on egg shells to make you feel good about yourself because you won't listen to anything else that anyone (not even your doctors) has to say unless it is to pat you on the back and say yes it is all the fault of the big bad doctors and your upbringing.

I gave you advice before on therapists. Then I came back to read what others have said and I read some more of what you posted. Whether you asked for advice at that point makes no difference, you put your problems out there and we are responding to what you have stated.
But alas, I'm sure I'm wasting more of my time even responding.

And to answer your question, yes, my boyfriend and I did talk about my quitting my full time job and going back to school full time and keeping my part time job up to 30 hours a week to pay some bills. In the fall. When school would be in session full time. But after looking at the real estate market in our area and our finances and our true desires, we have actually decided against that, we are doing something completely different that brings with it a whole new level of stress. That doesn't change the fact that for 5 years I've been working 2 jobs paying all of my bills taking care of a house and trying to finish my degree and dealing with my fucked up family. We all have problems in life that we have to deal with. Some people out there actually have problems greater than yours and mine. And they find a way to cope. All I was suggesting is that yes, you could be stressed with everything that you are doing at the moment, but if that is the case, all you need to do is evaluate that and find out what you can do to relieve that stress. Maybe it means working less hours or something, I don't know, but I was trying to get you to find a way to get rid of some of the stress if that is what is causing your problems.

I wasn't trying to offend you. I'm honestly trying to tell you from this perspective how things look. If you want to save these discussions for people who actually know you, by all means do. You are right I don't know you and I don't presume to know you or what you are going through. I base my responses off of what you just wrote. And from what you wrote it looks to me that you are trying to blame everyone else for your problems instead of taking responsibilty and actually doing something about them. So your therapist sucks, a lot of them do. Find another one. But what if that one doesn't tell you what you want to hear? Are you going to find another one? What if that one again tells you the truth instead of what you want to hear?

You are going to remain unhappy if you just sit around and keep waiting for people to tell you what you want to hear. Make it happen. And take someone's advice. I don't care if it is mine or not, but every single person who is trying to help you cannot be wrong. I honestly think that you are in denial about your problems, and until you realize that nothing will change.

Again I do wish you luck, whether you believe me or not.

[lynsey]

I want to change therapists because I need a female one and I did not know I had the legal right to request one. Anyone who I am close with on here know why and understand why that is important so I don't need to defend myself to you.
I could understand you thinking you were helpful in your first response but now this one after I said 'hey look your adivice is clouding me and not what I need to hear' you continue to post it and it's not even relevant to my topic...makes no sense. You're forcing yourself on me so maybe you should look at your own issues.I don't take offense to the internet. Ha. I can only respond to what I read and draw my own conclusions. I am not exactly sure what you wanted from everyone here. Do you believe that because you are on the mental health board that everyone has to agree with what you are saying 100% and walk on egg shells to make you feel good about yourself because you won't listen to anything else that anyone (not even your doctors) has to say unless it is to pat you on the back and say yes it is all the fault of the big bad doctors and your upbringing.

I gave you advice before on therapists. Then I came back to read what others have said and I read some more of what you posted. Whether you asked for advice at that point makes no difference, you put your problems out there and we are responding to what you have stated.
But alas, I'm sure I'm wasting more of my time even responding.

And to answer your question, yes, my boyfriend and I did talk about my quitting my full time job and going back to school full time and keeping my part time job up to 30 hours a week to pay some bills. In the fall. When school would be in session full time. But after looking at the real estate market in our area and our finances and our true desires, we have actually decided against that, we are doing something completely different that brings with it a whole new level of stress. That doesn't change the fact that for 5 years I've been working 2 jobs paying all of my bills taking care of a house and trying to finish my degree and dealing with my fucked up family. We all have problems in life that we have to deal with. Some people out there actually have problems greater than yours and mine. And they find a way to cope. All I was suggesting is that yes, you could be stressed with everything that you are doing at the moment, but if that is the case, all you need to do is evaluate that and find out what you can do to relieve that stress. Maybe it means working less hours or something, I don't know, but I was trying to get you to find a way to get rid of some of the stress if that is what is causing your problems.

I wasn't trying to offend you. I'm honestly trying to tell you from this perspective how things look. If you want to save these discussions for people who actually know you, by all means do. You are right I don't know you and I don't presume to know you or what you are going through. I base my responses off of what you just wrote. And from what you wrote it looks to me that you are trying to blame everyone else for your problems instead of taking responsibilty and actually doing something about them. So your therapist sucks, a lot of them do. Find another one. But what if that one doesn't tell you what you want to hear? Are you going to find another one? What if that one again tells you the truth instead of what you want to hear?

You are going to remain unhappy if you just sit around and keep waiting for people to tell you what you want to hear. Make it happen. And take someone's advice. I don't care if it is mine or not, but every single person who is trying to help you cannot be wrong. I honestly think that you are in denial about your problems, and until you realize that nothing will change.

Again I do wish you luck, whether you believe me or not.