*sigh*

[Night_Owl49]

I'm in a really bad situation right now. It doesn't matter if I explain it fully or not, but I fell madly in love and realized months later that nothing romantic could ever form out of the relationship. Our friendship even fell apart, and we left on bad terms.

I feel hopeless, depressed, numb, suicidal...the whole deal. Every time I see him my stomach drops...and I want to say something but I know I can't.

I know it doesn't hurt him in this way and that kills me constantly. I can't focus on anything, and I have raging thoughts of depression and despair. He was the only person I could truly talk to, you know? Now I don't even have that. Just fleeting moments of complete awkwardness when we make eye contact...but even so, I go out of my way to see him. I'm fucking insane but it feels right to see him, even if we aren't speaking.

Time won't help me get over this, I know. I need positive ways to deal with this. I've arrived at a dead end and there's no place to turn. I need to turn my life around, but I don't know where to start.

I'm in therapy, but I can't even begin to address this issue.

Please, anybody, thoughts or comments?

(sorry for the full story, but i needed to get that out)

[Bee_Rain]

Wow, thats a bad situation. The only thing I can say is that - contrary to what you said about "time" - time does heals everything. I've been there too. Trust me, you'll get through it.

While your waiting to heal, keep yourself busy. If you occupy your mind with hobbies, outings etc. you won't be thinking of him as much which will allow the healing to take place.

Suicide? Forget it. A year from now, when you're in a new relationship, you'll think back and realize how foolish it was to actually concider killing yourself over that guy...what was his name?

Being in therapy is great but only works when you BRING UP WHATS DEPRESSING YOU!! Talk to your therapist about it, even though it might be hard at first, you'll feel better!!

Good luck Night owl.
Blessings,
Bee

[pugsley0134]

Man, sounds like you over stepped your boundaries here!!! What I would do is sit somewhere quiet and have a cold drink. Think about what you want to tell him and have a tablet and pen ready to write. Jot things down, then when your ready write him a letter. It is alot easier to write a letter than it is to speak to him face to face.

Tell him you treasure his friendship and can't picture yourself without knowing him personally. Tell him your sorry for over stepping, and that you reacted off of a bad impulse. Ask him to take his time away from you and think about it. Remind him how much friends mean to each other, again tell him your sorry. You were confused, you have not been yourself lately.

See for me, I lost my best friend in 11th grade. He was 16 and we were underage drinking together. Well, I went into school late, half drunk, he didnt want to go. So, while his parents were at work he took their extra car for a ride and wrecked it!!! His father picked him up at the local hospital with the cops right there and then they went to the police station and he was charged with DUI and underage drinking. His dad then took him home and I dont know exactly what he said, but his dad then returned to work. Shortly after, he shot himself!!! I guess he was scared what was gonna happen to him after his dad got home, or .. .. . .. I dont know??? This brings me great sadness, Not a day goes by I dont think of him, and if I stayed with him maybe this wouldnt have happened, because I wasnt drunk. I was only buzzin a little bit.

WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS, FRIENDSHIPS LAST FOREVER SOMETIMES, AND SOMETIMES THEY ONLY LAST FOR A YEAR!!!

You never know, tell your friend . NO dont tell him, ASK him to forgive you because life is short. I dont want you to go through what I am going through right now!!! My life is a mess, I dont work, I am on disability, and about a hundred pills per day!!! Dont end up like me, write that letter, you can speak your mind easier on paper, and then give it to him and then give him space.

If he comes back, he is a true friend. If not, move on. Time will help, but not heal, believe me I know buddy.

Take Care
God Bless
Mike (Pugsley)
PA:(

[Night_Owl49]

Thanks for the advice, you guys...it means a lot.

[Night_Owl49]

I wrote a heartfelt letter to him tonight, and I'm planning on giving it to him the next time we come in contact. I feel MUCH better after putting all my thoughts down on paper.

Thanks again..

[Midget]

Writing down thoghts always seems to help. :)