Dibary
04-22-2006, 02:41 PM
Hi all, I'm a new member here, was hoping I could get some advice, I'll get straight to the point
My 23yo partner has a unclear affliction towards sex. She sends out multiple mixed messages and I feel stuck in the middle unsure of what to do. She is the only one who says whether or not we have sex. She's asked me to not pressure her into having sex, so she can have the time all to herself to work out what she wants and needs.
I'm pretty open minded, but I'm just totally losing all perspective on the situation now. She'll quite happily go and masturbate but I am forbidden to go near her private parts in a sexual manner. I've told her I'd quite happily eat her out for hours any time she wants, but it's all wasted effort it seems. She just doesn't want the type of sexual contact I can provide, which is leading me to a great deal of sexual frustration.
After all I'm 22, and I've got what I like to think of as moderately high sexual drive and desire. I'm a great believer in mutual pleasure, to the satisfaction of both partners. I just don't get the opportunity to put this into practice.
Recently she demanded that I were to be more mean in the bedroom, unfortunately she's also conditioned me against being mean to her in general as she was raped when she was 16, I can't appear to get that mixed message out of my head, it's pretty much making me want to avoid sex all together.
Whats worrying me is that our relationship is following a pattern similar to her previous relationship. She's come off the pill, our sex is becoming less and less frequent(once fortnightly, but at present not for the past 3 weeks). The times she does want sex are normally mornings when theres a heavy time constraint on getting ready for the day, almost ensuring that our intimacy is brief.
This happened with her previous relationship to, and she described the sitaution as 'coudln't bear him touching me'. Well I often give her cuddles and the like, just a general level of passion that a relationship should have, but this isn't equally reciprocal, it scares me to think that this is potentially what she is thinking of me.
I mentioned that I'm open minded, and this gives her the confidence to tells me things, perhaps that she shouldn't. We were out with one of my friends the other day, later at home she revealed that she could of ripped his clothes off and had mad animal sex with him. My response to that was she takes me for granted. She also has a fiery temper but I'm very difficult to get wound up, I don't understand the anger she some times portrays.
So like I say, I'm losing perspective and fast, it seems like she's becoming increasingly distant. She has suffered depression in the past, and she's said recently that she is starting to feel depressed again. I feel like this could all be the brick wall which crumbles our relationship apart, yet we are devoted to each other and in deeply in love, we can't imagine being apart, as we do have alot of fun together.
I just can't help but think we're bothing missing out big time, over nothing.
Is this a sexual dysfunction issue? Has anybody that has been in a similar situation care to share their experiences, and resolutions? Obviously everyones different, but having a clear idea of what resolutions have overcome similar issues for other people would help greatly.
Thanks
My 23yo partner has a unclear affliction towards sex. She sends out multiple mixed messages and I feel stuck in the middle unsure of what to do. She is the only one who says whether or not we have sex. She's asked me to not pressure her into having sex, so she can have the time all to herself to work out what she wants and needs.
I'm pretty open minded, but I'm just totally losing all perspective on the situation now. She'll quite happily go and masturbate but I am forbidden to go near her private parts in a sexual manner. I've told her I'd quite happily eat her out for hours any time she wants, but it's all wasted effort it seems. She just doesn't want the type of sexual contact I can provide, which is leading me to a great deal of sexual frustration.
After all I'm 22, and I've got what I like to think of as moderately high sexual drive and desire. I'm a great believer in mutual pleasure, to the satisfaction of both partners. I just don't get the opportunity to put this into practice.
Recently she demanded that I were to be more mean in the bedroom, unfortunately she's also conditioned me against being mean to her in general as she was raped when she was 16, I can't appear to get that mixed message out of my head, it's pretty much making me want to avoid sex all together.
Whats worrying me is that our relationship is following a pattern similar to her previous relationship. She's come off the pill, our sex is becoming less and less frequent(once fortnightly, but at present not for the past 3 weeks). The times she does want sex are normally mornings when theres a heavy time constraint on getting ready for the day, almost ensuring that our intimacy is brief.
This happened with her previous relationship to, and she described the sitaution as 'coudln't bear him touching me'. Well I often give her cuddles and the like, just a general level of passion that a relationship should have, but this isn't equally reciprocal, it scares me to think that this is potentially what she is thinking of me.
I mentioned that I'm open minded, and this gives her the confidence to tells me things, perhaps that she shouldn't. We were out with one of my friends the other day, later at home she revealed that she could of ripped his clothes off and had mad animal sex with him. My response to that was she takes me for granted. She also has a fiery temper but I'm very difficult to get wound up, I don't understand the anger she some times portrays.
So like I say, I'm losing perspective and fast, it seems like she's becoming increasingly distant. She has suffered depression in the past, and she's said recently that she is starting to feel depressed again. I feel like this could all be the brick wall which crumbles our relationship apart, yet we are devoted to each other and in deeply in love, we can't imagine being apart, as we do have alot of fun together.
I just can't help but think we're bothing missing out big time, over nothing.
Is this a sexual dysfunction issue? Has anybody that has been in a similar situation care to share their experiences, and resolutions? Obviously everyones different, but having a clear idea of what resolutions have overcome similar issues for other people would help greatly.
Thanks