pugsley0134
04-06-2006, 11:13 AM
Hello everyone, I am Mike and live in Pennsylvania, I am 30 soon to be 31 in June. I was diaognosed with Bipolar I w/Rapid Cycling n/Mixed States, I also have Anxiety Disorder, and other shit like Diabetes and Acid Reflux, but anyway lets stick to the psych problems here.
I am currently taking 1000mgs of Depakote and have been for quite a while. Recently, like yesterday I just started Symbyax, and Zyprexa. Along with those I take Diazepam too. I seem to have problems with substance abuse and depression, along with self mutilation!!!! My arm looks like hell, and summer time is coming so I cant hide it no more. I have been cutting for about 12 years now, but always little cuts and mostly on my legs. Now I started big deep stab wounds right on my upper forearm. Seems I am getting more pleasure out of stabbing deep then little cuts!!! That is why my pdoc just put me on the Symbyax which just came out last year, and Zyprexa which is supposed to cause diabetes; Ha, I dont have to worry about that because I already have that. He said to just watch what I eat!!!
That's just a little about me: NOW, for this post; DOES ANYONE OUT THERE FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE NO LIFE??? DOES ANYONE FEEL WHY THEY WERE PUT ON THIS EARTH, AND THAT THEY WOULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD???
I DO! I just feel so bad from day to day, I was on so so many different meds. Honestly, you name it I was probably on it!!! Anything from Lithium, to Neurontin, Abilify, Geodon, Lamictal, ect..................... My current combo seems to keep me fairly calm. I just keep getting depressed now that I am calm. I only shower about once per week, which is disgusting I know, but I cant help it. I live with my mom, but she is always at work because she is a nurse. I have my best friend which is my dog Scooby, he's great, but not enough sometimes. I joined this online chat group on Yahoo called Alice's Bipolar Chat, but that still isnt enough!!!
Nothing is enough for me, and I feel like a gumball machine; Popping all these little different colored pills and different size pills; Sometimes I think about taking every pill in the bottle of every kind I am on, BUT, I was already in the psych ward for slitting my wrist and it smelled terrible there!!! Also, I keep myself isolated, I hate people, I can talk easily online, but in person; FORGET IT!!! I am so paranoid, and I tend to zone out and drop things. I burned three holes in the carpet, one on my shorts and my leg, and one on the couch. I refuse to quit smoking, I need that, if not I would eat myself to death because I am always home!!! I am currently on disability, but have no health insurance. I have only been on disability for one year and one month. My pills are so expensive, the pdoc gives me alot of samples and I also get some directly from the manufacturer!!! Another pain in the ass!!!
I dont know how much longer I can take this torment. When I try to leave the house and go shopping for groceries with my mom, I end up sweated wet from head to toe from anxiety and paranoia!!! It's terrible, and I AM NOT ASKING ANYONE TO PITTY ME!!! I COULD CARELESS, I AM JUST TYPING THIS TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE FEELS LIKE ME, AND TO VENT A LITTLE BIT BEFORE I FLIP THE FUCK OUT!!!!
If anyone cares to reply I will gladly read it. Or just private message me on here, or email me at: pugsley0134@yahoo.com I am looking for some friends online to shoot the shit with. I tryed myspace, but people must think I am a freak because I only have like 16 friends and I am related to some of them, and the rest are my sisters friends from work only trying to be nice to me because she asked them too!!! Pitty party.......... JUST WHAT I NEED, I DONT WANT ANY PITTY, JUST FRIENDS TO TALK WITH ABOUT MEDS AND FEELINGS AND EVENTS IN THE WORLD, ECT............
So if anyone has read this super long message and wants to chat, hit me up. Oh, by the way, I use to be an alcoholic, and a drug user, just so you know ahead of time what your getting into. I trigger easy, but it comes from anything, commercials, radio adds, TV, ect...... so dont worry. I promise to be nice and just keep it real, and simple.
Any questions: ASK Comments: Let me have it Chat: I am here
Later
Mike (Pugsley):(
I am currently taking 1000mgs of Depakote and have been for quite a while. Recently, like yesterday I just started Symbyax, and Zyprexa. Along with those I take Diazepam too. I seem to have problems with substance abuse and depression, along with self mutilation!!!! My arm looks like hell, and summer time is coming so I cant hide it no more. I have been cutting for about 12 years now, but always little cuts and mostly on my legs. Now I started big deep stab wounds right on my upper forearm. Seems I am getting more pleasure out of stabbing deep then little cuts!!! That is why my pdoc just put me on the Symbyax which just came out last year, and Zyprexa which is supposed to cause diabetes; Ha, I dont have to worry about that because I already have that. He said to just watch what I eat!!!
That's just a little about me: NOW, for this post; DOES ANYONE OUT THERE FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE NO LIFE??? DOES ANYONE FEEL WHY THEY WERE PUT ON THIS EARTH, AND THAT THEY WOULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD???
I DO! I just feel so bad from day to day, I was on so so many different meds. Honestly, you name it I was probably on it!!! Anything from Lithium, to Neurontin, Abilify, Geodon, Lamictal, ect..................... My current combo seems to keep me fairly calm. I just keep getting depressed now that I am calm. I only shower about once per week, which is disgusting I know, but I cant help it. I live with my mom, but she is always at work because she is a nurse. I have my best friend which is my dog Scooby, he's great, but not enough sometimes. I joined this online chat group on Yahoo called Alice's Bipolar Chat, but that still isnt enough!!!
Nothing is enough for me, and I feel like a gumball machine; Popping all these little different colored pills and different size pills; Sometimes I think about taking every pill in the bottle of every kind I am on, BUT, I was already in the psych ward for slitting my wrist and it smelled terrible there!!! Also, I keep myself isolated, I hate people, I can talk easily online, but in person; FORGET IT!!! I am so paranoid, and I tend to zone out and drop things. I burned three holes in the carpet, one on my shorts and my leg, and one on the couch. I refuse to quit smoking, I need that, if not I would eat myself to death because I am always home!!! I am currently on disability, but have no health insurance. I have only been on disability for one year and one month. My pills are so expensive, the pdoc gives me alot of samples and I also get some directly from the manufacturer!!! Another pain in the ass!!!
I dont know how much longer I can take this torment. When I try to leave the house and go shopping for groceries with my mom, I end up sweated wet from head to toe from anxiety and paranoia!!! It's terrible, and I AM NOT ASKING ANYONE TO PITTY ME!!! I COULD CARELESS, I AM JUST TYPING THIS TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE FEELS LIKE ME, AND TO VENT A LITTLE BIT BEFORE I FLIP THE FUCK OUT!!!!
If anyone cares to reply I will gladly read it. Or just private message me on here, or email me at: pugsley0134@yahoo.com I am looking for some friends online to shoot the shit with. I tryed myspace, but people must think I am a freak because I only have like 16 friends and I am related to some of them, and the rest are my sisters friends from work only trying to be nice to me because she asked them too!!! Pitty party.......... JUST WHAT I NEED, I DONT WANT ANY PITTY, JUST FRIENDS TO TALK WITH ABOUT MEDS AND FEELINGS AND EVENTS IN THE WORLD, ECT............
So if anyone has read this super long message and wants to chat, hit me up. Oh, by the way, I use to be an alcoholic, and a drug user, just so you know ahead of time what your getting into. I trigger easy, but it comes from anything, commercials, radio adds, TV, ect...... so dont worry. I promise to be nice and just keep it real, and simple.
Any questions: ASK Comments: Let me have it Chat: I am here
Later
Mike (Pugsley):(